Disclaimer: Hmmm...I think I MIGHT know someone else who did a TSAR. Some guy called hoogiman, who brought up the idea of me doing one. Yay? Maybe.
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Leg 1: Smashville-Hyrule

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"This, is Smashville." said Crazy Hand. Master Hand's taken, isn't he? Live with it. "A custom village housing the Super Smash Brothers, twenty-two of which are leaving on a race around the world."

Master Hand glided by, raising a large middle finger at his brother. A wad of cigarette ash from his cigarette, (well, what else?), fell onto the ground, setting fire to Master Hand.

"And these Smashers are going to stop being polite and start getting real!" smiled Crazy Hand. A flaming Master Hand whispered something about this not being Real World. "Really? Oh. Anyway, the teams are currently making their way to me via bus. These teams will have to survive the journey, without computers or cellphones, so their greatest resource will be each other."

Master Hand shuddered. "That line was lame."

"YOUR FACE IS LAME!" bellowed Crazy Hand. "Anyway, let's meet the teams!"

The bus pulled up, and the first team stepped out, with Crazy Hand providing a voice-over.

"Mario, and Bowser. Poker buddies, and occupational enemies from the Mushroom Kingdom!"

"We hope to use the race to find ourselves a little more pleasant." said Bowser.

"Yes-a, and this-a race is the perfect opportunity-a to build a better-a relationship!" smiled Mario. Master Hand gagged at the corniness.

"Kirby, and Ness. Now room-mates, after an explosion that destroyed most of the Smash Mansion."

Kirby and Ness stepped out of the bus, where Ness grinned at everyone stupidly.

"I recently signed on for the cinematic release of Achievement Unlocked!" smiled Ness. "Now Kirby can grovel while I sit back, smoke some cigars, and watch his life fall apart!"

"During this race, either we'll place high, and feel better about ourselves, or we'll lose, and hurt each other." reasoned Kirby. "I, uh, think that's kind of a lose-lose situation."

"Roy, and Ganondorf." said Crazy Hand, as the third team stepped down. "Stereotypes, and a horrible embarrassment to nature."

"Yarr, we be mentally prepared to take anything from ye olde race." said Roy, carressing the parrot on his shoulder.

"I totally never agreed on this!" whined Ganondorf. "What if, like, I die?"

"Yoshi, and Peach." continued Crazy Hand. "Dating, and contemplating marriage."

Yoshi and Peach stepped off of the bus, and furiously made out.

"I'd use the million to have the perfect wedding to my Peach." said Yoshi sweetly.

"Is that it?" asked Master Hand. "Boring!"

Crazy Hand continued. "Link, and Pikachu. Met in anger management 40 years before the events of the race."

"Link here is a little bit of a take-charge guy." explained Pikachu. "But he seems to forget that I killed him once, and could do it again."

"I think Pikachu is totally rad." said Link, reading something on the back of his hand and sweating.

"Donkey Kong, and Meta-Knight." said Crazy Hand, as they emerged. "They met during the fiasco in the Smash Mansion, where both were killed."

DK was poking at the little bit of hair that curls on his head, looking bored.

"What is this anyway?" asked DK. "Is it hair, or just some stupid little strand of dying brown fuzz crying out for someone to love it?!"

"I'm smart, mainly because I never listen to him." sniffed Meta-Knight.

"Marth, and Fox." continued Crazy Hand, quickly growing bored. "Fraternity brothers, from Smashville College's frat, Kappa Sigma Sega."

"We are planning to win using our superior social skills!" smiled Fox, while Marth crushed a keg with his head. "We stand out as the young, handsome team!"

"Ike, and Pit." said Crazy Hand, as the fangirls devoured him in an attempt to see the young and handsome team.

"Damn." said Fox ruefully, watching Ike and Pit's fangirls.

"Palutena wasn't too thrilled about me taking this commoner on this quest." admitted Pit.

"No-one cares what I do in Ikeworld because it's dumb. And even if I wanted to tell them I wouldn't anyway. Because it's dumb." said Ike, because he's dumb.

"Pichu, and Young Link." said Crazy Hand. "Best friends, with a wide gap in intelligence."

Young Link opened his mouth to speak, but a dub voice covered him.

"Pichu and Young Link enjoy windsurfing, lattes, and shopping for socks." said the dub voice quickly.

"Well, we're used to prefriental treatment at the Mansion..." said Pichu. "So, we need to rough it a bit more, I guess."

Young Link threw a crayon at the camera.

"Mewtwo, and Jigglypuff." said Crazy Hand. "A conservative, self-absorbed psychic being, and a mentally adventurous puffball."

"I get up and gogogogogogo! Yeaaaaaaaaah! FLY BY THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS, BOY!" cried Jigglypuff, intoxicated.

"Code for; she doesn't like to clean up after herself, she borrows money like crazy, and she wakes up hungover in dingy hotels." said Mewtwo bluntly. "She's the reigning tiresome cliche champion of the world. She uses synergy, and thinks outside the box..."

Mewtwo sighed at his teammate.

"Samus, and Mr. Game and Watch." finished Crazy Hand, as the team emerged from the bus.

"We're not very diplomatic." admitted Samus. Mr Game and Watch beeped some beeping beeps of approval. "Yeah, there could be some nasty incidents in this race.

"Which one of these teams will have the correct amount of brains, brawn, and teamwork, to win the million dollars?" asked Crazy Hand.

"Okay, really!" said Master Hand. "Don't you realise NONE of them have any of those qualities at all!? It's easy to fake that for a million bucks!"

Crazy Hand ignored him and turned to the eleven teams.

"In a few minutes, you will be embarking on a race around the world." said Crazy Hand. "The race will have 13 legs, and at the end of each leg, is a pit stop. You need to get to the pit stops as fast as you can, as eight of them are elimination points, and if you're last at one of these, you will be eliminated."

Dramatic shots of the teams.

"When I give the signal," said Crazy Hand, "You can run for your luggage, which the first clue of the race is on, and then the rest is up to you. Good luck."

Master Hand sighed.

"On your mark..."

Teams braced themselves.

"Get set..."

Ike flattened his hair and made eyes at Pichu.

"GO!"

The eleven teams started running towards their bags, and the first clue.

Ike and Pit

Fangirl Bait

"You must..." read Pit.

Yoshi and Peach

Dating Exclusively

"Make your way to..." read Yoshi.

Link and Pikachu

Anger Problems

"Termina, Hyrule!" chuckled Link.

Kirby and Ness

Semi-Friends-But-Not-Really

"You have a choice of three flights..." read Ness.

Marth and Fox

Fratentity Brothers

"Nintendia..." read Fox.

Roy and Ganondorf

Embarrasment

"Hyrule ARR.." continued Roy.

Pichu and Young Link

Intelligence Contrast

"or..." said Pichu. These camera focus switches are annoying, huh?

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Chronological Accident

"Ter-" began Samus.

DK and Meta-Knight

Cynics

"Mina-" said Meta-Knight.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Psychic and Psycho

"Air." finished Mewtwo.

Mario and Bowser

Poker Buddies

Bowser was opening the clue, when Mario backhandslapped him across the face.

"COME ON!" screamed Mario in a whiny, rude voice. "Everyone-a is leaving!"

Bowser lowered his spike collar thing to his knuckles, and punched Mario in the face.

"I don't even offensively use these anymore." said Bowser calmly to Mario. "I used it for that occasion, Mario. Don't whine at me through this race."

Mario sniffled. "WAAAAWAAAAFLOKENDRAHAYDENWAAAAWAAAAWAAAA!" sniffled Mario.

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Teams:

Mario and Bowser (Poker Buddies)

Kirby and Ness (Semi-Friends-But-Not-Really)

Roy and Ganondorf (Embarrassment)

Yoshi and Peach (Dating Exclusively)

Link and Pikachu (Anger Problem)

DK and Meta-Knight (Cynics)

Marth and Fox (Fraternity Brothers)

Ike and Pit (Fangirl Bait)

Pichu and Young Link (Intelligence Contrast)

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff (Psychic and Psycho)

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch (Chronological Accident)

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Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

"We obviously should take the fastest flight," reasoned Fox. "So, we think we can beat these teams to the airport easily."

Marth and Fox looked back at DK and Meta-Knight, who were re-reading the clue, and Samus and Mr. Game and Watch, who were speaking in beeps.

"Obviously." said Marth.

Link and Pikachu

Currently in 2nd Place

"If we're slowed down, I swear, I will KILL you." said Pikachu.

"I'm not Link." said a passing Pit, with Ike running behind him.

"Think we can bring some fangirls?" asked Ike eagerly.

Pikachu spat on the ground. "That joke was SOOO expected!"

Ike and Pit hopped in a cab, behind Marth and Fox, who were getting into another.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 4th Place

Kirby found a payphone, and called up Hyrule Air.

"Ness, I think we'd better take the cheapest cab ride we can, Hyrule Air's the closest gate." said Kirby.

Pichu and Young Link

Currently in 5th Place

"Taxi?" asked Pichu, but none of them stopped. "Damn.."

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in 6th Place

"Look, Kirby and Ness are calling ahead." pointed out Samus. "We should do that too."

Mr. Game and Watch picked up the phone, and beeped into it violently. There was a pause, then the sound of the other line hanging up.

"Really, we can't communicate with others." lamented Samus, sadly blowing up the payphone.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 4th Place

"No, look, we can get straight to the airport with this subway!" smiled Kirby. "Let's go!"

"What's a subway?" asked Ness.

"You're kidding." said Kirby flatly. "This isn't like, a magical path, or a electronic device, or even particularly dangerous. You WALK through these things, Ness. Really, get out more."

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Currently in 7th Place

"Just pick up the phone!" argued Jigglypuff. "Everyone's doing it!"

"I'm not calling anything until we know which flight's the fastest." replied Mewtwo, bored. "Why did I bring you again?"

"Because you love me!" smiled Jigglypuff. "I mean, the meanest thing you'd do is leave me to starve in the middle of some African desert!"

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in 8th Place

Meta-Knight was on the phone by now as well.

"So, how much will this race suck?" asked DK, bored. Meta-Knight made shushing noises, and jabbed DK in the eye with his sword.

Mario and Bowser

Currently in 9th Place

"Okay, thanks." said Bowser, putting down the phone.

"YEAH-A!" smiled Mario. "Who's-a the best? BOWSER'S THE BEST-A!"

"As stupid as that sounds, I'm still perplexed over your mood swing." said Bowser. "But, yes, I AM the best."

Bowser giggled like a schoolgirl, then quickly straightened up.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

"Termina Air seems most likely to fly straight to Termina." said Marth. "I mean, Hyrule Air probably stops somewhere like, Hyrule."

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in 9th Place

"Mario and Bowser just left..." said DK.

"Shut up." said Meta-Knight. "Stop being so upbeat..."

DK juggled clown suits while wearing a ball.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 4th Place

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" asked Ness.

"I'm sure we're going the wrong way!" smiled Kirby.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

Marth and Fox's cab stopped at the airport, and they got out.

"Thanks so much!" smiled Fox. "You got us here nice and early!"

Mario and Bowser

Currently in 2nd Place

"You made-a us catch up!" smiled Mario. "THANKSTHANKSTHANKS!"

Bowser made out with the cab driver.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in a Subway Place

"We're stuck in the subway..." lamented Ness.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

"Look, there's Termina Air!" cried Marth.

"We got here so fast it's not open yet!" gasped Fox.

Pichu and Young Link

Currently in 3rd Place

"Here's money." said Young Link, pleased with himself. A wild dog attacked Pichu, and got fungus all over Young Link's food.

Mario and Bowser

Currently in 2nd Place

Mario and Bowser ran up to the Termina Air counter.

"Hey, Marth and Fox!" grinned Mario.

Mario

"I hate how they beat us to the counter." said Mario. "They better not beat us to the pit stop by seconds..."

Roy and Ganondorf

Currently in 10th Place

"Yarr, the roads be a harsh mistress." said Roy, in a traffic jam.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 6th Place

Kirby and Ness ran into the airport, covered in sewer "materials".

"Okay, we're in the middle of the pack, and we saved money at the cost of what, 4th, 5th place?" asked Kirby, reasonably satisfied.

"I wanna be first!" moaned Ness.

"Dammit, first isn't important yet!" said Kirby impatiently.

DK and Meta-Knight walked in, and booked a flight.

"All teams are making their way to Termina, with three flights." said Crazy Hand. "The first flight, leaving from Termina Air, contains Pichu and Young Link, Marth and Fox, Mario and Bowser, Yoshi and Peach, and Ike and Pit. The second flight contains Link and Pikachu, and Roy and Ganondorf. The third and last flight, includes Mewtwo and Jigglypuff, DK and Meta-Knight, Kirby and Ness, and Samus and Mr. Game and Watch. Can any of the final flight teams catch up? And who will be the first team to be eliminated?"

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(Commercial)

"Hey, I hate video games." said Jack Thompson.

"Hey, I hate everything." said Hilary Clinton.

They made out.

"I guess that's fair." smiled Bill Clinton.

George Bush coughed something that sounded like Lewinsky.

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Mario and Bowser

Currently in 3rd Place

"Teams must now make their way to Hyrule." said Crazy Hand. "There, the Termina Air teams must successfully not whine when they realise the clue has bunched them all up again."

"Get off the flight!" cried Mario. "RUN-A!"

Mario and Bowser ran right by Pichu and Young Link, who were innocently hailing a cab.

"Nothing we can do about that..." lamented Pichu.

"GO-A!" yelled Mario maniacally.

"You know, this would be funny if the competitiveness wasn't so grating." said Bowser.

Mario dragged Bowser frantically through traffic, and ran into the primitive airport to Hyrule.

"Hello." smiled Fox warmly, as Mario and Bowser stared in shock. "We beat you again, we see."

Marth clutched his stomach and laughed hysterically.

Pichu and Young Link

Currently in 3rd Place

"It sounds bad over there!" whined Young Link, pointing at Mario, Bowser, Marth and Fox.

"Sorry about him..." whispered Pichu to Bowser, pointing at Mario in a show of minimal politeness.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

"Well, we're off to bed." smiled Marth. "Gotta wake up early for this flight! Bye, friends!"

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"The first flight to Hyrule, lasting about 20 minutes, carries Marth and Fox, Mario and Bowser, and Pichu and Young Link." said Crazy Hand.

The first flight landed.

"Go!" urged Pichu. Young Link opened a clue.

"Kakariko Village!" said Young Link quickly, being unable to read the rest.

"Teams must now go to Kakariko Village, where they will find their next clue." said Crazy Hand. "Arriving now are the remaining flights. The second flight contains Ike and Pit, and Yoshi and Peach. The third flight has Link and Pikachu, and Roy and Ganondorf. On the last flight, is Kirby and Ness, Mewtwo and Jigglypuff, DK and Meta-Knight, and Samus and Mr. Game and Watch."

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Currently in 9th Place

Mewtwo was floating slightly behind, allowing Kirby and Ness to pass them.

"Please, can we just go?!" asked Jigglypuff angrily. Mewtwo resisted an urge to kill Jigglypuff.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 8th Place

"Kakariko Village?" said Kirby, rereading the clue in the cab.

"Hehe...the village of Spanish poop." said Ness.

Kirby beat Ness violently for toilet humor.

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in 10th Place

"AGH!" cried DK. "I think someone just used...TOILET HUMOR?!"

Meta-Knight gagged. Cab racing continued with place shuffling action.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

"Here's the village!" exclaimed Fox. "You must now make your way to Death Mountain!"

"Is that mountain there Death Mountain?" asked Marth. "We'd better check!"

"May I help you idiots?" asked Malo, walking up.

"Yeah, is that Death Mountain?" asked Marth.

"Read the sign, genius." sighed Malo.

Mario and Bowser read the sign, and ran up.

"Like they did?" asked Marth.

"Damn, they finally got the better of us!" gasped Fox.

Roy and Ganondorf

Currently in 4th Place

"Yarr, ye be knowin' if this be Death Mountain?" asked Roy.

"Totally, yeah!" smiled Ganondorf, tossing back his hair.

Link and Pikachu

Currently in 5th Place

"Link!" called Pikachu. "Is that Death Mountain?"

"Yeah!" replied Link. "I know the trail well enough, I guess!"

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in 6th Place

"Wow, this is beautiful." said Samus, smiling at a Goron who fell in the lava.

Mr. Game and Watch beeped.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 1st Place

"Let's see..." muttered Fox, reading the clue at the top of Death Mountain. "We now have to go to the top of the trail..."

"Man, I feel pressured to stay ahead of Mario now..." lamented Marth. "It seems like we just have to beat him everywhere! Why do we do it?"

"Because it's really funny for us." said Fox.

"But why?"

"Because it's really funny for us."

"Bu-"

"Because it's really funny for us."

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in 6th Place

"Why'd you buy a map?" asked Samus. "We just follow the path! Now those teams that we could've overtaken have started climbing the trail!"

Mr. Game and Watch beeped defiantly, and pointed at the map. Samus glanced.

"This isn't a map of Hyrule. This is the Green Hill Zone." said Samus bluntly.

Pichu and Young Link

Currently in 7th Place

"Want back on top?" asked Pichu, showing Young Link the Fast Forward.

"This is the first of however damn many we feel like Fast Forwards on the race!" said Crazy Hand. "The first team that finds this can skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop! However, once a team uses a Fast Forward, that team can never use another one again for the rest of the race, so each team must decide when it's most advantageous to go for it! In this Fast Forward, teams must leave back to Kakariko Village, and find this guard. The guard will haggle a price to sell his Keaton Mask! Once a team buys the Keaton Mask, they will recieve their next clue."

"Oh no, the bigger ones of us are doing it!" gasped Young Link. Link and Pikachu were haggling behind them. Young Link ran up.

"Hey, you saved me!" said the guard.

"No, I drew the Master Sword!" blurted out Link.

The guard flipped Link off, and instantly gave Young Link the Keaton Mask.

"I don't think anyone else could be so stupidly lucky." said Pichu in awe, as Young Link returned.

"Let's hug!" smiled Young Link. Pichu poured bear mace on him.

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in Last Place

Mr. Game and Watch was beeping curiously to a Goron.

"Uh, you just run up that trail there." said the Goron. "It's pretty obvious..."

"That's it?" intervened Samus. "That's pathetic advice! We've fallen to last because of all this!"

Marth and Fox

Currently in 2nd Place

"Detour!" read Fox. "Safe or Unsafe!"

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks!" said Crazy Hand. "In this Detour, teams must choose between Safe or Unsafe! In Safe, teams must hike to Goron Village! This task is not physically scary, but could make the team look like a huge chicken! In Unsafe, teams must take a zipline to the other side of Death Mountain, where they must then bungee jump off of the mountain, landing next to this cluebox! This task is more dangerous, but also more awesome!"

"Pfft, Unsafe, easy choice." said Marth.

Mario and Bowser

Currently in 3rd Place

"Bowser-a?" asked Mario. "Are you alright-a?"

Bowser was vomiting violently on himself.

"Are you-a?"

Bowser was vomiting violently on himself.

"You can do it-a!"

Bowser fell down in a pool of his own vomit.

Mario punched Bowser.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 9th Place

"Okay, how do you think we should get to the top?" inquired Ness, looking at the towering mountain ahead.

"Hmm, how about we drink this Hearozade energy drink every few hundred feet?" suggested Kirby.

Ness slapped the Hearozade out of Kirby's hands.

"Wrong, you idiot! We simply just climb! Dumbass!" yelled Ness.

"Dumbass?" asked Kirby angrily. "Subway, anyone?"

Ness pouted.

Mario and Bowser

Currently in 2nd Place

Bowser went through the zip line, with Mario in tow.

"I did-a it!" smiled Mario, not noticing Bowser rolling his eyes.

Mario bungee jumped, then Bowser followed.

"I did-a it twice!" smiled Mario. Bowser took out a stress toy, which happened to be Sonic, and squeezed it to pieces.

Pichu and Young Link

Currently in 1st Place

"Pichu and Young Link," said Crazy Hand. "You are team number one!"

Pichu and Young Link

1st Place

"Awesome." said Young Link.

"Quite enjoyable indeed." commented Pichu.

Ike and Pit

Currently in 4th Place

"Wow, if I hadn't used those fangirls as leverage on the zipline, I wouldn't have made it!" smiled Pit.

Yoshi and Peach

Currently in 5th Place

"Why have we been neglected?" asked Yoshi.

"Was it because of the adult content in our scenes?" suggested Peach, finishing up the Detour.

Link and Pikachu

Currently in 6th Place

"That was way past cool." smiled Pikachu fondly, watching Link finish.

Roy and Ganondorf

Currently in 7th Place

"Like, I totally don't think I can do this!" squealed Ganondorf, flapping his arms hysterically.

"Yarrgh, all ye be needin' to do is grasp ye hook." replied Roy groggily. Ganondorf jumped, whimpering all the way.

"That was SO scary!" whined Ganondorf.

"Yarrgh, we be in what, seventh?" checked Roy.

"I don't know!" whined Ganondorf.

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in 9th Place

"Stupid trail...where do we find the clue?" asked Meta-Knight, frustrated.

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in 10th Place

"I hope we're at least ahead of one team..." despaired Samus.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in Last Place

"Excuse me?" asked Ness. "Where is the cluebox?"

"Cluebox?" asked the Goron, scratching his head. "What do you mean?"

"You idiot!" yelled Ness. "Not knowing what a cluebox is!"

"He doesn't race!" said Kirby. "How should he know!?"

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in 9th Place

"How aren't we seeing this?" asked DK, annoyed.

"This sucks." lamented Meta-Knight.

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in 10th Place

"We really are idiots." chuckled Samus, self-deprecator-ily?..."We can't find the box."

Mr. Game and Watch gave a hollow beep.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Currently in 8th Place

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff finally made it to the clue, and opened it.

"Hmm, let's do Unsafe." said Mewtwo. "Good to see we aren't last."

Jigglypuff went on the zipline, and to Hoogiman's great delight, she did not fall off and die.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 9th Place

"Safe or Unsafe?" asked Ness.

"Hmm, we could do Safe?" proposed Kirby. Ness smacked Kirby upside-a the head. "Fine...Unsafe..."

Kirby went across the zipline, encountering Jigglypuff at the bottom, Mewtwo and Ness soon followed.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Currently in 8th Place

"Wheeeee!" called Jigglypuff, jumping, but going extremely slowly due to her puffballness. Mewtwo followed.

"This is why we shouldn't have done this!" insisted Kirby. "I'm a puffball, I'm going to go down slowly too!"

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Another commercial appeared.

"What's that Remus Lupin's problem?" asked a furious Snape to the Marauders.

"It's just his time of the month." said James calmly, looking around, waiting for a response.

"That joke is older than Dumbledore." replied Sirius.

"LULZ DUMBLEDORE'S GHEY FUR GRINDELWALD!" cried James desperately.

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Mario and Bowser

Currently in 3rd Place

"I really hope the frat brothers don't beat us to the pit stop." said Bowser, panting.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 9th Place

Ness effortlessly jumped off, as DK and Meta-Knight arrived. Kirby nervously looked down.

"Mewtwo and Jigs did it!" called Ness. Kirby sighed, and jumped. DK and Meta-Knight soon followed.

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in Last Place

Mr. Game and Watch gave some exhilarated beeps, as he jumped.

"I guess I should go now." shrugged Samus.

Marth and Fox

Currently in 2nd Place

"Marth and Fox, you are team number two!" smiled Crazy Hand. "GEDDIT?! NUMBER TWO?!"

Marth and Fox glanced at each other with smirks.

"Mario and Bowser," mouthed Marth. Fox nodded and winked, giving a small chuckle.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 9th Place

"Alright, let's get into high gear!" grinned Kirby. "Off we go to the pit stop!"

Kirby jumped into the car.

Ness jumped into Kirby's lap.

"Ness, what the-" began Kirby, before Ness rested his lips on Kirby's, succulently applying his tongue and ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU GODDAMN YAOI FANS?

"Well, we're behind Mewtwo and Jigglypuff..." mused Ness.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Currently in 8th Place

"Kirby and Ness are so nice!" laughed Mewtwo. "They'd never pass us!"

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 9th Place

"Let's pass them."

"'K."

They passed them.

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in 10th Place

"You're a dumbass." said DK.

"You've always been a dumbass." said Meta-Knight.

"Well, you're racing with this dumbass." said DK.

AREN'T THEY FUNNY?

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in Last Place

"You know," said Samus matter-of-factly, "we've lost."

"Yes, but we tried, and gave it our all, and that's what matters most of all!" smiled Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah! Wait, what?" asked Samus. "No, really, WHAT?"

Mr. Game and Watch beeped.

"But you just spoke!" cried Samus.

Mr. Game and Watch beeped.

"NUUUEZ!1" yelled Samus.

Mr. Game and Watch didn't beep.

Samus gasped excitedly.

Mr. Game and Watch beeped.

Samus cried. A lot.

Mario and Bowser

Currently in 3rd Place

"Mario and Bowser, you are team number three!" said Crazy Hand.

"Well, I guess we're annoyed with Marth and Fox one-upping us all of the time, but it doesn't matter," said Bowser.

"YES IT DOES!" screeched Mario, ripping Bowser's face off and stapling it to a tree.

"I just wonder what makes them better racers than us..." mused Bowser.

"BECAUSE THEY'RE DOODOO FACES!" shouted Mario.

Yoshi and Peach

Currently in 4th Place

"Yoshi and Peach, you are team number four!" said Crazy Hand.

"Who?" asked Yoshi, tilting his head to the side.

Ike and Pit

Currently in 5th Place

"Ike and Pit, you are team number five!" said Crazy Hand.

"Sweet." smirked Ike, flashing perfect teeth, as Pit shook his flowing red hair out of his eyes.

Roy and Ganondorf

Currently in 6th Place

"Roy and Ganondorf, you are team number six!" said Crazy Hand.

"Yarrgh, why must we be arriving in such a clump?" asked Roy, the parrot on his shoulder (i.e. Ganondorf) nodding agreement.

"Yeah, well, shut up." said Crazy Hand.

Link and Pikachu

Currently in 7th Place

"Link and Pikachu, you are the seventh team to arrive, but you gots a penalty!" said Crazy Hand, breaking the trend.

"DAMMIT!" yelled Link. "What for?!"

Pikachu shocked Crazy Hand. "ANSWER ME!"

"Attacking the host." said Crazy Hand, brushing himself off.

"Oh...we fell for it!" chuckled Link.

Kirby and Ness

Currently in 8th Place

"Kirby and Ness, you are team number seven!" smiled Crazy Hand.

"Oh, kickass!" smiled Kirby. "I can't wait to go home and tell my friends!"

"Oh, wait...yeah..." realised Kirby quietly.

Link and Pikachu

Currently in 8th Place

"Link and Pikachu, your teeny tiny penalty is up. You are team number eight." said Crazy Hand.

"Well, that was pointless!" said Link loudly.

"I dunno guys, I liked it." smirked Kirby. Link gored Kirby's face.

Samus and Mr. Game and Watch

Currently in 9th Place

"Hey, wasn't the pit stop back there?" asked Samus.

Mr. Game and Watch beeped affirmatively.

Samus turned the car around, and drove onto the mat.

"Samus and Mr. Game and Watch, you are team number nine!" said Crazy Hand.

"Oh, alright then!" chuckled Samus.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

Currently in 10th Place

"I'm sensing that we were following the cynics the wrong way..." said Mewtwo. "We actually passed the pit stop..."

Jigglypuff did a violent U-turn, swerving onto the pit stop.

"Mewtwo and Jigglypuff, you are team number ten!" chuckled Crazy Hand, watching the cynics drive off into the darkness.

DK and Meta-Knight

Currently in Last Place

"Damn, we had to turn!" spat DK bitterly.

"Whatever." replied Meta-Knight lazily.

DK and Meta-Knight hopped out of the car, and strolled to the pit stop.

"DK and Meta-Knight, you are the last team to arrive," said Crazy Hand, restraining himself from laughing at them. "I'm sorry to tell you you have been eliminated from the race."

"I knew it." said DK.

"Whatever, just get out of my show." said Crazy Hand unceremoniously.

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"Next time, on The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race," said Crazy Hand previewally, "Teams go to Corneria, where they have difficulties with an aerial task!"

"And an unlikely duo of teams try to begin an alliance!"

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Departure Tiems!

Pichu/Young Link: 11:23am

Marth/Fox: 11:57am

Mario/Bowser: 12:03pm

Yoshi/Peach: 12:52pm

Ike/Pit: 1:35pm

Roy/Ganondorf: 1:43pm

Kirby/Ness: 1:50pm

Link/Pikachu: 1:54pm

Samus/Mr. Game and Watch: 2:09pm

Mewtwo/Jigglypuff: 2:16pm

DK/Meta-Knight: 2:24pm - ELIMINATED

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Read, review, who'd you like, who'd you hate, give me ideas to not make this suck!