Hello everyone! This is Aya, the author of this. I'm perfectly aware that I promised to write a sequel to the sequel of this story, but to be honest I totally forgot about it. I only recently uncovered it, and decided to finally tell Deidara's story. Unfortunately, it's not done yet, so for now, I present you with the edited, and hopefully much better, version of Part One. Fear not, the threequel (haha!) should be posted sometime around the end of May.

Old AN: I just sort of woke up one day with that idea and decided to write it down as a Deidara centric one-shot. This is my first "published" Naruto fan fiction, and the first fic ever, that I actually felt content with. If you want to flame me, go right ahead, I don't take flamers seriously, they're kind of funny actually.

As for the warnings: contains a boy that loves another boy, and a suicide attempt, supposedly pretty graphic, but I don't really think so. But then again, I'm not too sensitive.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, why would I be writing a fan fiction?


Akatsuki is no place for Love

by ShihanaAmaya

I slowly knocked on his door.

"Come in." I heard. Turning the knob, I entered the room.

"Hey Danna." I started, "I wanted to talk to you about something, un." Even thought I tried, I couldn't discern his thoughts. I swear, sometimes, the range of his facial expressions is comparable to that of a teaspoon.

"Not now, brat." He muttered. "Can't you see I'm a bit busy? I don't have time to talk to you. Go play with your clay or something."

"Right." I could feel my eyes burning, I hoped it wasn't from the tears I could feel gathering. "Sorry for bothering you, Danna, un."

Not wanting to show any more emotions and seem even weaker that usual, I quickly turned on my heel and left the room quietly shutting the door behind me.

I bit my lip. What is wrong with me? Have I gone completely and utterly insane? That must be the reason for my bizarre behavior. Although, there were moments, when I almost thought that he somewhat cared. 'Almost' and 'somewhat' being the key words. How foolish of me. Danna? He never cared for anyone. Not for the innocent, not even for his family. Why would he care for me? After all, he's merely a puppet. He doesn't truly feel.

No, telling him the truth was out of question. I simply couldn't. He would only hate me. Or even worse, think of me as weak. Maybe he would be right. I am weak. Itachi had defeated me without breaking a sweat. And I am still not able to even land as much as a scratch on him. I'm worthless.

I stealthily made my way through the shadowed hallway. Darkness. I never seemed to like it, yet now it felt as if I was being drawn to it. I never ceased surprising myself. Walking down the hall, I passed the entrance to the kitchen, ignoring it in hopes of not getting noticed. No such luck, it evaded me as of late.

"Deidara-sempai!" I heard Tobi's painful screech.

"What is it, Tobi, un?" I retorted clearly irritated.

"Tobi was just wondering if Deidara-sempa-..." His voice grew more and more distant as I was pulled into the world of my memories.

"Mommy, what does my name mean, un?" a little five year old Deidara asked exitedly.

"Have I ever told you about my home country, Dei-chan?" his mother asked.

"No mommy, un."

"Okay. Well, I'm from a very far away place called the Land of Light. It's quite similar to Iwagakure actually, except that the people instead of Japanese speak a completely different, and much older language."

"As old as Latin, un?"

"Older, dear."

"Un."

Boy's mother smiled at his little antics and continued her story.

"Well, anyway, in that old language, your name means 'Love,' and I named you that because love is the greatest thing that one could give or receive."

"Mommy? Do you love me, un?"

"Of course, I do."

"I love you too, un." The woman smiled and kissed the boy's forehead.

The memory shifted.

A ten year old boy was crying in his room. It was the day of his mother's funeral. Everyone already left and he was all alone. The door to his room opened, revealing a tall man, his father. He was clearly drunk and terribly upset. He walked into the boy's room, an empty glass bottle in his hands.

"You know why she died?" he slurred. "She died because of you! She was so tired of you! You three-mouthed freak! You killed her!"

"B-but she said she loved me, un!" the boy cried.

"Loved you?" he laughed. "Who in their right mind would love you? YOU'RE A MONSTER!" he yelled as he threw the empty bottle at the boy. It hit the floor at his feet and shards of glass scattered around the room in a glittering shower. The man looked at the scene in front of him laughing cruelly as he slammed the door and left the room.

I was pulled out of my reverie by an obnoxious voice.

"Deidara-sempai?" it questioned.

"Uhh, huh?" I asked.

"Tobi wanted sempai to play with him, but sempai spaced out and got all pale. Is sempai okay?" Tobi inquired worriedly. Out of the entire Akatsuki, he was the only one that actually seemed to care. Too bad, he was usually annoying the hell out of me at the same time.

"Yes, Tobi. I'm alright. Thanks for worrying, though, un."

"Sempai is welcome!" he said cheerfully.

I shuffled past him to "escape" towards my room. On the way there I passed Sasori. He gave me that blank look of his, void of any human emotion.

"Deidara? Are you okay?" he sounded almost concerned, yet I saw right through it. He was using that tone of voice to cover up his pity and disgust for both my weakness and monstrosity. I knew he was.

"What do you care, un?" I snapped and pushed past him.

I couldn't take it anymore, I've had enough of feeling like a prisoner of my emotions, enough of being overwhelmed. I had enough of all these stupid memories popping up at most inconvenient times. I wanted to be free once and for all.

I burst into my room and locked the door behind me. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' I wondered yet again. I had lost count how many times I have had asked myself that question. Why do I care for him, for someone incapable of ever returning my sentiments? I didn't want to love him, I never did. It made me feel so empty, so void, like the expressions on his angelic face. Hell, I didn't even feel like blowing anything up anymore. I just wanted to get away from it all.

I grabbed a kunai from my weapon pouch and gripped it so hard my knuckles turned white. I slid it across my arms with a sick satisfaction. I watched the blood slowly ooze out of the wounds I had created. I could feel all these forsaken emotions leave my mind and body along with the red substance. I regarded it with fascination. A seemingly alive puddle of red liquid dripping to the floor.

Blood alive with emotion, what a beautiful metaphor. Truly artistic end.

My vision darkened, first around the edges, and later in its entirety. I thing I heard someone banging on the door, demanding to be let in but I ignored them smirking inwardly. I was free in the end. No more restrictions or disappointments. Letting out a bitter laugher I slowly closed my eyes waiting for the end.

After all, Akatsuki is no place for Love


A/N: I really hope you all liked it. I'd appreciate it if you reviewed. Also, I'm thinking of doing a sequel, which would be Sasori's point of view on the events. Let me know if you think it's a good idea? Hopefully see you all soon.

Edit: How do you like the revised version? I'll probably post revised sequel tomorrow. Feedback?