A/N: I am so sorry this has taken so long to update. Thank-you to Lone.17 who sent me a lovely message urging me to update: I hope it lives up to your expectations.

I would also like to heartily thank ballet-is-not-stupid for No. 86, CSIvHP11 for No. 88, and LunaPadma for the idea for No. 89 (I'm sorry I couldn't make it work exactly as you suggested, I hope this doesn't disappoint.)

We're nearly there folks, only one chapter after this (I thinkā€¦) Thank-you for all your lovely reviews, they are so encouraging. I'm sorry I don't reply to them all, I hope this chapter is apology enough.


101 Ways to Kill Umbridge

81. Start an archery club at Hogwarts, and use her as the target. (H.P.)

(Pity it has even less chance of working than some of the others, seeing as how she's banned all clubs.)

(Ron, I thought we'd been over the whole hypothetical thing.)

(We had.)

82. Start a secret archery club at Hogwarts, and use her as the target. (R.W.)

83. Start a secret javelin club, transfigure Ron into the javelin, and use her as the target. (H.P.)

84. Start a secretjavelin club, transfigure Harry into the javelin, and use her as the target. (R.W.)

(Honestly, you two are so pathetic sometimes.)

(Thanks, Hermione.)

(I don't think she meant that as a compliment, Harry.)

(I know, Ron. I was being sarcastic.)

(I wish you'd stop with this sarcastic stuff. It's really hard to tell you're doing it when you're writing it on paper.)

(Sorry, Ron.)

(No, you're not.)

(No. I was being sarcastic again.)


(Honestly, Ronald. Build a bridge and get over it.)

(Nice line, Hermione. Where'd you get that from?)

(Ginny. Although I can make up smart comments by myself, Harry.)

(Oh, of course.)

(Stop smiling.)

85. Start a secret javelin club, skewer Umbridge on the javelin, and use both of you as the target. (H.G.)

(I've stopped smiling now, Hermione.)

(That was directed at Harry, Ronald, not you.)


(But I'm glad you listen to me so intently.)

(Well, it wasn't so much listening as reading.)

(We know, Ron.)

(Shut-up, Harry.)

86. Force her to copy out the Bible using that awful quill of hers. (H.G.)

(What's the Bible?)

(A very long book, Ron.)

(Nice explanation, Harry.)

(Thanks, Hermione. I thought we might be here for a while if I went into more depth.)

(Very true.)

87. Force her to copy out 'Hogwarts, A History' using that blood quill. (R.W.)

(I don't think it's called a blood quill, Ronald. And 'Hogwarts, A History' isn't that long.)

(I think it is called a blood quill Hermione, and even if it isn't, I haven't heard a better name. And 'Hogwarts, A History' would kill her with boredom, as well as blood loss.)

(Watch out, Ron. She's got that look in her eyes that she gets when she's trying to think of a suitable spell.)

88. Teach her her own class. That would definitely be 'death by boredom' (H.P.)

(Good distraction, Harry.)

(That's what friends are for, Ron.)

89. Make Ron actually hand in his homework. She'd die of shock. (H.G.)

(She got you there, mate.)

(No she didn't. I see nothing wrong with not doing homework. In fact, I'm rather proud of it.)

(Trust you.)

90. Make Hermione not hand in her homework. She'd die of shock. (R.W.)

(That is not funny, Ronald.)

(Harry's laughing.)

(That's because he's as immature as you.)

(No, I just tell good jokes.)

(Please. That was an insult, not a joke.)

(Well, you insulted me first.)

(No, you did Ronald. By saying 'Hogwarts, A History', was boring.)

(Well, that's not insulting you. That's insulting the book.)

(I think he may have actually outsmarted you for the first time ever, Hermione.)

(Shut-up, Harry.)