Disclaimer: Considering what I do with them now, when I don't own them, I think the universe would implode if I ever did end up owning them. And since it's still here, they're not mine.
Author's Note: Once again...I got no excuse. I've had this monstrous idea squirreled away for over a month now, but never really wrote much on it until now. It was intended to be longer, detailing the mission Prowl and Sideswipe went on, but I could never pin down the details, beyond a scene with Sideswipe freaking out over having Skywarp flirt with him. So I just wrote the ending. And it turned into this cracktastic fic.
- Prowl and Sideswipe's Excellent Adventure -
"You. Come with me." Sunstreaker looked up in surprise at the unexpected command, and found Ratchet glaring at him not five feet away. The entire rec room quieted around them as the off-duty mechs turned to watch the show curiously.
"I didn't do anything?" the yellow Autobot questioned warily, and Ratchet's scowl deepened.
"I know that, you sorry glitch-head. Your 'brother', on the other hand..." Ratchet trailed off with a growl.
"Sideswipe's back?" Sunstreaker asked in stunned surprise, feeling along the bond with his twin, only to find the same distance as there had been ever since Sideswipe and Prowl had gone on that Primus-forsaken mission to Cybertron.
"Yes, he is." Ratchet said icily. "And while 'he' and Prowl have reported to Prime, they have yet to report to me to get their disguises removed."
"You're sure he's back?" Sunstreaker pushed, and Ratchet nodded, looking irritated.
"Yes, of course 'he's' back. You should know better than I." the medic said, and Sunstreaker scowled, knowing he was right. He felt along the bond again, searching carefully, and this time found the tell-tale sign that he was being blocked. Angry with his twin for deceiving him about his return, Sunstreaker blasted through the block without any gentleness, and Sideswipe's surprise and pain at the action flooded through him before the red twin managed to get a hold of himself. He immediately began to apologize, but Sunstreaker sensed the extra energy running through Sideswipe's systems, and with an angry snarl, blocked his twin, strongly enough that even doing the same thing Sunstreaker had just done wouldn't break through.
"That little glitch!" Sunstreaker snarled. Two months - two months - away on a secret mission to Cybertron with Prowl, and he came back without saying a word. No, worse, he came back with blocks up, so Sunstreaker didn't even know he was back.
"We're in agreement there." Ratchet snapped. "I assume you'll be perfectly willing to lead me to wherever he's hiding out?"
"As long as you can keep up with me." Sunstreaker snarled in reply, standing from his chair and stalking out of the rec room, Ratchet right behind. Whispers ran through the rec room after they left, and then Smokescreen, Bluestreak, Cliffjumper and Bumblebee got up and followed the two of them, wanting to see how this turned out. The group of mechs led by Sunstreaker quickly left the Ark, transforming and peeling off across the night-time desert. It was half an hour before Sunstreaker began to slow, and by that time, everyone could hear the thumping bass of the music coming from up ahead.
"What the frag is he doing?" Sunstreaker asked with a frown as he transformed, proceeding on foot as the terrain got rocky. There was a glow coming from beyond a nearby series of rock formations, the same place the music was coming from, and Sunstreaker didn't need to home in on his twin's spark to know which way to go anymore. There was obviously a party going on out here, and considering how over-energized Sideswipe had felt through the bond, he had to be there. Though, when Sunstreaker rounded the corner and got a good look at the party, he suddenly realized that he should've probed Sideswipe's mind a little more, or maybe asked Ratchet about just what disguises he'd given the two 'Bots that had gone to Cybertron.
Because no matter what his spark was telling him, Sunstreaker refused to accept that the pretty little red femme grinding with Blaster at the center of a crowd of humans was his twin.
"Whoa, who's that?" the appreciative comment came from behind Sunstreaker and he whirled to glare at the mechs that had followed he and Ratchet from the Ark. Smokescreen shrunk back guiltily, and Sunstreaker gave him an extra snarl before turning his attention to Ratchet. The medic, far from still being mad, was now smirking as he looking out at the two bots.
"I thought you wanted Sideswipe so you could remove his disguise." Sunstreaker said icily.
"Oh, I did, but the blackmail material I can get out of this is worth waiting until tomorrow to do that." Ratchet said with amusement.
"So you say." Sunstreaker snarled, then stomped over. He was careful at first not to step on any humans - no matter how mortified of, or angry over, his twin's actions he was, Prime wouldn't forgive him for stepping on any of the little fleshbags - but it quickly became unnecessary, as the humans saw him approaching and scattered off to the sides. They didn't go far, just hugging the nearby rocks to watch, and someone turning off the music so they could hear, though it was likely they would've been able to anyways, with the volumes Sunstreaker was planning on using. Well aware of the human and mech audience he had, Sunstreaker yanked Sideswipe away from Blaster, sending the 'femme' tumbling to the ground.
"Hey man, there's no need for that!" Blaster protested, then went silent as Sunstreaker gave him a murderous glare.
"I'll deal with you later." he hissed, and Blaster grimaced. Sunstreaker paid him no more mind, though, turning his attention to the red bot pushing 'herself' back upright unsteadily.
"Hiya Sunny!" 'she' said cheerfully as Sunstreaker stalked over to her.
"What in the Pits do you think you're doing, Sideswipe?!" Sunstreaker all but roared, and at the back of his mind, he realized that Blaster was among the mechs that gasped in shock - Sideswipe apparently hadn't told 'her' dance partner who 'she' was.
"Dancing?" Sideswipe said cheekily, swaying slightly from side to side, and Sunstreaker snarled, hands coming up as if to choke his twin. The threat seemed to penetrate Sideswipe's over-energized circuits, and 'she' chuckled uneasily, eyeing 'her' twin's hands. "Or, y'know, being a distraction."
"Distraction? From what?" Sunstreaker demanded.
"Eh-heh, um...that." Sideswipe said, pointing off to 'her' right with a wavering finger, behind the lights and speakers, and Sunstreaker wasn't the only mech who suddenly became aware of sounds coming from that direction - sounds of armor on armor, air cycling through vents, the crackle of electricity, and breathy gasps and exclamations. He suspected he'd regret it, but Sunstreaker couldn't stop himself as he peered into the darkness to spot whoever was making the noises. He saw movement, and took a step to the side so he could see it better. Then his optics widened as he realized that he'd been right - he already regretted moving to see better.
"Oh my fragging - gyaaaaaaah!" Sunstreaker said, jerking away. "I did not need to see that! Did not!"
"Well, you asked." Sideswipe replied with a shrug, then giggling as 'she' almost fell over.
"See what?" Blaster asked, stepping closer to where Sunstreaker was, only to pause as he saw the same thing as Sunstreaker. "Oh my, she's rather flexible, isn't she?"
"Blaster." Sunstreaker said calmly, and Blaster made a noise of acknowledgment, still not looking away. "Consider the fact that Sideswipe and Prowl just went on a mission together, in disguise. Then consider the fact that the 'femme' standing on my other side is Sideswipe, in disguise. Then take a moment to wonder if it's perhaps possible that Prowl and Sideswipe had the same kind of disguise...and put that together with the familiar paint job of the 'femme' who is...back there with Jazz." Sunstreaker said with a shudder, motioning in the direction of the speakers. Blaster took a moment to process what Sunstreaker had said, and then made a noise of surprise as he realized what the yellow warrior meant.
"Man. I wonder if Prowl can bend like that when she's a he?" Blaster mused.
"Stop looking you glitch-head!" Sunstreaker snapped, smacking Blaster on the back of the head, and Blaster gave him an affronted look. "Don't. Don't even try it, Mister I-was-just-grinding-with-your-twin."
"Hey now, she started it!" Blaster protested.
"If you value your spark, never refer to my brother in the female gender ever again." Sunstreaker snarled, then spun back to face Ratchet and glared. "You! Why aren't you doing anything?!"
"As I said, the blackmail material I'm getting is worth just waiting for things to play out." Ratchet said, coming to join Blaster and Sunstreaker. To Sunstreaker's horror, the medic moved so he could peer in-between the speakers as well, tilting his head to one side as he watched. "Hmm. I dare say her mech frame isn't that bendable, but then, I built that femme frame and I hadn't thought she could do that."
"Primus! What is wrong with you?!" Sunstreaker demanded, and Ratchet gave the yellow twin an amused look.
"Sunstreaker. Think about this for a moment. Prowl is disguised as a femme, clearly over-charged, and interfacing with Jazz behind a set of speakers, where anybody can see them if they just bother to look." the medic said. Sunstreaker snarled, but against his will, he thought it over, and suddenly stilled as it sunk in.
"Oh Primus!" Sunstreaker said, then whirled on the group of mechs that followed Ratchet and him from the Ark. "Please tell me one of you has a slagging camera!"
- END -