My fave couple's first Christmas together... and naturally it doesn't end well for one of the cephalopods.
"Squilliam? What on earth are you doing?"
No reply - his boyfriend was too busy packing yet another layer of snow around his already ice-cold body. If he kept this up, it would be a case of Desparately Seeking Squidward underneath all the slush.
He'd been at it since the break of dawn that morning. No explanation, seemingly no motive, nothing - all Squilliam had done was dragged him out of the warm sheets of his bed and started turning him into a living ice sculpture. On occasion, one could hear him muttering things like "a little bit more 'round the bottom..." or "yes, it's all coming together."
What the hell was he up to?
Squidward tried again to get his attention. "Squill, are you going to pack frozen food stuffs over me or are you -"
His protest was muffled by a blue scarf wrapped tightly around his neck.
Once he'd spat it out, he had to wait for another five minutes before making one last attempt to bring him to reason. "Squill, what the barnacle are you doing?!"
Only now did Squilliam choose to answer the question. And his answer made Squidward wish that he'd left well enough alone:
"Isn't it obvious? I'm giving you Christmas."...
A sigh. "Squiddy, do you remember when you told me that Christmas was for sappy young fools with huge budgets?"
"Well, it just so happens that I'm a sappy young fool with a huge budget." By now Squilliam had topped the 'snoward' off with a large top hat. "And only us sappy young fools with huge budgets know that humbugs like you need to experience the season first hand in order to get a taste of it."
Squidward still didn't get it. "I still don't get it," he protested, echoing the words of the rapidly-decreasing-in-ability fan author. "How is packing me in snow gonna make me like Christmas?"
Then it occured to him.
"Look on the bright side," his boyfriend, finally finished, chuckled; "looking out at the beautiful landscape; getting close to nature; maybe even a kiss from time to time - isn't that what you want?"
"Squilliam, what on earth makes you think that - "
"And besides..." he paused only to plant a quick kiss on the lips of the now-completely-frozen cephalopod. "Not everyone can say that they've seen a genuine Snoward."
Needless to say, Squidward got a bit pissed.
The only thing he heard in reply was an amiable "Merry Christmas, Squiddy!!"