Falling to Pieces

this is a storie and it's about a girl whose name was EMILY and she was a really nice little girl who liked to play with dolls. One day emily woked up and she wondered where she was because she didn't know. she thought she might be in her mummys bed but then she looked over and there was another lady whos name was MAVIS. that was okay though cause Mavis was a nice person and sometimes she gave emily cookies!!! So emily shooked on Mavises shoulder and said 'hello. Can I have some cookies mavis'. Mavis looked a bit sleepy and said 'what' and then her eyes opened a bit and she said Norbert? which was a bit silly because he wasn't there even. so emily said 'no silly but can I have a cuddle and also some cookies because its dark and Im a bit scared'.

And then mavis said 'oh hello emily' and she gave her a cuddle and some cookies and they went into the kitchen where the light was on so emily wouldn't be scared which was good. also mavis got some chocolate milk for emily and then she said:

"do you know where norbert is Emily?'

emily didn't know though, so she said no. Mavis looked a bit worried then and said "I so hoped this would not happen' but she said it to herself though. Then she looked at emily and said do you know the sad thing that happened the other day emily." Emily looked at her and felt sad even though she didn't know why and she didn't want to think about sad things so she just drinked her milk and hoped that mavis wouldnt talk anymore but she did.

'emily do you know what happened to Daisy?' said mavis and then emily kind of did and she didn't want listen anymore at all anymore and so she frowned a lot and she wanted to go away so she did


And Gastineau Grover DePaul wondered where the hell he was. What the fuck was this? He was in some polished up kitchen and there was some Asian chick sitting next to him, which didn't bother him as much as the fact that he didn't remember shit.

"Jesus Christ, where the hell am I?" he said to the lady who he had to admit was one fine looking woman even though he'd never seen her before.

The lady looked pretty worried and said "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"You don't know either? Well shit, what the hell have we been drinking then?" He looked down at the cup in his hand and was pretty surprised when it seemed to be full of chocolate milk. "What the hell is this crazy shit?"


"Hey, I thought you said you didn't know who I was?"

"I didn't at that moment, honourable husband, but I guessed. Perhaps we should go and sit down on the couch."

"What?!? Look lady, I don't know who the hell you are and I don't know what this honourable husband shit is. But the only place I'm going right now is back to my sweet home Chicago and I'd be appreciating it if you'd just get right out of my way."

The lady got up then and stood in his path like she was actually prepared to try and fight him if he went. Goddamn, he'd had woman wanting to wrestle with him before but this was just nuts.

"I'm sorry honourable husband, but I cannot allow you to do that."

"Will stop with the honourable husband shit?!?"

"Badger, please, if you are there then come out. This is not helping your condition at all."

"Badger? Jesus lady, you really are nuts. I'm getting outta here."

"Max, then. Please, you just need to calm down."

"Calm down yourself! And I don't know who Max is either so you can just go…"

"Max please! We can go into the lounge room and have a calm chat".

"Fuck you!"

"And listen to some music! You haven't listened to that new classical album you bought last Friday, remember?"

And Gastineau opened his mouth and then he closed it again and Max Swell, connoisseur of the fine arts, replied "My dear, I do believe you're right."


Max smoothed back his hair and settled back in the chair, letting the music wash over him. It really was most exquisite.

"My dear, I can't thank you enough for suggesting this. I do believe it's just what I need."

Mavis (she was such a charming young lady. She would make someone very happy one day. Not him, obviously…) looked rather concerned.

"Have you been feeling unwell, Max?"

He blinked, slightly surprised. "A little, I must admit. Is something the matter, my dear?"

She sighed. Looking closer he could see that she had dark rings under her eyes. The poor woman hadn't been getting enough sleep, that was certain. What had happened?

"Max, do you remember Daisy?"

Now he was surprised. "Well of course, dear Mavis. Quite a nice young woman she is too. Very self-sufficient. What has she been up to lately, anyway?"

At this Mavis looked as though she was on the verge of tears. Max felt quite alarmed. "Gracious, Mavis, whatever is the matter?"

He leaned forward and took a comforting hand. Mavis looked sadly into his eyes and said simply, "Max, Daisy is dead."

Max recoiled as though he had been hit and stared back at her. Daisy was dead? Why… that was appalling!

"Good Lord! That's…that's just terrible… I must really… Are you sure?"

"Yes, Max we are sure. She was struck by a car, it was an accident. It was no one's fault, the brakes had failed and the driver was doing his best. She just didn't see…"

"How horrible! The household must be in a state. This is just… I don't know what to say." He blinked back the tears. "She had so much of her life left, it's such a terrible waste"

"It is Max. And I miss her too, terribly."

"When is the funeral, may I ask?"

Mavis flinched slightly. "Max, we've already had the funeral. It was a few days ago, everyone was there. We…"

"And you didn't ask me!?!"

She gripped his shoulders and talked softly to calm him. "Max, you weren't there. I didn't know how to contact you and Norbert was… I didn't want to do anything more to upset him."

Max frowned but relaxed slightly and Mavis let go. He took a few moments to compose himself.

"I'm sorry my dear. I… I'm just rather upset, you see. I would have liked to have been there…"

"Well, you were there, in a way."

"I'm sorry?"

"Max, I really need to speak to Norbert."

"Why on earth for?"

"You know why, Max. I'm very worried about him. He isn't taking Daisy's death very well at all. I think… I think he's in denial and I want to help him. Please, do you think you could get him to talk to me?"

Max stared at Mavis. The poor girl did look so terribly worried. Well, of course she would be, Norbert was her husband. Really, he was just being selfish denying her. He sighed.

"I'll do my best, but I warn you, he may not be cooperative."

"That's fine Max, really. Thank you."

Max sighed again and settled back. Then he closed his eyes and searched his mind for a certain voice that was always, irritatingly, there.


Two minutes later, Norbert opened his eyes and stared at his wife miserably.

"It's all our fault."

Recognising the demeanour, Mavis threw her arms around him and hugged fiercely while he buried his face in her shoulder.

"Norbert, don't be ridiculous. None of you were anywhere near Daisy when it happened."

"But it's karma! That's what the Badger says. We were angry with her when she went out!"

She drew back and looked at him.

"Is this what this is all about? You had an argument before she left?"

"Kind of, I guess. I… We… The Badger… He had a big argument with her about us not being at some of her therapy sessions and then she just went out and…"

"And that's why he hasn't shown his face since it happened?"


"Norbert, the Badger doesn't really think that this is your fault, surely. You know you had nothing to do with this…"

There was a brief silence.

"I guess he kind of doesn't."

"Then why…"

"Well, it's just… we didn't have the chance to say sorry or anything, okay? She just went out and she was gone and now there's no chance at all! It isn't fair!"

His voice was beginning to take the timbre of a small child. Alarmed, Mavis pulled him back into a hug.

"Shh…it's okay, it really is."

"But there's never going to be anyway to take it back. She's just gone…"

Mavis shushed him and made soothing sounds, wondering what on earth to do. This would be so much easier if Daisy was here. She was his therapist; she knew what to do when he had one of his breakdowns. Multiple Personality Disorder was so difficult to treat normally, and she didn't have the training to know how to deal with this. She didn't want to have to put him back into an institution. Norbert had had enough of those in his life. There had to be some other answer.

And then she had the germ of an idea.

"Norbert, the Badger works for Myrtle, doesn't he?"

"That's what he says, sure."

"And Myrtle is god, in the form of a Badger?"

"…it sounds a lot sillier when you say it like that."

"Okay, it does, but you have to admit that the Badger appears to have powers beyond those of a normal man."

"You mean talking to animals and stuff."

"And stuff, yes."

"Okay, yes"

"So why doesn't he ask Myrtle if there's a way for him to get off a last message to Daisy? Surely that is a small thing to ask for after all his years of service?"

Norbert looked astounded.


"Hey, that's so crazy it just might woik! Darn, why didn't I think of that? It must be the Nazi mind controlling machines in the basement. Never trust a Nazi, that's what I say! Sure, they say that Adolf's dead but everyone knows that body was a fake!"

And Mavis smiled.

"Hello, Badger."


An hour later, Mavis looked up from her book as the Badger finally came back inside. She frowned slightly. He had stripped to the waist and it appeared that he'd been rolling around in the mud. His Badger symbol had been painted on several parts of his body with what looked like berry juice. In all, he was filthy, but he looked remarkably cheerful as well.

"So, did it work?"

"Sure did! What a cool idea! I still don't get how I didn't figure it out, damn Nazis…"

"Perhaps Myrtle decided that it was better that the answers come from someone who loves you."

"You just might be onto some there. She's a tricky one, is Myrtle. What with being God and all…"

"So what is it that you must do, honourable husband?"

"What? Oh right. Well, after a bit of praising and respectful waiting and stuff, Myrtle appeared to me and said that since I'd been pretty good and faithfully stuck to her orders and all, She'd make sure that Daisy would get one last message from me. All I have to do is write it, and then let one of the geese take it up to her! Don't suppose you've got any paper there?"

Mavis smiled. "I'm sure I can aquire some, honourable husband."


dear daisy

hello this is emily and I just want to say that im really really sorry your dead and I hope that there are ponys up in heaven that you can ride. And im going to miss you because you were nice to me and tried to keep pierre away when he was mean. bye bye.

from emily


Well, right then. I don't really know who the hell you are but apparently I've got to write something to you for some reason so, sorry about you dying and all. Hope things are okay for you up there.

Gastineau Grover DePaul

My dearest Daisy,

I'm so terribly sorry about what happened to you. The extinguishing of the flame of your life was one of the most tragic things that I've ever had the sorrow to hear about, and I only hope that you are happy in your new existence.

Farewell, dear friend.

Max Swell.

Pierre knows not why zees fools insist that he write a goodbye to zis Daisy. Pierre cares little for zee silly friends of zee Badger. Death to them all! Pierre will smash

Ahhh, I think I'm just going to stop him there. Psycho.

Anyway, look, Daisy. And this is from me and Norbert, cause I've found that we've been kinda getting closer since you started your therapy and everything. I'm really sorry about our argument, okay. It was stupid of me to want to shake therapy for some time at the bar, but I guess I just wanted to think I was more cured than I actually was. Guess your death showed just how together I really am, hey. I really appreciate everything you did for me. I mean, geez. If it weren't for you I'd probably be still stuck in the Nakoma metal shack and I'd never have achieved anything in there. And I'm… we're all gonna miss you like crazy now that you're gone, but I think maybe we might be able to make it. And before I met you that's something I might not have been able to say, so I guess that shows how much you've helped. Just… thanks.

The Badger (Norbert Stykes)

P.S. Also, I have to say that Leroy will miss you too. He can't actually write anything, being a dog and all.


Mavis shivered against the wind and leaned back into the arms of her husband as they both watched the goose wheeling higher and higher into the air.

"I'm sure she'll smile when she receives it."

"Well, sure she will. I mean, it kinda makes her unique, doesn't it? Most people up there don't get mail."

"That's true, dear Badger. And do you feel better now?"

"Better? Yeah. It still kinda hurts though. Guess I'm going to have to put up with that for a while."

"I'm afraid so."

They watched in silence for a few more minutes.

"Emily's crying. I think Max is too, the big wimp."

"It's probably better for them to let it out. And Emily's only a child, after all."

Another silence then, and the goose climbed higher and higher until it was out of sight.

Finally they took their eyes off the sky. The Badger turned Mavis around and for a few seconds he even looked serious.


"I am only doing what is required of a humble wife."

"You're doing more than that. And you're not really required to love all of me. But you do anyway."

And Mavis smiled, and they kissed. And the wind went still for just a while, so the only sounds were the clicking of the insects and the soft hissings of the rest of the geese.

And that's the end of the story.