Evil Mothers of Smallville By LastScorpion

Disclaimer: Basically, I have no rights. None whatsoever. Also, I disavow all knowledge of anything involved in the following ficlet. This is a parody, or something; please don't sue.

"Christ on a fucking crutch, I get so damned tired of Bo!"

"You could always take my advice. Feed him plenty of pork, and it'll even look natural."

"I don't want him dead! He's fucking gorgeous. Yours was an obnoxious old pot-belly."

"Who left me the only department store in Smallville."

"Heh heh heh. Yep. Margaritas?"

"Please."

"I just wish I could shut him up sometimes. Okay, most of the time. All the time."

"There's a nest of mutant ravens out by Route 43. Said to have quite the appetite for human tongues."

"Heh heh heh. Unfortunately, I'm actually very attached to his tongue."

"If I hear of a way to silence him without that, I'll let you know."

"I appreciate it. How's Whit?"

"Special Forces suits him. Secret Government Monster Squad's no problem for a Smallville boy."

"Good! It's gotta be a relief to have him far away from Blana. You just know he would've married her."

"And brought her home to me! Yeech! Well, I never claimed my boy was bright."

"I suppose we shouldn't have married idiots."

"How's Clark? Still panting around after that little bitch?"

"God I hope not. I keep pushing him towards Lex."

"Nothing wrong with being a rich man's darling."

"Sure wish Nell could've got that lesson across to her girl before she blew town."

"Sometimes you just have to cut your losses. Speaking of a rich man's darling -- heh heh heh -- how's Lionel?"

"A watch."

"Huh?"

"A fucking wristwatch. I should've let that fucking reverse werewolf get the bastard."

"He gave you a watch? Heh heh heh."

"Shut up. He'll get his."