Disclaimer: I don't own the Covenant

A/N: The song is 'Lose You Tonight' by HIM

One Last Time by Cara Mascara

Don't run away
I can't live without you
Please stay
And I'll learn to love you right

It's like my brain shuts off every time this happens. And I know. I know once is too many times. And God knows it's happened more than once. How stupid could I possibly be to let some stupid slut get all over me in the middle of the courtyard?

"I didn't have sex with her!" What the hell was that?! Why was that the first thing that came out of my mouth?

"So that makes it okay?! You were all over that skank!" I know she's right. It's not okay for me to cheat on her every time she gives me another chance. And she gives me chance after chance after chance…

And I fuck it up every single time.

"It wasn't what-"

"Shut up! I'm not done talking! How long do you expect me to put up with this?" She shouldn't. I can't believe she's stood by me this long. I don't know what to say. All I can do is look at her. I wish she'd understand that I don't do it on purpose. I can't help it. It just happens. And yes, I know how fucking stupid that sounds. I feel sick. "You make me look like an idiot because no matter what people tell me, I stick by your lies. I know what I'd think of someone who put up with your behavior. I'd say 'that girl is an idiot'. I'm tired of being the idiot." It's true. I know what people at school tell her. They tell her they've seen me with other girls and sometimes the girls even tell her they've been with me, but she dismisses whatever they say.

"You're not an idiot." She's too good for me though, that's for sure. But I really need her.

"I know. That's why I can't do this anymore. You don't need me and it's pretty apparent to me that you don't want me." Cyn, please don't do this to me. "Reid, it's over. Just… go away."

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I've been crying for you
Dying for you all this time

This is the fist time. This is the first time I've really had to work to get her back. Usually, she forgives me after a few days, I tell her I'll never do it again and bam! We're under the covers in my dorm. But this time I must've pushed her to her limit. We haven't really been around each other in three weeks. Sure, she forgives me, but only as far as friendliness goes.

"I'm driving." I can't believe she's actually agreeing to come out with me tonight. But it's a good thing. Definitely a good thing.

She tossed me her keys and climbed into the passenger's seat, puffing away on her cigarette.

I thought about what she said earlier. We're just friends. No benefits. No dates. Just friends. But little does she know, I'm going to blow her away tonight. I smirked to myself at the thought and didn't realize I went 60 around that last turn.

"Slow down Reid!" I glanced over at her to see her lighting up a new cigarette. The girl chain-smokes worse than I do.

"You smoke way too much Cyn." She rolled her eyes and blew smoke at me. I waved it out of my face and continued driving towards Nicky's.

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm not
gonna
Lose you tonight
No, I ain't gonna lose you tonight

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately." I'm so confidant tonight is going to go perfectly. I'm going to do everything I can to make it go perfectly. I know Nicky's is nothing special, but this way she wouldn't reject me and think it was a date.

"Well, don't waste your thoughts, because it's not happening." I frowned. I wasn't thinking about that. Okay, I was little, but I was thinking more about what I can do to show her that I care about her. I know I don't deserve another chance, but maybe I can earn one. That's how it woks, right?

"That's not all I think about you know." It isn't I think about Cynthia all the time. Granted, a large portion of the time I think about having sex with her, but I do care about her. I think about what I can do for her, what I can buy her. I guess that's not enough though since I screw her over all the time. "Cyn, trust me, okay? Tonight I'm gonna prove to you that I deserve another chance."

She snorted disbelievingly.

I just felt my confidence sink a little.

We walked into Nicky's and I let her know what the deal was. "Tonight is all about you babe. Dinner's on me." She didn't look like she believed me. I sighed. I'll prove it to her. I pay attention to everything about her. I know her better than anyone else knows her.

"What can I get ya Reid?" Nicky asked. I glanced at Cyn and stroked my thumb over her hand. Here goes test number one.

"Two burgers. No onions or mustard on one, two fries, a large Coke and an Iced Tea." I glanced back at her. She actually looked a little surprised, though she hid it well. Like I said though, I know her better then anyone else does. And I can read her pretty easily.

I know it seems stupid. Big deal, I remembered what she usually gets at Nicky's. But it is a big deal. Every detail counts, right? I'm proving I do pay attention, even to stupid things like that.

"You got it. 'Bout five minutes." Nicky walked off and I led Cyn over to a table in the corner for two, no disturbances, no other people joining us, just Cyn and me, of course I already let my brothers know that tonight I probably wouldn't hang with them at all.

A waitress brought us our food and while we ate, I asked her every question I could think of. I just wanted her to know that I do care about what she thinks and what she's doing. I have a shitty way of showing it, but I care a lot about her.

"Reid, you don't have to waste your time trying to impress me by pretending you're interested in my life."

Wow.

Why don't you just kick me in the balls?

I moved my hand off of hers and frowned. "Did you ever think I was actually trying to make an effort to get you back? I'm not pretending. I just want everything to work out." Well, there goes the night. So much for getting her back.

"Yeah well, it's a little too late for that Reid. You've burned me too many times already." I scoffed and stood up. Forget this.

Don't run away
I never wanted to hurt you
Please stay
And I'll learn to treat you right

I went over to Pogue and Tyler while they ate some food and slumped down onto the empty chair between them. The both looked at me, and then gave each other sideways glances.

"What's got you down?" Pogue asked. I just shrugged. Really not interested in talking about it.

"I thought you were with Cynthia tonight?" Ty just had to mention her name. I bit the insides of my cheeks and then sighed.

"I don't wanna talk about it." A little while later I went outside for a cigarette. I can't believe that happened tonight. I can't even believe it didn't work. I thought it was flawless. I really-

"Hey Reid." I looked up from stomping my cigarette out and found Shelby… something or other. She's in my Chemistry class. I don't remember her last name.

"Hi, uh Shelby." She gave me a pout and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What's wrong? You look so sad." As if you care. You only want something from me. I don't understand why these girls line up to be another notch in my bedpost, but they do. I've never complained vocally before but I feel like if the all left me alone, Cyn and I would be happy.

"Not in the best mood."

"Well, maybe I can cheer you up." She tugged at my hand. "Got a car?"

I don't know why I'm going. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It's that mental blindness again. I can't stop myself. "Yeah, this way."

I took her into Cyn's backseat. Why? I can't even tell you what the hell was going through my mind when I decided that was a good idea.

I was forgetting about Cyn. That's what I wanted. I wanted to forget that I'd probably never get another chance with her. It killed me. It really did.

I jumped when the car door was yanked open. Shit.

"Get out!" Her voice was cold as ice and loud enough to echo in my eyes for a long time. Shelby was gone in seconds. I avoided Cyn's eyes as I crawled out of the backseat.

"I'm-"

"You're what? You're sorry?! Bullshit Reid! You can walk back to school!" I don't know how I'm going to get myself out of this one.

"I'm sorry Cyn." I just wanted to hold her. But she backed away. This is definitely one of the lowest things I've ever done to her.

"How many times do you expect me to believe that hollow lie of an apology?" She's crying. The sob she let out as she turned her face away from me made my heart ache. I made he cry. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"It's not a lie Cyn, I-"

"Don't call me that! Only my friends can call me that." I ran my hands through my hair. This can't be happening. She's really mad. Like, really pissed. I've never seen such a bitter expression on her face. "Give me my keys."

"Can we please talk-"

"No! You don't get to talk to me ever again Reid! You're an asshole! Besides, what would we talk about? How every time I think maybe there's a sliver of hope for you, you go ahead and prove me wrong?! Drop dead!"

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I've been crying for you
Dying for you all this time

It felt like forever that she didn't talk to me. But about a month before school ended my dad died. He just used too much. The guys tried to make me feel better, but I didn't want to talk to them. I don't care if Caleb went through the same thing. I needed to be with someone who would listen to everything and make me feel loved.

"Hello?" She sounded half asleep when she answered her phone. Well, she probably was asleep; it's like 1 AM. Meanwhile I'm sitting under one of the boarding house staircases, leaning against the wall.

"Cynthia? I need you right now." My voice cracked as I spoke. I've been holding the tears in for too long. My mom wanted me to come home. But I couldn't. I didn't want to. I couldn't stand to see the heartbreak in her face.

"Reid, are you crying?" she asked. As gay as it sounds, my heart fluttered a little when I heard the concern in her voice.

"My dad died," I whispered into the phone. She told me to come to her room and I did, thankful that her roommate was staying at home this weekend.

I let her hold me and comb my hair with her fingers. And I cried. I'll admit it. I cried because my dad was gone. Because my mom was heartbroken. Because Cyn would probably never let me be with her again.

Hours passed and my tears dried. I was so mad that he'd left us. He couldn't stop. If he had, he'd still be here. I told her all of this and she just listened and told me it would be okay.

"Cyn, I need you to know I'm in love with you."

She didn't say anything. She's told me before that she loved me, but she didn't say anything this time. I couldn't judge if it was a good out bad thing. You'd think it would be the other way around, wouldn't you?

Well it isn't.

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm not gonna
Lose you tonight

She actually came with me to the Dells. I can't believe it. I really was expecting to get shot down. I've avoided her since I spent that night with her after my dad died. I couldn't face her. I was too scared she didn't want to see me. So I didn't put myself in a situation where I'd get rejected.

But I thought about everything during our graduation ceremony today. I have a swimming scholarship to Harvard. We're all going to Harvard. I can't believe we managed it, but we did. But Cyn… what if I never see her again?

I had to try.

And it worked.

But when I found out she was considering Stanford I panicked. I had to do this now or never.

I led her away from the party. I needed to do this in private, away from our classmates. This is too important. I just hope I don't puss out. I hope she doesn't shoot me down too.

We sat on a rock and I stared into the water. I can't do this, can I? Is this a stupid thing to do? Will it make everything better or worse?

"Reid, is there a reason we're just sitting here?" I forgot where I was. Who I was with. What I was doing. She startled me and I knew I had to do this.

"Yeah, just… just give me a second." I rehearsed what I was going to say quickly and then stood up and paced. I can't fuck this up. If nothing else goes my way, please just let this work out.

I dropped on both knees in front of her and took her hands. I can't back out now. "I thought about this a lot. Like… a lot, a lot. Since my dad died. Since before then! God I don't know! I sound so stupid." I feel like I just messed up. That wasn't what I wanted to say. That's not how I planned it. But I looked back up at Cyn when her hands gently tightened around my fingers. I wet m lips and took a deep breath.

This is it.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. And I know you think I don't mean it when I say that, but I am. And we've been through a lot… everything. And when I told you I was in love with you, I meant it. And I wouldn't just say that."

She looked taken aback. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Cyn… I want you to marry me."

Oh god. Why did I ask? Why didn't I just let her go to Stanford? Would've saved me some heartbreak. I just had to open my big mouth.

He hands slipped out of mine and she shoved me back so I was sitting on my feet. I saw tears running down her cheeks. I closed my eyes and sighed. I blew it.

When I opened my eyes I saw her walking towards the party. I just stayed there, putting my hand in my pocket and fingering the ring I'd so stupidly bought. Did I really think she'd say yes? After everything I've put her through.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest when a body kneeled in front of mine and arms wrapped tightly around my neck. Cyn kissed me so passionately I didn't even know how to respond.

When she pulled away, she was crying harder, but she was smiling. Which made me smile. I took the ring out of my pocket and I saw the glint in her eye as she looked at it.

"Don't give me that unless you really mean it Reid. No more chances."

I looked her straight in the eyes while I slipped the ring on he finger, letting her know I was done being a jackass.