"So, c'mon," Renji said. "Where's the bars? Where's the brothels?"
Ichigo flushed and looked round for Rukia. She wasn't within earshot. This was probably a good thing, he decided. "Look, we don't have them for people our age -"
Renji raised a line of tattoo that might once have been an eyebrow. "People our age?"
"People who look like teenagers," Ichigo said, with a sneer, "don't hang out in bars and brothels."
"Actually, they do," Rukia said, appearing from behind his shoulder. "When Urahara tried to take me to one -"
"He what?" Renji snarled.
"Oh, I didn't let him," Rukia said with a light laugh. "Though I did find out about this fascinating subculture - does the term gothloli mean anything to you, Ichigo?"
"No," Ichigo lied.
"But don't worry, Renji." Rukia patted him on the shoulder. "We can buy cans of sake from public machines."
Ichigo twitched. "You need money for that."
"So? You've got -"
Ichigo folded his arms. "I am not subsidising Renji getting drunk."
"You've got a father, is what I was trying to say." Rukia produced a familiar-looking credit card. "I'm not asking you to subsidise a few drinks for Renji and myself. Actually, when I think that you thought that I could think that, I am hurt, Ichigo, hurt! You don't understand how cruel you can be." She fell into Full Shoujo Pose mode. "When I raise my eyes to the unfeeling heavens above, and feel the cold drift of raindrops on my face like tears, I -"
Ichigo put his hand over her mouth. "Okay," he said to Renji. "Let's let Miss Alcoholic here show you where to find the booze machines."
Rukia bit his fingers.
Morning leered across the sky in painful streaks of neon pink and vomit-laden orange. Ichigo groaned and tried to hide his head under his quilt, then realised he wasn't under a quilt, and the reason that he could see the sky was because he was out in the open air.
He must have been attacked by a Hollow and knocked unconscious while out on patrol. Right. That would explain the headache.
And the Hollow had torn his clothes off first. That would explain the nakedness.
And the Hollow had also attacked Renji and Rukia, which was why they were lying around also naked.
And the Hollow had been a weird sort of Hollow that left a trail of empty sake cans behind it, which . . .
. . . at that point, Ichigo just gave up, rolled over, put his hands over his head, and tried to force-evolve a bankai that would erase the whole previous night.
It didn't work.
A hand groped at his buttock. It had to be Renji's hand. Rukia's hand would be smaller.
The choice was clear. He either went home and explained the maxing out of his father's credit card, the staying out all night, and the lovebites, or he ran off to Soul Society and got killed by Hollows, or insane Captains, or both.
So, he discovered two minutes later, did Renji.
Perhaps he wouldn't run off to Soul Society after all.