Disclaimer: Not mine. Still fun to play with, though
Author's note: This is just a random moment of insanity, from some fun at the ambulance service. Dedicated to Bradley, PJ, Shrek, and Doug.
Hotch was fuming. Literally. Anyone stupid enough to get close to him cold probably see steam radiating from his head and coming out his ears. Reid. When he got his hands on the boy…No. This wasn't Reid's style. This stunt had Morgan written all over it. Only Morgan could convince Reid to pull this off.
To be fair, Reid would never have left the mess he did if not motivated by sheer terror. Hotch just happen to show up in the wrong place at the wrong time. In Reid's place, he would probably have fled as well. A little bit of blue…goo…dripped from his suit jacket onto his hand, and his rage flared within him again as he took his jacket off. Luckily, it had taken most of the damage. He was going to find the BAU's oldest adolescents and bring the wrath of God down on them. Or, at least, the wrath of a pissed off section chief. In a way, he was glad he had left his gun at the shooting range when the explosion went off. He would have to think of alternatives to shooting them.
Hotch strolled along the path from the shooting range toward the offices, trying to maintain some dignity and pretend that he wasn't carrying a jacket covered with toilet cleaner. Now he just had to find Morgan and Reid. And when he did…Several fantasies for vengeance ran through his mind, but there just weren't any good places to hide a body at FBI headquarters. He'd have to settle for coming up with the worst assignments he could ever come up with. Sending them to talk to the families on every case from now on? Nah, everyone deserved a break from that. He wanted to punish them, not torture them. Ground them to their desks for two months? Good one for Morgan, maybe. It would kill him. Reid, though, would adapt to that too well. Maybe…
His plotting was interrupted by yelling as soon as he walked in the side door. A lot of yelling. The kind he wanted very much to do. It was a maintenance entrance, and an old desk sat under the stairs, waiting to be removed. Hotch saw Morgan sitting on the desk, Reid standing beside him, shaking like a kid in the principal's office. He saw a bottle of Sno-Bol and a roll of aluminum foil carefully hidden behind the two of them. Obviously what had made the explosion Hotch had walked in on. But what bothered him the most was the overbearing prick in the Sno-Bol-covered suit suit, berating his two agents.
"-childish, idiotic stunts! You BAU people think with all your psychological bullshit that you can justify anything! Well, you will answer for this! I'll take this to the top, have your jobs, your badges, and your asses! And you, you sniveling little brat, I don't know who's dick you had to suck to get in here to begin with, but-"
Hotch stepped up and put a very firm hand on the prick's shoulder. "Excuse me, Agent Miller. I'm going to ask you only once to apologize to my agents, and then get out of here before I decide to stop being generous."
He spun on Hotch. "These two delinquents are your agents? What kind of supervisor are you?! Do you know what they just did? They made a Sno-Bol bomb in the shooting range! Do you know that the ATF considers that an incendiary device? Do you?"
Morgan started to open his mouth to add his two cents, when Hotch silenced him with a look that could melt steel. "First of all, just because you think I was promoted ahead of you for reasons other than your own incompetence is no reason to take it out on my agents. Second of all, the one that's not about to have a stroke is Derek Morgan. He transferred here from the ATF. I'm pretty sure he knows more about incendiary devices than you do. Third, these two agents were nowhere near the shooting range this afternoon. They have been helping me look for the one of the maintenance crew for the past hour. I locked my keys in my office. Now, since you seem to have no intention of apologizing to Dr. Reid or agent Morgan, I suggest you get the hell away from all three of us before I lose my temper. And even if they did what you say they did, as my agents, the are none of your business. Now GO!"
The man scurried off like one of the three blind mice running from the farmer's wife, Hotch scowling at his retreating figure. He turned back to his renegade agents. "Wow, Hotch, you really gave it to that-" Morgan's grin faded when he met the ice chips that were in his boss's eyes. "We're in a lot of trouble, aren't we?"
Hotch simply nodded, enjoying the way the younger agents were squirming under his gaze. He gave the anticipation a few more seconds to work on them, and it worked. Before he could even speak, Morgan cracked. "It wasn't Reid's fault! The whole thing was my idea."
Reid wasn't about to let his friend take the heat for this. "I wanted to see what happened. I pushed him to show me."
Hotch had to turn his head to hide his smile. He was proud of the loyalty between him team members. But still…
"Both of you were responsible, both of you will suffer the consequences. Starting with the fact that someone is going to have to get my jacket dry-cleaned." He tossed it on their general direction, and Morgan caught it. "Now, follow me, and we will discuss said consequences. You two are about to find out just how sadistic you have to be to reach the rank of section chief." He started up the stairs, not looking back to see if they were following or not. He knew they were. After a few steps, he said, without ever turning around, "But I'd give anything to have seen Miller's face when it happened." With that, he continued walking toward his office.
Morgan grinned, and Reid looked at him strangely. "You know we may be about to die, right? What's so funny?"
Morgan shook his head. "Yeah, we're probably about to die. But you saw the way Hotch dealt with that Miller guy. Like a mama wolf protecting her pups?"
Reid actually broke into a grin at that. The image was just too accurate to shrug off. He could eat his "pups" alive if he wanted to, but God help anyone else that messed with them! "Okay," said Reid. "I'll give you that. And if you will stop trying to drag me out to those insane nightmares you call clubs, I won't tell Hotch you called him a girl!"