"You can't

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I wish I did, but I don't.

"You can't. That's all there is to it." My best friend Sora said.

"Well, why on earth not?" I said as I patted my stomach.

"You'll ruin your life, that's why."

"No, I wont. I know whose baby it is, and he's agreed to marry me and everything."

"Nutcase." Sora muttered to herself.

Did she know?

I walked to the store, to buy some milk. I ran into Jyou. "Oh, hi."

Jyou walked past me, without saying a word.

Things are very strained between us, after it happened.

It was Jyou's worst fear.

If only he knew. It might not really be his fault after all. Daddy was part of it to. It could be Daddy. But then what would become of the child?

I wanted it to be Jyou. If it was Daddy, well then, Daddy would just have to go to jail. If it was Daddy, the baby would be retarted.

If it was Jyou, well, the baby would be fine.

But Jyou would die over it.

I know.

He already is. His life is in the hands of my verdict. He hates himself so much for what he might of done to me, he would blow his brains out.

People looked at me and they saw. But they didn't see what I needed to see. Daddy or Jyou? Was Daddy's savage attack the cause, or Jyou's nervous love? Was it the one who was supposed to keep me safe, but turned on me? Or the one who needed me so badly to keep him alive, and was so scared of hurting me he wouldn't touch me for years?


I went home with the milk. "Mom? Mom?"

I searched the house for my mother. "Mom?"

But she wasn't here.

Well she was, psychically. But she wasn't really here.

Because I went into her room, and she lay on the floor, bleeding and dead.

"Daddy…" I gasped. I saw him, this man who used to play tickle monster with me when I was a baby, this man who was my father, this man who was a savage rapist and murderer.

And Mom was dead because of this man.

"Oh, hi babe." He said. He grabbed at me. "Wanna join your Mom?"

He said this so lightly, like nothing more then a dust particle in the wind.

I shook my head, no no no…

Don't. I loved you. DON'T.

But he began his evil practice again, putting his thing in me, fucking me 'till I thought I'd die. He put his arms around my neck, and squeezed. "I bet you told someone about the last time."


"Yes you did, so you have to die."

Not that time Daddy, but I told Jyou you hurt me.


"No Mimi, die now." He took his thing out so he could beat me up again.

"No…" I moaned as punch after hit after kick after bleeding after ohmygodiamgonnadienow came raining down on me.

I woke up in the hospital. I had been here many times before, witnessing others pain. Never my own. My poor mother, my fathers first victim.

Ken with his cancer.

Yamato, who had to drink that antifreeze. He wanted to die so bad. But he survived by some miracle.

Jyou whose mother was bent on killing him. We have so much in common, Jyou and I.

Sora, who was nearly burnt to death.

And just everyone with something. Before. But now me. And it was never me before.

But everyone was here today. Watching over me. What happened…who hurt you…

Everyone, just everyone was here.

Even Ken, to ill to walk, dying, had made it here for me. He didn't have much longer.

Taichi and Yamato stared down at me, hoping I would wake up again.

Jyou, crying hysterically, sure I was dead.

Sora sat in a hard plastic chair, trying to console herself by striking matches. Pyromania has nearly killed her so many times.

Miyako held onto Hikari, her best friend, looking at me. Both hoping I would be alive.

Daisuke, the only one whose thoughts weren't on me. He wanted me to live, or he wouldn't be here. But Ken occupied his thoughts the whole time.

Takeru  looked at me. "Pudding?" He said as a joke. He'd say that, all the time, it would always make me laugh.

Iori , young as he was, only twelve now, while the rest of us were well into our teens. He didn't understand what had happened to me. No one did, but Iori wouldn't know if told.

Koushiro tapped me lightly on the head. "Mimi?"

Time to wake up. They're all so worried. "Hi everyone."

A flood of relief washed over the group. "Mimi!" Jyou rushed over to me and hugged me. "I'm so glad you're alright!"

"Whats happened?" Iori asked.

"Yeah." Miyako said. She sat on the hospital bed. "What?"

Everyone but Jyou demanded an answer. Jyou knew, all to well, what had happened to me. Because he'd been nearly killed to. So many times. It was our one connection that would never fade.

I'm not saying no one else was ever abused. Yamato used to be. But he left. He's seventeen now, old enough to go away. Yamato never thinks about it, and well…

Jyou would've fled to. But he can't, because every time he tries, Blossom stops him. He's old enough to. But if he tries, he'll be killed. Blossom is vicious.

So how is he going to marry me?

"Mimi!" Jyou shrieked in panic. "Did she just die?"

"No." I said. And I told what had happened.

They looked shocked. Jyou just nodded.

Ken and Daisuke slunk out the door. Ken had to get home, he wasn't strong enough be out of bed. He was staying home now, he was going to die anyway.

And Daisuke had to help him get home.

Everyone hung around for a while, 'till eventually, no one was left but Sora and Jyou.

"Mimi, why didn't you tell us this was happening to you? We knew about Yamato and Jyou, so why didn't we know about you?" Sora demanded, tears in her eyes. "You can't let this happen to you anymore."

"He killed my mom." I said, crying. "He killed my mom."

"And he nearly killed you!"

"I know…"

"Mimi, did anyone know about this?"

            "Whats been happening to you."
            Jyou spoke up. "I knew."

Sora threw something at him. It must've hurt. "Then why didn't you tell us, you bastard!"

"Mimi needed it to be a secret."
            "That's right." I said. But Jyou didn't know Daddy raped me. He thought Daddy was like Blossom. He thought it was like his pain. But I had a little more.

"Mimi." Sora said. "You know while they're fixing you up, they'll find out about the baby?"
            "They'll find out who's it was."
            "You said you knew!"
            "Mimi?" Jyou said. "I thought that was my baby."

"It could be Daddy's. He raped me a couple'a times."

For the first time since it happened, Jyou smiled. And I wasn't mad.

Because I knew why. He wasn't happy I was hurt like that, but it might not be his child.

Sora and Jyou left. Jyou whispered something to Sora.

I lay here, waiting for sleep to take over.

They fixed up my broken parts. In the X-rays, they noticed my baby. I wanted them to find out who's it was. They needed a DNA sample, from whoever I thought it was.

Jyou came in and they found out.

It wasn't Daddy's. It was Jyou's.

Jyou nearly died.

They let me out. I was okay now. I would not die.

Daddy was arrested.

And I found out some good news. 

Jyou escaped.

He hadn't gone home after visiting me. He has to live on the streets, but that's okay. He'll survive.

I can't pay the rent for my house, and Mom and Daddy are gone, so I'm living with him.

We can't afford a wedding. So Sora pronounced us husband and wife.

Tonight we are going to visit Ken.

As you know, he's very sick. He's written a will, and everything.

Poor Ken.

Poor Daisuke. Daisuke loves him so much. They are love itself.

But how much longer can he last?

We walked to Ken's house. Everyone was there. Even Jun. Daisuke was sobbing, Jun was holding him. "Shhh…it's okay…he's not dead yet."

"He will be." Daisuke said in a pained voice. "He will be."

"I know."

            Where was Ken?

            I asked Jyou this question. "Do you know?"

            "Probably–" But he stopped talking.

            Because there was Ken.

            "Ken-chan." Daisuke said, embracing him. Crying. "Ken-chan…"
            I felt their pain.

            They hugged for a long time. Finally Ken let go. He fell onto the couch. "Hi everyone." He said. "Thanks for coming."

            "Your welcome…" We mumbled. We all knew what was coming.

            "Well, I thought I should say goodbye…and um…stuff…" He looked at Daisuke. Ken was not a good speaker.

            Daisuke had his face buried in Jun's shoulder. He was crying uncontrollably. His heart was split in two.

            "Well…" Ken said. "This is kind of a week speech, but…goodbye? Anyway…I have something I wanna give each of you…of my…stuff…"

            "Okay." Ken took out a whole bunch of junk. "Iori, I want you to have this." It was a crumpled piece of paper. What significance could that hold?

            But the younger ones, Hikari, Miyako, Daisuke, and Takeru, all seemed to know what it was. "Merry Christmas…my song for you…" Hikari sang under her breath.

            "What is it?" I whispered to her.

            "It's an invitation to a Christmas party Ken had. It was sort of a thing between them."

            "Oh, okay."

            Iori took the paper. "Thank you…"

            "Takeru?" Ken said. "For you…I have this." He held out a cup of pudding. "You seem to like this so much. And I couldn't really think of anything else."

            "Thanks." Takeru said. "I will never eat this pudding." Takeru was staring at Ken.

            This is weird stuff. He gave Hikari a stuffed cat. They both shared the same love for felines. Miyako a piece of paper. One word. Gomenasai.

            The other side: About Daisuke, you know.

            Oh, he was sorry that Daisuke chose him over her.

            Koushiro got a floppy disk. "Look at it later."

            Koushiro nodded.

            "Mimi." He handed me something. "It's…my mom forced me to learn to knit and um, here." He handed me this beautiful baby blanket. "For your baby."

            I smiled. "Thank you."

            He gave Sora an ice cube. "Uh…thanks…an ice cube. I will cherish this forever…"

            "You'll kill yourself with fire eventually. The ice cube is to remind you to be careful. It's not a real one, it's glass."

            "I see…"

            "Because, life is precious, yeah…and you don't wanna die…I don't think you do anyway."

            "Why an ice cube?"

            "Because it's the opposite of fire…well water is."

            "Okay. Thanks Ken."

            He gave Taichi and Yamato a list of why it was wonderful they were a couple now. It was sweet.

            He gave Jyou a roll of dollar bills. "You and Mimi are going to need this."

            "Thank you." Jyou said.

            He gave Jun a book.

            "Daisuke?" Ken said. "I have something to give you. I hope you like it."

            Then he pulled Daisuke closed to him, and kissed him for what seemed like hours. "I love you…I love you…I love you…"
            He began to cry. "I love you…" He whispered.

            "I wish I could die in your place. I love you to, so much…" Daisuke said.

            I felt it was a good time to leave, and so did everyone else. We all left, but Daisuke.

            Actually, I stayed. I watched them from the stairs. I had never seen such a beautiful display of love. I sat down.

            Then, they began undressing each other, and having their first, and only, sex.

            Now I really felt I should leave.

            It was wrong to be here.

            The next day I received word that Ken was dead. His funeral was next week.

            The world is full of hurt.

            The day of Ken's funeral was the day of my child's birth. So Jyou and I did not attend.

            The pain of the labor was excruciating, but I had endured worse, much worse.

            I took my first look at my baby. A boy.

            Jyou and I agreed, only one name seemed appropriate.


            But we had a problem now.

            How were we to raise this child, without even a home?

            Would the money Jyou'd been given be enough for a home?

            We counted it out, and it was more then we'd expected. It was Ken's life-savings, and he gave it all for us. It was about $5000. We could rent out a small apartment, and if we got jobs, we would make it.


            Sora came to visit us in our new apartment. She was holding Baby Ken. "He's adorable. And it was really great of you to name him Ken."

            "It just seemed really appropriate." Jyou said.

            Sora smiled. "Jyou, good job on not blowing your brains out about this."

            "Thank you."

            "So how're you guys holding up?"

            "We're fine." I said. "Better then before."

            "You're surviving? Money-wise?"
            "Uh huh."

            "It's to bad really."


            "Your lives had to come to this. Living in a crummy little apartment with a baby."

            "Sora, you don't understand. I'm–we're–" I indicated Jyou and me. "We're happy now."

            "Really?" Sora stared at us, at our lives. "This makes you happy? Mimi you're a high school dropout, you have a baby…need I say more?"

            Sora would never understand. It was no use trying.

            I took my baby back.

            Sora left.

            Jyou looked at me. "I love you."

            "I love you to."

            I walked by Daisuke's place. Jun opened the door. "Hey."

            "Hi Jun. Daisuke here?"

            "Yeah. What do you want him for?"

            "I want to see how he's doing, since, you know…Ken."

            "He's doing pretty bad. See for yourself."

            I walked into his room. He was lying in bed, looking at a photograph of Ken. "Ken-chan…" He moaned.

            "Dai? You okay?" I said, cuddling Baby Ken.

            Daisuke looked at me with sorrowful eyes. "Hi…that your baby?"

            "Whats his name?"


            "Ken…?" Daisuke's face lit up for a minute, then he plunged back into his pool of sadness.

            "We thought it would be appropriate, cause, well, you know."

            He nodded. "Can I hold him?"

            I handed the baby to Daisuke. He held Baby Ken like his life depended on it.

            After about fifteen minutes, Baby Ken started to cry. I tried to pick him up, but Daisuke held on tight.

            They were both sobbing. The baby, because that's what babies do, and Daisuke, for the unspeakable loss he had suffered. "Dai? Can I have my baby back?"
            "Ken…" Daisuke said, almost robotically.

            I let him hold the baby. He needed it, and I would get Baby Ken back. Daisuke just needed to hold him a little longer.