A/N: I... am ON something... I dunno what, but I have to be. Someone must be slipping something into my food. Ok I know this one is highly goofy and of course there is going to be a bit of oocness because... there is really no way this idea could be pulled off with everyone completely in character. But I did my best. Also, I plead insanity, because I really haven't gotten more than two hours of sleep per night for the past five days. I'm surprised I'm still functioning at all. Will probably keep this craziness a one-shot unless anyone wants more.

Disclaimer: I own nothing...

Summary: Matt gets Mello the absolute, hands down, best birthday gift ever. MelloxNear with Matt and Mello friendship.

Title: Happy Birthday

Sunlight streamed in elegant rays through the window of the first floor playroom. A small, pale boy in white pajamas was sitting with one knee drawn into his chest and the other folded beneath him. He was, as was his habit, twirling a lock of soft snow white hair around a finger. The bare beginnings of a blank puzzle sat in front of him, and he appeared to be delicately putting it together using the hand not occupied with his hair.

There was a soft knock on the door of the room, which confused Near slightly. After all, it was a playroom. Knocking was unnecessary. Nonetheless, it would be rude not to invite whoever it was to enter.

"Come in." Near called gently. The door swung open and a normally boisterous red-head wearing goggles, worn jeans, and a striped shirt stepped into the room.

"Hey Near, what's up?" Matt smiled affably. Near raised an eyebrow, he was interested enough even to redirect his attention from the puzzle entirely onto the other boy.

"Why are you here? And why did you knock?" Near asked bluntly. Matt scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Heh, yeah. Well, you're in here more than anyone else, so it's practically your room and I thought it would be polite to knock." Matt explained. Near considered this. He supposed it was possible that Matt actually was polite and his manners had simply remained unnoticed due to his constantly being in the presence of Mello, who had little to no regard for others. Then again...

"You didn't answer my first question." Near pointed out. "But I've guessed, you're here to ask for something, correct? That's why you decided to be 'polite' as you put it." Matt grinned.

"You caught me." The red head spread his arms out, "so, would you lend me a hand?"

"You haven't told me what exactly it is you want yet." Near observed.

"Can't you guess?" Matt suggested. Near thought about it.

"Well, judging from the fact that Mello is not with you, I would deduce that it has something to do with him. Considering this also happens to be Mello's birthday, the odds of that being the case increase drastically." Near replied. Matt nodded brightly.

"Yep! I need help to get him a present!" Matt beamed, and a small voice inside Near started setting off warning bells. Even Matt, who was usually pretty bouncy, was never quite this smiley.

"Why do you need my help? Mello hates me." Near said. "You can get someone else."

"But that's just it, I need you and you specifically." Matt insisted.

"Matt, why?" Near stressed. Matt became very interested in his feet.

"It just... Look Near, I had an idea that I know will be the best birthday present it's possible to get for Mello, are you going to help me or not?" Matt pleaded. Near stared, inwardly conflicting. On the one hand Matt seemed sincere, and despite Mello's anger at Near, the albino really had nothing against the blonde. Indeed, Near respected and even liked Mello for being the only one around who was on his intellectual level. But Matt still hadn't clarified what exactly this present he needed help with was, nor why it was necessary for Near to be the one involved.

"I'll give you my allowance for a month." Matt offered. Near stopped, all the toys he'd be able to buy running through his mind. That clinched it. Whatever this was about, it had to be worth it.

"Alright. What do you need?" Near said. Matt grinned like a maniac, leaned out of the room to grab something he'd left against the wall outside the door, and pulled back holding an object that would have made most people immediately withdraw from the deal.

"I still don't understand why this would be 'the best present ever.' Certainly it will be amusing to him, but beyond that it seems rather useless." Near tugged at the sleeves of his current outfit.

"No, trust me, he'll love it." Matt assured the smaller boy. Near had been surprisingly amenable to the plan once assured that it would be only Matt, Mello, and Near himself in on it. No one else was involved and there would be no cameras. Matt had sworn on his aptitude as a gamer and there was, when it came to Matt, no higher or more holy oath. Although Near had drawn the line at singing. A boy had to maintain some semblance of dignity.

It really wasn't so bad though. Matt had only snickered once when Near had walked out of the bathroom, and the apparel was actually quite comfortable.

"Great, now stay right there, I'm going to go get him." Matt said. Near shrugged and nodded.

"Fine." Matt walked backwards towards the door, as though afraid to take his eyes off Near lest the other boy disappear into thin air. "Be right back." And Matt was gone. Near sighed and turned towards the window. The room was on the second floor, and he was a good distance back, so there was no chance of anyone peeping in. Near shuffled his feet and tugged at the sleeves again. Suddenly this didn't seem like such a good deal...

"Mello! Mello!" Matt shot into the room he shared with the blonde at roughly the speed of sound. Mello looked up from his homework, the last piece of a chocolate bar sticking out from his mouth.

"Uh..." Mello shoved the rest of the chocolate in, chewed, and swallowed. "What's up Matt?"

"You have to come, right away!" Matt was grinning like a cheshire cat, and had the appearance of one who has consumed a large amount of caffeine in a short amount of time. Mello slid off his bed, deciding that disagreeing with a Matt this hyper might get... messy.

"Okay..." Mello began cautiously. "Why?" Matt looked exasperated.

"What, is that the word of the day or something? Just come! I got you a birthday present!" Matt pointed to the door excitedly. Mello raised an eyebrow.

"So just bring it up here."

"No!" Matt shook his head furiously. "I can't. But trust me, it's awesome. You'll love it. Now hurry the hell up!" Mello considered, and decided that if it were a trap or something then he could just beat the crap out of Matt later.

"Alright, alright. Keep your hair on." Mello walked over and Matt immediately sprang out the door, making gestures to follow him. Mello sighed wearily, and complied. This had better be good.

They walked down the hallway, Matt was quivering with anticipation about whatever it was. Mello began to catch a bit of his friend's excitement.

"You didn't have to get me a present you know..." Mello smiled affectionately.

"I know, but I just had to. It was too good an idea to pass up." Matt stopped in front of one of the currently empty rooms in the orphanage. "Alright, it's in here." Mello stepped forward curiously, and Matt pushed open the door.

Near heard the low sound of the door slipping open, and turned around.

Mello's jaw dropped.

In the room, surrounded by a halo of golden light from the window behind him, stood Near. In a dress.

It was an elegant off-the-shoulder affair that maintained a cock-tail party theme with a short, bouncy skirt. It was a sky blue that emphasized Near's natural white-ness, and clung neatly to his hips just before the skirt fanned out. And Near was blushing, ever so slightly, the fingers of his right hand rising up to tug at his soft hair.

"Matt." Mello said tightly.

"Yeah...?" Matt replied nervously.

"Best. Present. Ever."

"Yeah!" Matt grinned.

"Now go away please."

"Yessir!" Matt obediently high-tailed it back down the hallway. Mello moved into the room and hastily closed the door behind him.

"So... How did he talk you into this?"

"Promised me his allowance for a month..."

"Ah." Mello surveyed Near, taking the entire scene in. It was just plain surreal. Near's blush deepened a shade.

"Do I look that ridiculous?"

"What?" Mello blinked. Near stepped forward.

"You're staring, I look awful, right?" Near said blandly, tugging at one of his sleeves. He didn't seem too concerned, despite the blush he sounded liked his normal emotionally stunted self. Mello loved it.

"Are you kidding?" The blonde asked in shock.

"There's no need to be mean." Near pointed out. Mello shook his head.

"No, I meant... You look... amazing." Mello reached out and tugged Near's hand away from the sleeve. Near was startled by this and looked up, his monotone expression lost.

"H-huh?" He replied intelligently. Mello smiled and lightly pulled Near's arm, bringing him closer, then leaning forward to whisper directly into Near's ear.

"You look amazing." Mello repeated. Near turned his head and pressed his lips against Mello's, who froze up.

"Thank you." Near murmured against the older boy's mouth.

Matt was waiting on his bed, too anxious even to play video games, when Mello walked in whistling.

"Hi Mel."

"Matt!" Mello ran forward and hugged the red-head so tightly that Matt seriously thought he was going to suffocate for a moment. Then Mello bounced back, throwing himself on his own bed and beaming a smile that rivaled Matt's earlier grins.

"Did I ever tell you what a completely awesome best friend you are?"

"Uh..." Matt was speechless. He had figured out Mello's crush a long time ago, but he hadn't predicted this positive a reaction. "Not really..."

"Well you are. You're the best friend ever." Mello pulled a chocolate bar out of the drawer in the sidetable next to his bed, and turned to his homework humming tunelessly. Matt felt somewhat dazed for a few moments, and contemplated going to find Near to ask what the hell had exactly happened to make his best friend... nice. Ultimately he decided that he probably did not want to know.

Besides, he didn't think he'd be able to keep it together if it turned out Near was acting the same way.

Meanwhile, Roger walked by the first floor playroom. He stopped in his tracks for a moment, listening hard, then continued on thoughtfully.

"Surely not..." The caretaker said to himself. "No... that couldn't have been humming."


A/N: lol that was obscenely fun. As much as I dislike Near, I have to admit... the boy would look damn adorable in a dress. Comments? Thoughts? Criticisms? Review please!