Disclaimer: I Don't Own FMA In Any Way.
Rating: PG—PG-13 Due To Language.
A/N: My first songfic :) Be kind with reviews and enjoy.
Edward trudged through the snow alone that night. The winters in Resembol didn't last very long but, hell, they were strong. He was currently struggling with the knee-high snow as he walked. He felt so alone and like crap right now, mainly because he and Winry had gotten into a fight this day. To him, it was rather meaningless but, apparently to Winry, it had meant a lot. He sighed and saw his breath before him like a ghost; there for a moment and then gone. Much like his current situation; one he cared for was with him and, now, gone.
He should have felt happy; he really should have. He had returned earlier that day with Alphonse in the flesh and him still with Automail. But, his argument with the Rockbell mechanic continued ringing in his head. It had started when the two brothers' were in Ed's room, talking. They were having a conversation about how Ed's limbs still needed to be found.
Ed had told Al that he no longer cared for his real limbs; he was just grateful to have his sibling back in the flesh. Sadly, Al blamed himself for his brother's Automail limb, seeing as the elder Elric's flesh arm was sacrificed in order to bind the younger's soul to a suit of armor in the past. Edward told him not to worry and that and that, if they did manage to find a way to get his limbs back, they would try it. For Al's sake and peace of mind, it worked. The elder Alchemist had told Al that only to make the younger feel better, only to look down upon his Automail and whisper something.
"Nothing could ever truly replace my real limbs, after all." That was the moment that Winry had walked in to see how they were and immediately sent daggers to the blonde ahead of her. She instantaneously threw her wrench; the one Ed bought her when they were younger, towards his head. He had fallen but abruptly stood up and yelled at her, telling her it was just Automail and that it didn't matter; it was just a hunk of metal and wires. Winry huffed out a breath a she took back her tool.
"You jerk," she muttered to him before running off to her own room. The Alchemist tried apologizing, though he wasn't sure why he should, but Winry only ignored him, telling to 'screw off!' and a few other things as well. He growled and raced downstairs. Grabbing his long, red coat with the white-furred collar, and his black headband with the small red insignia of his teacher, Izumi, in the bottom left corner of his forehead, he left out into the snow to cool his own jets.
He should've been happy; why should he care about Winry's crazy mentality? It was just Automail after all, right? But Ed wasn't happy. His mind was mixed with confused emotions and was unable to comprehend what the Rockbell's problem was.
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
This is all I need, he thought, trying to convince himself. I'm home with my brother; the season is beautiful and everything is just right, he bowed his head slightly and sighed once more. "This is My December," he mumbled in the darkness as he continued trekking through the snow. "But why does it feel so wrong?"
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
What is wrong with that girl? He asked himself. What did I miss? What did I say? He questioned himself. The blonde just couldn't figure it; he knew that Winry loved Automail but why did this suddenly insult her so much? He had never insulted her works maybe that was it. But still, she would've managed that, right?
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
What did I say to make her angry at me? He continued questioning himself. It couldn't have been the Automail, could it? She couldn't have gotten so mad just because of that, right? He felt so lost and confused. But why did he care so much about it? It was just Winry after all. He figured she would get over it after she let off some steam, right?
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
What did I do? The Elric just couldn't figure it out. Maybe, he wondered. It wasn't the Automail, he pondered. "Maybe…" Ed whispered to no one but himself. "Maybe she's upset…because I can't accept it…" it left a bitter taste on his tongue. The Alchemist pulled up his right arm and clenched his metal fist.
"She hates me," he whispered sadly. "All because…because her work could never replace the real thing." He bowed his head, his golden hair shadowing over his eyes. The tiniest of tears slipped through his left eye, leaving a cold whip on his face due to the weather.
Take back all the
Things I said to you
His shoulders trembled sadly. He finally understood. Winry wanted him to stay and, if she could, she could make an Automail that could replace his real arm. Because he muttered something that was meant for no one else's ears, they were both paying for it. The Elric looked back to the two-story, light-yellow home.
He suddenly wished he could run to her. He wished that he could just take back everything he told her. The Alchemist yearned to just run up to her and run into her arms, apologizing for everything he's done to her; past and present.
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
I can't go back, he thought miserably. Winry's never gonna forgive me for what I said…even if it was an accident, he shut his eyes tight, causing small, cold, crystalline tears to roll down his cheeks. "I'd give anything to go back home," he mumbled in a heartbreaking voice.
"I have nowhere to go…"
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
I just want to back to her…She didn't deserve all of that, his thoughts sounded cracked as his shoulders continued to tremble and his clenched fist turned his flesh knuckles white. "I'd give anything to go back to her."
This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need
The teen looked up to the snow-covered trees surrounding him.
"This is my December," he mumbled sadly. I thought this was all I needed…I was just kidding myself, his miserable thoughts echoed in his mind.
This was all I needed, the blonde explained to himself. I was wrong, he sighed once again; how could he have thought that this was it? That the snow-covered things around him could replace the raw love he felt for Winry? Nothing could ever take that girl's place. He was pretending that it was what he needed but he was just lying to himself, just as he had lied to her about it being just Automail.
He forced himself to continue walking before he reached a lake in the surrounding forest with a tree right next to him. The lake looked frozen over, just perfectly enough for the Elric to look at his reflection in the ice; it disgusted him. He broke Winry's heart and, now, they were both paying for it; he couldn't possibly go back and the Rockbell mechanic was probably crying up in her room, alone and miserable. How could he have done that to her? How could he have been so heartless? The blonde could just hear the harshness in his voice from the moment it happened.
The Alchemist leaned his metal shoulder on the tree next to him and stared at the shining, frozen lake ahead of him. The teen sighed once more as he closed his eyes and listened to his surroundings. He could hear the light sound of snow falling from branches in the distance. The Elric leaned his head onto the trunk of the tree; eyes still closed, he simply listened to his own breathing. His breath could be seen as a fog in front of his face before it mingled with the cold and merciless wind.
"Edward!" he thought he heard Winry cry out as he shot his head up. He looked around but heard no footsteps and saw no one around him. A breath escaped his lips as he placed his head back onto the trunk of the tree.
"Oh great," he mumbled into the darkness as he closed his eyes once more. Now I'm hearing things.
"Edward!!" It sounded closer this time but Ed only opened his eyes this time, waiting to hear if he would listen to it again. He heard nothing for a moment and watched as the snow fell lightly around him.
"Edward!!!" it came again; this one was definitely close and had more substance to it. He could hear hard footsteps as well. The blonde Alchemist's eyes saddened as he pulled a leg behind him.
"Winry?" he mumbled as he, slowly, looked over his shoulder with depressed eyes before turning around fully. A figure was running towards him; he could see it was fairly close. He recognized the form as Winry, a black jacket wrapped around her body with a white shirt under and mere black jeans covering her legs with black boots. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Was he imagining this?
He crossed that out as a possibility the moment the Rockbell launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around his waist while burying her face into the warm crook of his neck. Had it not been for the Elric's strong composure, they probably would've fallen onto the ground. For a few moments, neither said anything but stayed very still. Ed's eyes were wide in shock while Winry's were closed shut with trails of tears along her cheeks as she held the teen tighter.
"W-Winry?" Edward stuttered finally while keeping his arms to his sides. The Rockbell nuzzled her nose into his neck, breathing in a deep intake of his scent.
"I'm so sorry, Ed," she whispered to him lowly. "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?" the Elric Alchemist questioned curiously a she looked down to her. "What are you sorry about?" The Rockbell pulled away from him; keeping her hands on his chest unknowingly, she looked into his eyes, ignoring the light pink across his cheeks.
"Al explained everything," Winry told him and sniffled a bit. "He said that you didn't care that you had Automail limbs and were just happy that he was back in his own body." Ed looked away from her as his blush increased. "He said that you were just thinking of your real limbs when you said that you guys would take a shot at getting them back if you found a way to do it," she explained to him, her hands clutching onto the black shirt under his coat. "That you didn't mean what you said."
The blonde Alchemist shrugged and continued looking away.
"You didn't have to apologize, Win," he said to her silently.
"Yes I did," the girl immediately disagreed. "You deserve to be apologized to sometimes too, you know," she told him. "Besides," she continued softly. "I think we both said some stuff that we didn't mean." The formal Fullmetal shrugged yet again.
"I guess you're right," he admitted anxiously. Winry smiled slightly at him.
"My ears are open," she told him. "And it's just you and me." The elder Elric shrugged for the umpteenth time, unsure if he would be so willing to finally open up to her.
"I thought I meant what I said," he began finally. "But, after I thought about it out here…I realized that I was a jerk back there." He turned his head towards her and forced himself to lock eyes with her. "It wasn't the Automail, was it?" his voice was low and threatening to crack. Winry never looked away from him; his eyes were so sad yet so comforting.
"How'd you figure?" she asked of him.
"You're not so easily insulted, Winry," he explained quietly. "I've know you long enough to learn that about you." He paused for a moment and simply stared into her eyes, awaiting her reply. The girl offered a small smile but it quickly faded as she ripped her gaze away from his soul-burning eyes and, once again, wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. It stayed silent for what felt like forever as the snow around them fell in its light reign.
"You think I can't accept it, don't you?" the Elric Alchemist asked subtly. Winry's eyes widened and she pulled away and looked him in the eyes once more, keeping her arms around him.
"What do you mean?" she interrogated curiously and nervously.
"Automail," Ed whispered back to her. "You think I can't accept it, don't you?" Winry said nothing but her eyes said it all; more than she could ever say herself. The young man sighed.
"Winry," he uttered her name tensely. "I accepted these limbs the moment I could walk and hold stuff with them," he told her. "I didn't show it because I thought I could get my arm and leg back, even though I knew that was too much to ask for." The teen's voice was shaky at best. He looked away from her and looked for the right words in his head.
"I wasn't gonna let my limbs be the first thing to be restored; so, even if it killed me, Al would keep going, with his body in tow," he said and then looked up to her. "And now I've gotten myself into another mistake," he whispered as he reached a gloved metallic hand up and cupped her cheek. "I never meant to hurt you, Win; not now and not ever…but I guess that boat sailed a long time ago…" he rubbed his thumb against her cheek, drying the cold streaks of tears that could still be seen slightly. "You don't need to apologize, Winry," he explained to her. "And you don't need to accept my apology either."
His words, so soft was his voice, caused fresh tears to well in Winry's eyes. Her left eye shed a small drop which rolled down and absorbed into Ed's glove. They were possessed with each other; their eyes seemed locked together, never to tear away from one another.
"Edward," the Rockbell whispered finally. Her eyes shut tight and she recoiled herself to his warm, firm chest, holding him as if holding on for dear life. The Elric's arms trembled for a moment before finally deciding to put his arms around her, gently.
"Of course I accept your apology, Ed," the girl in his arms told him suddenly. The Alchemist's eyes widened slightly as he looked down to her.
"You have every right to reject it, Winry," he said to her, unbelieving of what she told him. "I won't hate you for it."
"No," the mechanic turned down immediately as she pulled him into her once more. "I won't reject your apology, Ed; you deserve that much from me. You just didn't know, it wasn't your fault," she told him as she cuddled with him further. The blonde Elric smiled slightly and, slowly, hugged her back, placing his head on hers and holding her, lovingly, around her small waist. They could feel the warmth radiating off one another. Winry was especially grateful for this, seeing as she was only covered in some clothes of hers that weren't made for this weather.
"You're so warm," she whispered to him absentmindedly. The Alchemist's eyes widened and blush increased to a darker crimson instead of a light pink.
"Beg your pardon?" he asked, skeptical.
"You're really warm," the mechanic repeated once again, cuddling her face deeper into his neck. It was then that Ed took note of Winry's weak attire. He chose not to argue, seeing as she was probably in a hurry to see him when she dressed. The blonde simply held her tighter, resting his head on hers and giving her as much body heat as he humanly could. Winry pulled her arms around his back and looked up to the branches of the trees. What she saw tied to one of the branches above caused her eyes to widen and her cheeks to redden.
It had smallish green leaves with some shiny, red; berry-like objects stuck to it in bunches of three or four. It was mistletoe, in other words. During the holidays, those little plants were hung in the doorways of homes and even tied to branches of nearby trees, in order to get everyone in the spirit of the season. How ironic that they ended up under one of said trees.
"Ed?" she whispered, still looking up to the small plant.
"Yeah, Win?" the Alchemist replied, almost contently. The Rockbell didn't reply but pulled away from him, her hands resting, gently, upon his chest as her gaze stayed on the mistletoe above them. Ed frowned slightly; why would she want to pull away from such a sweet moment between them? He gave her a look which was a mix of annoyance and curiosity. When she didn't look back to him, he followed her gaze up to what she was staring at.
It only caused his eyes to widen and his breath to get caught in his throat. He had already seen some of the townspeople when they were under that little red-berried plant and hoped he would never end up under one. Though, luck was in his favor this time; it wasn't as if he didn't want to kiss Winry. The question was, did she want to kiss him? Ed silently swallowed a lump that formed in his throat.
Finally, the two blondes ripped their gaze away from the plant and looked to each other, unintentionally ending up with their eyes locked. It was silent as they looked into each other's eyes and watched the breath in front of them.
"Um," The Elric broke the silence first. "Winry…I…" he trailed off, not sure to whether kiss her or explain that it was a complete coincidence.
"I don't think we could get outta this one, Ed," the Rockbell said quietly as she smiled a bit at him. The Alchemist's eyes widened slightly but only for a moment.
"Tradition's tradition," he told her. "It's…not right to break tradition." It was Winry's turn to widen her eyes; since when did Ed follow tradition?
"I guess," she agreed quietly. They looked each other in the eyes; Ed took Winry's arms in his own as did Winry in turn. Their eyes fell, half-lidded, but filled with worriment; what would happen to their friendship after this? Would it even be enough to be called a friendship? Or with be nothing more but an acquaintanceship?
Nevertheless, they brought their faces closer to each other before their lips finally brushed, lightly, against each other and they kissed for only a moment before slowly pulling away. Their eyes remained half-lidded and their lips only millimeters away from one another. Edward was yearning to keep going; to intensify something sweet into something loving and passionate. The girl in his arms was wishing for the same thing but neither was sure if they should. So, they acted on their desire; they, simultaneously, closed their eyes and pulled their lips together once more.
They let themselves into each other, exploring whatever they could and gradually intensifying it. Ed was the first, though, to carefully pull his arms away and wrap them around the mechanic's back. Winry slid her arms up his chest and around his neck, her fingers mingling with his fur collar and then his hair, which was tied in a high ponytail. Ed put as much passion as he possibly could into that kiss, hoping that Winry felt the same way that he was feeling right now. Winry had to keep from smiling at his eagerness. Not only that, but she had noted that the Elric was taller than her.
They finally pulled away when they realized that couldn't live without breathing. They were blushing and panting slightly for breath. They held a smile towards each other but Ed frowned and looked away. He then pulled away from her and walked past her before stopping and clutching his hands into fists.
"C'mon, Win…let's go…" he mumbled anxiously. Winry looked over to him worriedly.
"Edward?" she asked quietly.
"I said c'mon!" he said, hinted with a bit of anger as he refused to look back at her. The Automail tech slowly walked behind him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He immediately flinched from the touch.
"Ed," she said nervously. "What's wrong?" The young man looked over his shoulder to her, his eyes filled with sadness.
"I…I'm s-sorry I…kissed you…after the first time, I mean…" he whispered apologetically.
"Why? I…I didn't mind," the mechanic said silently as she smiled and blushed. The blonde Alchemist's eyes widened and his cheeks felt a little warm. He turned saddened once again though.
"I'm sorry because…" his voice trailed off a moment. "Because I don't deserve someone like you." His words caused Winry's eyes to widen and quickly run in front of him. Placing her hands on his chest, she looked him in the eye.
"You can't be saying that, Ed," she pleaded of him. The golden-blonde simply looked away from her, sighing, closing his eyes and lowering his head somewhat.
"You'd rather listen to your past than listen to your feelings," the blonde mechanic stated sorrowfully. The Elric's eyes closed tightly and he looked back to her. He gathered all his courage and pushed pride away for what he would tell her next.
"I love you, Winry," his voice was low, his words making Winry's eyes widen once again. Ed knew in that moment that their friendship was probably lost. "But I can't allow you to be seen with a person they call a sinner." The girl looked at him for a moment before closing her eyes shut, tears fleeing from her blue orbs.
"No!" she yelled at him, clutching his shirt harder and pulling him closer. "Why can't you just accept that you have feelings for someone else and not let your past get it the way!?" she demanded. Ed was surprised but looked away from her. "Why can't you just put it all behind you!?" The Elric closed his eyes and became stern. He mumbled something quietly, barely audible to a whisper. The Rockbell mechanic widened her eyes slightly.
"What'd you say?" she questioned nervously, wondering if she had heard him right.
"I said that I already put it behind me!" the Alchemist replied fiercely as he looked to her with glaring eyes. "But just because I did, doesn't mean everyone else has!" he explained heatedly. "I can't let you be with someone like me because no one has, nor ever will, forget what I did! Do you realize what I'd probably do to your reputation if we were seen together!?" his voice commanded. Winry stared at him in wide-eyed amazement but became firm.
"I don't care what other's think, Ed; all I know is that I care deeply for you…and now, I know you feel the same for me," she told him, strictly at first but then softened. The blonde Alchemist's eyes widened and he suddenly felt like an idiot. He should've known that Winry wouldn't care what others think if she truly cared for him, which she did.
"Winry…I…I don't know what...I'm sorry," he finally said anxiously and looked away, not wanting to meet the girl's eyes.
"Stop saying you're sorry," Winry said as she gently forced him to look to her with her left hand upon his cheek. "Forgive yourself and get on with your life." Ed sighed.
"I can't stop saying I'm sorry," he told her quietly. "But I can forgive myself for what I've done." He offered a tiny smile and the Automail mechanic smiled back a bit herself before pulling him into an embrace. It fell silent; only the sounds of the wind could be heard. It was in that moment, though, that Winry realized just how cold it really was; she had been too emotionally hurt over the whole situation to be able to pay any mind to it. But, now, a cold, merciless wind whipped about them and she shivered against Ed, holding him tighter for warmth.
The Elric looked down at her, worried.
"Win?" he asked.
"It's…really cold," she replied, praying that he wouldn't pull away. Ed's eyes widened and he quickly thought of a way to warm her and take her back home to a warm fire. For a moment, he pulled away from her. Winry hugged herself and rubbed her arms for warmth. Suddenly, she felt something being draped over her and she was swept off her feet and into Ed's arms, bridal style. The elder Elric smiled warmly at her. The mechanic looked down upon herself and saw that Ed had put his tough coat over her, the fur around her arms and the rest, around her body.
The young man had but a black sweater for protection.
"C'mon," he said. "Let's get outta here before we catch a cold." With that, he began walking off, back in the direction of their home; holding Winry snugly in his arms and taking the cold for her.
This really is My December, he thought contently as a smile graced his lips.
A/N: O…M…G…I can't believe how long this friggin' oneshot is!!! .-. I am so sorry to anybody who reads this -dies- I would also like to say that, I know it's a songfic…and I know it's not great…but, please, be kind with comments; it is my first songfic after all DX Wrote this story for the upcoming holidays :) Just so you know.
By the way, song is 'My December' and it belongs Linkin Park, not me.
Might write a sequel but, for now, it's complete :)