For my amiga Fe…and for all you others who just keep telling me to write more oneshots.
Disclaimer: I don't own it sillies.
"Joanne, Joanne, Joanne!" Maureen yelled from the living room early one morning.
"What, what, what?" Joanne responded from the study, busy working on a new case.
"Guess how many days there are 'till Christmas?" The excited diva walked into the office totally forgetting that Joanne was working, closed her laptop, and sat on the desk.
Joanne sighed, "Honeybear, I was working you know…"
"Oh really? Sorry. Um, yeah. Well anyways, guess how many days!!!"
Joanne calculated the time until Christmas, "I don't know…17 days?"
"Nope!! Wait…oh, you're right. SEVENTEEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS Pookie!!!" Joanne couldn't help but smirk; she loved it when Maureen got this excited about the holidays.
"So what do you want me to get you Honeybear?"
"Ummm" Maureen furrowed her brow concentrating really hard on what the perfect gift from Joanne would be. There was so much she could ask for, and knowing Joanne, she'd get whatever she wanted plus some…this was sure to be a tough decision.
"I want…I want sex!"
"Sex?" Joanne asked Maureen, not really surprised but at the same time surprised but the answer.
"Yep. Sex. I believe that it is the perfect gift to show how much you love me on Christmas…and boy, am I gonna wear you out baby…"
"Oooh, sounds fun. If you're sure that sex is what you want…then I guess I can find a way to get it for you."
Maureen hugged Joanne, "You're the best Pookie ever! So what do you want for Christmas?"
"Hmmm…world peace. You wanna go assassinate the president for me?"
"Woot! Go Pookie!! Getting mean and nasty up in here!"
Joanne laughed and ended her laughter in a kiss, "Maureen do you know what would be really, really amazing right about now?"
"You going down on me?" the diva asked in all innocence.
"No…well, yes, but no. You wanna go Christmas Caroling?"
Maureen looked at Joanne like she had 29 eyes. "In the east village?"
"Sure! Why couldn't we go?"
"Well, in the first place, its cold as the dickens. Secondly, who the hell has a house for us to knock on the door and sing to? No one. This is not The Hamptons Joanne, it's the City."
"So what? It could be fu-uunnn…come on Maureen, let's go!" Still the diva did not seemed convinced that caroling in 12 degree weather was a good idea. "We can invite Collins and Angel…"
Maureen cheered up at the sound of her best friend's name, "Okay! Can we invite Marky, Mimi, and Roger too?"
"Why not? We can make it an entire boho Christmas Caroling session," the lawyer replied smiling.
Maureen was super excited about this and you could tell as she called everyone and informed them where to meet and when. As she was making phone calls, Joanne was packing a basket of everything that would be needed to keep the 6 other bohemians happy during what might end up being a long tedious day. She packed 7 individual thermoses of hot chocolate, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine, and extra stash in case Collins forgot his, extra camera batteries for Mark, gloves and scarves for Mimi and Angel to make sure they stayed extra warm, and she packed some Midol for the ever PMS-ing Roger. Joanne herself would try to keep Maureen under control, but you could never tell. Everyone was taken care of now and it was time for them to be off. First stop, Tent City.
"So…" Maureen said sitting on Collins' shoulders, "who knows the words to some Christmas carols?"
"Not me," Roger said.
"Me either," Mimi replied.
"I know some Spanish ones…" Angel suggested.
Collins shook his head, "How come we can't sing any Kwanzaa songs huh?"
"Um…wow, I don't know any either," Joanne said scratching her head. Everyone looked at Mark for suggestions.
"Don't look at me, I'm a Jew! We can sing the 'Dreidel Song' but I'm sure that's not what people would expect to hear…"
"Well, this is successful…" Maureen said, "Joanne, I thought you said this was gonna be fun!"
"It is…or it would be if we knew songs. Come on; make some up or something guys. You all are fricken artists for Pete's sake…come up with something…" Suddenly there was this really weird ringing sound in the background. It sounded like…bells. And they were coming from out of now where!
Collins started bobbing his head, "Christmas bells are ringing!'
Roger and Mark joined, "Christmas bells are ringing!
Joanne, Angel, Maureen, and Mimi joined in with the guys, "Christmas bells are singing! On TV! At Saks!"
They all looked around at each other like they were crazy, "Where they hell did that come from?" Maureen asked.
"I don't know…but it was AWESOME!" Roger replied.
"Hell yeah, and I got it on tape!"
Angel went and wrapped her arms around Collins' strong chest, "Collins?"
"Is it me or does that feel like it was déjà vu?"
Collins nodded, "I know what you mean," Maureen was still singing and bouncing on Collins neck so he had to ask her to get off, "Mo! If you're gonna bounce like a fuckin' fool can you at least get off my back first?"
"Well sorry Mister Sensitive Back," Maureen hotly replied while getting off Collins' back.
"So yeah Angel, I feel like Benny should pop out somewhere telling us we owe him rent…you know?"
All of a sudden, Benjamin Coffin III popped up from behind a tent smiling.
"Nice singing guys," he said keeping the smile on his lips.
"Too freaky," Mimi said walking over to stand behind Roger.
"So…can I come caroling with you guys? Allison kicked me out of the house again. I'm kinda bored."
"So what? Why should we let you come with us you asshole?" Mimi asked from behind Roger.
"Still bitter are we Mimi? Well how about this…if you guys let me come with you for just tonight, I will buy you all Christmas dinner."
Angel's ears perked up, "Christmas dinner? Like the turkey, the dressing, the green beans and all? Like everything everything for real?"
"Everything," Benny replied.
"Hmm…Meems, maybe we should let him come with us," Joanne suggested "It would be nice to not steal our food this year don't you agree?"
"Yeah…I always feel so bad after that," Angel said with regret in her voice.
"Aww chica you're so nice!" Mimi said as she hugged her best friend.
"Just don't pull any funny stuff Coffin, I'll beat your ass if you do," Roger threatened.
"And I won't tape it. So there will be no proof it ever happened," Mark added.
"Okay, okay…I'll be good!" Benny exclaimed raising his arms in defense.
Maureen sighed from Joanne's side, "Okayyyyy, it's settled…can we go now? I'm getting bored. And these people obviously don't appreciate our talent, they didn't even pay us."
"Maureen Lee Johnson!" Collins exclaimed, "They're homeless you idiot! They couldn't pay us if they wanted to."
Maureen snorted, "Well all the more reason to go somewhere else. Goodnight Tent City!!" Maureen yelled in a rock star fashion as the bohos and Benny left the vicinity.
As they walked away Mark started to hum as he looked at the sky and it began to snow. "And it's beginning to…"
Mimi and Roger joined next, "And it's beginning to…"
Collins, Angel, and Joanne joined last, "And it's beginning to…"
Maureen yelled out in a diva-ish manner: "Joanne which way to the next place?"