Clandestine

Chapter 4: Reprieve and a New Secret


Not even beseeching from the one I loved would stop me. I wasn't going to leave for good, but I had to have time alone. Running like a bat out of hell through the city, I rushed to the rooftop of a particular building where I sometimes snuck out to so I'd have time and space to think. It was in one of the corners of the rooftop where I planted myself and just let my sorrow flow out of me – I cried, I screamed and I pounded the surface beneath me. I didn't want to let anyone I knew see me in such a broken emotional state; never in all my life would I have guessed that this kind of pain would hurt so terribly, and it's a feeling I would never ever wish on anyone else – not even Raph, as much as I hated him at that moment.

I had no idea how long I'd been screaming, but I eventually tired myself out. My throat was sore and my hands had grown a bit tender from hitting the rough-textured roof, and I can't even describe how awful the pain in my face was. Getting punched with brass knuckles would have hurt less than this. I was a complete wreck and, worst of all, I felt alone; I didn't have the arms of the one I love to fall into like Donny had. As I sat and brooded like a moody teenager, I heard the sound of creaking going through the roof – someone was walking toward me, but I honestly didn't care who or what it was.

The shadow cast by this mysterious individual hovered over me, and I didn't care enough to look and see who it was. That is, of course, until I heard them speak.

"Goddammit, stop ignorin' me Leo!", I heard in a thick New York accent.

My eyes bolted open and my head went straight up. "Raph?? How'd you find me?", I asked through a broken voice.

"I've known you come here for a while now, Leo."

I diverted my eyes to the wall beside me – just anywhere that wasn't at my brother. He was knelt in front of me. "I heard what you and Donny were talkin' about back at home."

This was definitely not going to be pretty; I was already two seconds away from killing that asshole without this added torment. "Raph…if you came here to berate me about that, I swear to God I'll fucking kill you where you stand. You've got the one you love, so just leave me the hell alone." My voice was so ominous that it frightened even me.

"Is this why you've been so fuckin' mean to me the past week?"

At that point, I was irritated merely by my brother's presence…but I simply nodded at him. It took so much strength to keep myself from strangling him. The acrimony I felt toward him at that moment was too powerful for me to put into words. I was just waiting for him to start mouthing off to me – I was prepared to slit that bastard's throat, damned be what Sensei said.

My body was shaking and I still refused to look up at my brother. He didn't reach out and touch me or try to be too friendly because he most likely knew I was going to snap. He was quiet for quite a long time, but he eventually spoke. "Leo…I know you hate me right now, and I didn't come up here to rub this in your face."

I snorted at him, and he went on, trying his damnedest to sound sympathetic; I knew he was being sincere, but sounding like he is such is something he hasn't quite mastered yet. "I know you're mad and want to be alone, but I came up here just to say one thing." He paused. "It…it takes a lot to admit to someone that you love them…especially when that person is your brother. You prob'ly won't believe me...but I think what you did back there was very brave."

My mood softened a little bit – this was something I thought I'd never hear from Raphael, of all people. I blinked curiously and looked him in the eyes. "You really think that?"

"Yeah. I could never have gone up to Donny and told him how I felt…makin' the first move, I mean."

"This…isn't going to come between you and Donny, is it? As much as I love him, I don't want to cause him sadness because of my feelings", I asked, sniffling.

"Don't worry – nothing's going to change between him and I."

I smiled – part of me was happy that I would not be responsible for tearing my brother form the one he loved, but the other part of me was a bit sad knowing Donny and Raph were going to remain together. Wiping the dried tears away, I stood up and looked at my brother. "Raph…can you forgive me for being a jerk to you? I mean, my being so more than usual?"

"Yeah sure – I understand why you were mad. But this don't mean we're gonna be all nicey-nice to one another all the time", and with that he gave me a light hug.

I laughed. "Of course not. It wouldn't be the same around the den without you being up in my face about everything". Okay, so things wouldn't be perfect between Raph and I, but I don't think I'd want it different. I guess I've grown so used to the two of us fighting that…well…the fights are what constitute completion in our home. I was still upset over what went on with Donny, but I got my angry brother back; I could only hope I'd be capable of dealing with my feelings for Donny and knowing he and Raph were together. Before we left the rooftop, I got an idea and smiled smugly at my brother.

"You know Raph…Splinter knows what you and Donny are doing", I said, acting and feeling totally self-satisfied in busting Raph's hump.

He stopped in his tracks for a moment, and then turned to me with an equally smug grin and replied, "You know Leo…Mikey told me he has a crush on you", and continued walking toward the elevator shaft, leaving me standing frozen and in a cloud of astonishment. This day was just getting better and better.


THE END


Author's Note: Leo didn't get the one he loved, but he found out someone's got their eye on him. Go figure XD. Thanks everyone for reading, and all the Favourites. I feel special :). Also, I have no idea if there will be a sequel to this one or not.