Attack of the 100-Foot Meg Griffin
a completely unnecessary Family Guy parody
Chapter 1: Growing Pains
Disclaimer: Family Guy and all related characters are the copyrighted property of 20th Century Fox, blah blah blah. All the characters and stuff that'll appear in the obligatory cameos and non sequiturs belong to whoever the hell owns them, yaddi yadda yadda...
Meg leaned back against the family wagon's back seat, desperately trying to tune out everyone around her. Trying to tune out her parents in the front seat; Lois was whining and bitching about Peter's crappy driving and Peter just nonchalantly retorted about women knowing nothing about driving. Trying to tune out Brian, who was leaning out the right-side window, occassionally screaming profanities at dogs in other cars. And most of all, Meg tried with all her might to ignore the horrible excuse for a human being known as Glenn Quagmire, who sat to her left. His left arm was bandaged and in a sling, but Meg felt no sympathy for him whatsoever.
It was now spring break, and once again, while all the other people her age had plans, Meg had nothing to do and nowhere to go. None of her few friends had any plans either, and none of the 'cool' crowd would ever let her tag along to parties. Meg shuddered at the memory of last year's spring break, where she only got noticed at that beach party after exposing her breasts.
Why does it seem like I'm cursed to be the reject, the outcast...not to mention stuck with a dumbass, dysfunctional family that probably wouldn't care if I was gone tomorrow? Meg thought to herself, slamming her head into the car seat again and again. No answer came to Meg's silent question as they drove toward Quahog's biggest mall. It felt as if everyone else pretended she wasn't even there.
"Hey, Peter, thanks again for picking me up from the airport today," Quagmire suddenly said. "Might need another lift sometime this week, since my car's still in the shop for who knows how long."
"Oh, it's our pleasure, Glenn. Hope you don't mind that we're stopping at the mall before heading home," said Lois.
"Ah, it's no problem," said Quagmire dismissively.
Yeah, probably because you'll have a jolly good time in Victoria's Secret, you sick freak, Meg thought acidly.
"And by the way, just how did your arm get burned, and why did your car need repairs?" asked Lois.
Brian stuck his head back inside the wagon. "Let's just say Quagmire had to learn the hard way there are some women you just DON'T flirt with."
Quagmire stopped at the red light and leaned out his car window, leering seductively at the occupants of the car next to his. And that would be Princess Peach Toadstool and Princess Daisy, riding in Peach's souped-up racing kart. "Hey ladies, going my way?" said Quagmire while doing that idiotic head-bob.
Peach responded by fishing out a turtle shell and hurling it right at Quagmire's face.
Quagmire just laughed it off. "Heh, I love a woman who likes to get rough."
This time Daisy took the initiative, pulling out a bob-omb.
Meg slouched lazily in her seat as they drove on, dwelling on how much her life sucked, how nothing seemed to ever go right for her, and how it felt like she was unloved, even by her own family. Of course, no one took notice of her silent plight, and Peter, as usual, was blissfully ignorant of his daughter's depression. "Man, I've been wanting to get one of those digital camcorders for a while. I think you can even use it to record things and put it on the Internet. Hmmm, maybe I could make my own vidoes for a web journal or something? Imagine, what sort of meaningful and insightful independent films I could create..."
Peter just sits in a chair, clad in nothing but his tighty-whities, just staring blankly at the camera, saying and doing nothing. Until, at last, he farts.
At last, they arrived at the mall. Their first stop in the mall was Sears, and Peter immediately ran to the electronics section. As he looked around for the video recording equipment, he passed by the video game section and noticed a Wii was on display. "Aw, sweet, a Nintendo Wii!" he exclaimed, running up to the display kiosk and knocking aside the kid that had been standing there.
"Alright, Wii Ice Hockey!" Peter picked up the controller and starting playing. After a while though, the fat guy he was playing as was tripped by someone on the opposing team. Naturally, Peter didn't take this lightly. "You son of a bitch, get back here!" he yelled. It was then Peter discovered one of the game's more questionable features: the option to start a full-scale in-rink brawl. As one would expect, Peter started waving the Wii controller all over the place as his on-screen alter-ego beat the opposing team to bloody pulps with his hockey stick. Peter just laughed to himself. "Who says Nintendo games are too kiddy?" he asked no one in particular.
Meanwhile, Meg was looking at clothes, but so far she hadn't found anything even worth trying on. Meg sifted through all the hanger racks for what seemed like forever until finally she stumbled upon a pink dress that looked good. She walked over to a mirror and placed the dress against her body, trying to determine if it would actually look good on her.
Eventually, though, Meg just let out a sigh. "Oh, what's the point?" she thought aloud as she put the dress back on the rack. No matter what I do, I look hideous. The only time it was different was when I allowed myself to get that makeover and look like a mutant Bratz reject. She turned to walk out of the clothes section, wanting to find her mother and beg her to just take her home. But she spotted someone else there that made her stop dead in her tracks.
Connie D'Amico, the most popular girl at her high school, was shopping there too, only a few feet away. As always, she looked ostentatiously elegant, with long blonde hair and the figure of a supermodel; the only thing that looked different about her now was that she was wearing a Red Sox cap. She'd been waearing that cap a lot, for whatever reason.
"Oh, crap," Meg muttered softly. Every run-in with Connie always ended in disaster for Meg. All Meg really wanted to was to fit in, but Connie seemed religiously devoted to humiliating her at every turn. And right now, Meg didn't want history to repeat itself. She walked around where Connie was as stealthily as she could. Just a little farther, Meg thought nervously. But just when it looked like she was in the clear...
"Meg Griffin," came an icy voice from behind her.
Keep cool, Meg, she thought as she steeled herself. She slowly turned around, trying to look calm. "Oh, hi Connie!" she said, trying to ignore how Connie was icily staring her down. Usually her tone was gloating and mocking. What was with her? "Gee, I didn't expect to run..."
"Save it, Meg!" snapped Connie. "I'm glad I ran into you before I left for spring break. I've got a bone to pick with you!"
Now Meg was really confused. She opened her mouth, but then sensed people behind her. A quick glance over her shoulder revealed that all of Connie's friends were there, too. "Connie, what's this all about? What's your problem?"
"What's my problem!?" Connie parroted maliciously. "THIS is my problem!" With that, she pulled off her cap, revealing an ugly, stitched-up scar on her forehead.
"Oh, that," said Meg blankly. No doubt Connie had gotten that scar after Peter slammed her head into a fire extinguisher case eighteen times.
"Yeah, THAT! I was in the hospital for a month because of your jackass of a father, and somehow he gets off just 'cause he's a BLEEEPing retard!?" screeched Connie.
Meg could feel the rage radiating from Connie; no doubt she and her friends were ready to bully her again. But oddly, instead of making her anxious, Connie's tirade just made her mad too. "Hey, it's not like I TOLD him to do that! In case you forgot, I tried to make him stop! And he only did that because he was tired of seeing you be a bullying, stuck-up bitch!!" Meg snarled, pointing an accusing finger at Connie. Meg was surprised by the vehemence of her outburst, but she was through trying to get Connie's clique to accept her. It was all too obvious that the cool crowd would NEVER accept her no matter how hard she tried.
"Well, too bad he's not here now," Connie said silkily. Meg briefly wondered if she could just walk away, but then another voice spoke up.
"Gee Meg, some people never learn, do they?" Meg turned to see that her father had walked up. "Connie, do...do I need to reintroduce your brain to Mr. Fire Extinguisher? Really, do I, do I really have to?" Peter asked softly. The threatening tone in his voice was palpable, enough to make Connie's eyes widen with fear. Connie's friends likewise backed off. "I believe we've already established no one gets to make Meg feel like a jackass anymore," Peter went on.
"Uh, thanks Dad," Meg said tentatively. Meg wanted to sound grateful, but she couldn't easily forget how her father had a nasty habit of doing her more harm than good.
And lo and behold, that proved to be the case yet again. "C'mon Meg, let's get outta here," Peter said, turning to Meg. "By the way Meg, I got us a webcam. So, since you're stuck at home for spring break without absolutely no plans and nothing to do, maybe, maybe you can make some web videos ranting about how much being an outcast from society sucks. Just, just something to think about, y'know?"
Her family left the mall shortly after that, and Meg felt more humiliated than ever.
As they drove back home, Meg was blissfully unaware of events far away that would change everything. Far away, as in deep in space, high above Earth's atmosphere. A meteor shower was expected to be seen over Quahog that night. And among all the meteoroids that tumbled through space, there was one in particular heading toward Quahog that would change her life forever...
The next few hours at the Griffins' passed by slowly and quietly. After dinner, the family just decided to crowd around the television, wading through all the unmitigated crap to see if anything halfway decent was on.
Eventually, they all settled on a rerun of Star Trek: Voyager. This one was obviously late in the seventh season, since Chakotay and Seven were dressed for a date and running the cabana holodeck program from earlier in the series.
Meg really wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. She wasn't paying much attention at all, actually, and was only dimly aware of when Seven took a sip of champagne. And as Trekkies know, Seven is utterly incapable of holding any amount of liquor. So it came as no surprise when all of a sudden Seven managed to somehow fall OVER the railing and crash onto a table two stories below.
"God, I swear it was somewhere in the middle of the fifth season when they just stopped trying," Brian said dryly.
"What the deuce are you talking about?" Stewie demanded. "Contrary to what all the whiny, introverted, acne-cursed, blogging nerds insist, this series maintained a level of quality throughout."
"Yeah, because you're still at that age when one look at a pair of big breasts makes you think 'All You Can Eat Buffet'," retorted Brian. "But for the rest of us, it's obvious that when the appeal of Jeri Ryan's ginormous rack wore out, the folks at Paramount decided to save money and just handed the writing duties over to someone with the educational background of a trained circus monkey."
In the room where the writers for Star Trek: Voyager gathered, they were all discussing plot points for the next episode. Suddenly, Rick Berman walked through the door. "Hey guys, I've got some bad news. The ratings have kinda plummetted, and frankly, we've decided it's not worth spending the money to keep you all on the payroll. So we're having this guy write the scripts for the rest of the episodes."
And then, the evil monkey from Chris's closet peered through the doorway, gritted his teeth, and pointed threateningly at the writers.
"Oh will you two just shut up!?" Meg demanded hotly. To hear anyone argue about Star Trek instantly reminded her of Neil, and that instantly reminded her of how one of the very few boys in the universe that was actually interested in her was a dumpy, obnoxious, conceited nerd. Meg sighed in annoyance and stood up, walking over to the window. She could feel her family's confused stares bore into her back, but she ignored them. They'd never understand her, ever.
Hmmm, I heard there'd be a meteor shower tonight, Meg thought, peering through the window. And sure enough, after a few seconds, a shooting star streaked across the sky. Soon more followed, and for a while, the sheer beauty of the spectacle distracted Meg. But the splendor of the meteor shower couldn't distract her forever, and depression soon set in again. Ugh, could my life get any worse? she wondered silently.
And as if to answer her question, without warning, a stray meteor smashed through the window and smacked Meg in the forehead. The impact knocked her out instantly, and she lay sprawled out on the floor as her family stared at her unconscious body in shock. For a moment there was silence, only broken when Peter laughed and said, "Great way to catch a space rock with your face, Meg."
"PETER!" snapped Lois, glaring angrily at her husband. "Meg's seriously hurt! She's got to have a concussion at the very least!"
"Oh relax, Lois," said Peter nonchalantly. "Meg's been hit with bigger and heavier things and has come through OK...like last week when we went to Detroit."
For their trip to Detroit, Meg, Chris and Peter all went to a Detroit Redwings game. The Redwings just scored again, and true to the team's proud tradition, the fans all throw little octupi into the rink.
"Oh, that is so disgusting! And wasteful!" huffed Meg. She then turned around to glare up angrily at all the Redwings fans. "Why the hell do you people have to go and waste perfectly good seafood, just to..."
But Meg was cut off with a huge, man-sized octopus was thrown down onto her. All that could be seen of Meg was her arms, poking out from underneath the mass of writhing tentacles. Both Peter and Chris stared blankly for a few seconds, until Chris tactlessly blurted out, "Hey Meg, are you gonna eat that?"
As Peter and Lois continued to argue, Stewie jumped down from the couch to examine the meteorite. It had cooled just enough to safely pick it up. It was roughly the size of a baseball, and quartz-like crystals lined its rough surface, making it sparkling dazzlingly in the light. "Hmmm, very odd...I don't think there's ever been a meteorite discovered with a composition like this. This could be worth a fortune." As Stewie continued to inspect it closely, he thought he could feel it pulsate with power, as if it housed some incredible secret...
Meanwhile, Brian was checking on Meg; fortunately, she was still breathing and she wasn't bleeding. Satisfied that Meg seemed fine, he looked up and glared at Stewie. "Ah yes, Stewie, that's exactly what we should be thinking about while your sister's been knocked out cold!"
Just then, Meg let out a grunt and her eyes fluttered open. White-hot, knife-like pain shot through her head, but despite that, she could vaguely make out what Brian and Stewie were arguing about. Meg tried to remember what had happened, and she was able to recall watching a meteor shower right before something came out of nowhere and knocked her unconscious. It then occured to her a stray meteorite had knocked her out, and that must be the meteorite her family was talking about.
With a supreme effort, Meg pushed herself off the floor, then turned toward Brian and Stewie. "Excuse me, but I'll take that!" Meg snapped, snatching the meteorite from her baby brother. "I believe since I found the meteorite, I get to keep it."
"Well technically, it just hit you in the face," Chris pointed out.
"Oh shut up, wide load!" Meg shot back. She then stormed off to her room, holding a hand to her aching head.
"Meg, honey, are you sure you're alright?" Lois called after her. But Meg simply ignored her mother, ran into her room, and shut the door behind her.
"Even meteors go out of their way to make my life miserable," Meg muttered as she collapsed on her bed. It was then she became aware of the rock still clutched firmly in her hand. It seemed to still be radiating some heat. Huh, I gueess it hasn't completely cooled yet, she reasoned, but as she continued to clasp the meteorite in her hand, it felt like energy was radiating from WITHIN it, desperately trying to escape.
Curious, Meg brought the meteorite up to her face to inspect it closely. She slowly ran her fingers across its rough surface, but stopped when she thought she felt a deep crack. Looking closer, Meg could see that there was indeed a crack in it, one that almost encircled it completely. Not only that, Meg swore she could see some sort of light seeping through the crack.
More curious than ever, Meg grabbed the meteorite and tried to pull it apart. There was something special in this meteorite, no question about it. She gritted her teeth as she continued to pull with all her might, but she couldn't get it open. After an agonizing moment in which she accomplished nothing, Meg was about to give up hope, but then it suddenly snapped open at last.
Meg looked at the halves of the meteorite, seeing that it was actually a geode. And protruding from one of the halves was a thin crystal the length of her pinky finger, which glowed with an intense, dazzling, pale blue light. Meg stared at it in wonder, wondering just what she had stumbled upon, but then she realized the light seemed to make the skin of her face tingle.
Panicking, Meg clasped the two halves of the geode back together. Oh my God, what if this thing is radioactive or something? she thought fearfully. Luckily, the two halves fit back together like puzzle pieces, so if that was the case, she wasn't in any danger. She ran over to her dresser, pulled open a drawer, and quickly dropped the meteorite inside. Meg decided she'd figure out what to do with the meteorite tomorrow. For now, she was just too tired, and she still had a splitting headache.
And so, after a quick shower (and no doubt doing what Stewie lovingly called the 'butt floss') Meg plopped down into bed and swiftly drifted off into a deep sleep, silently praying that tomorrow wouldn't be as miserable as just about every other day of her life.
Little did Meg realize that the next morning, her meteorite would bring about a disaster the likes of which she had never imagined.
Meg was slowly roused hours later by the sound of a thunderstorm raging right outside. Light flooded into her room a second later, blinding her for an instant. Meg simply shrugged and turned over to go back to sleep, but then she heard one of her dresser drawers being opened. At first, she assumed is was merely Chris trying to find where she stashed her money...or maybe even Peter. Confident that it was hidden well enough this time, Meg shut her eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. However, Meg then remembered the meteorite she had hidden in her dresser.
And then, to confirm her suspicions, Meg suddenly heard Stewie thinking aloud. "Blast, where the devil did she put that meteorite?" Stewiw muttered angrily. "Ugh, this is more nauseating than when I searched through Hillary Clinton's jockstraps looking for the nuclear football," he added with a shudder.
Meg sprang up, sitting bolt-erect on her bed. Sure enough, Stewie was wading through her lingerie drawer, and he had just stumbled upon the meteorite. Without preamble, Meg launched herself off her bed, reaching out to grab the meteorite back. She got hold of it, but Stewie refused to relinquish it. "Let go of it Stewie!" Meg demanded. "That's MY meteorite!" Meg swung around and shook Stewie about, desperately trying to force him to let go, but the little bugger stubbornly held on.
Eventually, though, Meg shook Stewie off, but NOT in the way she had intended. Meg continued spinning around until the two halves of the meteorite split apart again. Stewie skidded across the carpet for a few feet and Meg stumbled back a few steps. Meg looked up, and gasped when she saw the glowing crystal from the meteorite shoot across the room, as if it was being propelled by some mysterious energy.
Light from another lightning strike poured into Meg's room as the crystal shard rebounded off a wall. The shard ricocheted out of control off the walls like a rubber ball for a few seconds, and Meg just stood there helplessly, clueless as to what to do next. The shard only stopped when it rebounded off the wall behind Meg, and then...
"YEOW!!!" Meg screeched as she grabbed her rear, her eyes tearing up from stinging pain. She couldn't believe it...that piece of crystal had lodged itself RIGHT UP HER BUTT! The shard was causing unbelievablly painful burning as it radiated that strange energy. But as excruciating as the pain was, her anger at her baby brother was even more overwhelming. She glared down at Stewie, was was just starting to pry himself off the floor. "Stewie, you little idiot! This is your fault!" she screamed as she ran over to him, and with one swift kick, she booted him out of her room.
Stewie slammed into the wall right outside her door. "Kicking a misshapen baby?" Stewie said testily as he rubbed his head. "It's bad enough we're always accused of ripping off Simpsons...you want Trey Parker and Matt Stone to come banging on our door!?"
Meg smirked as Stewie scurried off, but her satsifaction swiftly faded as the burning in her ass only got worse. "Oh God, what the hell am I supposed to do...I've got a piece of radioactive alien rock up my ass!" she exclaimed, panic beginning to overtake her. Her mind racing, she took a step toward the door, but a sudden dizzy spell overwhelmed her. Meg collapsed into a heap as the room spun around her. She tried to crawl to the doorway, but the dizziness and the torturous burning became too much, and she lapsed into unconsciousness. Another defeaning thunderclap filled the air, and a second later blinding light flooded her room as her eyes slowly closed.
When Meg awoke again, the storm had passed and the sun had risen, heralding the start of a new day. The gentle sunshine slowly roused her and she pushed herself up off the floor. "Huh? What am I doing on the floor?" she asked herself as she sat up. She tried to recall what had happened last night, but found her memory was mostly a blur. What the hell happened? All I can remember is something about Stewie and Hillary Clinton and those two idiots who created South Park... Must've been some weird dream I had while sleepwalking, or something.
She dragged herself over to her dresser and looked in the mirror. She ran her fingers over where the meteorite had hit her forehead. Miraculously, there hardly seemed to be any mark whatsover. Well, guess I should be grateful I'm not sporting some hideous scar...like Connie. The sudden recollection of her encounter yesterday quickly soured her mood. Now that Connie had finally recovered from her father's assault, she'd devote her energies to making her life even more hellish once spring break was over, Meg had no doubt about that.
Meg took another good look at herself, once again cursing what she considered her unsightly face and chubby body. When 99.99 percent of all carbon-based lifeforms treat me like a circus freak, how could I think otherwise? Meg thought.
Sighing, Meg made her way downstairs to the kitchen. When she walked in, Lois was cooking some bacon while Stewie had his nose in the Wall Street Journal. Stewie hesitantly glanced over at Meg. For a moment, he actually looked nervous, but after a moment he quickly turned back to his newspaper. Meg raised an eyebrow, wondering what was with him, but decided to let it go and sat down.
"Meg honey, here's some breakfast for you," Lois said, sliding a plate of bacon and french toast in front of her.
"Thanks Mom," Meg said lazily, then dug in.
After a while, Lois spoke up again. "By the way, Meg. A package arrive for you this morning," she said, holding out a small box.
"A package for me?" Meg said, confused. She took the small box and examined it, but couldn't find a return address anywhere. Shrugged Meg tore off the tape and opened it...and instantly a sticky red liquid splattered all over her.
"What in the..." breathed Lois as she stared dumbfounded at her daughter. Meg likewise simply sat there, paralyzed with shock.
Stewie used a finger to gather up some of the red liquid off of Meg and examined it. "Pig's blood," he said with his usual aloofness. "Clever foreshadowing though it may be, this will no doubt come off as cliche to horror movie fans and Stephen King's worshippers."
Peter then walked in, took one look at the blood-drenched Meg, and tactlessly asked, "Wow Meg, are you trying for a spot as an extra in a Rob Zombie movie?"
Meg ran past her father, crying and sobbing. There was no doubt about who sent that package. Connie obviously wasn't waiting until school was back in to start tormenting her again. She ran into the bathroom and jumped into the shower. As she scrubbed all the blood off of her, all she could think about was how Peter, despite his best intentions, had only made her life worse.
Once done showering, Meg dressed herself in her usual attire and ran back downstairs. She decided to ride over to the high school; the pool there was still open. She thought maybe some swimming might clear her head and relieve some stress. As her hand reached for the door, however, she heard Peter say, "Meg, hang on a sec." Meg turned around to see Peter walking toward her, along with Lois, Chris and Brian. "Meg, about what just happened..."
"Save it Dad," snapped Meg, cutting her father off. "I'm don't wanna hear it. This is partly your fault anyway; thanks to how you beat up Connie, things'll be worse for me at school than ever! Damnit, even when you actually TRY to help me, you screw things up more you dumb son of a bitch!" she snarled at him, her ire aroused.
"Meg, that's unfair," said Lois. "Yes, your father can be unreasonably violent at times, but at least his heart's in the right place."
"Yeah Meg, I try to be a good father, listen to you and stuff," Peter chimed in. "For example, like what you said at the Redwings game. Well, these last few days I took my boat out for some fishing, searching for a little special something for my girl, and look what I caught for you!" he continued, then ran out of the living room. When he ran back in, he was holding a huge octopus.
"Gee, thanks..." said Meg slowly as she eyed the huge aquatic mollusk. Here was yet another example of how Peter almost always drew the wrong conclusions.
"Just like they toss at Detroit," said Peter. Then he suddenly exclaimed, "Heads up!" and tossed the octopus at Meg, instantly knocking her to the floor. Meg heard Lois and Brian try to stifle their laughter...and fail miserably.
That did it. This day had already started off horribly and was only getting worse; once again, her family was making her even more miserable, whether intentionally or not. With a cry of anguish, Meg shoved the octopus off of her, stood up, and glared hatefully at her family. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!?" she shrieked, her blood now coming to a boil. Her frustration was so great, she could hear her blood pounding in her ears. "It's bad enough everyone else treats me like a circus freak, but when my own family..."
Meg's words trailed off when she suddenly noticed that her family was giving her funny looks. It looked as if they were confused about something. This only served to make Meg even angrier. "Why the hell are all of you looking at me like that!?" she demanded heatedly. When they still kept staring at her, she then said. "Goddamnit, what's with..."
"MEG!" Brian suddenly exclaimed, cutting Meg off. "You...you're GLOWING!!"
"What!? What are you talking about!?" demanded Meg. But she looked down at herself and saw that, sure enough, her arms were giving off a faint, pale-blue glow, and it only seemed to be getting more intense.
Meg's rage was instantly replaced by pure terror. "Wha...WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!?" Meg shrieked, her mind racing. As she kept looking down at herself, seeing the light radiating from her was getting brighter and brighter. That pale-blue light...all of a sudden, she remembered last night's fight with Stewie. No doubt that's what was causing this, but that knowledge didn't help her much at the moment. And what exactly is that thing doing to me?
Meg then felt her stomach lurch violently, and she was hit by a dizzy spell as well. The suddenness of both made her shut her eyes and sink to her knees. Meg clutched her stomach, breathing heavily. When she found the strength to stand back up, she opened her eyes...and immediately noticed something was wrong.
Somehow, everything looked...smaller. The room, the furniture, everything. Meg looked back over at her family...even they looked a lot shorter. Overwhelmed by confusion and fear, Meg just stared blankly back at the others, until she felt her head brush against the ceiling. Meg quickly looked up and saw that, indeed, her head was level with the ceiling. It was then that Meg finally realized just what was happening to her: the crystal from that meteorite was making her grow! And judging from how the ceiling looked as if it was getting ever lower, it wasn't stopping!
Fortunately for Meg, her clothes were expanding along with the rest of her body, but she was in no state to appreciate that. Pure, mind-numbing terror took hold once more. "What's going on!? Someone HELP ME!!" she implored to her family, her voice echoing loudly off the walls. She nervously backed away from them, only to snag her foot on the carpet. She tumbled backwards, and her increased mass caused her to crash right through the wall.
Meg got right back up, finding herself standing on her front lawn. One quick glance down at herself revealed that the glow had not abated, and neither had her growth. She seemed to be growing even faster. Meg watched with horror as she saw her own house dwindle away; she was almost at eye level with it! A glance over her shoulder at the street behind her made her realize all the cars driving by were toy-sized to her now. And unsurprisingly, a string of fender-benders ensued once drivers got a good look at her.
Meanwhile, over at Quagmire's house, Meg's old friend Sarah, leader of her high school's Lesbian Alliance Club, walked up and rang the doorbell. It wasn't too long before Quagmire answered. "Hi, I'm the leader of James Woods High School's Lesbian Alliance Club, and I was wondering if you'd like to sign..." But the plangent noise of car crashes cut her off. Sarah and Quagmire looked toward the source...and instantly spotted the colossal Meg, now at a towering height of nearly a hundred feet.
Both of them just stared at Meg with what could only be described as looks of pure enrapturement. "Biggest...boobs...EVER!" exclaimed Quagmire.
"Uhhh, can I use your bathroom real quick?" Sarah suddenly asked.
Meg looked down all around her, her mind still blank, unable to accept what had just happened. This simply wasn't possible. Spontaneously growing like this defied all known laws of science, and surely even HER luck wasn't THIS bad! Her breath came in short gasps as she looked all around. She was drawing a crowd now, and though it was hard to make out their faces, they seemed to have looks of terror and confusion as well...which perfectly matched how she was feeling.
At last, her family had the courage to run out of the house to her. For a while, none of them could think of anything to say either. But at last, Lois spoke up. "Meg! Meg, just...try to keep calm!!"
Meg looked down at her mother and her expression soured. "Keep CALM!?" Meg said with a laugh, her thunderous voice making them all wince. "Mom, LOOK AT ME!! I've grown to the size of King Kong!! My life was a mess before, but now..."
"If I may, I think I can get her to settle down," suddenly came Stewie's voice. He quickly ran out of the house through the hole Meg had made and stopped directly in front of her, carrying some sort of dart gun. He wasted no more time on words and promptly shot a dart full of powerful tranquiliziers right at Meg's forehead, which miraculously pierced her thick skin, as evidenced by a sudden hiss of pain from Meg.
"Ow! Stewie, what's wrong with you!? And this is your fault anyway! I should..." But without warning, Meg lapsed into unconsciousness and fell forward, making the ground quake violently. But that wasn't the real problem. Stewie, having been right in front of Meg, was now pinned underneath her massive frame. And guess what body part he was trapped under?
"Oh my God!" came Stewie's muffled cry from underneath Meg's breast. "It's ungodly heavy, yet soft, and nauseating, yet disturbingly arousing all at the same time!"
And thus, we once again take a deep look into my psyche, and the readers learn more than they ever wanted to know.
This is my first Family Guy fic ever, but I'm not quite sure I'm up to the task of writing humor that equals the actual show. Ah well, I'll just have to wait to see how people react to this...