SpongeBob, Sandy, and Something in Between
SpongeBob waded in Goo Lagoon, a floatie shaped like a ship wrapped around his waist. His eyes darted around nervously. "It's quiet….. too quiet."
Suddenly he felt something grip his ankles. "AAAAHHHH!" he screeched in falsetto before being pulled out of his flotation device and underwater.
After a few moments, he surfaced, gasping for breath.
"I sunk your battleship, SpongeBob!" said Sandy.
"Th-that's…. great…." he panted heavily.
"I c-can't…. breath…."
"Shoot, SpongeBob! I'm bored with this! Let's think of another game to play!" she said as she gave him a friendly pat on the back.
He hacked and finally caught his breath. "Great idea," he sniffled.
SpongeBob was on an operating table, on more precisely, his couch. Sandy leaned over him in scrubs.
Many of SpongeBob's "organs" had metal holes around them, and for reason they were labeled.
"I'm going to remove the Water on the Knee!" said Sandy.
"Bahahaha! Don't I need that though? Since I live underwater?"
"Was that a joke? That's it, I'm removing your Funny Bone!"
"Sandy, I think you're taking Operation a little too seriously…"
The tweezers touched the outside rim of his organ hole. SpongeBob buzzed and his nose lit up red. "Dang! Your talking was distracting me! Oh, well, I'm bored with this game too."
SpongeBob reached inside his Bread Basket and pulled out the foodstuff. "I win!" he said, taking a bite.
"What game is this, Sandy?" SpongeBob glanced around the treedome. "Sandy? Huh…. she was standing right next to me a minute ago…."
Suddenly the entire dome shook. POP!
The ground's momentary upheaval sent SpongeBob flying, and he landed on his back. When he opened his eyes, he saw a '5' written on his front in black ink.
"Yeehaw! Five spaces!" Sandy appeared, and hopped five times on little clear circles. "I'm green, you're yellow. Your turn to pop the dome!"
"Uh…. what game are we playing?"
"We're getting into TROUBLE!"
"Oh! Of course!"
SpongeBob exited the treedome and climbed on top. "Now let's see…. how did Sandy do this?" He jumped, but there was no pop. "Maybe if I try harder…." Once again, his attempt was a failure.
"Come on, SpongeBob! You can do it!" called Sandy from inside.
"I can do it!" he said to himself. SpongeBob leapt up, collected all his strength, and slammed into the glass as hard as he could. His body was completely flattened against the dome. "Owww…."
Sandy was impatiently tapping her foot. "Okay, I'm bored with this game already. Let's play another."
SpongeBob slowly slid down the side of the dome and landed on the ground with a splat.
The pair walked along a construction site.
"So what are we going to play now, Sandy?"
"Jenga? Oh, boy! I'm great at Jenga!" He crossed his arms proudly. "I have great manual dexterity."
"Well, good, because we're gonna play it with cement blocks."
His face fell. "….huh?"
"Come on, we gotta set it up before we can play!"
Sandy picked up two cement blocks at once and put them side-by-side. Then she grabbed a couple more and laid them in the traditional Jenga manner. "Well, aren't you going to help me?"
"Uh, sure." SpongeBob looked down to one of the blocks. He gripped the sides and pulled upwards, but the block did not budge. "Second thought Sandy, I gotta go to the bathroom—"
He looked up to see a Jenga tower, several stories high. Quivering, he watched her jump down.
"Y'all wanna go first or shall I?"
"S-s-s-s-s…." he stammered, trying to say her name.
"Second? Okay, I'll start." She geared up and pelted one of the blocks with a karate kick. "HI-YA!"
They both froze, waiting to see if the blocks would topple. A clam chirped nearby.
"Guess I'm in the clear! You're up, buddy!"
SpongeBob was still frozen, his neck craned upwards at the steepness of the block tower.
"Go on!" she said. When he still didn't move, she gave him a shove, knocking him into the tower.
It wobbled, and both of them braced themselves for impact. But then the tower settled and the rumbling stopped.
"That was a close one!" said SpongeBob, snapping out of his petrified state. "For a second, I thought that it was going to fa—"
He was interrupted by a backhoe swinging around and knocking him to the ground.
SpongeBob cautiously opened his eyes, the blurry room around him clearing after a few seconds. Sandy jumped up and came to his side.
"Finally, you're awake! How are you feelin'?"
SpongeBob gripped his head, which was now wrapped in bandages. "Ohh… my head…. feels like I fell off a raging bull onto a solid steel spittoon…"
"Heh. Actually, it was a backhoe."
"Why am I here? Shouldn't I be at the hospital?"
"We-yell, I took you to the hospital but they tried to stick you in the kids' wing."
"What? That's ridiculous! I'm clearly an adult."
"Yeah, I made a stink about it, but then they realized you didn't have health insurance and kicked us out."
"That's crazy! I have health insurance!"
Sandy narrowed her eyes. "Why are you talking like that?"
"Like that. With a Southern accent. Y'all mocking me?"
"Why would I be mocking you?" SpongeBob tried to get up, but Sandy pushed him back down.
"Don't strain yourself, you took one nasty wham to the head!"
Grudgingly, he settled back down. "I appreciate your help and all, but why am I in your bed?"
"You're not, this is your room."
"No, it's yours. Since when do I live in a fruit? Wait a second…. where is my air helmet?!"
"I'm gonna drown!" SpongeBob jumped out of bed and frantically searched the room. Finally, he found a half-full mayonnaise jar and put it over his head. "This'll have to do for now."
"Eew! Why do you have half-eaten mayo jar in your room? Unfrigerated?"
He shrugged. "I don't know, it's your room." Dusting himself off, he walked towards the door. "Thanks for bandagin' me and whatnot, but I think I can handle myself from now on. I am a scientist, after all." He closed the door behind him.
Sandy scratched her head.
Sandy approached her treedome, thoughts of SpongeBob running through her mind. What had happened to him? Why was he making fun of her? What was with the mayonnaise jar? She reached the conclusion that she'd rather not know the answer to the last question.
Opening the hatch, her eyes fell on SpongeBob. He was wearing one of her bikinis—and nothing else. He strummed her guitar while sitting on a log. "Ah, speak of the devil. I was just thinking about you."
"What are you doing?! Gimme back my drawers!"
"We built a tower of blocks," he sang, out of tune. "We didn't knock it make it topple. But now my head's a-hurtin', and… what rhymes with 'topple'…. the pain won't stop-ple….? Yeeeeah…"
"I have had enough of this! Why are you making fun of me?!"
"I'm not, but I can if'n you want." He began to strum the guitar again, and sung: "I know a little sea sponge, he wears little square pants. But today he's a little ornery, so I think I'll…. find some ants." He scratched his chin. "I gotta work on my rhymin'."
"Me? Ornery? You're the one wearing my clothes!"
SpongeBob set the guitar aside. "Look, I don't have time for this. I have stuff to do. Y'all can stick around if you want, but I won't be able to chat too much."
Sandy sat down at her picnic table and held her head in her hands. "I just don't understand. Why does he keep making fun of me like this? He must be mad about the Jenga tower…. I guess it was kinda my fault…. bein' my idear and all…."
The metal exercise wheel spun as SpongeBob jogged inside. "A girl's gotta look her best!" he panted.
Sandy wasn't paying attention, until she saw him go inside her tree. "Y'all get outta there!"
SpongeBob jumped out of the tree, wresting a giant steak. "Come're you crazy varmint!"
"What the…?! That was gonna be my dinner!"
SpongeBob pulled out a rope and attempted to lasso the meat. But his shot missed and the rope fell limply beside the immobile steak. "You're a tough little bugger, alright!"
"I've had enough teasing! Is that what you really think I do back in Texas?"
"Y'all wanna see what we do in Texas, eh? Mosey on over here, and take a gander."
"Quit exaggerating my Southern colloquialisms!"
Somehow, in a cartoonish way, a pile of hairbrushes had appeared beside SpongeBob. He was now wearing a cowboy hat and gloves. "Time to clear some brush!"
Sandy stared back for a few seconds before exploding: "STOP IT NOW!!"
"Hush!" SpongeBob, now just wearing Sandy's bikini again, rushed over to Sandy and covered her mouth. "You'll wake the baby!"
She knocked his hand away. "BABY?!"
"There he is, the little tyke…." he cooed, approaching a tiny wooden barn in a baby carriage. "There, there, it's okay. He won't bother you, hush little one." SpongeBob picked it up and gently put a bottle of paint in its mouth. "Barn raising is such tiring work, isn't it?" he asked, turning back to Sandy.
"Okay…. look…. if you're trying to be funny, alright, you had your fun." Sandy trembled a bit, trying to contain her rage. "But it's getting old now. Let's just go back to normal now, okay?"
"But I've still got so much to do!" He motioned to a pile of corn. "Look at all this!" Facing her again, he grinned. "But it'll be a shuckin' good time! Haha!"
"I never thought I'd say this, but I miss your normal laugh."
"That was my normal laugh. Hmm, you seem…. not right today."
"Talk about pot calling the kettle black!"
"We can talk about that if you want, but first we gotta fix you up!" Grabbing her by the hand, he pulled her over to where she kept her scientific equipment… wherever that may be.
Sandy threw her arms up. "What do you think you're doin' now?!"
"I'm going to cure you of your temper. You seem to have anger management issues." Puffing out his chest a bit, he closed his eyes arrogantly. "I am a scientist, after all."
With one arm thrust, he knocked her onto a stool. "Take a seat."
"Don't you touch my chemicals!"
"Here, drink this." In his hand was a test tube filled with a bubbling green liquid. He brought it to her mouth, but she batted it away.
"No way!" The beaker fell and shattered, the substance fizzing a hole in the ground. Her eyes widened in shock.
"Tsk, tsk, this is worse than I thought," said SpongeBob, bringing his finger to his chin. "Guess I'll have to step it up a notch!" In a flash, he stuffed a metal helmet on her head. "There we go. Every time you get angry, I'll use this remote control here to shock you. It's called negative reinforcement."
"No, it's not. Negative reinforcement and punishment are two very different things! In fact, they're almost opposites…. you'd know that if you were actually a scientist, you barnacle-head!"
"Foul mouth, that'll cost ya." SpongeBob pressed a big red button on the remote.
A shock wave went through Sandy's body, leaving her smoking. She shook it off and balled her fists. "Y'all better cut that out! Don't make me karate chop you into next Tuesday! Head injury or no head injury!"
"Time for me to mash the button again…." ZAP!
"Wait… head injury…."
"Yes, I am shocking your head. You're a quick one, ain't cha?"
"No, no, you have a head injury!"
"Unless you count this massive headache I have from your yellin', no I d—" He was interrupted by the helmet hitting him in the face. Sandy had finally yanked it off and thrown it had him.
"Take that, SquarePants!"
"SquarePants? It's pronounced 'Sandy'…. and put your anti-anger helmet back on!"
"I knew it! You weren't making fun of me after all… that bonk on the head totally bamboozled your brain noodles, making you think you're me, and for some reason, that I'm you!"
"'Bamboozled brain noodles'? Haha, let me say that in science jargon for you—"
A swift karate chop to the head cut him off. He stumbled for a second, his eyes rolling in different directions, but then he regained his composure.
"How're you feelin', buddy?"
SpongeBob blinked. "I….I…."
"….I feel like collard greens tonight!"
Sandy winced. "Didn't work…. this calls for extreme measures!"
"Where're you goin', SpongeBob? We're not done with your anger management lesson!" he called after her as she ran out the treedome's hatch.
She shimmied up the glass side and reached the top. Jumping as high as she could, she slammed into the top of the dome. POP! "We're getting out of TROUBLE now!"
SpongeBob flew upwards and back down to the ground. "Oww….." he moaned, rubbing his aching head.
"That might've done it, but I better make sure!"
For seventeen whole minutes, Sandy repeatedly popped the dome. Over and over, SpongeBob was flipped and tossed side to side, bouncing of the walls.
"Eight hundred thirty-three pops is probably enough!" Sandy slid back down the treedome side, and hurried back in.
"So… how about now?" she asked, panting.
SpongeBob was on his back, wall-eyed. "Urrrgghh….."
"Lemme help ya up, buddy," she said as she took his hand and pulled him to his feet.
SpongeBob's eyes realigned and he looked down. "Oh-my-gosh!! What am I wearing?! …… this bikini is so last year's fashion! Bahahahaha!"
She smiled, relieved. "That's my SpongeBob!"
"Bahahaha….." his laughing slowed. "…why does my head hurt so bad?"
"You had an accident with a backhoe."
"Uh-huh……. so why am I at your place?"
"Well…. let's just say some things are better left untold."
They started walking to the door. "Well alrighty then! What should we do now?"
Sandy thought for a moment and grinned. "Let's go play Hungry Hungry Halibut!"