Spoilers: Only for Nanny Diaries.
Author's Notes: I was watching Nanny Diaries and when it turned out Mrs. X's name was Alexandra, this fic popped into my head. Alex is Mrs. X and Liv is the nanny. Disclaimer: No ownership of SVU or Nanny Diaries.
Alexandra was on the verge of clawing her manicured nails against their perfect Park Avenue walls. Her husband was screwing this other woman, and she had to pretend her didn't notice as he flaunted it in front of her. He had been the only thing that even made her feel worth something. He had wanted her when she was full of youthful perfection, and he had pursued her relentlessly. She was a prize for him to win, and then she went on the shelf with all the other trophies.
She knew she had hit rock bottom when she wished she could cry in front of the nanny. How she could desire to express emotion- in front of help, no less... Yet, she wished for a connection. To look in her nanny's eyes- to look in Olivia's eyes- and have her really see her. She almost wishes that Olivia would hold her as her world collapses around her. She would excuse the desire with emptiness her husband has left her with, but she knows it's more. She tells so many lies to everyone else; she's getting too exhausted to keep telling lies to herself.
The truth? Olivia is this forbidden fruit that Alex desires more everyday. There is an honesty and a strength about Olivia that Alexandra wishes she could have. Olivia's worth isn't about a husband wanting her. It isn't about a designer dress, or an immaculate multi-million dollar apartment. Olivia is beautiful, strong, caring and REAL. She feels and shows real emotions. And Alexandra wishes one of those emotions would be love- for her to love Alexandra. To make her feel a real emotion, to feel her heart beating next to hers and know it's real.
So maybe she'll let herself go in front of the nanny. Maybe she'll cry and let Olivia hug her, and maybe she won't feel so empty.