Part Five

While Snape was laying his bed, Lucius passed on….

The shoulders of two very large, muscled men…who came to his rescue. They carried him to their lair where they put him in a wheelchair decorated lavishly with flowers. One turned to the other and said in a thick accent:

" When we work hard…."

The sentence was finished to by a man with long hot pink robes, a pipe which blew out bubbles, and a long beard…tucked into his belt; the leader of the gay cult.-

"…We play hard."

Music came out of nowhere and the dark cave was filled with disco lights..

"Should all acquaintance be forgot…"

Gwindewald (the dj): Sorry! Wrong music!

"Everybody dance now! De, de, de, de, de, de, de"

Men in cloaks in all the colours under the sun appeared and began to party…

Two hours of partying proceeded…in this time, Lucius tried to ask a question over and over but no-one heard him over the music. After the two hours were finished, thirty very drunk men fell over and the leader spoke! ( I told you I'd tell this tale)

Dumbledore: You must be wondering why you are here….I should have told you two hours ago. Let me tell you everything…..LUCIUS MALFOY!!!

Lucius: It's Lucius Sextoy now, but never mind…..

Dumbledore: But you're a deatheater!!

Muscleman 1: He was found at the spot Flower-Power Freud predicted….

D: Then he must be the Chosen One.

Lucius: The what???!!!!

D: Yes…a very intelligent homosexual philosopher-our inspiration…

Music begins "Ahh ahh ahh" going downscale

…Plower-Fower…I mean Flower-Power…I am quite drunk you see..(hiccup)…Freud predicted our saviour would fall from the sky, mangled, next to a stone tower in the year 2004…this is the place we are situated at so it seems only right that you're tower is the one mentioned in the Fluffy Pink Clouds Prophecy…You are he…and you we must worship. We are at your service. (Everyone in the disco cave gathers themselves up and bows down…falling over again)

This statue, built in your glorious honour, is but a token of our love and power-puff devotion.

The two musclemen, later defined as sex-slaves who feed (literally and physically) the members of the Care Bear Hug Cult, bring in a statue of Lucius as he was found, legs separated almost to dis-jointment, hands shuffling through leaves, with a madly grin on his hair-covered face.

Dumbledore: This shall be our new chant…forget 'Take Me To the Gay-Bar' Gwindy!...

He sings: I like leaves,

Yes I do,

I like them,

Much more than you!

Lucius: Well….if you're at my command…I've a quest to take…to find…a mystical snake…

Dumbledore: To the Homosexual Love Mobile!

They all staggered to a hippie decorated van, inspired by Freud…

Travel continued for two hours before they realised they had forgotten Lucius.

Dumbledore: To the Dark-Disco-Sexual-Jumping-Out-A-Window-Flower-Power-Freud-Lair!

They return to carry Lucius (who they renamed Uganda) to the Homosexual Love Mobile and they started their quest….

Gwindewald: Have you locked the door, my love?

Dumbledore: FUCK IT!...