"The Darling Buds of May"
James composed his pretty face into a soulful expression, and approached his partner. "Jesse?"
"What is it now?" Jesse put her hands on her
too-slender hips and frowned forebodingly. "I warn you in advance, if
you're going to whinge, that you haven't been forgiven yet for the mess you
made of this morning's mission."
Out of pure habit, James opened his mouth for a defensive
whine, but for once he choked it back.
He loved her… how could he not?
Nevertheless, James might have been content to drift on forever
in a kind of erotically and romantically charged celibacy, taking Jesse's blows
and embraces in almost brotherly spirit.
It was time to do something about his relationship with his colleague, sure enough. And James knew exactly what to do.
"Jesse, I have something very important to tell
Jesse was shocked into silence for a moment. After a while, she said, with a visible effort at regaining her usual nasty attitude, "You can read? Poetry?"
Meowth, who James had thought was conveniently asleep, began to recite mockingly, "Jack and Jill go up the hill…"
James managed to ignore it.
"Oh, James," Jesse breathed suddenly. Her
beautiful eyes – sapphires, James thought, with a singular lack of originality,
while his own eyes, he smugly reflected, were emeralds – filled with
His thoughts drifted off in quite a different direction to the endless catalogue of gemstones, and it was with a start that he realised his darling had been talking to him for quite a few minutes. Guiltily, he forced himself to pay attention again.
"…you chose that particular poem because you think I'm sweet-tempered?" Jesse looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
He wished Meowth would stop sniggering.
"It's because I – I – I see your, um, inner
sweetness?" he tried.
"Oh, James." Jesse reached out and took his gloved hands in his. "No one understands me like you do."
Well, this was hopeful, if rather alarming. James squeezed her hands, and decided to move on to Stage B.
"I want to sing to you, too…" he added hopefully,
noticing for the first time that they were not, in fact, in their usual log
cabin/campsite/balloon, but, for some bizarre reason, in a karaoke bar.
Jesse was smiling adoringly at him. "Because you feel your deepest feelings for me are better expressed by some crappy pop song or anime theme than just by telling me?"
"Yeah!" he agreed happily, glad she
"Um, Jimmy? Are you going to begin anytime soon?" asked Jesse. She was still simpering, but her booted foot had started to tap ominously, and James realised that if a song wasn't quickly produced, it might end up tapping on his own backside.
James glanced at the wrist of his glove, where he had
written in white texta "Make Jesse fall in love with me."
What had he been planning to sing again? James ruefully realised that his five second attention span was a distinct liability when trying to win a girl's heart. He searched his memory, but suddenly the only song he could think of was the last one to have been played, which happened to be "It's Raining Men." Of course, it was one of his favourite songs, but he wasn't quite sure what Jesse would do to him if, after such a build up, he sang THAT.
James, with superhuman presence of mind, managed to wrench his attention back to the present situation.
He sent a ghastly look of panic at the karaoke man, who
obligingly launched the jukebox into the standby of all karaoke bars.
By the time he reached the climax, Jesse was looking
Jesse interrupted him by flinging herself into his arms,
knocking poor Mewoth flying.. She felt even nicer pressed against him than
usual, probably because of the tights.
"James, I love you too," she said.
It's a gay classic? James thought in surprise. Well,
Jesse would know.
"I know why you chose Shakespeare, too," she added,
happy tears shining in her sapphire – no, he wasn't going to start that
"Sure!" James said happily. The thought seemed to make Jesse happy, and it was much better than admitting that he had no idea what the poem meant or who had written it.
"Oh, James, I love you so…" Jesse dropped her gaze suddenly. "I always thought you were… you know… that you preferred boys…"
James thought about telling her the truth about his usual preferences, and then decided that would be tantamount to suicide under the circumstances. Anyway, he had long ago decided Jesse was the man for him. Then a brainwave struck him. Suddenly he knew exactly what to sing. He gestured at the karaoke man, who somehow knew by instinct what song he wanted, and launched into his next number.
He was pleasantly interrupted by Jesse's tongue in his mouth, while the crowd whooped.
From the audience, Brock said wisely, "Just 'cos he's happy don't mean that he's gay."
Tracey nodded in agreement. "All his friends seem to take it quite the wrong way." He seemed rather disappointed about it.
Misty wiped her tears away. "There ain't many of us
still left alive," she lamented. "All my friends have gone over to
the other side."
James, when he ran out of air, reluctantly detached himself
from Jesse's kiss.
"Yume ga ippai furiru ippai (So many dreams I have, and pretty fantasies),"
he crooned, rather cleverly managing to sing in Japanese and English simultaneously.
"Onegai yo uedingo doresu wedding dress (grant me my wish, o wedding dress,)
"Mama no you ni sutekina koi (My mother's perfect love, I wonder if such love)
Mitsukaru kashira (Is something I could find as well?)
"Todoketai no heart beat wo (I want to offer you my lonely beating heart)
"Sasayaite MAKE A WISH (And then I'll whisper "make a wish")
"Mitsumeteru kizuiteru (Knowing each other, watching each other)
"Sonna situation (that's our situation)
"Shijiteru yumemiteru (Believing in love, dreaming of love,)
"Onna no ko! (I'm that kind of girl!)" James finished triumphantly.
He produced a diamond ring out of nowhere and slipped it on his partner's finger.
Jesse was still a little dazed at the thought that James
would sing about his mother's perfect love, considering what she'd seen of his
family, but she quickly recovered. She embraced her partner closely.
"James," she said brokenly, "Of course I'll marry you.
(The magic of a smile, a lovely angel's smile, will make a rainbow of your tears.)