(A/N: This takes place in New Moon when Bella and Jacob are driving home in the Rabbit. The tension of Bella leaning in the kiss Jake, the possibility, and the fact that I changed the story around a bit: Alice doesn't come. Its just an idea, a hopeless, but intriguing idea, none the ness.)
Chapter One- Resurfaced
I could kiss him now, and some part of me wanted to. But my thoughts screamed: "No! It's not right! He is not right!" I wanted to agree with my head, but desire kept me seating in the Rabbit, one hand holding firmly to the door handle like it was my lifeline.
I couldn't. No. I'm not physically able. I'm not emotionally available. Heck! I just a fucking ball full of sunshine over here! Unlike my real sun staring intently into my eyes- probably wondering what I'm thinking as I return the stare.
With a stab of pain I quickly oppressed, I realized how much this reminded me of someone else. Him.
The hell with it! Say his name, Bella. Just spit it out!
Edward,I thought. And at the same moment Jacob brought his lips down to kiss mine. Fancy that, I'm kissing a werewolf.
The pain erupted in my chest, tearing me in two. I broke free from his embrace with frantic gasps. My arms clung around my sides, willing them back into place, but I wasn't strong enough to hold in this much pain. Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes and a faint whimper resounded in my chest.
"Bella? Bella? What's wrong? Let me help!" Jacob was just as frantic now, with his hand reaching to stroke my cheek. In a gesture meant to be consoling I shivered and shook him off.
How could I tell him he was wrong? How could I tell him I wished I could take that kiss back? How would I express how much I needed….gasp….Edward right now?
I wish he were here. The pain inside became a burning, like the vampire venom James had bitten into my hand. I regrettably remembered Edward, again, saving my life in the broken ballet studio. If only he could save me now. His could touch was just perfect now, to stop the sorrow in my heart. I knew his strong arms could hold me together. We could have been together. Couldn't we?
The door rocketed open; almost breaking it's hinges as I pushed myself out its frame. In moments I was running into the trees, tripping only once in my haste.
"Edward!" I called out. "Come back! Come back to me! You didn't have to leave! You are my life! Why don't you want me?" The sobs broke free from my racking frame and I doubled over onto the mossy ground.
I was alone. Jacob was most likely too afraid of my reaction to come. Smart boy he is. Dumb girl I am. Crying girl I am, was, and forever will be, with my heart wandering away from me. Bring back my heart, Edward. If you don't want it, give it back!
A new resolution came to me. Alice and Cullens had become familiar to me. Maybe I could force a vision of me onto Alice, as far away as she is. Edward didn't love me, but she was still my friend, right? She would come back to me, in my time of need. Alice wouldn't let me die this way. Then again, who's to say this idea wasn't blasphemy. If only I had scientific proof, or Carlisle's reassurance, that this idea would work.
I shimmed up the side of the tree until I was standing. One of my arms propped onto the tree for support while the other locked like a vice around my torso, fiercely, like it was trying to squeeze the evil out.
"Alice," I whispered at first. "Alice!" I began shouting. "Please don't abandon me, I need you! I miss him so much. Just tell him that. He still has my heart! Tell him. And if he doesn't want it, give it back to me! I need it! It hurts!" Convulsed with my tears again I crumpled.
Warm, strong arms buoyed me from underneath and lifted me up into a familiar dark- no russet- colored face of Jacob Black.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't know what I was doing to you, I shouldn't, but-."
I broke from my reverie of tears to place a finger over his lips. "It's not your fault, Jake. It's me." Lament came easily now, once the feeling of desertion resurfaced.
He wiped away my tears, though my eyes were still bleary. "Nothing's wrong with you. It's all his fault. You're just fine. You can have me, I'll make you better."
"Put me down." My voice was still forceful through the depression.
"What? No." Obviously he wasn't expecting that kind of reaction to his words.
"Put me down, now!"
He shook his head. "I'm bringing you home. You need some rest, and some medicine for your throat after today's incident."
"I can walk," I pouted angrily- the effect ruined by a sniffle.
"No." And he sped off before I could protest more. The house wasn't far, only a couple of seconds in superhuman speed.
He buried me under blankets and tucked them around me. Pleased with what he had done he brought his gaze from the bedpost back to my face. His eyes were weary.
"I know you don't want me, Isabella." He sighed. "But I need so much to be with you now."
My lips curled inward as I shook my head furiously.
"Why do you let him hurt you, Bells!" He growled. "I cant believe you! He's not even here and you still cling to him."
I glared back. He didn't know what he was delving into.
"Edward," Jake spat. I cringed at the name. He notice. "Does that still bother you? His name? Edward?"
I turned over in the bed. "Go away, Jake."
"Not until you let me fix this."
"Fine!" I snapped. "You want to do some healing, do you? Why don't you rip my empty heart out of my chest? Maybe then the pain will stop. You'll finally have it wont you? The lifeless heart of mine." I gasped for air from not pausing in my rant. Then my body trembled violently.
"Bella?" He was worried again. "Do you have a fever?" His hand was immediately on my head, but of course he wouldn't be able to feel anything with his fire like warm hands anyway. The slight touch coaxed the burning inside to a larger flame. So. Much. Pain.
Once again I turned away, tearing into my pillow until it was soaked with the dried out salty streams from my eyes. I thought I had been making such progress, only to have it dashed with a quick kiss. Perhaps I could never love again. If only…
But, no. I never was able to fall asleep, yet I kept my eyes shut only to fool Jacob's eyes. He rubbed soothing circles into my back until the gasping stopped. It had to stop. My throat was just too sore from the salt water to carry on.
At some point he left, whispering in my ear. "I'll be back tomorrow. Don't worry. I'll take care of you."
I scoffed at the thought. Like I need caring. I know what I need.
At some point I found myself thinking, maybe hallucinating, Edwards voice and mine chorused together, saying: Come back, come back, come back.