It was like waking up and dying all at the same time. That's the only way I can describe it.. I could only watch what was going on like children I used to see staring through shop windows at Christmas time.. Never understood Christmas, really.. until Clow gave me a beautiful sapphire earring for a present, and for me, that was enough.

I could watch through my false form's eyes, but usually, I slept; dreamt of Clow, and how happy I once was. At times, I felt bitter of what happened, but after a while, I had learned to block my emotions away. My false form, Tsukishiro Yukito, had other plans.

It was obvious, having been through it all before. He was in love.. with Kinomoto Touya, his best friend. While he slept, I was awake, and I went through his memories. My only comfort was that he could not see mine.. It was just myself.. or Yukito and I, depending on how you looked at things. He believed he had grandparents, and they were merely on vacation, but even I had to wonder if he believed that anymore.

Sometimes when Yukito was sleeping at the Kinomoto house, I could almost swear that Clow Reed or Keroberos were in the next room.. It was hard being emotionless with that feeling in my heart.

Suddenly I woke up and my dear friend Keroberos was there, and he had brought a new contender for me. A young girl. She looked terrified.. A young boy challenged me first, and although he had the blood of Clow Reed inside him, he was no match and I defeated him easily.

As the girl got closer, I realized who she was and I wanted to hit myself. It was Kinomoto Sakura, and as Yukito, I had seen her nearly every day. She was the CardCaptor, but there was no way I would accept her as my mistress.. There was no way she could be worthy.. but she seemed to be stronger than the boy..

I can't explain exactly what happened, but somehow Sakura defeated me.. Keroberos looked so damned smug that she won, but there was no way I would accept her right away... in my mind, I heard Clow Reed whisper something in my ear and it almost made me smile.
"Someday, Koishii..."