I know this idea is probably overdone, but I couldn't resist... Hopefully you like!
Disclaimer: I do not own Draco Malfoy... that would be nice... Oh, yeah... I don't own anything else either!
Note: This was edited on 9/5/11 for grammar/little mistakes that I'm ashamed of, but nothing was added.
The 50 reasons I hate Hermione Granger
1. Her teeth make her look like a beaver. No, I don't care that they were shrunk in fourth year, I'll never get those ghastly things out of my memory.
2. Her hair could house an infestation of Acromantulas… I swear I'm not exaggerating.
3. That ink stain that's always on her nose is not cute, endearing, or adorable.
4. She chews on her lip when she's nervous, anxious, or angry. It's a horrible habit… I told you she was a beaver.
5. Potter and Weasel… enough said.
6. She's a Gryffindor.
7. She's a mudblood.
8. She knows everything about everything! Although, I did hear this rumor about Divination… but Trelawney is a fraud anyways.
9. She hits hard. I could never be in such an abusive relationship! Not that I've thought about a relationship with her...
10. She's absolutely bloody perfect! I mean, have you met the woman. It's like she's trying for sainthood or something.
11. She just can't keep her mouth shut. Every class, she acts like such a know it all… okay, maybe she does know everything, but that's not the point!
12. When she's angry, she doesn't look beautiful. She looks scary. Not that I'd know what it's like to be scared. People have just told me.
13. She doesn't smell anything like parchment, like you would think… it's more of a flowery, musky smell… or so they tell me…
14. I don't care whether or not she can keep up with me in an argument… I could find that somewhere else.
15. She doesn't even wear makeup… and she doesn't get pimples either! Not that I'm jealous… that would imply that I get pimples.
16. She's completely unaffected by me! It's not fair! It's like all of my insults have gotten old… I have to think of new insults.
17. She doesn't pay any attention to current fashion. It's so outdated, and yet she still looks good… according to umm…. Blaise… yeah.
18. She only has one girlfriend… There's something going on between her and Potter and Weasley… Disgusting, I'm going to go die in a dark pit now.
19. She's always in the library… it's like she doesn't have anything better to do than read… and have you seen the books she reads in there? Er… not that I'm watching her read or anything. I wouldn't do that. That'd be, like, stalking.
20. She bites her nails too… stupid beaver…
21. When she drifts off into space and doodles on her paper, she covers it in the most annoying way. How am I supposed to see it if she's covering it?
22. Did you know she hums under her breath during potions? I can't ever tell what it is though…
23. She always beats me by one point in marks. I don't know how she does it! It's like it's on purpose. I can see her, sitting in the Gryffindor common room, petting that puke colored fuzzball that she calls a cat, plotting my demise… shortly before swooning at the thought of me. Poor dear, it isn't her fault. I'm simply irresistible.
24. I just called her dear, but it means nothing. I hate her! Loath her! Despise her! You get the point right?
25. Whoever just said "the lady doth protest to much" is going to die a slow painful death. I hope it was her…
26. She forgave Weasley after that whole Brown affair. I don't hold anything against a forgiving woman… but Weasley doesn't deserve it… I would… but that's not the point. I would never do that to Herm- anyone. I would never do that to anyone.
27. Blaise laughs at me whenever I mention her. I hate that. And I can't punch his face in, because he says he's 'justified.' I hate him… but not as much as I hate her.
28. I just realized she has bad taste… The cat, the friends, the house… Now, if she had a good boyfriend, I might be willing to overlook her faults… Do not read into that… I hate you, too.
29. She looks at me like she pities me or something! I do not need her pity. Fear, worshipfulness, respect, sure… but not pity. It's annoying.
30. She's distracting me from my coursework… I should be working on my homework, but all I can think about is how much I lo- loath her. Pardon my, er, stutter.
31. She doesn't even notice when I throw bits of paper in her hair… What's the point if she doesn't get mad?
32. Have you seen her book bag? It's huge. How many classes is that girl taking? It's like she has to show off how smart she is. Someone should carry it for her…
33. At breakfast, she manages to read, not spill anything, and interpret the Weasel at the same time. It's amazing… And I hate that she amazes me.
34. She preaches all goodness and rules, but she snuck out to Ministry on Magic in fifth year. Filthy hypocrite…
35. She saw me as a ferret. A white bouncing ferret… Everyone who saw me as a ferret must die…
36. When half the school dies, she'll figure out it was me, and I'll go to Azkaban… I don't know how she'll do it, she's just like that.
37. Blaise just accused me of being obsessed, so I had to punch him in the face! She made me punch my friend in the face!
38. She just made me apologize to someone because I punched him in the face…
39. I hate that she affects me in any way, shape or form.
40. Father would be ashamed… I hate when he's ashamed.
41. She called me a cockroach. That hurt.
42. She makes me want to throw up… It's not butterflies! Shut up Blaise!
43. She could look gorgeous… Did you see her at the Yule Ball? I did… Couldn't think of a damn insult to throw at her either. That was shaming.
44. Blaise just asphyxiated from reading over my shoulder… And since this is about her, I blame her.
45. She makes me realized just how bad of a person I am.
46. She haunts me… seriously, I'm considering a healer for my dreams…
47. She doesn't worship me like everyone else does. Why can't she be normal like everyone else?
48. She called Pansy a concussed troll… Okay, it was funny, but she can't make fun of my friends like that!
49. I just spent an hour and a half on a list devoted to Granger. Ugh…
50. I hate, absolutely hate the fact that I can't hate, no matter how much I try to, I keep coming back to the same problem… I love her…
Shut up, Blaise!
Yep... I got bored... So tell me what ya think!