"You're sleeping with him?" Came the ear-splitting shriek.

The dark-haired man grinned, crossing his arms. "Why, yes I am, little missy," he said proudly.

"But – but –" Yuffie floundered to a halt, searching for a plausible comment. "He's Leon. He doesn't have a sex drive. Therefore, you can't have sex with him." She grinned triumphantly back, having satisfied herself that she had won the argument.

Zack appeared unperturbed; if anything his eyes twinkled just that little bit brighter, instantly making the ninja suspicious. "How would you know anything about his sex drive?" The man asked, stretching luxuriously. "For all you know, I could have him stretched out on the bed right now, naked and exhausted from all our sweaty lovemaking."

Yuffie fought the urge to wrinkle her nose. "Doubt it. And he sleeps naked anyway." She blushed deeply at the inquisitive eyebrow he gave in response to that. "I had to hide one time. Long story."

The SOLDIER eventually sighed, scratching at his spikes. "Look, if I just tell him to come out and tell you, will you believe me?"

The girl was still dubious, but nodded nonetheless, and Zack turned to the door he'd been leaning against; however, it opened before he could touch the handle.

"Zack?" Came a drowsy voice. "Zack, what the hell did you use for lube last night? It still hurts like a bi –" Leon emerged from the door, blinking in the light until his eyes focused. "Yuffie." His voice was stony.

The girl was dumbstruck. Zack smirked inwardly – he hadn't been expecting it, either, but it had shut her up, so it was all right with him.

A gift for Kage Halo on Gaia. Happy Birthday -- it's still a birthday fic. Hehe, really. Fun and cracky to write, I think I might give this a go again sometime.