Disclaimer: I sadly do not own anything
Summary: Dean made his deal for Sam to keep him alive, but what if fate had a different idea? Based on the song by My Chemical Romance-Cancer
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt MarieHelp
her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you."
I lay in the hospital bed, quietly listening to the machines beeping in tune with my heart. Machines are all around me, colors matching my pale skin. It had been about 9 months since Dean made his crossroads deal and everything was relatively normal. That is until the day I started getting massive headaches without visions. For a month I brushed it off. Until it became extreme and I became nausous and sick. After a week of pure hell Dean decided it was time to go to the clinic in town and I reluctantly agreed because of a nagging feeling that this was something bad. I was poked, proded, and scanned for hours. The diagnoses came and it was then I realized that fate just couldn't allow me to live. Brain cancer was the words that slipped out of the doctor's lips, along with something that sounded like, "maybe a few months at the most to live" and some generic "sorries" that my brain just could not process quickly. I locked eyes with Dean knowing that I needed to make him understand that it was the end for both of us. My eyes told the story of my pain and suffering, but Dean had already dropped into the pit of denial.
"Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know
That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you"
That was a month and a half ago. I'm sitting here with Dean and my breath is slowly escaping me. But no matter how much pain I'm in I think about my brother and what he will do once I'm gone. Over the days when I was first admitted to the hospital, I told Dean to call Bobby but he refused. He finally relented when I told him I really wanted him here. So now it's Bobby, Dean, and I, slowly watching me die. Funny how I'm brought back to life then bam I'm lying in bed dieing in time with my brothers impending doom.
I tell Dean to go get coffee for us. He doesn't want to leave but I give him the eyes and grin when he sighs and rolls his eyes. Then he leaves I ask Bobby to watch out for Dean and to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. I also ask him to continue searching for the deal breaker while telling him where all my notes are. I was so close but now the torch must be passed and I know the job is going to right person. Bobby agrees and promises me he will try. We joke a little until Dean walks in.
Nows the hard part. I know I won't make it through the night so I must say my good byes. But I'm not scared of death, I know Dean will be in good hands and that everything will be taked care of. I sadly tell them to go back to the motel and that I will say my goodbyes now. "No" is the word that is pushed through Dean's teeth. It's been his favorite word lately. Dean is dieing inside and I feel helpless to stop it. I say that I am tired and start my descent into sweet oblivion. I know this is not the last time I will be seeing Dean. The blood that runs through my veins is not that of a normal human. Demon's blood. I have been to hell the first time I died, and I remember everything. Heaven has no place for me, but Hell has a seat waiting for me, right next to the most evil of them all and I know I will fit in perfectly.
As I slip, I say "goodbye" and "I love you" to the one person that makes everything all right. Dean, the nail that kept me anchored to the ground. The one who has cared and loved me no matter what. Goodbye big brother, we will be together again someday.
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you