Don't Confess

Don't Confess

A/N: This story is now beta-ed my the lovely and talented LouisaB. Check out her stuff. It's seriously awesome. I would also like to thank my friend and talented writer, Albe-chan, for encouraging me to write and post it. I wouldn't have the guts to do this without your encouragement. This was my first fic ever! Be kind!

The title of this story is inspired by Tegan and Sarah's song, and the lyrics aren't also mine, they belong to the talented Anna Nalick. I don't Harry Potter and its world, just this plot and the constant desire to own Jensen Ackles.

"Driving away from the wreck of the day

and the light's always red in the rear-view

Desperately close to a coffin of hope

I'd cheat destiny just to be near you"

Remus John Lupin needed a drink. Getting pissed was his sole purpose as he watched the love of his life chatting up some beaming bird who couldn't believe her luck, for Black - The Sirius Black - was taking an interest in her.

The graduation party should be the happiest night of Remus's life. He was entitled – damn it. He had earned it – a night of carefree fun and joy. He studied hard, was responsible, sensitive and a great listener. He followed the rules (well, most of them) and would do anything for his friends. Especially for a charming black-haired bloke with the wickedest smile in the whole school. His Sirius. The man that possessed his heart, his soul, his being. The one he had planned to confess his love to on this fateful night.

"Driving away from the wreck of the day

and I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus

'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love

I'm just falling to pieces"

But on his night, the night that should have been the cherry on the top of his seven years in Hogwarts, Remus only had the urge to get as drunk as possible. Now he had to witness his love, his man, escort the naive sixth year girl for a raging session of celebratory sex on their dorm room, while Remus had to cover his ears with the pillow and tried hard to muffle his sobs.

"And if this is giving up then I'm giving up

If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love"

Remus was happy. Two of his best friends were getting married, and to each other. He couldn't help but beam while he watched James giving Lily the kiss of life.

He was excited, for he knew that his family – The Marauders - was gaining a new member. It was for moments like this, filled with a wholesome happiness that made his heart almost burst and got his ears buzzing, that he lived for. That he carried on.

The reception was in full swing now. He was dancing with Lily when he had the sudden urge to look around. Sirius was staring at him, his eyes burning holes through him, right to his soul, as if he could see all his secrets and lies. The ones he fed himself everyday:

"Your friends wouldn't desert you."

"Someday they'll find a cure for lycanthropy and I'll be able to lead a normal life."

"I will get over my feelings for Padfoot."

"Moony," Sirius whispered near his ear. "We need to talk."

He couldn't help but follow him. Remus knew he would chase him to hell if it meant he would get to be with him, even as a friend.

"You've avoided me all night."

It wasn't a question.

"You've been like this with me for a long time." Remus swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing larger. He knew he couldn't deny what was true. "And I want to know why."

"And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love

When all my resistance will never be distance enough"

"I thought we were friends, Moony."

It was a veiled accusation, and it stung. Remus knew that he had hurt Sirius by being distant. But Sirius had also hurt him, without even realizing. Neither had meant to do it, but that didn't stop the pain from existing. It was there. It was real.

"We are friends, Padfoot."

"Is that so? So, why haven't we seen each other since James's birthday? And how come you don't write, or answer my owls? And why won't look me in the eye?"

Remus shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He couldn't tell Sirius, bluntly, that he loved him in a more-than-friends sort of way. But he couldn't lie to his childhood friend either. Or could he? Remus didn't even know which line he couldn't cross anymore. He didn't even know when to stop lying, to himself or to his friends.


"I…I…" He hesitated. Had it come to this? He would have to confess his deepest, darkest secret in order to maintain a friendship that gave as much pleasure as it gave him pain? Or was he doomed either way? "Sirius, I haven't been avoiding you as much any more than I've been avoiding anyone lately." Another half-truth.

"That's a lie, Remus, and you know it. So I'm gonna ask you one more time…" Sirius forced Remus to look him in the eye. "Why you're acting like this with me?"

"Because I'm in love with you."

Remus was surprised when the words just ran away from his mouth and met Sirius's ears. It was out in the open now, and there was nothing he could do about it. He watched helplessly as Sirius recoiled and looked away.

He had lost him, for good.

"Please, Padfoot…"

Please what? Please, love me? Please, don't leave me? Please, let's be friends, I take it back? Remus didn't even care what he meant. He was a desperate man, and he knew it.

"I'm sorry, Remus…"

And there it was - the rejection. Remus had known from the start it would come to this. He knew that Sirius would never look at him in the same way again. He knew that awkward words would be exchanged for a long time after his stupid confession.

Everything had changed.

"Driving away from the wreck of the day

And it's finally quiet in my head

Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed"

Remus John Lupin needed a drink. Getting pissed was his sole purpose in mind as he watched the love of his life chatting up some beaming bird who couldn't believe her luck, for Black - The Sirius Black - was taking interest on her.

Remus knew that he would spend this night as he had spent many others before, alone in his bed, looking at the ceiling and trying hard not to sob as he thought of the only thing he had ever wanted – the love of Sirius Black – and couldn't have.

"And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love"

A.N: Thanks for reading this! Review, please!