Title: Tangled Emotions
Disclaimer: I'm a poor working college student. The only thing I own is a very small bank account.
Category: Nick/Greg, mentions of Grissom/Sara
Summary: Nick has a hard question to ask Greg. Spoilers for Dead Doll.
AN: This is my first time writing for CSI, even though I have some other fiction in the works. This was beta'd by the lovely QueenOfTheUniverse. Thank you for the title ideas! Also for anyone on talk csi or CSI wiki, I'm CSIElizabeth on there.
They were both worried. Of course they were. Sara was missing; the miniature killer had taken her and buried her underneath a car. For all they knew Sara was dead. In Nick's mind, he couldn't stop thinking about the memories of his own abduction and the fear that was instilled in him until the moment he woke up and saw the faces of his coworkers in the hospital room.
Nick was getting ready to head out to the desert. He was putting his vest on when Greg walked in to grab his own vest from his locker. He looked at Nick with a sad smile.
"On my way up to the chopper. Hopefully if I'm high enough, I'll be able to…find her." Greg gulped and Nick could hear the tears in his voice.
"We'll find her, Greg. Sara's strong."
"It rained all night, Nick." Greg's voice was shaking and his hands were balled up. Realizing his hands were trembling, Nick reached out and held them gently in his own.
"Man…we're worried about Ecklie finding out about our relationship and look at Sara and Grissom." Greg laughed nervously, apparently trying to cheer himself up. He wasn't succeeding and Nick only had to look into his eyes to know it.
"We'll find her. I'm damn sure of it. You found me, didn't you?"
Greg closed his eyes and shook his head. He pulled his hands away from Nick and settled them on his own arms. His voice was shaky as he responded. "No…don't go there."
Nick bit his lips as tears streamed down his face. "I keep remembering how I felt. How alone I was and scared that I was going to die before you guys found me."
"Nick…don't do that to yourself." Greg begged his boyfriend. "We found you, baby." Greg touched his wrist gently and leaned forward to kiss him. However, Nick shook his head, stopping Greg's movement.
"Is this worse?" Nick asked out of the blue. He mentally kicked himself for asking the question. How could he possibly compare his kidnapping to Sara's? "No, never mind, don't answer that."
Greg blinked back tears and wiped his eyes. "No, Nick. You asked me that for a reason. What do you mean? Is what worse?"
"Sara's kidnapping? Is hers worse…or was mine?"
"Nick, you're talking two different situations here."
Nick tried to put his jumbled thoughts into words. "I just mean…was it worse for you when I was missing or now when Sara is missing?"
Greg didn't answer for a moment. He seemed to be trying to figure out what Nick really meant. "What do you want me to say?"
"I…I don't know." Nick whispered.
Greg thought about the question. "I love you so much, Nick. You're my whole world, my very reason for living. It's cliché but true. Watching you…suffering was the worst thing I have ever gone through."
Nick looked at up at Greg and smiled through his tears. "I guess I just…I never really grasped how you felt going through that and how you feel now."
"It feels like my heart has been ripped out. That's how I felt then and it's how I feel now, but in different ways. Yours was worse because even though I could see you, I had to see you in pain and crying and screaming to get out. We had to see you suffering. We knew you were alive but at the same time, we didn't have a clue where you were. With Sara, we have an idea of where she may be, but we can't see her! We don't know if the rain made her situation worse and we don't know if she made it through the night. We don't know because we can't see her! I can't see her! When you were missing, I saw you Nick. I could see you in pain and that was worse because I loved you so much and wanted to find you! I love Sara, she's our friend, but it hurts so badly because I can't see if she's alive or not. I can't see her. I can't see her like I could see you. I have to tell you, seeing you and not being able to find you was a hell of a lot harder because I had to see you in pain. With Sara, I can only imagine the pain she's in."
Nick pulled Greg close and held him in his arms, stroking his hair and whispering words of love in his ear.
"You got me back, Greg, you guys got me back. We're going to bring Sara home, just like you brought me home, okay?" Nick pulled away and held Greg's face in his hands.
Greg smiled through tears. "Okay."
"Now…let's go find our girl."
Greg nodded, determination rising in his face as Nick kissed him quickly before they closed their lockers and ran towards their separate vehicles heading to the same destination: Sara.