Based on true events. I wrote this when I was frustrated. This whole one comment/shower/train of terrible thought thing really happened. The thoughts, emotions everything. Everything is exactly the same except for the particular thoughts. So yeah, it's pretty much just a REALLY short, useless, EMO fic. But I felt compelled to write it, cause...well...I felt for a moment I understood a little bit of Dean's mental weight. So yeah, it's REALLY short. Lol, let me know what ya think.
The steaming hot stream of water his Dean's bare back and shoulders with strong force. He made a slightly pained face as the too hot water hit his skin, sending goosebumps all across his flesh. Dean felt a brief pang of anger; as if it were the water's choice to be so damn hot and not his when he turned the handles on, not really giving the "Cold" dial much of a turn.
He ran a hand over his hair as he stared at the opposite wall; jaw set and lips closed tightly. Dean was upset. It was stupid. A mere comment made by Sam. Hell it was even meant to be a joke and Dean had laughed, but it had started a train of thought in his mind that caused a hollow pressure to settle in his chest.
Dean turned and let the water beat against his chest. He rubbed a sore spot on the side of his neck and foolishly let the train of thought continue on. He had less than a year left, Sam was still trying to find a solution that would only lead to his own death, demons still wandered around amongst people, Dean still wasn't sure what his father meant when he told him the secret about Sam and Dean worried more than anything that he would not be around to save his brother from what he feared may be himself.
The thoughts overpowered Dean's mind and he felt the tightness constrict more in his chest. "You are not going to cry." He told himself, but his body said otherwise. Dean's breathing quickened a bit and he felt the pressure behind his eyes. He thrust his face into the stream of the water. If his face was already covered in water, then there was no need to add to it. It was silly reasoning, but it worked; Dean was able to fight off his growing emotions.
He crossed his arms and rested his forearms against the wall, placing his forehead against them. Water ran in a thin line down his forehead, nose, lips, and off his chin to cascade over his chest and abs. It was so stupid! Why was he upset? Dean couldn't help it though, he felt like crap. It probably wasn't just the comment Sam made that started this emotional pitfall. Dean had been holding back, putting up a front, ever since Sam found out about he had done for him. Dean had just buried and denied his emotions and put on a smile for Sam. Like they mostly do, that plan sure as hell backfired. Sam had seen right through it and would not leave Dean alone about it.
Then there was the night Sam really confronted him. Dean had stopped pretending that night. Sam's words had caused his walls to crumble into dust.
"I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause...just cause."
What had Sam intended to say? "'Cause I miss the way you used to be?" "Your time is running out?" "I need you back?" It didn't really matter; it had stopped Dean short. But it had only added to his emotional load. Sam needed him. And that was the stake that drove right through Dean's heart. What was going to happen to Sam after he was gone? Dean wanted to think that Sam would continue on hunting, or maybe meet a nice girl and settle down. But the truth was: they were brothers. And they often thought alike. And Dean remembered the ever-present thought that had hooked onto his mind the night he was forced to stare at Sam's lifeless body. Would Sam consider the same thing? Or worse, would he actually do it?
Dean's tired mind ran at a dizzying rate as he thought over everything. It was too much. He couldn't take it. Dean thumped his forehead roughly against the tiled wall as he became aware of the taste of salt. After a moment, he allowed the shower to wash away the evidence and he turned off the stream. Dean opened the clear door with a cloud of steam and began toweling off water-beaded skin. He forced the thoughts to the back of his mind. He knew Sam felt guilty enough, Dean didn't need him sensing that something was wrong and asking about it.
No. Dean relaxed his jaw and stopped holding his lips so tightly; he even attempted to smile just a little. With a long, slow inhale followed by a loud exhale, Dean opened the bathroom door and went back out into the room where Sam was, silently praying that his little brother wouldn't tap into that amazing talent of his of being able to see right through him.