Errr... I was trying to write an angsty fic but I found out I couldn't do it and just went with this. It's a bit rushed so forgive me. Haha! There aren't many DinoxTsuna fics out there so I wanted to give it a shot and contribute.:D
Anyway! The plot bunny is all thanks to the people at the forums! Haha!:D I hope you'd all like this. It'd be nice of you told me what you thought.:D
He was Supposed to be Mine
The first time I met you, you were a pathetic little boy, desperately clinging for the life you were familiar with but loathed. I don't think anyone in this world would want to stay as a No-Good forever but you seemed as if that were better than the life we were opening for you. Through all my smiles and affection, deep down, I truly pitied you. For how could you want to stay the same with that kind of lifestyle? How could you want to stay the same when friends and a chance to make you truly live your life existed at that other end?
That first time I met you, I thought that it would be the end of the legacy of the Vongola.
But somehow, you were able to prove me wrong. Somehow along the way, Reborn had made you change. From that pathetic little boy you once were emerged a promising young man. It was quite the transformation though slow. But I love every part of it.
I love to see you change. I love to guess what kind of man you would become, what kind of Vongola boss you would be and what kind of family you would build. I love how every situation you'd encounter, no matter how serious or stupid they were, would create in you an awareness about yourself. I love how you, through every minute and every second, reveal a part of yourself. A part of yourself that erects a kind of assurance in everyone that the man you would become would not be less than great.
What I love most, however; is the fact that you always catch me off guard with your kindness. I don't think I know a kinder Mafia Boss than you. How can you be so filled with kindness and mercy and still hope to survive in this world both you and I live in? I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you to see someone part of your family get hurt if a complete stranger getting caught up in our affairs seem to bother you so much. It seems that, no matter how hard I think about it, I could never begin to understand what goes through your head.
I thought it was pointless to go so far as to spare the lives of your enemies. I thought that giving them mercy would only make us weak and that giving them a second chance at life would bring them a chance to kill you again. Time and time I've told you how reckless you are thinking that everyone could change for the better. And time and time again you've proven me wrong.
There were a few times when your mercy backfired. But you protected each and every one of your family to the best of your abilities. And each time a threat to destroy your family comes; you show a side of you only a few blessed has seen. A side that at once is aggressive and gentle; and vicious but merciful.
And then somehow, all of a sudden, I find myself deeply falling for that side of you.
Your willingness to protect everyone important to you I understand. But that willingness to save each and every person that needs saving is a bit too much for me to handle. I am not a person so unkind as to say that no one besides those who I deem important is not worth saving. But there are limits to that. With you though, there are no limits, there are no categories or specifications. You just do. And every time I ask you why you did it, you'd always, always just shrug it off with a sheepish smile on your face.
How could I ever hope to understand you like that?
And it makes me so jealous of your Guardians. Because no matter how far or long you stay away, you always come home back to them. You spend so much time with them, time I need to be able to unlock the mystery that is you. I want to be able to say I know you as much as you know me. I want to be able to say I know you more than anyone else.
I want you.
I want your smiles. I want your kind eyes only to look at me. I want your touch, your lips, your body… Your soul.
I want them all to be mine. And then I would give all of me to you.
If I could, I would take you with me. If all I need is to wait for you, then I'd wait even for all eternity.
Because you make me feel. You make me feel things I've never once thought I was able to. You even made me realize how terribly lonely my existence had been even with my own family around. It was you who made me feel that. I was blissfully unaware before I met you. But as I gradually came to see who you were, as I gradually learned more and more about you, you made me see how terribly fake I had been with myself.
My smiles, my laughter, my hardships and pains… They were nothing but things I had to do in order to survive. But upon meeting you, I came to realize that I haven't once done anything in my life to really and truly live.
That pathetic little boy who I once offered a new life was now unknowingly offering a new life for me.
And it hurts, sometimes.
At least, when you were the one making the decision of choosing between two lifestyles, you knew what the better path was. The only obstacle was yourself.
As for myself, I'm not so sure which path to take. Do I take the path that leads me closer to you and risk destroying what relationship we've built together? Or do I choose to walk down the other path that keeps me at a distance only close enough to be friends?
Sometimes I'd imagine what it would be like to be one of your Guardians. Always after that, I find myself so envious of them because they could be so close to you without exerting any kind of effort. It annoys me even whenever Gokudera clings to you without protest, whenever Yamamoto places his arms carefully around your shoulders and you'd just smile at him or whenever Haru or Kyoko would give certain glances your way. It infuriates me even more when I see Mukuro slyly look at you with some kind of emotion in his eyes that I do not like or even when Ryohei grabs your attention because of his loud proclamations. What annoys me most, however, is my own student. How dare he be so rough with you?! I don't like to see him near you. I don't like it when he speaks softly to you, so soft that you're forced to go closer to him to listen what he has to say, so soft he'd bend down and whisper it in your ear. I don't like the way he vanishes and leaves you just like that and comes back without a single explanation of where he's been or what he's up to. I hate it when you just nod at him and say, "Okaeri, Hibari-san" with that smile that should have been mine.
You were supposed to be mine.
Tsuna, you were supposed to be mine.