Disclaimer: The Transformers aren't mine as you probably have already guessed. This fic was strongly inspired by Babylon 5 vs. The Borg by Kahless.
Warning: Very silly.

Transformers vs. The Borg
by Daylight


It was a peaceful day on Cybertron when suddenly…

PERCEPTOR: Sensors are detecting a cubically shaped spaceship heading directly towards us.

OPTIMUS PRIME: (frowns) Hmmm…. I wonder what it is.

BLASTER: Incoming communiqué on all frequencies.

BORG: We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

PRIME: Welcome to Cybertron. I hope you enjoy the peace and prosperity of our world. We reach out to all…

The Borg ship begins to fire on Cybertron.

PRIME: Now, now, there's no need to do that. We can talk this out and settle it peacefully in a way which will satisfy all parties leaving us all happy and…

ULTRA MAGNUS: Prime…

PRIME: Fine, Fine. Blow their evil brains out!!

VARIOUS AUTOBOTS: Yahooo!!!!!

All the Autobots, somehow remembering that they can actually fly, go up into space and start tearing apart the Borg ship.

SILVERBOLT: Areolbots attack!

The Areolbots fly into the Borg Cube and find themselves caught in the mesh of corridors of the ship.

SILVERBOLT: (trying uselessly to transform) Help! Get us out of here!

GRIMLOCK: Silly Areolbots. (begins chewing drones) Me, Grimlock, munch Borg!!

The Dinobots, following their leader, rampage through the Borg ship chewing on all drones that cross their paths and squashing all others under their giant feet. Meanwhile, Sunstreaker smashes drones with his bare fists while his brother Sideswipe races through the ship.

SUNSTREAKER: (sings) I was mashing Borg one day. In the merry, merry month of…Hey 'Swipe, what month is it?

SIDESWIPE: No idea. (drives over another drone)

KUP: (holding up a drone that is falling apart) Drones these days. They never make them like they used to. I remember back on Cylos99999…

CLIFFJUMPER: These Borg are nothing. We could beat them with our eyes clothes. We could beat them with are arms tied behind our backs dancing the polka and…(gets poked by a Borg's assimilation prongs) Hey, what was that for? (becomes assimilated)

CLIFFJUMPER: We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

BUMBLEBEE: (approaches) Hey Cliffjumper, is something wrong? Let your old pal, Bumblebee, help you out. (is assimilated by Cliffjumper)

BOTH: We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

KUP: I think a strategically retreat is in order.

GRIMLOCK: Me Grimlock no retreat. Me Grimlock… (sees Sunstreaker and Sideswipe being assimilated) Runaway!! Runaway!!

KUP: Where's a dang hero when you need one?

HOT ROD: (arrives with a very shiny coat of paint) You called? (charges forward firing at everything and sings) Here I come to save the day! (pauses a moment and finds he's done absolutely no damage since the Borg have adapted to his weapons) Uh oh! (runs away)

Meanwhile the Decepticons have arrived planning to attack Cybertron. They arrive just in time to have Hot Rod run by them.

GALVATRON: Where do you think you're going, puny Autobot?

HOT ROD: Cybertron is being attacked. Everyone's being assimilated. We have to… (suddenly realizes who he's talking to) Oh Galvy… (grins and points to the army of drones that have beamed down to Cybertron) Those drones called you Barney's uncle.

GALVATRON: (steam comes out from the sides of his head) They'll pay! (charges the Borg with the rest of Decepticons who are all promptly assimilated.)

An assimilated Decepticon grabs hold of an Autobot.

ASSIMILATED DECEPTICON: Must crush Autobot! No, must assimilate Autobot! No, must crush! Assimilate! Crush! Assimilate! Crush! Arrrrgggghhh!! (assimilates the Autobot then crushes him) Ahhhhhh…(goes on to do that to all the other Autobots)

Springer watches the army of Borg drones marching across Cybertron.

SPRINGER: They're very slowly charging us!

ARCEE: What will we do?

OMEGA SUPREME: Action necessary. Prepare for battle.

ARCEE: Oh no! Omega Supreme has been assimilated!

SPRINGER: No. He always talks like that.

Omega Supreme attacks the drones and is assimilated.

OMEGA SUPREME: Resistance futile. Prepare for assimilation.

ARCEE: Is he assimilated now?

SPRINGER: I'm not sure…

Both Springer and Arcee are assimilated by Omega Supreme.

ULTRA MAGNUS: (rushing into the Command Center) Prime! The Borg are assimilating all our troops. We need a plan.

PRIME: (laughing and watching the viewscreen which is currently showing an episode of Beast Wars) Ultra Magnus, you should have seen what Rhinox did. He ate these plants and…

ULTRA MAGNUS: Prime, the Borg…

PRIME: Rights, yes. Have the Dinobots do their thing.

ULTRA MAGNUS: They ran away.

PRIME: Fine. Superion can defeat the Borg.

ULTRA MAGNUS: The Areolbots have already been assimilated.

PRIME: Ok. Have Metroplex destroy them.

ULTRA MAGNUS: He's on Earth.

PRIME: Computron then.

ULTRA MAGNUS: He's on Earth too.

PRIME: Defensor?

ULTRA MAGNUS: Earth

PRIME: Sky Lynx?

ULTRA MAGNUS: Again…

PRIME: (very angry) What the hell are all those Autobots doing on Earth?

ULTRA MAGNUS: Protecting it from the Decepticons.

PRIME: Oh yeah…

Blurr speeds into the room.

BLURR: Wearetheborgtheborgwillassimilatedyouyouwillbeassimilatedyoucannotresistresistanceisfutilefutilefutile…

Prime blows Blurr's head off.

PRIME: I've always wanted to do that. Now, who hasn't been assimilated?

ULTRA MAGNUS: Tracks and Wheelie.

PRIME: This truly is our darkest hour.

ULTRA MAGNUS: Not again.

PRIME: I feel it's time we used our ultimate weapon.

ULTRA MAGNUS: No!! There must be some other way!

PRIME: It's the only way we can defeat the Borg.

ULTRA MAGNUS: But the consequences…

PRIME: We have no choice.

Optimus Prime pulls a lever on his console. On the surface of Cybertron, a trap door opens and a figure emerges from it.

DANIEL: (sees the drones) Oh, can I play?

BORG: Runaway!!!!!

All the Borg flee.

Daniel: (looks around) Where'd they go? (shrugs) Optimus! Optimus, where are you?

ULTRA MAGNUS: (watching the viewscreen in terror as Daniel approaches the Command Center) Quick, put him back!

PRIME: (struggling with the console) I can't the lever's stuck!

EVERYONE: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


The End