Title: Ashtray

Summary: In which Naruto smokes and Sasuke doesn't like it. NaruSasu.

I'm positively churning these out, aren't I? (Collective 'no' resounds) This is a stupid little idea that I had running around my head and put down on paper (or Microsoft Word) to see what it turned out like. It's all very, very pointless and drabble-ish.

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Despite the fact that he had just achieved his lifelong goal and had killed one of the legendary sannin, lesser emotions, namely displeasure and irritation, kept cropping up for Sasuke now that he was back in Konoha. Humiliatingly enough to begin with, he'd had his chakra and Sharingan indefinitely sealed. But hey, apart from a minor dent to his pride, Sasuke did not feel very strongly about this.

Secondly, he'd lost quite badly when he'd agreed to train with Sakura. Taijutsu, to be fair to him. He found that without his chakra and Sharingan, he was pretty useless in that area of combat through lack of practice. Still, it only bothered his need-to-be better part.

And now, he'd just found Naruto smoking. And it bothered him. More than having his chakra and Sharingan sealed. More than being beaten badly by Sakura. He felt irritated – the mere sight of the blond with the cancer stick in his mouth, inhaling deeply and exhaling with a sigh of pleasure made him want to murder Naruto. He sauntered casually up to him.

"Sasuke," Naruto greeted, removing the cigarette from his mouth and tapping it so that the ashes fell from the cigarette. Courteously, he shook the box at Sasuke, offering him one.

"I don't smoke," Sasuke said coldly, "and neither should you, dobe." At this, Naruto took the last drag and stubbed the cigarette out on the floor. And then he pulled out another, placing it between his lips.

"It's not bad for you," Naruto mumbled offhandedly past the cigarette in his mouth. He paused to light up. "Asuma used to smoke twenty a day. I only have two or three."

Sasuke grit his teeth and uttered a 'tch' of annoyance. "You're even more of an idiot than I thought. Do you know what's in that?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, and inhaled deeply and pensively.

"Sure, I guess it is kind of bad for you. But it's just a way to relax. There's no harm in it."

"You'll get cancer."

"Hardly."

"Your house will stink."

"I only smoke outdoors."

"Your clothes will stink."

Naruto smelt his top. "Not much."

"Your growth will be stunted."

"I'm taller than you, Sasuke," he pointed out truthfully. If he hadn't just found out how terrible he was at taijutsu, he would have punched Naruto. "Anyway, why do you care?"

Why did he care? Surely, after all he'd endured, he was beyond caring about the trivial things in life, and smoking had never bothered him before. It was just that the sight of Naruto with that thing in his mouth was so wrong. In the silence that followed Naruto took another of his infuriatingly long drags. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, very aware that he'd been caught out.

Some kind of realization suddenly seemed to dawn on Naruto. "I get it. Little Sasuke-chan is a choker!" Or not. How could he use the term he'd used when goading him before a hugely important fight in this situation?

"I'm not a choker." To prove it, he took the cigarette from Naruto, inhaled and exhaled quickly, and forced back coughs and tears from that awful smoke. Naruto blinked at him.

"You didn't inhale, Sasuke…" Sasuke cursed mentally, and took another drag, forcing the smoke into him and fighting more coughs and tears. Itachi and Orochimaru were nothing compared to this. How could he smoke these? Suddenly Sasuke felt strangely light-headed.

And then, somehow, it ended up as a smoking competition on Naruto's balcony between him and Naruto, just because Naruto didn't believe he wasn't a choker.

"You know," Naruto said later on, his voice hoarse from the many packets of cigarettes he had smoked. "This is the closest we've got to old times since you got back."

"Sure," Sasuke replied mordantly, feeling incredibly light headed and nauseous. "It's just like the time we smoked all those years ago." Naruto hit him, but he was too sick and dizzy to care much.

"I meant how we're acting, bastard." Naruto grinned sinisterly at Sasuke and then pulled another cigarette out. Sasuke balked and Naruto laughed gravelly. "You're not giving up, are you?" He taunted his friend. Sasuke plucked the cigarette from between his fingers and put it between his lips, smirking at Naruto's look of protest. "Bastard! That's the last one!"

"Get it back then," Sasuke challenged him, turning his back to Naruto so that he could light the accursed nicotine stick. He inhaled deeply, disregarding the burning at the back of his throat and turned around to blow the smoke in Naruto's face. Naruto opened his mouth so that he got a mouthful of second hand smoke.

"It still counts," he explained. Sasuke was tempted to burn the blond's hand.

They took it in turns smoking the last cigarette, knowing that the last smoker would be the winner and feeling the building tension that was not dissimilar to that of a person playing Russian roulette. The ashes got closer and closer to the butt, and it was with much reluctance that he handed the last of the cigarette to Sasuke.

Sasuke took the very last pull on the cigarette and Naruto looked agonized. He inhaled in slow motion and Naruto prepared to second hand smoke whatever he exhaled. Sasuke saw at once what he was preparing to do and held the smoke in him mouth. Naruto growled and put his face right in front of Sasuke so that only a few millimeters separated their mouths. He was ready to use his nose to claim the last smoke should Sasuke exhale through his nose.

Time passed and Sasuke was currently turning metaphorically blue with the need to breathe. Naruto smirked, his eyes crinkling with the knowledge that soon he would be winner. He moved closer, ready.

A few seconds more passed, and Sasuke felt as though his head would explode if he didn't exhale. Dammit, Naruto would not lose.

Naruto could wait, but he was getting a bit worried about his friend. He wouldn't put it past Sasuke to actually die of self-suffocation. A sly smile crept over his face. He pinched Sasuke's nose (Sasuke let out an 'mmph' of anger) and covered Sasuke's mouth with his own. Sasuke almost exhaled in shock, but caught himself in time. Dammit, Sasuke would not lose.

Naruto used his tongue to part Sasuke's lips, and Sasuke defended his smoke by gritting his teeth. Naruto changed tack by biting down hard on Sasuke's bottom lip. Sasuke growled through his teeth, and they both tasted coppery blood. Sasuke immediately forgot about their smoking competition and let go of the smoke he was holding so that he could bite back. Presently, they were biting each other's mouth, pulling each other's hair and scratching at each other's body.

Some time during the biting, tongues became weapons of choice as each one fought for dominance, sliding over the other, being bitten and tasting blood. And it felt really good. Their competition changed tack as they fought each other over who was kissing who. Naruto ran his tongue over Sasuke's bruised and bloody lips, sucking on them, and slipping it inside Sasuke's mouth to let it grate against Sasuke's tongue for a friction that was possibly the best feeling in the world. Sasuke used Naruto's focus on gaining the upper hand to push the blond against the sliding glass door that led back into the flat, nipping at his tongue when he tried to fight back.

It was the loud noise of a neighbor slamming their own sliding door shut that separated them. They stared at each other, hands still gripping clothing, hair or flesh and chests heaving, the lower halves of their faces smeared with bright blood. Naruto smiled stupidly and Sasuke noted that they were also stained with blood. Sasuke ran his tongue over his own teeth.

"I'm quitting," Naruto said a few moments later. It took Sasuke a while to comprehend what he was talking about.

"Why?" He asked.

"You tasted like a fucking ashtray."

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Stupid, huh? To be fair it did amuse me for a day.