Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars or McDonalds.
Emperor Palpatine sat on his throne on Imperial Center, twiddling his thumbs and waiting for something to do. It had been a slow day in the Empire, with no major battles with the Rebellion or significant events occurring. Everyone was kinda' bored. Suddenly an alarm flashed red.
"Your Highness, a dimensional portal just opened up on a nearby planet!"
Emperor Palpatine clapped his hands and said, "Goody! Uh, I mean go send a horde o Stormtroopers to check it out!"
Half an hour later, the officer who had been sent to check it out reported back. He was incredibly fat, far fatter than he had been when he left.
"What happened, captain? And where is my horde o Stormtroopers?" asked the Emperor.
"The newcomers called themselves 'McDonalds' sir. They have totally delicious food at cheap prices and all the Stormtroopers got addicted and bought so much they got fat and died. I only barely resisted that last Big Mac."
"Oh, OK. Send Darth Vader with a fleet of Star Destroyers to go and eliminate them."
"Yes, my lord."
One hour later the fat captain reported in again.
"Sir, Darth Vader joined McDonalds as the Human Resources Director. All of the people on the fleet ate so many burgers and fries from McDonalds that they all died."
Palpatine said, "That does it! Send in the Death Star to blow up the planet!"
Fifteen minutes later…
The fat captain said, "Boss, McDonalds hired all the people on the Death Star to come flip burgers for them. Look up there!" He pointed out the window. Emperor Palpatine looked out and saw the Death Star in the sky above them. It now had a giant yellow M painted on it.
"Oh and by the way, sir, McDonalds hired all of the Rebellion to flip burgers, too."
"What! How could this be happening?!!"
"Oh, I'm going to go work for them as well. They offered me a manager job."
The captain took off his military uniform, revealing a McDonald's uniform beneath it. He then walked out of the room. The Emperor sat down and put his head in his hands.
"Aye ay ay. Why me?"
At McDonald's headquarters, President Jones called a senior staff meeting. Darth Vader and the other executives showed up. When everyone was sitting around the conference table, President Jones got up.
"How goes our assimilation of the galaxy?"
"100 of the Rebellion agreed to work for us. So did 75 of the Imperial military. The other 25 ate too much and died." said Bob the Director of Marketing.
"Employee moral is up due to my new policy of free food during lunch breaks." said Darth Vader.
"Excellent, victory will soon be ours!" exclaimed President Jones.
Emperor Palpatine decided to take matters into his own hands. He flew his personal shuttle to the McDonalds H.Q. On his way in, he saw the receptionist.
"Excuse me, sir. Do you have an appointment?" she asked
"Then I'm afraid I can't let you through."
Emperor Palpatine used Force Lighting on her right then. It instantly killed the receptionist. He made his way to President Jones' office. He burst through the door, lightsaber in hand. President Jones slowly turned his chair.
"Good evening, Emperor Palpatine."
"It's 11 o'clock in the morning."
"Crud, you just ruined the dramatic effect!"
"Oops, I'm sorry." As a villain himself, Palpatine understood the need for a dramatic effect.
"Ah, well. It's OK. Anyway, at a guess, I'd say you're here to kill me and regain control of the galaxy."
"That's right." the Emperor replied.
"Well you WON'T!!!"
"You have nothing that is a match for the Dark Side of the Force."
"On the contrary, I do. Behold my secret weapon!"
The President reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out a small wrapped bundle. He opened it to reveal… a Big Mac with chease!
"Noooooo!" cried the Emperor. "It smells so delicious, I can't stop myself. Noooooo!" he starts gobbling "Curse you!" gobble "So delicious!" gobble
"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Emperor Palpatine was forced to work for McDonalds as a burger flipper in order to get more Big Macs.
McDonalds successfully assimilated the entire galaxy in a week.
Everyone was totally brainwashed by their logo in a month.
The Star Wars galaxy was renamed to "The McDonalds Galaxy".