Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.
Warning: AU, Out of Character charas, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed)
A/N: Totally inspired by all the teen movies that ever existed. It'll be a crazy AU; sorta modern-fantasy setting, I guess, but I'm not focusing on the background TOO much...it's the characters themselves that need to stand out. This fic will be DIFFERENT from my last OP, so don't worry. Angst and drama will be in relationship and such situations; not gruesome killings and mutilation. O.o All chapter titles will be by Garbage. Man...I love them...Shirley Manson is just...there are no words to describe her awesomeness. XD
A/N2: Oh yeah...and I'm one with a heavy eye on fashion. I love writing about what my characters wear. It's a really bad habit of mine. If my habit ain't repeating words over and over again, it's describing in full detail the fashion.
A/N3: The boys are smelly, belchy and talk freely of bathroom and booger duties. For those that don't want this, DON'T READ.
: Drive You Home :
It looked like another one of those nights: where his watch read over 2200, the stars were twinkling as brightly as they could over the light polluted skies, and where the cobblestone streets were full of drunken voices. In the heavily populated area of Area 29, where young adults and teenagers alike frequented for the tech, entertainment, taverns, and clothing shops, Zoro found himself waiting at his usual post outside of Area 29's theater for his sometimes best friend. 'Sometimes', because often or another they were fighting over something that turned out to be rather trivial for its moronic undertones.
With one hand curled around the handle of Wadou, Zoro scanned the crowds of drunken college. At his feet was a bottle of grog; he hoped to finish it soon. The triple X's on the faux weathered label was turned inside toward his boot-clad foot, so that patrolling Marines wouldn't bother him with trying to investigate for proper drinking ID. He yawned loudly, lifting one tanned wrist to glare at the cuff watch he wore. It was nearly forty after 2200; he'd gotten the call on the den-den mushi at 1900. Gotten lost over in Area 25 because of some tavern brawl that had Marines swarming the area, and finally find himself here at his usual spot at 2125.
Flicking the sword from its scabbard a few times, Zoro frowned at the Area. "C'mon," he muttered.
Finally, he spotted his source of irritation ambling toward him, struggling not to look dispirited. Zoro had to smirk, straightening from his post and releasing Wadou to pick up his grog. Seeing Sanji wearing his argyle sweater vest over a striped button-down shirt and navy blue jeans made him want to smack the other man. He could also smell the other man's cologne from a mile away, making his eyes water. Zoro tried not to breathe in too deeply whenever Sanji was in his full desperate mode.
"'Bout time. God. I told you not to wear that hideous thing. It gives me a strange and new urge to beat you."
"Oh, shaddup, you goggle-wearing asshole. I told you about wearing that ugly orange thing. What is that? Knee pads? Orange does not go with anything! Especially with that hair of yours!" Sanji complained crankily, giving Zoro's outfit a once over. The neon-colored orange and grey camo carpenter shorts over untied boots, worn knee pads, and tube socks made him shudder. The blue jersey sleeveless shirt with a Jolly Roger on the back and a number 1 on the front showed off Zoro's muscled arms. The three swords that he carried everywhere hung at his side.
The man was absolutely color and fashion blind. Just looking at the orange and white goggles on Zoro's green hair made Sanji's eyes ache. He stood proudly in his own outfit, which he thought made him look rather jaunty. He stuffed his hands into his back pockets, wallet chain jingling lightly with the movement while his white leather shoes scuffed the cobblestone.
Zoro snapped said goggles over his eyes and grinned before taking a long swig of his grog. Exhaling heavily, he said, "They help me see what I'm doing when I'm drinking."
Sanji snorted, lighting up another cigarette. Zoro shoved his goggles back up onto his forehead and scratched at the back of his neck with a grouchy frown. "So...what? It didn't work out? Or...something?"
"I think she...got lost. I mean, I went from 27 to here five times since 1900," Sanji said with a shrug. "I was absolute on the time. I made sure that she knew. I think that perhaps...I made the mistake. Maybe I told her 27 rather than 29...maybe I said 1800 rather than 1900..."
Zoro rolled his eyes. He just wanted Sanji to accept that he'd been duped once again. "Whatever. Point is, she ain't here. Let's find the others."
"I can't. I was wondering if you'd happened to see Nami on your way over. Y'know, a fresh pair of eyes sort of thing?"
Zoro finished off his grog. "I wasn't watching out for that witch. I had more important things to do."
Sighing heavily, Sanji's shoulders dropped. Smoke from his cigarette rose high. "I should try 27 again. Maybe she's inside."
"The movie's over and done with, moron. Ditch the broad and let's go. I'm not spending all my time looking for some idiot wench that's probably shacking up with somebody else from Econs class."
Flicking ashes to the side, Sanji refused to show his childhood friend how let-down he was over their classmate's actions. "Maybe some family emergency came up," he muttered. "I should get to a den-den mushi, but Bellemere has it turned off for some reason."
Zoro snorted. He started walking, hand resting on Kitetsu as he began the maneuvering through the cobblestone street. People were practically bouncing off each other in their scramble to make this night 'that great night', eager to do anything and everything to make each memory memorable. He heard Sanji following after him, muttering to himself over Nami's disappearance.
It took nearly an hour to get to their familiar haunt; over eager Marines and Zoro's lack of direction while Sanji was angsting over being stood up had interfered with their destination that sat three blocks away from Area 29's theater. The tavern was popular with the college crew, and boasted a sports bar and grill in the back that made it easy to drift to when hard alcohol made minds blurry. Zoro inhaled deeply of the mixture of foods and stench of the bar, thinking of the grog that was calling to him as Sanji pushed past him to bother the various women that were mingling around. The bar maids were working in full force; working their corseted bodies for tips, skirts rustling as they hustled to and fro the bar area to serve drinks. Men and women crowded the entire tavern, cheering over the television screens on the wall; Zoro was only mildly interested in the boxing match, signaling for a bottle of grog to a barmaid that only smiled and nodded.
Seeing that Sanji had met up with the others in the 'Pocket Billiards' section, he paid for the grog and carefully made his way over, holding onto the bottle with both hands and smacking his lips. Reaching the pool table in use, he snapped his goggles over his eyes and began drinking again.
"Those things are hideous, Zoro," Ussop said, giving his friend a grimace as he held tightly onto his pool stick. "I don't think I can be friends with somebody that insists on wearing those ugly things every time he drinks."
"Tell me about it. I have to walk around with that idiot," Sanji muttered, giving Zoro a cross look. "People just stare at him like he's mental. Then they look at me the same way for even being around him!"
"I think they're cool!" Luffy interrupted, tongue in cheek as he lined up his shot. "You guys are just jealous because he's so cool! I wish I had a pair..."
Giving a satisfied sound, Zoro belched loudly then settled in a stool, hugging his grog. "You got my back, Luffy? That's cool. I'm your numbah one, dude."
"Right on, Zoro! Aw, man...I scratched...can I try again? Do over!"
"Tell me again, Zoro. Enlighten me. Why the goggles? Why not just...drink like a normal human being?" Ussop asked, snatching the white ball from the basket and lining it up. With an expression of concentration, he pointed at the nearest basket and leaned down for the closest shot. As striped balls sunk into the basket he'd pointed at, he straightened from the table.
"Because no one else does it. Duh." Zoro frowned at him, as if disappointed that Ussop didn't already know the answer.
"Only you would be comfortable being such a dork," Sanji said, starting in on a new cigarette. He reached over and roughly straightened Luffy's collar, sweeping his strawhat aside to do so. Luffy ducked away from him with a slight whine, straightening his hat. Sanji kicked him lightly, Luffy grinning back at him.
"Says you, Mr. Argyle."
"Yeah Sanji, that outfit offends me," Ussop then said, covering his eyes. "It screams to the world, 'Pansy'! Do you have to wear something like that around here? Hey, wait, didn't you have a date tonight? And, dude, lay off the cologne. What did I tell you about bathing in it?"
"Shut up, dick face. It smells awesome."
"So? The date?"
"Yeah! How was it, Sanji? Did Nami finally shmmm ffu—!" Luffy continued to speak, even as Ussop slapped a hand over his mouth.
Sanji scowled, but he pulled nervously at his shirt collar, not wanting to confess that it was another flop. Luffy gave a dejected sigh as he scratched once more. "Ah, well...the date. Yeah...uh...it—it went well. I mean, y'know, business as usual."
"So...Nami actually made it this time?" Ussop asked, looking at Zoro for confirmation. To end the game, he methodically shot the rest of his stripes into appropriate pockets, then took out Luffy's end. Luffy fed the table a few quarters then searched the area for chalk. The tables around them were crowded, with laughter and booming voices making them raise their own voices. He waved for a bar maid, and rattled off orders before she could even reach them.
Ussop looked at Zoro once again, waiting for an answer. As Sanji slipped off his stool to join Luffy, Ussop used the end of his pool stick to gain his attention once more. Reluctantly pulling his eyes from the barmaid's ample bosom, Sanji sulkily regained his seat and puffed smoke donuts at the ceiling. In the meanwhile, the green haired man lifted his grog up to his mouth, filled it, and indicated that he couldn't speak because of it. Ussop flicked at his goggles, then cringed when Zoro punched him in the chest.
"Um...yes?" Sanji looked over at Zoro with a warning, who rolled his eyes at the silent signal to stay quiet. "Yes, and...I don't give details. You all know that."
"That's great, Sanji!" Luffy then said, now that Ussop was crouched on the floor, rubbing at his chest. Sanji reached down and yanked Ussop to his feet, straightening the multi-colored bandanna that he had tied around his head. Ussop ducked out of his ministrations with a protest and an embarrassed fluster, earning a kick in response. "I'm sure you had a great time. You're always so popular with the ladies. I can't even imagine what to do with one all by myself..."
"And that's why you're still a virgin."
Zoro finally swallowed his grog, belched, and rose from the stool. "My turn. One-pocket, Ussop. You look like you need a challenge."
"Um...well...oh! There's Kaya! Berightback!"
"Get back here! Aw well. Sanji. Man-up. I challenge you."
"Oh no you didn't."
"Get over here."
On the way home, Zoro peered at the nightlife from behind the orange colored lenses of his goggles. Sanji walked five feet away from him, struggling not to be associated with him. As they maneuvered through the cobblestone streets, Marines hustling a group of underage students from a nearby tavern, Zoro had to wonder why Sanji bothered with his act. This was the countless time he'd shown up for the other because Nami or some potential date had duped him. For the last several years he'd watched Sanji crash and burn with every cold-hearted wench that decided to use him for a laugh or ego boost.
Why Sanji just wasn't getting the fact that females didn't like him was something of a mystery to Zoro.
"Hey, asshole. You ever get tired of this?" he asked, then realized that Sanji was no where in sight. He stopped in mid-step, lifting his goggles from his eyes to peer around himself curiously. There were girls giggling nearby, Sanji grinning brightly at them as he pretended to read the palm of one brave soul. With a scowl, Zoro watched for a moment, unable to hear what he was saying. He crossed his arms and waited, making people walk around him in their scurry to find fun before the taverns began closing up for the night.
A loud scream, followed by laughter from a nearby alleyway, prevented Zoro from hearing what it was that made the woman with her hand extended jerk it back and slap the blond man with a loud smack. The others scowled and hurried away, Sanji giving his clueless expression that told Zoro he had no idea what he'd said wrong.
"You done?" Zoro asked impatiently. "I gotta piss."
"Well...damn. I wonder what I said that was so wrong," Sanji then said, walking over as he rubbed at the red mark on his face. "Ow. All I did was compliment her on her surgeon. Those things were sculpted beautifully!"
Wrinkling his brow, Zoro frowned. "Her...bosoms?"
Sanji snickered. "'Bosoms'. Who says 'bosoms' nowadays?"
"Shaddup. Man, girls don't like it when you talk about shit like that. No wonder you got slapped. I'd slap you too, if I were a...chick."
"I wasn't, and I didn't. I was looking at her lips. But now that you mention it, she did have a wonderful rack." Sanji sighed, tilting his head to rest his cheek against his clasped hands. "I can just imagine resting my tired head against those pert, well-rounded ti—!"
"Gah. Enough. Shit. I'm not drunk enough to hear the rest of it!" Zoro said with a huff. He once again slapped his goggles on, adjusting them so that he was able to see the world through the orange tint. "I'm ready to see myself home. I've got enough couch change for a bottle tomorrow, and that's what I'm going to do."
After walking in silence for a few blocks, the pair made their way down a flight of stairs that disappeared underneath the cobblestone streets. It smelled of piss and rotten hot dogs, a vendor closing up for the night while bums rested on the platform nearby. Sanji slipped a few tokens into a till booth while Zoro leapt over it, ignoring a nearby Marine's call. The pair then made their way through the maze of underground tunnels, searching for their gate. Zoro nearly led them astray a few times while Sanji oogled the passing girls, and it took a longer time than necessary to finally reach the right gate.
It was dark and empty, the sounds of working cars echoing off the tunnels of the system. The overhead sign blinked with desolate action, announcing arrivals and departures with missing letters.
While waiting, Zoro removed the goggles once more and stared off at a point ahead of them. Sanji fiddled with his cigarette box and lighter, frowning at the crushed container and realizing he was nearly out of lighter fluid.
"Anyway, I was asking you: don't you ever get tired of it?" Zoro then asked, startling Sanji with the very noise of his question.
Sanji frowned at him. "Of what? Smoking? No. I'm damn well addicted, damn it. Ever since I was ten. You were there, remember?"
"No. That's not what I meant. I meant, finding these girls, planning to meet up with them—getting excited over their dumb asses, then getting all rejected." Zoro lifted an eyebrow. "Don't you get tired of it?"
"That's all just part of the chase," Sanji said with a sigh, stretching his arms high above his head. "That's the game of love, m'friend."
"Can't you tell by now that girls actually genuinely not like you?"
"Every girl likes me. They're just in hard denial. What's not to like about me, damn it?"
Zoro held up a hand, and lifted a finger with each of his reasons. "One: you smoke like a chimney. Two: you're a dork. Three: you're a lurpy fool. Five: you suck. Oh yeah, six: you wear too much shit stank for any normal human being to stand the stench of."
"You're such a dumbass. Don't you know how to count? You completely skipped out 'four', you fucking nut!"
"Oh yeah. Four: your breath smells like a fucking cesspit. Yeah. I could go on," Zoro then said, hands on his hips. His swords were given a comforting caress as Sanji scowled at him. "If you let me."
"Oh...shut up. Don't talk to me until I tell you to."
"Hah. Like I ever listen to you."
"Yeah, that outfit's proof. Loser."
"Man, this is my style. Careless, but fashionably so."
"Grungy, just like your face."
"Shut up, you lurpy moron."
"After you, ass face."
When they were children, the pair had always challenged each other over everything they could think of. Comparing heights in the pantry; endurance runs; grades; obstacle courses; dares—everything was competition. As the years drifted by and they became college students, rooming first with other students before managing to get a small house they shared with Luffy and Ussop, their competitive edges became nothing but flickers of memory. There were little things they challenged each other on, but since their world had expanded to include others, it became rather tedious trying to outdo the other when so many things commanded their attention.
Sanji had entered Roguetown's University to get a step up on his cooking skills; the college was famous for its culinary programs. Zoro had tagged along for a chance at the more adventurous side of present-day professions: the bounty hunting program was designed to make any student excel in the field of paid pursuits of various quarry.
In their second year of school, both were considered top of their classes; something that often surprised others when they came into contact with the pair. With how lazy he could be and with tendencies of alcoholism, one would be surprised to find out that Zoro was effective with three swords, and quite stubborn and successful when it came to gaining his prize. Four times he'd been sent out on a mock field test and four times his instructors had been awarded with success well achieved. With Sanji, while cooking and anything related to food preparations tended to be what drove him and caused his instructors much glee and pride over having him in their workshops, women were his weak point. The man could whip up a meal with limited supply and preparation that would satisfy a king, but the moment a pretty face caught his visible eye, he'd turn into a puddle of manipulative goo that made it impossible for him to work with.
School took up a lot of their time, but the time that they had free was time spent either with each other or with Luffy and Ussop. Luffy was set to enter the university on a full scholarship in the competitive field of buccaneering—because the seas mostly required a degree for such things—and Ussop in carpentry; some of their general education classes had brought the four together, the two younger men still in high school and on a program that would allow slow assimilation into university life. Legal age of adult was eighteen—giving them free rein to access the drunken revelry of Area 29's nightly festivities.
Both boys were without parents, but Luffy had an older brother that had been in legal care of him until he decided on his own adventuring, trusting Luffy to fend for himself until he returned. Everything worked in that sense—the boys used their scholarship money to keep them out of trouble, and the two elder males worked weekends, relying on loans to tide their schooling.
The house that the four shared was small—two bedrooms, a single living space that Ussop managed to divide into two separate areas that would allow a dining space; a kitchen and a bathroom that had seen better days. The two elder shared one room while the others shared the smallest room. With Ussop's carpentry skills, Luffy and Ussop were able to relax in massive hammocks that could be allowed down for extra space for their more important items. Their room held a massive television set, various game consoles and games, and a huge closet that expanded outside and was accessible by balcony.
The larger bedroom had a bed for Sanji and a daybed for Zoro. While Sanji claimed the whole closet for his wardrobe, Zoro had an old dresser that was more than enough for his clothing choices, and a mere nine-hole cubby shelf that held whatever he deemed important. To separate their spaces, Sanji had hung a thick curtain that would completely close off Zoro's area of the room from Sanji's.
The bathroom down the hall held a relatively large cabinet on one wall, and a stained toilet and shower stall on the other. The single window above the toilet was frosted, but decorated with Luffy's drawings. There were hair and face products scattered over every available inch of the counter. Toothbrushes were hidden and toilet paper revered as treasure within their own rooms. Towels littered the floor to stop the leak in the shower stall, but reading material was stacked neatly atop of the toilet.
While the house wasn't messy, it was apparent to a visitor that the four didn't focus entirely on cleanliness. The kitchen was the only area that was truly spotless; it was Sanji's work area, and he prided himself on keeping that area clean.
The living space had a television set that had seen better days, a den-den mushi, scattered gamer chairs and a shelf that held various movies of their combined collections. A battered coffee table held aloft whatever materials that a man needed for his class, and a couch was crammed against the back wall as an afterthought; holding various jackets and sweaters on its battered back and arms. From the ceiling hung paper lanterns of a popular noodle shack, the walls decorated with street signs.
It was a somewhat cozy bachelor pad. It was home.
Seeing that Luffy had yet to draw Ussop away from the polite Kaya, Sanji let himself in first, Zoro coming in second after tossing a snot rocket on the grass outside the door. Without much movement, Sanji snatched a ball of crushed toilet paper from the couch's overcrowded arm and tossed it at Zoro.
"That's disgusting. Ape. Be a normal human for once."
"Luffy used this to wipe away pimple juice," Zoro complained, swatting the wadded ball aside and making Sanji shudder as he hurried to the bathroom to wash his hands. Checking the fridge, Zoro concentrated on his choices of alcohol before him while Sanji observed himself in the mirror.
He frowned at his styled blond hair, wondering what was it about himself that made the ladies so eager to dismiss him. He'd spent minutes making sure it fell perfectly over his left eye; it was soft to the touch and it didn't reek of hair product. He then reached up to touch his curled eyebrow—wondering if it was truly distracting. Then touched a pimple near his left temple, reaching for a popular acne product that belonged to Ussop.
Zoro filled the doorway, frowning at Sanji for a moment before crossing the floor to stand in front of the toilet. At the sound of a zipper being manipulated and the familiar sounds of pissing, Sanji scowled.
"Can't you wait?! I'm almost done!"
"I told you, I have to piss. I'm not going to wait while you tweeze and pop. I was practically drowning in my own urine," Zoro complained, concentrating on the task.
Rolling his eyes, Sanji dabbed the cream on the pimple, scrunching his face as he did so. He heard the flow of urine stop, glancing at Zoro's reflection in time to see the man pull his goggles over his face.
Hearing the resuming task of pissing, Sanji shook his head. "I'm going to throw those stupid things away!"
"Why are you hating on these so much? Are you that jealous? You can buy your own pair."
"I don't want stupid-ass goggles! Who wears those things nowadays?! They were popular last fall, but it's—it's definitely not popular now! Now you just look stupid!"
"Bwa ha ha. Fear the goggles. The goggles of manliness. The goggles of might. Aw, shit. I just pissed all over myself."
With a flustered growl, Sanji capped the cream and tossed it. He stalked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Then grimaced because he hadn't washed his hands. He kicked off his white leather shoes, leaving them lying in the hall while he headed over to the kitchen. Using the industrial sized soap container that sat on the sink's edge, he washed his hands. He heard Zoro finish up in the bathroom, muttering. Seconds later, he heard the green-haired man stumble over one of his shoes, and Sanji could only grin as a huge thud sent walls shaking.
One of the shoes sailed through the air, Zoro cursing fluidly as he made his way into their bedroom. Finishing up with his hands, Sanji then grimaced. He rummaged through the fridge for more alcohol, then headed back into their room. He sank onto his bed with a huge sigh, handing Zoro a bottle of beer before settling back with three bottles of his own.
"Shaddup. You've had enough."
"I had grog. That was different. Gimme another one of yours."
"No. Go get some of your own if you want more so badly."
"I just sat down. I'm not getting back up."
Sanji opened his first bottle and nursed it while Zoro grumbled, undressing for bed. Clothes were tossed and the telltale sound of goggles hitting wood told Sanji that they'd finally been abandoned. Three precious swords were hung neatly from a nail that jutted outward from the wall Zoro's dresser stood against.
"Tomorrow will be different, bastard," Sanji said. "Nami will apologize for whatever emergency it was that kept her from meeting me. She was going to be there. She'd promised. She'd gone through the plans with me earlier, during Econs. She isn't like the others."
"...Right. This is the same woman that had been expelled the year before for stealing off with the Student Council's end of the year school party. The very same one that duped at least thirty people of their wallets at a Valentine's Dance that same year. The same red-headed bitch that claimed some guy got her pregnant and made him give her abortion money for something that went for her damn slutty wardrobe."
Sanji hurled his finished bottle of beer at Zoro, catching the green-haired man on the shoulder. "Shut up, asshole. Those were just fucking rumors! She's not like that! That was just bullshit made up by fucking jealous assholes like yourself just to bring her down! Nami's a kind, intelligent woman. She wouldn't even dream of making up shit like that just to—just make herself look good! You don't even know shit about her, jerk-off."
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, bottle blond asshole. I'm just telling you, she's not what you think."
"Oh, please," Sanji then grumbled, opening another bottle of cold beer. "You don't know anything. What you do know is shit from guys that she had to forcefully turn down. You and your bounty-hunting types...shit. Don't know anything."
"Aw, cut the crap. Shitty jerk. Shut up, now. After I finish this beer, I'm going to sleep."
"Fine." Sanji sulked, nursing his second bottle of beer while he thought of the red-headed woman that enticed him with her scantily clad body and seductive smile. He could only scrunch his shoulders with glee just imagining her as he'd seen her that morning—bending over his table with her chest pushed out and mini-skirt riding high, smiling with that flirty way she had when going over their plans. He felt his mouth go dry just seeing the way she'd licked her lips at the mention of a restaurant they were going to go to after the movie, the way she adjusted her bright red bra-strap when she mentioned she hadn't any money to pay for 'everything'.
He frowned over at Zoro, who was finishing off his beer. After belching loudly, he tossed the bottle in the direction of the hall; then thought better of it, rising to go pick it up and throw it away in the kitchen.
Sanji set his own bottle aside. "Hey. Stay in there. I'm going to beat off."
"Ugh. Geez. Hurry up. I'm tired as hell."
"Watch a movie or something. Shit. At least I have the courtesy to say something, rather than making you listen to me...the way you do, jerk-off."
"Blah, blah, blah...I'm getting a beer. Hurry up."
"Shut the door. I don't want those kids seeing me."
"Aw, hell. Who cares?! Like they don't do it!"
"Yeah, but Luffy will try to watch!"
"...Oh yeah. Heh. Perverted kid." Zoro chuckled as he shut their bedroom door.