Disclaimer: I claim to disclaim to own nothing at all

Disclaimer: I claim to disclaim to own nothing at all.

A/N: Here it is, just like I promised! Please don't kill me for not updating sooner, I was just lazy!

Chapter Five: The Cutler Beckett Unit

I see you have now purchased a Cutler Beckett UnitTM! Here you will find everything you need to know about your new unit!

You Unit Comes With:

A Cutler Beckett UnitTM

One set of clothes

One action figure of himself

One model ship

One tea set

One instruction manual

One order form

How To Activate You Unit:

There are several ways to activate your unit. One of them, quite possibly the easiest way, is to wait for him to wake up naturally. Another is to dump a pot of hot tea on him, but we really don't advise that, seeing as he'll have disfiguring burns/scars, and he won't like you very much after that.

Functions of You Unit:

Your unit is capable of functioning in several ways, but not that many. We've yet to see if he can sword fight, but he may be able to if you teach him. He is able to give orders, though, and can negotiate rather well. He can lay out a very nice tea, too, so if you want to have a tea party, he's your man. Just don't invite Davy Jones. It would end badly.

Emotions of Your Unit:

We really haven't been able to place some of the emotions, but as many as we have been able to are here:

Hate. Normally directed at Jack Sparrow, and pirates in general. We also have reason to believe that he may also hate Gov. Swann, for reasons unknown.

Default. His default mode is just…well…nothing. It seems almost as if he doesn't care.

We also suppose he can feel fear, even if he doesn't show it. We doubt if remorse is possible, though it might be. Love has not yet been displayed, but that doesn't mean it isn't there, buried deep down under his mask of indifference.

Your Order Form:

We suggest keeping this, as it can be used to do several things. These things are:

Order some of his favorite tea.

Order new clothes.

Order more action figures.

Order another unit/model.

Interacting With Your Unit:

You are highly encouraged to interact with your unit, though he may not like you very much. He doesn't seem to like anyone much, really. Here are the units he interacts well with:

Misc. Navy Officer

Will Turner (but only on occasion)

Here are the units he does not interact well with:

The Davy Jones

The Will Turner

The Capt. Jack Sparrow

The Elizabeth Turner/Swann

The Gibbs

The Barbossa

The Calypso

Misc. Pirate

Davy Jones's Crew

Common Questions:

Q: (Big thanks to squeeks for this one!) I forgot to put sugar in my Cutler Beckett UnitTM's tea. Now he hates me. What should I do?

A: Ah, we're seen this one before. We suggest apologizing profusely. If that doesn't work, GROVEL! Grovel like you've never groveled before if you want him to like you again. That's all we've got…

Q: I think my Cutler Beckett UnitTM is dead. He just fell over one day while having his tea, and I don't know what to do!

A: Where was the tea from? Are you sure it was tea and not coffee? He's allergic to coffee…Try slapping him a few times and if he doesn't wake up then, pour boiling tea on him. If he's not dead, he'll wake up. But he'll hate you…Oh well, better him be alive and hate you than dead and like you, right?

Q: I have a Jack Sparrow Unit TM and a Cutler Beckett UnitTM. They keep fighting and trying to leave marks on the other. What should I do?

A: They really, really don't interact well together at all. If they both keep trying to leave marks on the other, separate them. Lock them in different rooms, whatever it takes to keep them from killing each other. Or, you could just let one of them kill the other one, and then you'd have peace! But we're not responsible from any/all damage. Sorry.

Man, that was way too short! I'm sorry! (sobs) I'll do better next time, I promise! I swear it! Anyway, review. Barbossa's up next, so send me questions for him! And, I promise, Barbossa will be up by the end of May. I promise! If I'm wrong, you can all hunt me down and kill me. But please don't. Because then I couldn't write anymore, and that would suck if you like this story, right? Right. So, review, or Harold will come after you. (But not you, squeeks, because he likes you.) XD

My new name,