A.N: Okay, this should tie up Chocolate and Liquor in a neat little trilogy of sorts. If you haven't read either of those two yet, I suggest you do or this won't make a whole lot of sense.
Just a warning: this is probably the most ridiculous of the bunch.
DISCLAIMER: Man, if I owned this would have happened a loooong time ago. (I also don't own Safety Dance)
When Bella Swan woke up about three hours after Emmett had put her to bed, it was too the sound of hardy laughter and something about Swiss Sombreros. She figured for a moment that she must be having a drunken hallucination, but reasoned that if she was lucid enough to think of the option that this might all be some hammered fantasy, she wasn't very tipsy at all.
It wasn't this that brought her to reality, though, it was the headache. And the mouth full of cotton balls- had Edward put them in while she was sleeping? No, that didn't sound like him at all- then again, she never thought he would be having a lively conversation with Emmett about the ratio of Radishes to homeless people, so Bella supposed at this point anything was possible.
After making sure she hadn't fallen off of the bed and into a rabbit hole while slumbering, she raised herself on her elbows and groaned.
As soon as she heard Emmett shriek like a little girl, Bella knew she was in for one hell of a night.
Edward and Emmett sat on the floor, talking in exaggerated whispers as the distraught and very hungover girl dry sobbed silently into her hands. She hadn't asked much, just for them to be maybe a little quieter. Maybe? No. Instead they had begun to mock her like a couple of rowdy schoolboys, carrying out the not-so-clandestine plotting for world domination (Bella wasn't quite sure how this was to happen, the only things she really understood was something about a Swiss Revaluation, the vital part sombreros played in this, and radishes. Something about radishes.) in loud mutterings.
"Emmett," She stressed "I love you like a brother, but when you try to sing Safety Dance at the top of your lungs, it makes me want to gouge your eyes out."
A confused look graced his angelic features as he stopped mid verse. In the background, Edward watched with childlike curiosity.
"There was a time when he danced to that song." He said passively "Oh, the eighties."
"Hey! Everybody was pop locking back then, okay? The seventies were so much better."
"Not for you, Mr. I-love-Olivia-Newton-John."
"You have to give me credit, it takes balls to sing Hopelessly Devoted to You in front of a group of enraged bureaucratic vampires. "
Bella tried to say something, but found the power of speech evaded her. She could only gape in bewilderment at the scene unfolding before her, one that would later be described to Angela as "The bastard child of All My Children and Grey's Anatomy, but with world domination and sombreros."
"...so I plan on having the Anglo-Saxons be my treasurers."
"Will they wear sombreros?"
"Oh, right. That makes so much more sense." Edward said, and if he was not completely stone-cold serious, he didn't let on as much. "Are you alright, Bells?"
"No." She grumbled, voice parts bitterness, hate, and caustic resentment. "My head feels like...I can't even describe it."
There was a thick pause.
"Ow." Bella said flatly, snatching the almost empty bottle from the table and regarding it for a few seconds before getting up. She wobbled for a moment like a foal taking it's first steps, and the blood rushing to her brain only did bad things for her headache (why, she wondered, in a world full of vampires and werewolf's, can't there be magic hangover cures?) They looked at her like a pair of confused puppies as she, in seemingly slow motion, tipped the bottle and let all of the liquid spill onto Edward's very expensive carpet. "I'm cutting you two off." Coolly, she set the bottle back on the table and waited for the reaction.
"That was mean." Emmett said, voice dripping callousness "You're mean when you have a hangover." Edward nodded his head in agreement, but was decidedly mute. "Edward, she's mean when she has a hangover."
Bella watched as her love adopted an expression that could only mean he was thinking on something very seriously.
"Bella, you're mean when you have a hangover."
She sighed exasperatedly, and for a moment contemplated giving each of them a well deserved whack over the head with the bottle. Seeing, however, as it would probably not hurt them even the littlest bit, she restrained herself and took a step back, remembering Renee's brief stint with yoga she took deep breaths.
"ALICE!" Bella cried "Emmett and Edward are planning foreign revolution. Tell them to stop it."
"Damnit, you two, didn't you learn your lesson the last time?" Alice Cullen's reproving voice drifted from down the hall "Keep your silly delusions to yourself and leave poor Bella Bear alone."
"Thank you, now, Emmett-" She pointed to the doorway "Go to your room!" He scurried out quickly, tale between his legs. Bella turned to Edward, who stared evenly back "And you, I-" She paused "I'm going to sleep this hangover off. Just don't get together with Emmett and pull off all that world domination stuff. Let me be the first to tell you, I'm pretty unattractive in a sombrero." She walked to the bed and situated herself under the blankets, soon joined by her fiance, curling up behind her with his mouth by her ear.
There were a few moments of blessed silence as Bella found sleep within her grasp.
"'Cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine..."
"Shut up, Edward."