I needed to take a mental break from Escaping Sol and I thought I might as well do it with a bit of smut.
This is total PWP. I hope you enjoy it though. This takes place after Eclipse, and before Escaping Sol, so spoilers abound.
No beta on this one. My husband is sleeping and I wanted to get this out. Maybe I'll read it to him later…hmm…
"You have bewitched me body and soul." Is a comment from Jane Austin's "Pride and Prejudice"
I walked into my room while I was toweling my hair dry. I was unsurprised to find my fiancée lounging against the headboard of my bed. He was usually in my room by this time of night. Especially since I had taken longer in the shower than usual and he seemed to be deeply in thought. I had on a pair of comfortable sweat pants and a tank top. I knew these clothes were by no means sexy, but for some reason we usually ended up entwined with each other in ways that a pair of sweat pants would definitely not be blamed for. We had been very good about keeping ourselves chaste so far, but that didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy touching him. Edward had watched me quietly all evening long and I had noticed that the joy that he'd been exuding for the last few weeks had suddenly vanished. It was only three days till zero hour…as I was calling it in my mind. I thought I'd heard Edward call them our impending nuptials. His version sounded a bit more jovial and less like a nuclear accident. Either way we were nearly married. I oscillated between joy, confusion, and displeasure on a daily basis. Jasper was ready to invest in Prozac…for me of course. I was ready to invest in a time machine. The worst part of that was the fact that I wasn't sure from one moment to the next which direction I would be running to. The future would bring me Edward…the past would give me more time to think.
The ring on my finger was still heavy on my hand and I twirled it silently on my finger as I thought about its weight. The connection of what it meant to how heavy it felt had to be something psychosomatic. No ring on the planet could ever feel so weighted.
I knew that my moods were reflecting on Edward. He was probably getting tired of me by now, and wondering why he wanted me in the first place. The thought sent my heart into a pause followed by a panicked thrumming. What if I was hurting him with all of my hesitance? He probably thought that I was being incredibly self centered. Everyone was probably thinking that I was very self involved. I thought I was. I was going on a trip into Port Angeles with my mother tomorrow, and she was definitely of the opinion that I was being selfish. She had grudgingly accepted my marriage, but I didn't need Edward's super secret abilities to know that this was not what she wanted for me. She had never come out and said she didn't want me to get married…it was more like she was repeating back the words I said to her when she had come home with Phil. I found that slightly condescending considering the amount of time she'd known Phil before getting married to him. I had known Edward for two years…Renee had only known Phil for two months.
Edward interrupted my internal monologue. "Can I at least hear a little of what you are thinking? It will make me feel a little less like pulling all of my hair out." He looked a little like he was panicking. "I love you…and it's like this is torturing you." He looked away from me with a bit of sorrow. "I was talking to Jasper earlier today…and when we discussed your feelings I insisted upon him replicating your emotions. When I felt how much fear you had…how much pain I was causing you. Please don't do this to yourself. Alice can get married if she wants this so badly. I won't hold you to this nonsense any longer. I can't." He looked deeply into my eyes and I felt lost inside the golden pools. "I feel like you're only doing this so that I will be happy, but you fail to understand that my happiness is completely vested in yours. Please Bella!" He leapt off of the bed and took my hands into his own.
"I want this!" I argued back immediately as my feelings raged once again. Edward felt the palpitations of my heart, the panic of being without him evident to me only because Edward couldn't know my thoughts…just my physical reactions. "Please Edward! I love you too. There are things that I want for myself…and one of those things is you! Believe in me Edward. Please…I want you and I to be together. This is a natural progression for our relationship…" I let my words trail off as he dropped my hands and looked to the floor.
"When has our relationship ever been normal?" He was using my words against me. "I can't hurt you anymore Bella. This is unacceptable to me." He took my face in his hands and his fingers brushed my hair back. He looked so lost and troubled. What had I done? He doubted me, and it was very painful because I realized only too quickly that I had given him a reason. "We can wait until after you are turned. If you never become comfortable being my wife then you simply won't have to. I made a ridiculous demand. You have already promised me your life, your eternal love, and I apologize for filling your days with so much dread for the sake of a ritual." He placed his forehead against my own and pulled me into him for a hug. I allowed his arms, but I was stricken with the pain I was causing him.
"Edward…please look at me?" I put my finger beneath his chin and he turned up his beautiful face into mine. I could see the feelings the earlier statement had elicited in him. He was hurting! He thought I didn't want our union at all…I just didn't want to marry him so young. I had explained it as best as I could, my hesitation was not in any way attached to the way I felt about Edward. I just didn't want to disappoint my family, or leave Forks with everyone thinking I was marrying Edward because he had knocked me up. The truth behind that situation was that I was still virginal as the day I was born. I looked up at his eyes they were slightly dark with his pain at my reluctance. "Edward. I wish I could stop feeling this way, but I can't. According to my mother it's fairly normal. I hate to disillusion you, but I'm just doing what every single woman in my family through the pages of time did before me." I smiled and pressed my forehead against his looking into Edward's beautiful eyes. "You know the day before my mom married Phil she bought tickets to Cancun? One for her…and one for me." I numbered the tickets on my fingers and held them up in-between us. The pensive look that had been on his face went away and a smile came out. "See? Perfectly normal."
"I was wondering about that…" Edward trailed off as he kissed the tips of my fingers. My puzzled face must have alerted him to my confusion. "Your mother bought plane tickets this afternoon. I thought she knew something I didn't." I broke into peals of laughter and it must have alerted Charlie because suddenly I was alone and the door was opening. I had grabbed my shiny new cell phone off of the dresser and put it up to my ear by the time the door was open enough to see me and Charlie gave me a stearn look.
Charlie put his finger up to his lips and rolled his eyes before addressing me. "Bells, you have a bunch of really long nights ahead of you. I suggest you sleep now, because I remember what your mom was like the night before we were married."
I pretended to be wrapping up a conversation with Angela and closed the phone. "Sorry Dad. I didn't mean to wake you."
"Please just try to get some rest Bells. Trust me, this won't get better before it gets worse." He seemed to wince slightly before he thought better of that and it had already made me upset.
"What is that supposed to mean Charlie?" I had said his name directly and he smiled nervously.
"Look Bells I understand what you're probably going though better than anyone." He tried to calm me down, but I was kind of angry at him. He was comparing me to my mother again.
"I'm not Renee." I looked toward the window and realized that Edward had left the room completely.
"No…you aren't. For one thing, I understand that you're not sleeping with Edward." He put his hand up against his forehead and leaned against the doorframe. My parents had been intimately involved before marriage. This was something that I had surmised from their situation, but I had never pressed the issue. I had hoped to go without the conversation that Charlie had just begun. He seemed nervous…like he was about to say something that was going to embarrass himself. "I don't know how much your mom has talked to you about sex and marraige…"
"Enough for me to know the basics Dad please don't make us both uncomfortable." I was probably as red as a berry now, and Charlie was pink. He nodded his head and tried to reinitiate the conversation in a different direction.
"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just want you to know that I think you've done the right thing. I am very proud of you, and not just because you aren't sleeping with him. I've always been very proud of you, and despite how I may feel about your choice it isn't mine to make. You're very responsible and you always have been, probably a product of growing up with Renee." He gave me a hesitant sleepy smile. "Just remember that I'm here for you if you want to know anything. I know the internet is a great resource, and that you can ask your Mom if there is anything you need to know…but I've been where you are right now. If you have any questions…don't be afraid to ask anyone." We were both flushed red with embarrassment despite what he'd said to me about not trying to make me uncomfortable. He had offered, but I wasn't comfortable coming to Charlie with this subject. I knew Renee would be giving me the third degree tomorrow and I was frustrated enough with the prospect.
"Thanks Dad. I will ask someone if I have questions. I promise." There were a few things that I had on my mind lately about my physical union with Edward, but I hadn't wanted to voice my thoughts to anyone. If I was going to talk about sex I wanted to do it with Edward. He was the ONLY person I wanted to have sex with, and undoubtedly he had built up some kind of knowledge over the course of a hundred years. Maybe he was as pure as I was…but his mind had seen it all. Charlie nodded his head and shuffled back to his room. I thought I heard him mutter something about hearing things before I heard him shut the door to his room. I closed my door and turned the lock silently. I didn't want any more interruptions that would end in Edward leaving.
I turned around and Edward was sitting in the rocking chair with rain in his hair, his shirt soaked through as if he had hunched over himself to keep his pants dry. I grimaced. "Sorry. He was feeling long winded today, and I think he's probably the sixth person today to offer me advice. I'm getting a little tired of everyone trying to figure us out. It's like they can't possibly believe that two people can get married these days without having sex before hand." I turned away from Edward and walked toward the dresser. I would surrender one of my shirts that I had stolen from him so that I could sleep while he hunted. I heard him stand behind me and he was stripping off his shirt as I turned around and I got a very long look at his beautiful body. His mostly dry jeans hung perfectly off of his hips and his long torso was chiseled as if from stone. I was quickly reminded why everyone thought that we would have been humping like bunnies. Every time I looked at him like this my pulse would accelerate and I wanted to be with him in every way possible. We both knew it, and neither of us commented about my heart thrumming wildly in my chest, as talking about it wouldn't help us. I walked over to him taking the wet shirt and throwing it over the back of the rocking chair adding to my air of nonchalance with ordinary conversation. "Why didn't you just go hide in the closet?"
"He was sure he heard me, he was going to check the closet. He changed his mind when you made your brilliant decision to feign a phone call, but I was already outside by then. Actually, as to your earlier statement, if it makes you feel any better my whole family has been soliciting me with advice today as well." He ran his fingers through my hair. I couldn't imagine Esme cornering Edward and talking to him about intercourse. "Of all of them the worst has been Emmett. He has been throwing me silent guidance all day." Here he pointed to his head and shuddered. "I was especially excited about leaving the house to come here because I don't want to see another mental reel of positions that he thinks would be safest." I ran my fingers through his wet hair and I heard the shirt I had just handed to Edward slide out of his hand to the floor. He pulled me closer and we held each other. We had been suffering together. I knew he wanted me just as badly, and I could feel the evidence of it against my stomach. I put my head against his chest and let my fingers dance across the cold flesh of his ribcage. I couldn't understand why everyone was pushing this issue when we were already hurting from it.
"It doesn't make me feel better…" I whispered into his skin. "I wish they wouldn't make this harder than it already has to be." I wanted very badly to throw everything aside. We had waited, impatiently albeit, for the last two months. It was almost more unbearable because there was some kind of timetable. I almost wish I had taken Edward up on his solicitations in the woods. I thought of us making love in the meadow the light rain falling on us and I shuddered. "I love you, and we will do this right." He laughed quietly when I whispered the words that were like a mantra for me these days.
"Every time you say that I know you're saying it to yourself more than me." Edward's voice was amused.
"Is that so?" I breathed out a sigh against his chest.
"They are worried…my family, and yours. Although they have vastly different reasons for their fears, and it shows how much they care. I'm not saying it isn't driving me mad as well…but if they think they're helping I can hardly get bent out of shape about it." My lips trailed across his chest and he gasped and said my name in a breathy whisper. I decided that it was time to push things. He was just as tense, just as frustrated as I was. I wanted to feel him losing a bit of control. It was a quick decision, something I had never dared to do before, as I continued my light kissing I grazed my teeth gently over his nipple he growled low in his throat and he had me up against the wall before I could do it again. "God Bella!" He ran his hands over the curves of my body and it was like fire tracing my skin. He had buried his face in my wet hair and I felt his tongue lave my earlobe. I let a small moan escape my mouth. I was pushed up between the wall and Edward, and I wondered if I had pushed him too hard. His eyes were dark with passion, his breath and mine mingled as he kissed me gently and I ran my fingers over his chest. "Bella…ask me, please ask me again."
I was confused for a second, and as the question struck me my breathing became ragged. He was asking me to tell him to make love to me. He was running his fingers under my tank top and my skin tingled with the sensation of his hands touching my naked flesh. I wanted to continue, God knows I did. I didn't want to hold back anymore. I wouldn't put his soul in danger though. "No…I can't." I was surprised at my own restraint. He started to pull back…his eyes cast to the floor and I knew that he was feeling the pain of rejection just as I had so long ago on his bed. "I didn't say I didn't want to. I just said I can't." I felt frustration creep up on me and I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees as I hid my face. I didn't want him to see me cry. I felt angry tears escaping my eyes and Edward was next to me instantly, hovering over me while he lifted my face.
"Oh, please don't cry." He wiped my tears away with his fingers delicately. "I'm sorry…I know. I feel the same way. I'm so sorry, that was out of line. Alice warned me that I should leave you alone tonight. I should have listened to her." He picked me up and placed me on the bed the covers coming up over us and around me. He was apologizing for wanting me…and it was ridiculous. No one in this room wanted anything more than what was in it. How could he be so wonderful? How could he be mine? I certainly didn't deserve this angel. He lay down next to me on top of the sheet and under the cover with me and started to hum my lullaby. I sat up despite him having laid me down and I turned off the lamp and hit the play button on my CD player turning up the volume a bit. It still contained his music, the CD he had made for my birthday that had been hidden beneath my floorboards. "Bella…please don't be angry." He thought I was upset. I thought he was wonderful. I threw my tank top over my head and onto the floor. Edward was shocked beyond words as I turned my head and smiled and I threw my arms around his naked chest. "I don't…" I took his lips with aggressive force, but he managed to keep me within his boundaries. "Please…you don't have to do this. I was wrong for suggesting such a thing."
"Shhh…I'm not going to remove any more clothes. I just can't stand these pent up emotions any longer. You've been so patient." His hands caressed my back. "I've been so patient." I kissed the line of his collarbone and his body shuddered. "We have to relieve this tension. It's tearing us apart." We had never been this undressed before…and it made me want to press myself against him. His skin was cool against my warmth a perfect opposite, a perfect fit. I felt as if I were burning up with his fingers igniting cold fires along my spine. I placed one of my hands on his jaw and let the other draw a line down his body between us. I reached the peaks of his erected nipples and I saw and heard him sigh out a stifled moan.
Our eyes were locked as if we were watching each other to see who would stop first. For now, I decided, it wouldn't be me. I slid down and took his nipple into my mouth again and ran my teeth and tongue over its distended length and he didn't hold back the throaty groan as his hands traveled to my front to fondle my breasts. I gasped as his cold hands cupped my own small chest and he pulled me up to his mouth. My back arched when his tongue laved the peak of my nipple and my now unoccupied mouth was open in a voiceless cry. He had me pushed back against the bed and his talented mouth did wonderful things to my right breast while his magnificent hand caressed the other one. What we were doing was dangerous for so many reasons. If he were to accidentally in the course of his passion, bite me, it would lead to three days of agony and an eternity as a vampire. It added to the passion and danger of what we were doing and my adrenaline was probably shooting through my system. My vampirism was still on the list of things to do, but I was pretty sure that Alice would be furious if we did that at this point. All of her planning would be for nothing.
"Bella…you're so beautiful." He was kissing the skin of my chest and running his hands down my body. "Just as I imagined." It was an amazing feeling. "I can't wait to see all of you, to feel all of you." I could hardly think, let alone speak. Once more I wondered at the multitasking abilities of vampires. "You're so warm." What would I say to him anyway? I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head as he continued to kiss and suck on my skin. His teeth grazed the skin on my stomach and I whimpered in suppressed ecstasy. His tongue slid down my tummy and into the well of my belly button. My hands flung out to my sides, one on the edge of the bed and the other between Edward and I, and I gripped the sheets that were tangling up between our bodies and tying my feet.
"Edward." His name had tumbled from my lips like a prayer and I knew he heard my desire and longing. I wanted to continue my explorations of his body and I untangled my clenching fists to push gently on his shoulders. We rolled so that I was above him. His unnecessary breathing was shallow and he had desire sparkling in his eyes. He looked like a fallen angel, hair tousled, white perfect skin, and his obsidian eyes dilated with pleasure so that there was only a ring of the dark ocher around them, and as I rocked once against his obvious erection with my heated core he hissed and placed his hands over my hips driving me closer and adding more friction to the sexual tension that I could feel building. He looked into my eyes as if asking permission to continue this activity, and I was more than happy to oblige. "Please…yes…"
The friction of our clothing was a balm to the weeks of pent up frustration, and I saw it was then that we both realized that this would be our release. We had already established a clumsy if not fully clothed rhythm to our thrusting. His jeans were tight with the bulge of his member pointing up toward his stomach trapped between his flesh and the confining material. I was feeling a delightful friction building between my thighs from the layers of clothing massaging my clitoris. My breasts heaved slightly with each thrust and Edward was watching them, entranced by my body. I had to be blushing, but I couldn't tell if it was from his unabashed stares or if it was the exertion of our activities. As it was, my heart was almost pounding through my chest. The bed was making the most interesting and seductive creaking noises…and I hoped that Charlie was deeply asleep. I groaned as a small tremor went though my body, and when he witnessed the reaction I was having the chords of muscle on Edward's neck stood out as his head was thrown back and his hands were holding my hips ever harder by the second. It was as if he were sharing in my passion to the point of forgetting who and what he was. "Gently!" I said it far too loud and I covered my hands over my mouth as I continued to move above him and stifled a moan that I had been holding back.
"Sorry love…" He moved his hands to the exposed skin of my waist and he pulled the sides of my sweats down so that his hands could hold the skin on my hips. I put my hands on the muscles of his stomach and continued the pattern of our rocking. I felt a small explosion of sensation that started at my core and shot through my whole body. I whimpered and Edward seemed to know what had just happened because he was smiling so beautifully that I wanted to cry out again so that he would never stop. "God…Bella…" The words were quiet hisses filled with wanton passion. He roughly grabbed my butt with his hands, the material of my sweatpants bunching where Edward's hands held them down so that he could touch my naked skin, and suddenly I was beneath him.
He looked deeply into my eyes and took my shoulders in his hands and began once again to rock his engorged flesh between my legs. The skin of his chest was in full contact with mine and we both moaned at the feeling of my breasts heaving with Edward's thrusts. I could only guess at what this was doing to him. His eyes no longer held any trace of gold. "Tell me if I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you." I was surprised he could formulate a sentence. We were both breathing hard and almost in time with the creaking of the bed. I was reaching a sort of electrified peak. The muscles in my lower abdomen were tight and pleasurable warmth pulsed with each thrust of his hips. Suddenly it was like everything was crashing around me. My back arched against the white hot flames of my passion. I was having an orgasm…I felt his mouth seal over my own as I let out a cry to release some of the tension. He too let out a small grunt and continued to push his hips against mine and I felt the tension building again.
Our mouths were connected, open. His cold tongue found mine and I returned his passion. We had NEVER kissed this way before. He had been afraid that the venom in his mouth would hurt me. It reminded me a bit of chloroseptic spray in that my tongue felt a little numb. No fire in my veins though. I was happy to know that we could share this kind of kiss…and maybe we could also have sex without worries too. I doubted very highly that Edward would forsake his use of a condom though just because we could kiss. The concept of his venom inside me at all made him nervous. I just knew that when this was over he was going to be panicking a bit. I could tell that he was blind with passion and he wasn't thinking much because his hips were grinding a bit harder than I felt comfortable with. I wasn't about to say anything. He could have broken my pelvis and I would have just let him continue. His mouth left my own and he buried his face in the space between my neck and shoulder. He had a frantic and impassioned look on his face, and as he pressed his hips tight against my own he let out a strangled cry into my skin as I felt his release. The muscles of his body were tight and I felt the slight twitching of his penis as he ejaculated. I felt another small spark…nothing to match what had happened moments before, but I sighed against his hair.
"Bella…Oh Bella." He kissed the column of my neck and up to my ear. "You are an angel, and I love you." It was the barest of whispers, but I could hear the weight of the world in that one sentence.
"I love you too." I smiled and I knew he could hear it in my voice.
"That was amazing…" He got a panicked look on his face, and I knew that he was going to give me a long list of reasons why we couldn't do things like that. I decided to head him off at the pass.
"You didn't hurt me…" I whispered, and I grew upset when he was letting go of me. I heard a noise in the hall and looked toward my door.
Edward was gone and Charlie was banging on my door. "What the hell is going on in there?"
"Nothing…Charlie…" I grabbed my top off the floor and ran to the door throwing on my shirt. Opening it for his eyes to see that Edward wasn't there with me, and he stalked to the closet after popping on the light. He shoved all of my things aside and after confirming a lack of human evidence he looked over his shoulder at the bed. I was kind of mortified at him wandering around my room right after I had been intimate with my fiancée. He looked under the bed and then went to the window as if checking to see if someone was hanging from the window. "Will you calm down? Look see? Nothing! What are you looking for?" I was about to get indignant and then I remembered that it would be wrong to get mad at Charlie for being right.
"Sorry Bella…I guess I was having a really detailed dream. I could have sworn I heard something less than wholesome going on in here. I must be paranoid. It's not like it matters much anyway. Two days until your wedding right? Who cares at that point?" Charlie laughed out loud as he said it and he clapped me on the shoulder. I looked at the clock and it read Two Fifteen A.M. Charlie left the room and closed my door. I locked it again and sagged to the floor.
"Your father just gave me permission to have my way with you." Edward whispered into my ear. "I think we should take him up on his offer." I was once again under Edward's weight on my bed and the rain was cold and wet on his back. I kissed him on the nose.
"Don't get carried away Casanova. I think I've given him one heart attack too many tonight as it is." He laughed good naturedly.
"I won't. That was more than I could have imagined…and I'm more than willing to wait for more. This has given me the hope that I will be able to fulfill all your demands. I wanted your body so much more than your blood…so much that I forgot myself. I was so much Edward Mason…just a man." He kissed my temples and my cheeks and my nose. "Oh, my Bella you have bewitched me body and soul. I shall never be parted from you…I promise it." He kissed me in our new way his tongue tangling with mine and reigniting our passion. After a few frantic moments of hands and lips we came apart from each other. "I'm going to stop by home and pick up a change of clothes." I could only imagine that he would be blushing now if he could. We had both done a number on our clothing and I would be changing as well. "Are you sure I haven't hurt you love?" He was stroking my hair lightly as the sounds of Esme's music played in the background.
"No pain…and I feel like I could probably fall asleep. My anxiety is feeling less pronounced. Can we do that whenever I feel stressed?" I gave him a wicked smile as I breathed the words in his ear.
"Good lord, but I've created a monster." He kissed my hand and helped me to get up. I went to my dresser and began picking out new clothes and Edward went to the window taking his already wet shirt off the back of the rocking chair. "I will return in a matter of minutes. I swear it." He took my shoulders and kissed me thoroughly. Smiled his half grin at me and flew from my window. I could have sworn that I heard a joyous shout in the darkness but it could have been my imagination. I stripped the clothing I was wearing previously, threw the pants, tank top, and underwear I had been wearing into the wash and picked up Edward's dry shirt off the floor and pulled it over my head. I let his scent surround me. I picked out a pair of underwear and put it on and collapsed back into bed, and just as I had begun to fall asleep Edward was returning.
"Come here." I held open the covers and Edward held up his hand as if to stall. He took off the slightly damp shirt and then his shoes and socks and surprised me when he threw off his jeans and threw them all onto the rocking chair and slid in next to me in his boxers. I smiled at the familiarity of it.
The smile on his lips was beatific. "Thank you for being with me…like we are. Thank you for never judging me as the monster that I believed myself to be. I love you, just as you are, you and your beautiful soul. You are an angel…Good night. Your mother will be here tomorrow to whisk you away from me, but for now I have you all to myself." He kissed me on the forehead and reached across to turn off my lamp. Darkness filled the room, but none of the tension could survive in the moment, only the love of two people who would be joined together eternally in two days. "What are you thinking about my love?" The darkness wrapped around us like a comforting cloak.
"Our impending nuptials." I breathed with a smile and noticing for the first time that my ring felt weightless.