She glances left to right, trying to feel, smell, taste. She feels like she's lost her soul, like it was eaten, like she was dead. Her hands grip very tightly to her zankpakto, not daring let go for a mere second. The hollows in front of her are small but strong, and she fears she can't make it. She swings.
She swings again.
She pants heavily. Damn it all! Why was her body giving up?
But all she could think about was Ichigo. All she wanted to know was if he was okay.
A painful cry. She had caught one.
Now she only had three to go.
She knew she should have stayed with Ichigo. But her damn stubbornness didn't allow her to do so. She wished she could see him one more time. She feels blood trickling down her pounding wrists, and she gasps for air.
She needs more air.
She swings once more.
"Shit." She says, groaning. Her eyes become blurry.
(Is this it?)
She wishes she could see him.
And then…then she hears his voice.
And all she did was turn. She knows this is a wrong move even before she even does it.
She sees an orange blur, and then she feels her chest being torn through. She feels pain tingling every nerve in her body, her arm shaking, her head banging, her heart stopping, her lungs drying.
She was stupid.
(But she had to see him one god damned time)
"Rukia!" he screams. She feels him, his aura, and his spiritual force. It's painful to stand near him.
"Fuck!" he screams. She collapses completely. She feels her heart panging in pain.
(Or was it love?)
"Oi!" He says, but she can't respond. She can't talk. She can't breathe.
"Rukia!" she feels herself being shifted, her body leaning toward the boy. She feels him next to her, his arms tangled around her body. He reaches for her heart, but feels nothing.
"Shit! Shit! Fuck! Damn! R-" he can't even say her name. She sees rain is falling on his delicate cheeks.
(Or was it tears?)
"Rukia! You stupid idiot!" she wishes she could respond…but her body aches. Her soul is empty…she feels nothing.
"I…Rukia! Wake up! Look at me!" he screams, his voice cracking. She's scared, he's scared. She wants to tell him goodbye, but she can't even move. She wants to open her eyes, slap him, and tell him something to assure him everything is okay. But that's the thing.
Everything is not okay.
"…Rukia! Open you eyes! Wake up! I swear…if you die on me!" he says, the desperation and pain in his voice causing her heart to swell up and cause pain in her chest.
He had promised to protect her.
But he was just a second too late.
But it was.
"Look at me. Tell me something! Tell me…" he says, shaking her furiously.
(Or was he shaking?)
"I love you! Please…just…don't do this!" his sudden declaration makes her swell up in joy. She wants to kiss him…tell him she loves him too. But she can't…
(Wait, wasn't she dead?)
She feels him sobbing, crying wrapping his arm around her and putting her chest against his, ignoring the blood seeping through her small and fragile body. He grabs her head with his free hand, and hugs her tightly. His feeble attempts to try to awaken her make her want to cry too.
(But she can't)
"I love you. I love you. I love you. Fuck! I'm in love with you!" he screams into her ear, and she hears him loud and clear.
(But it must be a dream, because this only happens in fairytales)
"I…wanted to protect you! But…" he's crying now. Not only that, he's kissing her neck softly.
"I want to die too." He says. He feels like he's about to collapse and he wants to, if it'll let him talk to her one more time.
And then he feels her eyes slowly opening. She barely has time to breathe before she's being kissed.
"Rukia! Damn it!" he says. She only looks at him. It's raining, and it's soothing. The deafining silence that one filled her ears was now gone, and Ichigo replaced it. She wants to feel his lips again,
"I…I'm not feeling too good right now Ichigo." She says. He feels like slapping her and…
(But he'd rather kiss her)
"I love you too." She says. He smiles.
"I…I'm in love with you." He says. "I thought you were dead."
"I am dead…dumb ass." She says. He smiles.
"I wouldn't have been able to live without you." He says. She smiles, her eyes closed, her actions feeling like a dream more than a reality. She feels herself drifting into a dream.
(As if this wasn't enough to satisfy her)
"You would have moved on. You lived without me for 14 years. No difference now." she says, her voice barely audible.
"But you were there. If you were to leave, the giant space you made in my life would be empty. If you were never hit, then how could there be a wound in the first place?" he says, and she wraps her arms around his waist.
"Waking up never felt so real, Ichigo." And she slowly drifts away, to where she can dream.
(Even though she wants to stay awake)
"Promise to stay by me?" she asks, not sure what she's doing, and he nods.
"Forever." He says, looking up at the sky, and she touches his cheek before she goes back to her personal abyss, where she can dream.
(Even though it's a reality)