Chapter Eight: Lost in This Moment
When Dean finally decides to pull over for the night, after much of my whining, he parks in front of some cheap motel and I head inside to get us a room. Dean is waiting for me beside the Impala with our bags in hand, and when he sees me exit the office I motion for him to follow me.
Unlocking the door, we step inside and I wait for my eyes to adjust to the blue monochrome shadows of the room so I can find the light switch. Dean finds the switch before I even start looking, though, and, with a flick of his wrist, the room is engulfed with pale light.
Tossing our bags onto one of the beds Dean sits down on the other and wearily runs a hand down his face. Now that the light has allowed me to see him clearly I can see how exhausted he is. I was wondering how the drive would be on him, and now I know. He is just too stubborn for his own good. I didn't think he was ready to hit the road so soon, but he wouldn't listen to me and I didn't want to pressure him.
Moving to sit next to him, I place my hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture and this finally draws his attention to me. "You want to take a shower, or maybe lay down for a while? You must be exhausted, you surely look it."
Dean lets out a sigh and turns his head away, staring down at the worn carpet. "As tired as I am, I'm much too wired to sleep. A warm shower sounds like heaven, though."
"You go take a shower then and I'll lay down the salt."
Dean nods his head in agreement as he stands up and opens his duffel. Pulling out a pair of clean boxer briefs and a t-shirt, he heads into the bathroom without so much a word and I hear the shower start a moment later.
Releasing a deep sigh, I grab the salt and place some in front of the door and the lining of the windows. Salt probably isn't necessary but I'm being cautious. Once that task is taken care of I am left with nothing to do, so I sit down on my bed and turn on the TV. My mind is too consumed with thoughts for me to be able to really focus on the television, though.
Dean and I haven't talked about what is going on between us yet and I am becoming a little anxious. He hasn't even shown any signs that there is something between us. I am beginning to question if he is as serious about this as I am, or maybe he is having second thoughts. I really hope that isn't the case because I don't think I will survive after being given a taste of what it could be like.
I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions, though. I need to sit Dean down and talk this out. We have definitely put it off long enough. Sure, we did talk a little that night at Bobby's, but we haven't made anything official. I would just feel better if I knew for sure that we are in a relationship. Call me a girl if you want to, but I need that stability; that reassurance.
I lift my eyes away from the TV. I'm not even watching when Dean exits the bathroom and I watch intently as he sits down on his bed. After a few moments of my constant staring, he turns his head and gives me a 'what the fuck?' look.
"Somethin' on your mind Sammy," He asks in half concern, half annoyance.
It's now or never, I silently tell myself before rising from my bed and moving to sit beside him. "Yeah, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."
"Well, spit it out already."
"Look, Dean, we haven't talked about what's going on between us since we left Bobby's," I say softly; unsure what his reaction will be.
He shrugs his shoulders. "What else is left to say? Thought we already got it out in the open."
I simply stare at him in disbelief. "We talked about how we both felt; we never actually made anything official Dean."
Dean shakes his head in amusement and this action makes me want to hit him. "I told ya how I felt Sam; I wouldn't have told ya if I didn't want to take it anywhere."
Okay, now I feel like a moron, I think to myself in embarrassment. "And you're okay with a relationship with me? I mean, I'll be enough for you, right? And you know no one's gonna accept or understand us. Bobby, Ellen, Jo... hell, the whole world! They're all gonna look down on us for this."
"For one, of course you're enough for me Sam. You're the only one I'd want a relationship with, it's always been you. And for another, I don't care what anyone else thinks of us. I have never cared what anyone thinks about me. People don't need to understand, much less the world. All that matters to me is we have each other and are happy. Sounds to me like this is botherin' you, though."
"Sure, it's all a little scary, but I would gladly lose everyone in my life so long as I have you. You're the one person I can't lose."
"Well, I can't promise I'll always be with ya, but as long as I'm here you can rest assured that I won't leave your side." Dean says sincerely, but I can tell how uncomfortable this conversation is making him. Any time we even remotely touch an emotional topic he becomes tense and fidgety. I am grateful for the fact that he is at least trying, though.
Slapping a hand down on Dean's knee to break the intense moment, I let a wide smile cross my face as I stand up. "Guess I should go grab us a bite to eat," I say after clearing my throat, awkwardly. "A bag of grease for you?"
"Uh, yeah... yeah, a hamburger and fries sound good." Dean says, watching me intently.
"Okay, I'll be back soon then." I say as I head to the door, Dean following closely behind.
Even as I reach the door there is this little voice inside telling me I shouldn't leave just yet. With my hand lingering on the doorknob, I turn to face Dean and smile nervously. Dean just smiles back a bit awkwardly and runs a hand through his hair, causing it to stand up in odd directions. I can't help but find the sight to be adorable, and I end up staring for longer than I want to.
There is no denying the sexual tension between us. I feel it so strongly that it seems to be suffocating me. I am not sure if Dean wants us to take our relationship to that level so soon, but I feel that if I don't find out soon I just might go insane from it all. I know I should probably ignore it and just go grab us some food, but I can't seem to make that move.
Without so much as a second thought, I move into Dean's personal space and place my right hand on the back of his neck. Not giving my mind time to over analyze my actions, I pull Dean in and attach our lips. As soon as our mouths meet all coherent thoughts leave me and I just melt into the embrace; overwhelmed by a sense of belonging.
Moving my hand from Dean's neck, I place it against his firm chest and can faintly feel the racing heart beat against my palm. I rub this place gently as I pry Dean's mouth open with my tongue; plunging into the warm cavern. I am driven on pure adrenaline and lust; attacking his mouth in raw need.
A grunt is forced out of him when I grab a firm hold of him and push him against the wall; effectively trapping him. He almost groans when I pull out of the kiss, but a moan escapes instead when I move my lips down to his highly sensitive neck. By now I am as hard as a rock and in dire need of release. Yet, at the same time, I want to draw this out for as long as possible. I have been dreaming about this for so long and I don't want to see it come to an end.
I have to pull away from the surprisingly soft skin of Dean's neck when I feel him attempting to remove my shirt. I willingly aid Dean in this task and take time to observe the beautiful work I did on his neck. I just couldn't help myself, couldn't pass up the opportunity of marking him as my own.
Using his right hand, Dean reaches out and touches my newly exposed chest; butterfly touches that leave goose bumps in their wake. He is treating my body like a precious antique, which is so uncharacteristic for him that I am tempted to mutter "christo" just to see if he is possessed.
Becoming increasingly impatient, I rip Dean's shirt off of him violently. Dean gasps at the sudden roughness, obviously something he never thought I was capable of. He isn't complaining, though. I can tell my actions have actually filled his body with excitement. I have never felt such a raw need for another person before; never wanted someone as much as I want the man in front of me.
I remove my lips from Dean's warm, wet mouth and glance down at the nicely built chest that has been revealed to me. Licking my lips, I move my mouth down to cover a nipple, where I begin to suck lightly and nip at the erect nub. My reward is a breathless moan that escapes Dean's kiss swollen lips.
Dean eases me away from his chest a moment later and smiles lustfully. "Let's take this to my bed, will probably be more comfortable."
Hearing these words send a shiver of anticipation and excitement down my spine, and I waste no time in getting Dean beneath my slightly trembling body; where I have wanted him for years.
Trembling in a post orgasmic haze, I lie back against the cool sheets with a smile on my face. My smile widens when I feel Dean roll over, placing his head on my shoulder and his hand on my chest. I watch as a genuinely happy expression forms on his face as he feels the rhythm of my heart beat. I can't quite believe I am lying here with Dean because I never thought this to be possible.
I tighten my hold on Dean briefly; just enjoying this moment. There is no better feeling in the world, in my opinion, than having Dean lying in my arms. If I had it my way I would never let go of him. Now that I have had a taste of what it is like to be with him, I don't think I can live without this.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I ask in concern; lightly patting Dean on his bare behind.
"Of course not, I could take it." Dean replies as if the thought is absurd and then he lifts his head and kisses me lazily.
"I'm glad to hear that because it was the best experience of my life." I say honestly; kissing my brother's forehead affectionately.
"You're such a girl Sam," Dean grumbles, and I may not be able to see him but I know he just rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, maybe," I reply with a chuckle.
Dean absentmindedly runs his fingers along my chest in a soft caress as he says, "For the sake of not turning this into a chick flick moment, I'm gonna assume you know how I really feel about what we just shared."
I can't help but grin at this. "Yeah, Dean, I know." I respond with a blissful smile as I tighten my arms around him. "I love you."
Lifting his head, Dean gives me a small smile. "Me too," he practically whispers.
I am sure there is a bright smile lighting up my face when I hear these words, and then I roll over on top of him; kissing him with all the emotions inside of me. I am the one to pull away a moment later; looking down upon his face. "You know, I swear I will get you to tell me you love me on day; using the actual words."
A smirk instantly slides into place while his eyes shine in amusement. "Whatever you say, geek boy."
Rolling my eyes in mock annoyance, I roll onto my back and then force my body into a sitting position. I can feel Dean's eyes on my back as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. Glancing over my shoulder, I send him a smile before tossing his jeans at him.
"Time to grab some food and I don't feel like going alone, so get your ass dressed and lets go."
"Fine," he grumbles in response as he slips his jeans on, "but I'm getting some sleep as soon as we get back, I'm wiped out."
I grin naughtily at this and he simply rolls his eyes. Dressing quickly, I stick my hand in Dean's pocket and fish out the keys to the Impala. He looks at me expectantly but I just shrug and say, "I'm driving," before heading toward the door.
Dean mutters something behind me but I don't quite catch what was said. "Oh, and since I'm driving, I'm in control of the radio."
"None of that crap you call music Sam," Dean instantly bitches, like I had expected him to.
"Not crap Dean. Don't worry, though, I won't put on anything that will kill you... just Justin Timberlake." I smile deviously once this is said.
"Oh God, kill me now!" Dean grumbles unhappily behind me and my smile widens. Damn good to have him back; don't know how I'd live without these moments. He's just so fun to torture, I think to myself evilly as Dean follows me, somewhat begrudgingly, out of the room.
Lost in this moment with you .The End.
I am completely consumed
By feeling so absolute
there's no doubt
Sealing our love with a kiss
Waiting my whole life for this
Watching all my dreams come true
Lost in this moment with you
Lost in This Moment - Big & Rich