Rain Check

"I'VE DONE IT!"

Plankton jumped off his desktop and onto the floor. Rubbing his nubby hands together, he began to cackle evilly.

But Karen's nagging voice interrupted him. "What'd you do?" she asked as she rolled into the room. "You finally unclogged the toilets in the men's room? Or oiled that squeaky door? Or vacuumed up the crumbled algae that's fallen from the ceiling? Or—"

Plankton sighed. "Enough! No….. I have created my most fiendishly clever plan ever. Look out the window."

"Do we even have a window?"

"Huh?" Plankton glanced around and then shrugged. "Oh, well, just take my word for it then. Because…. are you ready for this, Karen? …. it's RAINING!"

"Amazing," she said sarcastically.

"It is! It's never rained in Bikini Bottom before."

"So?"

"So…. don't you get it?"

She started to roll out of the room. "No, I don't."

"Wait!" Plankton called after her. She stopped and rolled her eyes. "Karen, this is how I'm going to get the Krabby Patty secret formula! I'm gonna go over to that Sponge-kid's house, and he'll be so bewildered by the rain that he'll have to give it to me."

"That plan doesn't make any sense at all, genius. Why would he give it to you just because it's raining? Come to think of it, why SpongeBob? Why not Krabs?"

"Because that's the way my dream was!"

"Dream?"

"Yeah, last night I had this dream that I made it rain. And for some reason I was at the sponge's house—you know how dreams don't make sense. Anyway, he freaked out about the rain, gave me the secret formula, then vowed to be my slave. Then a huge pile of bananas fell on me and I woke up." He rubbed his chin. "Not sure what the bananas thing was about, but the other part inspired me to carry out this magnificent plan."

"You idiot, don't you know that dreams only seem good for a little while after you wake up? A couple hours from now you'll realize how stupid that sounds, and makes no sense."

"It does make sense! I'll prove it!" Plankton made his way over to the door, stopping to pull out one of those little paper umbrellas you put in tropical drinks. He held the tiny thing over his head and turned back to Karen. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well, aren't you going to ask before I leave…. how I did this? Aren't you the least bit curious how I DEFIED PHYSICS to make it rain underwater?"

"Not really."

He growled under his breath. "You'll see, Karen! You'll see!" he said just before slamming the door behind him.

"Here we go again…."


At SpongeBob's house, our favorite poriferan was doing some tidying up around the house.

"Don't you just love cleaning, Gary?" asked SpongeBob, spraying Lysol and wiping random objects around him.

"Meow."

"Do you think it's ironic that I'm making my house smell like lemon when I live in a pineapple?"

"Meow."

Gary distracted SpongeBob, and he accidentally sprayed himself. "Eew, gross! I've got cleaner all over me! Eeeeeeew, this is so disgusting!"

Gary rolled his eyes. "Meow…."

SpongeBob stopped flailing and looked over to Gary. "What was that? A sound?"

"Meow."

"It sounds like a ticking sound." Overreacting as usual, his eyes bugged out. "There's a bomb in the house! Quick, help me save my pairs of pants! It's hard to find them in my size: parallelogram! We gotta get outta h—"

"Meow," Gary interrupted.

Freezing, SpongeBob stared back. "….Oh. The door."

With a nervous laugh, SpongeBob walked to the front door. "Why would knocking sound like ticking though, Gary? Are you sure about this?" He opened the door and glanced around, seeing no one. But he smiled widely as he noticed the weather. "Wow, it's raining! I don't think it's ever rained in Bikini Bottom before!" He stopped to gasp. "Oh-my-gosh, the rain must've knocked on the door! Is that true, raindrops? Do you wanna come in? Bahahahaha!"

Plankton growled. "Down here, you fool!"

Averting his gaze downwards, SpongeBob spied the little copepod. "Oh, hey, Plankton! Happy Thursday!"

Thinking its execution as poorly as the original plan itself, Plankton had not realized that perhaps there was a better way to begin than simply knocking on the door to be let in. The thought of sneaking or spying had eluded him. No, he was perfectly content to simply stroll up to the house, thinking his dream-inspired plan was perfectly invincible.

"BEHOLD! The ominous rain, which falls from above to seal your fate!"

"I see it, Plankton," he said with a smile. "Good thing too. Now I don't have to water my pansies!"

"No, you fool!" Plankton caught himself. "I mean…. doesn't this rain make you feel bewildered? Doesn't it just blow your mind? Make you feel like…. telling me a certain something?"

"Yeah!" SpongeBob quickly bent down and whisked Plankton inside. He slammed the door behind him and turned to Plankton, now placed back on the ground. "That you need to come in before you catch a cold!"

Plankton shook momentarily with fury. "Open that door back up! You need to take in the rain's power!"

"You wanna play in the rain?" Thoughts ran through his head at a mile a minute, causing a big smile to spread across his face. "Ooh! We can have a rain party! We can splash around in puddles, dance with our umbrellas, catch raindrops on our tongues, and build a rain-man!"

"How can you build a…. oh, nevermind. Just listen to me! We need to go back outside." Just then, a small circular machine approached Plankton. "Huh? What's that?" He grinned. "A plot device? Haha, get it? I said— AAAHHH!!" Plankton was suddenly sucked inside the metal object. "Help!" said his muffled voice from inside.

SpongeBob gasped and picked it up. Reaching into the underbelly, he pulled out a gasping Plankton. "Are you okay?"

Now covered in bloody scratches and missing one of his antenna, Plankton groaned. "Oww… what happened?"

"You got sucked into my Roomba," he said with a frown, but then turned to the Roomba. "There, there, Roomba, it's okay. No need for distress sounds."

"What do you have a Roomba for?!"

"It's cleaning day, silly!"

Plankton rubbed his head. "Okay… I'm gonna pretend this didn't just happen. But do you perhaps have some bandages for my gaping wounds?"

"Oh! Of course!"

After setting the vacuuming robot down, the two went upstairs to SpongeBob's bathroom.

Plankton stood on the counter, watching SpongeBob fish through his medicine cabinet. "Take your time," he said sarcastically. "It's not like the bacteria are multiplying exponentially as we speak or anything."

"Aha! Found it!" SpongeBob pulled out a bottle of rubbing alcohol. He put a washcloth up to the opening, flipped over the bottle allowing the liquid onto the cloth, and then turned it right side up again. "This is gonna sting a bit."

"I'm a genius, you think I don't know that already? Bring it on."

SpongeBob bit his lip and dabbed the washcloth on Plankton. Unfortunately, the cloth was several times larger than Plankton himself, and the alcohol couldn't help but get into every one of his orifices. "AAAUGGHH!!" he screeched. "That's too much!"

"I'm sorry, Plankton!" said SpongeBob, pulling his hand away. "Here, let me blow on it!" Puffing out his cheeks, SpongeBob blew Plankton in attempt to sooth the stinging. But his breath was too strong, and he was blown off the counter and into the toilet.

"AHH—umpth!" Plankton hit the bottom of the bowl. He quickly resurfaced and flailed around for something to hold onto. "Oh, irony! I can't swim!"

SpongeBob grimaced. "Hold on, buddy!" After a quick glance around the room, he tossed a rubber duck into the toilet. "Use that to hold onto while I find something to get you out with!"

Plankton grabbed onto the toy and looked up to SpongeBob with a furrowed brow. "What?! What're you waiting for? Just pull me out of here!"

"Eew, I'm not reaching into the toilet!"

"Listen you mor—hey, come back here!" Plankton called after SpongeBob, but he had already dashed off.

He quickly returned with a pair of tongs. Using the instrument, he picked up Plankton and placed him onto the floor. "Here's a towel," he said, handing him a square of toilet paper.

His rage did not allow him to take it. He fumed, his cheeks turning red, and trembling with fury.

"It's okay, Plankton," said SpongeBob. "I'm sorry about all this. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Yes…. actually there is….." he replied, his wrath momentarily subsiding to make way for his evil grin.

"Whatever it is, consider it done!"

"I would like to know…." Plankton stopped to lick his lips. "….. about a certain sandwich….."

"Say no more!" SpongeBob bent down to pick up Plankton. "I know exactly what you're talking about! Come on, let's go to the kitchen!"

Moments later, Plankton was at the table staring down at a seanut butter and jellyfish jelly sandwich. "This wasn't what I had in mind," he said under his breath.

SpongeBob was still by the counter, licking the knife he used to spread the seanut butter. "Don't you just love SB&JJ sandwiches? They're one of my favorites!"

"Yeah, yeah, they're great, but—"

"Then go ahead! Dig in!"

"Well, first I need to talk to about—"

"You're…. you're…. not eating," said SpongeBob, his voice breaking as tears gathered in his eyes. "I made that just for you!"

"Don't cry! Ohhh!" he groaned. "Fine, I'll eat it!" Facing the sandwich, he picked it up and took a huge bite. When he was through, he was covered in seanut butter and jelly. "Ugh, I need a bath. I hate being so small while food is so large…."

"You can go for another dip in the toilet if you want!" said SpongeBob, joking. "Bahahaha!"

Just then, an eager Gary slithered into the room. He grinned and approached SpongeBob, nudging his leg. "Hey, Gary! My, you're excited!"

Plankton looked over. "What's he want so bad?"

"Oh, he probably smelled the seanut butter. I give it to him all the time—it comes in handy when you've gotta give him a monthly worm pill that's the size of a gumball." Sticking his finger into the jar, he scooped a bit out and bent down to let Gary lick it. "Bahahaha, that tickles!"

Plankton shuttered. "Look, I need to talk to you. It's important, okay? Would you listen to me?!"

"Bahahaha!" SpongeBob was still distracted by Gary. "Sometimes we play this game where I let him lick seanut butter off—"

"SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!"

SpongeBob pulled his hand away from Gary and cowered.

"Finally! Now… I didn't come here for a 'rain party', or a sandwich, or anything else that's happened so far! I came here, to freak you out, and have you turn over to me the Krab—"

Gary, who'd been slowly slithering up to Plankton during his little speech, raised up and chomped down on Plankton.

"Gary, no!" SpongeBob ran over and picked him up. "Drop it!" he commanded. "Drop it! Bad snail!" He had to pry open Gary's mouth, nearly getting bit in the process. He slipped his hand in and cautiously pulled out Plankton. "Oh-my-gosh! Speak to me, Plankton!"

Plankton had an X where his eye would normally be, and he hung limply in SpongeBob's hand.

After setting him on the counter, SpongeBob stepped back to analyze the situation. "Hmm… I must perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!" It took a moment for SpongeBob to realize that his mouth was bigger than Plankton's entire body. But after a brief hesitation, he shrugged it off, figuring some resuscitation was better than none. He leaned over and blew into him like a balloon. Plankton inflated until SpongeBob paused to inhale, then Plankton deflated. The force sent him flying around the room, screeching like a balloon does when the air is forced out of a tiny hole.

Finally he landed on the floor. "Ugghhhhh….."

"You're alive!" said SpongeBob cheerfully. "Sorry about all that, Gary wanted the seanut butter stuck to you—"

"ENOUGH!" he bellowed, jumping up. "I can't stand it anymore! Forget the plan and the rain, I GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS DEATH TRAP!"

"But… but what about whatever you wanted to talk to me about?"

He was running towards the door. "Rain check!" Plankton shouted as he whizzed down the street, as fast as he could from SpongeBob's house.

SpongeBob stood at the doorway, watching Plankton's figure quickly disappear in the distance. "Rain check?" He stuck his hand out, palm up. "Yep, I checked it. Still raining."

SpongeBob shrugged with a smile and closed the door.


In his lab, Plankton held his face in his hands, trying to be dead to the world.

"I told you."

"Not now, Karen."

"I told you this morning. Dreams only make sense at first, then later you realize how dumb they really are."

"I'm not in the mood, Karen!"

"Why didn't you listen to me?"

"Enough!" He sat up. "I just want to relax and forget about this terrible day."

"Couldn't have been any worse than your hundreds of previous failures."

"Are you kidding? It was torture! I hope I never see a robot, rubbing alcohol, seanut butter, or a snail ever again!"

"What did you say?!" she said in an angry tone. "Robot?"

"Oh, but not you sweetie, you—"

"Nice try but you're too late," she interrupted. "Congratulations, it's holographic seanut butter sandwiches for dinner tonight."

"Darn it!"

THE END

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