Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. Somebody else owns them. I got this idea by watching an old GI Joe cartoon.
Breakfast at the Pit
It was a typical morning at the Pit. The Joes were just getting ready for breakfast. However, this was no longer the most enjoyable meal of the day thanks to their newest addition. A former Cobra mess cook nicknamed "Bon Appetite"- BA for short-had joined the Joes after being rescued by them at the bottom of the ocean. Hawk had decided to take the half-crazy cook in. A decision many stomachs of the team regretted.
"Oh goody," Alpine sighed. "I wonder what tempting treats BA's got in store for us today?"
"Well it can't be any worse than yesterday's Seaweed Surprise," Roadblock said.
"Wanna bet?" said Low Light.
"Alright ladies and gents! Step right up!" BA shouted out stirring a huge caldron. "Come and get it!"
"You win," Roadblock said to Low Light.
"What is this stuff?" Low Light asked as he peered into the cauldron. It was filled with bubbling green slime.
"It's a new recipe I found," BA said proudly. "It's called TW's Tempting Tasty Breakfast Treat."
"What does the TW stand for? Toxic Waste?" Low Light asked.
"Why don't you crawl back in your cave and hang upside down? It sounds like you didn't get a decent nights sleep?" BA snapped. "I'm sure the rest of us will enjoy it! It probably tastes better than it looks!"
"Probably?" Mainframe gasped.
"Oh you know what I mean. Dig in everyone. Who's first?" BA said.
"Uh, I think I've just lost my appetite," said Alpine.
"Me too," nodded Dusty.
"Better than losing your lunch," Wet Suit agreed.
"Well this sure ruins my morning," Shipwreck grumbled.
"I woke up for this?" Dial Tone groaned.
"Oh shut up!" BA snapped. "Just prod it with your fork a few times, that ought to take care of it!"
"Uh…I'm on a diet," Lady Jaye backed away.
"Me too," Scarlet said.
"Me three," Cover Girl added.
"Uh you know how it is, gotta keep one's girlish figure you know!" Quick Kick said.
"Whaddya mean?" BA huffed. "This is a diet dish!"
"He means you'll die if you eat it!" Shipwreck snickered.
"I heard that smart guy!"
"Sorry BA, but I think I'll just have some fruit," said Gung Ho. "It's safer."
"Come on you guys give it a chance!" BA said. "This has all kinds of good ingredients."
"Like bat wings, eye of newt…"
"Will someone get Shipwreck out of here?" BA snapped. "You guys are so fussy! See Lifeline's taking some! He's not a chicken! Here ya go pal!"
The Joes stood in disbelief as BA gave a generous helping on Lifeline's plate.
"You're really gonna eat that stuff?" Roadblock asked incredulously.
"Nope," Lifeline shook his head. "I'm gonna take it to the lab. I think it's a new life form!"
"Oh fun-nny Lifeline. Funn-nneee!" BA snapped.
Just then the glop on Lifeline's plate shuddered. Then it burped. Then it leapt off of his plate and to the horror of the Joes it rejoined the rest of the goo in the cauldron with a loud splat.
"Did you see that?" Dial Tone gasped.
"I wish I didn't!" Wet Suit groaned, looking a little green himself.
"I am definitely not eating here anymore!" Alpine exclaimed.
"Maybe it is a tad underdone," BA admitted looking at his creation.
"BA where did you find this recipe?" Roadblock asked.
"Oh I found it in some magazine called the Wanpire Veekly."
"The what???" Roadblock started to turn pale. "Look, you gotta get rid of that thing!"
"And waste a good recipe? No way!"
"If you don't get rid of that thing it'll get rid of us!" Low Light said.
"Oh don't be such a baby!" BA snapped. "Besides, it's kinda cute."
"Have you been eating your own recipes or something?" Lifeline gasped in shock.
The green slime began to make strange noises. BA looked at it as if it was a baby making cooing noises. "I think I'll call it Precious!" BA sighed with happiness.
"I think you've finally gone totally bonkers!" Roadblock groaned.
"I think I'd better get the straightjacket," Lifeline sighed.
"I think I'd better check my health insurance policy," Alpine said.
"I think its sweet, in a weird sick sort of way," Cover Girl shrugged.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Low Light groaned.
That was the exact moment that the glop made a huge burp and leapt out of the cauldron. Lifeline barely managed to pull BA out of its path as it escaped. "Is that any way to talk to your father?" BA yelled at it. "Now get back in there! No…No! Stop that! Precious stop that right now!"
"Run! It's the blob!" Dial Tone screamed.
"Calm down!" Mainframe shouted. "Now is not the time to panic!"
"It just ate an entire table!" Shipwreck shouted in horror.
"Okay! Now is the time to panic!" Mainframe shouted.
"Get outta my way!"
"Help! Call the army!"
"We are the army!"
"Uh hey Jarhead," Wet Suit called out to Leatherneck "Maybe this is a job for the Marines!"
"Oh no…" Leatherneck disagreed. "This is definitely a SEAL job."
"Oh no, no. You Marines got what it takes to handle this."
"Hey! Don't sell you SEALs short! Go on. I insist."
"Oh no I couldn't do that. You do it."
"No you do it."
"I'm not gonna do it, you do it!"
"I'm not gonna do it you do it!"
"Oh for crying out loud we'll do it!" Shipwreck shouted. He looked at Lifeline, Low Light and Roadblock. "How are we gonna do it?"
"Please don't hurt my Precious!" BA pleaded.
"Is he kidding?" Low Light asked. "Please someone tell me he's joking!"
"How about a cruise missile?" asked Shipwreck.
"Don't you think that's a little extreme for that thing?" asked Lifeline.
"I meant to use it on him and his stupid recipes!" Shipwreck pointed to BA.
"Agggghhh! It's destroyed half the kitchen! And eaten my cookbook too!" BA shouted.
"No big loss," Shipwreck shrugged.
"I got an idea," Roadblock said. "BA you still got that recipe?"
"Yeah Roadblock I got it here!" BA pulled it out of his pocket. Roadblock read it.
"Ah Ha! I thought so! Okay! Here's what we'll do…"
Not long after General Hawk and Beachhead were walking down to the cafeteria for breakfast. "I still don't understand why you let that lunatic into the Joes. He can't even cook! At least with the other strays like Mercer and Raven they can do something useful! But him? Should've left him at the bottom of the ocean."
"BA's not such a bad guy," said Hawk. "Besides think of it as one less Cobra to fight."
"Oh please, what kind of damage can one crazy chef do?"
Right on cue the cafeteria doors swung open and several Joes raced out, nearly trampling Hawk and Beachhead.
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
"'Scuse me! Coming through!"
"What the…?" Beachhead stammered. Before he could answer, a gigantic green blob knocked him off his feet and carried him away down the hall. Hawk barely escaped it by pressing himself flat against the wall. He had to use that trick again to avoid being trampled by a second group of Joes.
"There it goes!" Low Light shouted waving a spoon in one hand and a mixing bowl full of glop in the other. "Don't let it get away!"
"I've got the net!" Lifeline shouted.
"PRECIOUS!" BA was in tears. "Precious! Come back to daddy!"
"Thar she blows!" Shipwreck called out, also carrying a bowl full of goop.
"BA if you just read the recipe and put this glaze on top in the first place we wouldn't be in this mess!" Roadblock shouted.
"Well how was I supposed to know?"
"The bright red warning label on top might have given you a clue!"
"Get this thing off of me!" Beachhead cried. "Ughhh! I've been slimed!"
"Don't worry Beachhead, it just wants to be your friend!" BA called out.
"Oh lord somebody help me!"
"Get the net!"
"Lifeline get this net off of me!"
"Precious! Baby! WAHHHHH!"
"Run away! Run away!"
Hawk stood there in shock for a moment. He shook his head and muttered. "I gotta get some coffee. Strong coffee. With a little something in it."
"Aw isn't that cute?" BA said. "It wants to play."
"THAT'S IT!" Alpine shouted. "NO MORE MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS FOR HIM!"
"Maybe I'll just skip the coffee and go for the something…" Hawk moaned.
Duke and Flint ran up to him. "General Hawk what the Sam Blazes is going on?" Duke asked watching the mayhem.
Hawk shrugged. "I dunno. I just work here. If anyone needs me I am going to get something and hide under my desk for the rest of the day."