"JAMES POTTER! PUT YOUR WAND BACK IN YOUR PANTS!"

Chapter One

(In which she starts the story)


The sad but amusing diary of Lily Evans

Inspired by Georgia Nicolson, et moi amongst others

Disclaimer:I in no way own any of JKR's characters, Cate is mine though, in a non-lezzie way of course. Language from the Georgia Nicolson series may appear here (and already has) but since it's not copyrighted it really doesn't matter, but kudos to you Louise Rennison, you are truly baby Jesus.

Dedication:to my bestest pally, Dotti. May this story have us laughing and reflecting well into the wee hours of the morn'. Because we're like that. (Damn Straight. Fo Shizzle).

Author's Note: We see Lily Evans portrayed as responsible and mature to the outside world, but this story is designed to give us the real Lily Evans, from her own perspective.

Bias not included


Somewhere between boredom and more boredom

August 31st

Last Official Day of Freedom

(And sadly not the last day of the loons)

Can't-be-bothered-to-check O'clock

Marauders are being prats again, (typical). Potter has sent me so many 'love letters' I will have to send them of to Africa to be burnt instead of trees, (he must have used a whole rainforest anyway. I'm doing both of us a favour,-me and the Africans (as Potter is insignificant.)-They would keep warm and no one would read them again, mainly because Africans can't read yet. (duh)


Shortly After

Have received another 'declaration of love from Potter'. Am already visiting strop central and well on the way to ballisticimus shortly unless Potter puts his brain back in his pants. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm so funny. Seriously, must call Cate to discuss immediately.

She isn't answering. Typical Cate. She is probably hanging out with the prat.

Will ring her back later.


6:42

Cate rang back finally.

After three hours, fifty six minutes and twenty-three seconds.

Not that I was couting.

"Cate you are ignorez-vousing me again?"

She replied, "No I am not Lillian. You just don't have anyone to talk to."

"I would have you if you picked up your phone!"

Now she got all huffy knickers at me.

"Well maybe…"

Silence.

"Cate?!"

"Mmmmmmhmmm."
"You just stopped mid-sentence!"

I could tell she wasn't paying attention.

"Is that Potter and Black in the background?!" I asked.

"Yeah, sounds great Lils! See ya tomorrow!" and slammed down the phone.

Typico.


7:15

Petunia came to get me for dinner, all sticky-beak as per usual. She always wants to nose around in my stuff, the lezzie. That's why she has such a long nose I tell you.

I don't know how much longer I can stand being around her. Luckily I am out of here next year. Less than 365 days. YESSSSSSSSS!


After Dinner

My family is as interesting as normal. That is not much, believe me.

Dad told us about some interesting new client, and then mum proceeded to tell us about the quote "thriving" unquote state of her hydrangeas. Then Petunia announced she had a new boyfriend, andthat's when my fork clattered onto my plate, had to pretend to have a (very convincing) muscle spasm, but anyway. His name is Vernon, and he has an apprenticeship at Grunnings: a(n utterly dull) drill company. Petunia seems absolutely smitten. I was finding it hard to keep down my dinner, and that was before she showed us the photo. The two were polar opposites, Petunia was bony and dare I say it horse-like. Vernon, however was the roundest thing I had ever seen, he was so fat he was purple (probably because the blood couldn't get to most of his errrr, voluptuous body.) and he had a round little face with beady eyes and a miserable attempt at a moustache (his eyebrows would have substituted nicely.) I must go and have a lie down I feel a little faint.

Hogwarts tomorrow.


Sooooo…how did we like it, this is just a sort of pilot/concept chapter. If I receive good response from this, I will definitely continue with much l o n g e r chapters.

Harry Christmas,

thehiddenauthor