TITLE: Not Ever

AUTHOR: Requiem Of My Odium

SUMMARY: It's basically Eowyn's feelings and thoughts when Aragorn rejects her on the eve of Battle in the third movie.

A/N: Hey, first timer, here. Die-hard E/A fan so future fics will probably also be abt them. I tried to make it all angsty, but it didnt exactly work out right. Please review!

It was too much to bear. The pain that started from my heart slowly spread all across my body untill i felt sick. with a supressed sob, i turned around and ran. i ran away from him and his ghastly words. but mostly, i ran away from the truth.

i had known it all along. Ever since i saw that beautiful necklace hanging from his neck, i had known that what i felt towards him was useless, as he was in love with another. but still, i had fooled myself into believing that yes, we cud be together, yes, my feelings towards him was good for something, yes... he did love me back. Even though deep in my heart i knew that i was deranged, that i was foolish for believing so, i had cast that side of me aside and i had loved him. without doubt, without shame, without fear.

And now i am broken.

For he could never love me. he WOULD never love me. As his heart belonged to another. To the most fairest and most beautiful creature ever to be seen. to this... Arwen. I thought bitterly. And what was so special about her?! All her powers are hers because she is an Elf, not because she is special! What did he see in her? She was dying, as i had heard before, why couddnt she just DIE and leave me and him alone?

Suddenly, guilt flooded me. Arwen had never done anything to me. She hasnt even looked upon me. i dont know her or anything about her. Jealousy was turning me into a monster. I rushed past the many soldiers who were sitting around the camp fire and ran into my tent. i heard Merry call out for me, but i ignored him.

i wiped my tears and sat down on the floor, taking deep breaths. I hated him. I hated him for doing this to me! for leaving, for not loving me.

But, alas, it wasnt his fault that i loved him. he did nothing. i am to blame for my idiocy! for my foolish, childish love for him! He and Arwen belong together because she loves him and he loves her. me and him dont belong together because our love is not complete. and yet, without him, i am not complete.

"M' lady?" i looked up and saw Merry standing by the tent, worried, "What distresses you so?" He asked, coming and sitting next to me.

"Oh, nothing. it is but a foolish thought that wandered upon my mind a few days ago, and has burdened me so. nothing to worry about." i hurriedly wiped my tears and smiled down at him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it is nothing."

"Please tell me the cause for your tears." He begged.

"I'm afraid" i tell him.

"Of what?" He asked lightly, "The battle?"

"Yes." i lie, in a small voice as i feel guilty once again.

"No need to worry about that! It'll be over soon. Gandalf once told me that the sooner you start believing things will be alright, the sooner they will be alright."

I smiled at the kindness of Merry, "Thankyou Merry. That makes me feel much better."

Merry stood up, and grabbed the sword that was lying on the floor next to me, "Fear not Lady of Rohan, fairest of all, you have nothing to worry about! For I, Lord Merry, shall protect you from all that is evil and Orcish!"

i laughed and hugged him. Indeed, he had made me feel better. But even as we merrily talked and laughed, there was a darkened void in my heart. A hole which will never be full, never again. For he will never love me.

Not ever.