The Man of a Thousand Insults

By MadnessinmyMethod

Sai was never what anyone could call an ordinary teenager. For a Konoha ninja, he was among the most bizarre even compared to Rock Lee and Gai-Sensei. Sai was, as Sakura so eloquently put it, socially awkward. And indeed, Sai had now reached the level of his self-education on human behaviors at which he was attempting to understand the complex actions of females. Thus, this strange little leaf-nin had sought out the advice of a man who considered himself the absolute guru of the secrets of the female race: Jiraiya.

Borrowing the nickname "pervy sannin" from Naruto, who used it whenever they discussed the legendary ninja, Sai sought out the pervert beginning his search in the most logical place: the hot springs. Indeed, the moment he arrived, he saw the pervert with his eyes glued to a hole in the wall, chucking madly.

"Pervy sannin!" Sai shouted.

"Naruto, I'm b—you're not Naruto," Jiraiya said. "Oh, you're that Sai kid. Well, I'm busy. Beat it."

"Pervy sannin, I need your advice," Sai said, smiling.

"Look, punk. My name is Jiraiya. Not even Naruto gets away with that anymore."

"Pervy Jiraiya, I need your advice on women," Sai continued.

"Go read my book, Icha Icha Paradise," Jiraiya said shortly. "And leave me alone. I'm studying."

"No, you're not. You're being an enormous pervert. And I already read your book. It doesn't have the information I need."

"What could you possibly not learn about women from my book?" Jiraiya demanded.

"How do you ask a girl on a date?" Sai asked.

"You impress her with your awesome manly toughness, duh," Jiraiya said. "Honestly, everyone knows that, idiot."

"Hmmm… you're a dickless pantywaist just like Naruto," Sai said, leaving the springs.

"What the HELL was that, ASSHOLE?" Jiraiya shouted after him, tacking him to the ground.

Hmmm… why does this always happen to me? Sai wondered, smiling as he elbowed Jiraiya in the stomach to throw him off. He pulled his small katana out of its sheath to block the kunai that the pervert had immediately aimed at his head.

Sai ducked to the left as Jiraiya's fist came at him, again towards his face. "What's with aiming at my head, you pansy-bastard?"

"Punk-bastard, I'll kill you!" Jiraiya shouted. He stepped back, preparing the hand seals to summon a frog.

Sai took out his scroll and paint to draw some sort of fearsome beast.

They were ready to kill each other… that is until Sakura and Tsunade showed up.

"What the hell is going on here?" Tsunade bellowed furiously.

"Um…" Jiraiya said, realizing how ridiculous he looked.

"Sakura," Tsunade said, nodding towards Jiraiya and Sai.

"Yes, Tsunade-shishou," Sakura said, putting on her gloves. With extreme concentration she aimed two powerful punches at the idiotic males.

"Thank you, Sakura," Tsunade said. "That should be enough punishment for fighting in the streets and disgracing the Konoha name. Figure out why they were fighting and report to me in an hour for your medical training."

"Yes, Tsunade-shishou."

Sakura walked over to Jiraiya first. "Are you alright, Jiraiya-sama?"

"Define 'alright,'" Jiraiya muttered. "Damn Tsunade for teaching you how to throw a punch like that."

Sakura smiled thinly. "So what happened?"

"The little bugger was asking me for advice about ladies and then he called me a dickless pantywaist," Jiraiya said. "What the hell is his problem?"

"Um… yeah. He does that to pretty much everyone," Sakura said. "I wouldn't take it too seriously."

"Yeah, whatever," Jiraiya said. "I'm going back to work. And keep that punk away from me if you can."

Nice talking with you too, Inner Sakura thought, watching the disgruntled pervert go back into the bathhouse. She turned her attention to Sai who was now struggling to his feet. Sakura walked over and extended a hand to help him up. "It would be a good idea not to insult Jiraiya-sama like that. He's one of the three legendary ninjas, you know. He could kill you if he wanted to."

Sai smiled at her. "Keep talking. Your voice makes me forget about how you punched me."

Sakura stared at him for a moment. "Well, that's what you get for disgracing the Konoha name and fighting in the streets." She started walking down the road with Sai, surprisingly, following after her. "I have to go to a medical training session."

"Hokage said in an hour."

"What's it to you? It's not like we have a mission."

"I like your voice," Sai said.

"Yeah…uh…what's that all about?"

"And you have an unusually large forehead."

Sakura felt like a little red bubble was forming deep inside her. Her fists clenched and shook slightly. Cha! Is he going to make fun of my forehead? That asshole! screamed inner Sakura.

Before Sakura even had much time to think, Sai pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. It was rough and gentle all at the same time, kind of like how she had imagined kissing Sasuke… Sasuke…

All of a sudden he didn't seem to matter.

Sai pulled away about an inch from her face. "What was that all about?" Sakura whispered.

Sai didn't answer. "I want to show you a painting I made. Will you come with me?"


Right so this is my first Naruto fanfic. I hope I haven't broken any taboos I don't yet know about. Review if you have the time. I'd appreciate the feedback and I'd most likely be so happy that I'll do some sort of strange dance, videotape it, and post it on youtube for you all to enjoy. Now if only I had a video camera… to the electronics store! Ta-ta!