a/n: hello again. i'm back with another story. a one-shot between our favorite couple. my other story is on hiatus, aka, school's taken up too much time. but i'm off for break and an interesting prospect was thrown my way. spaceraider (as i'm sure you've read her works by now), had the idea of writing a story detailing faye's sex life...or lack thereof. but as things go, that story was also tossed on the back burner...until i hounded her about it, and she offered to pass it off to me. so i accepted the mission as something fun/something to get me back into writing and this happened. i like it, hopefully spaceraider will like it, too. and i hope the rest of you like it, as well. so now, on with the fic!
and of course, thanks to spaceraider for the first part of the fic as well as the go ahead to write this, and also, the awesome inspiration!
Mars moonlight, tinted maroon, slipped through inconspicuous windows and open air ducts, signaling that night had settled. Dispersing through the space cruiser and sending sleep into the weary gears, the Bebop began to slow with a content hum.
Unfortunately, none of the ship's inhabitants seemed to notice.
"Hey!" shouted the girl, shattering the peaceful yet ignored ambiance of the ship.
The boys, who had been lazing on the couch in what appeared to be a stupefied trance, suddenly jumped to at the shrill screech. Immediately Spike began fumbling with the remote control to flip off the vid-screen while Jet launched up and spun around to block her view.
"Hi there," he nearly shouted in a uncharacteristic, higher-pitched voice, "uh, we were just um..." his voice trailed off and the frenzy in his eyes settled down when the realization that it was Faye he was looking at sunk in. "Oh," he sighed. He relaxed from his tense stance and fell back onto the couch. "It's just Faye."
"Oh," Spike said sounding equally relieved. All tension in his body also melted away as he leaned backward into the cushion and clicked the vid-screen on again.
Faye was too heated and flushed already for her anger to be distracted by the fact that she had just been brushed off by Moldy-Top and Gramps.
"Why in the hell was my toothbrush wet?" she shouted with one loud foot stomp. "Someone is going to tell me right now who the fuck has been using my toothbrush!"
"Ed," Jet drawled out distantly.
"Ein," Spike said even more distantly.
They were clearly just ignoring her now. Who the hell did they think she was, sunlight bearing good tidings? Fuck no. With a frustrated huff Faye stormed into the room with the intention of shutting of the vid-screen, standing in front of it or kicking it off the table, or simply tossing it at their fool heads, but after rounding the couch and catching a glimpse of what it was they were so engrossed with, she stumbled back and couldn't help but yelp.
"Ugh!" she nearly retched. "What are you guys watching?"
"Yeah," Jet answered, spellbound. He was either being incredibly cryptic or incredibly stupid. Either way, it pissed Faye off.
"What?" she snapped.
"Jet found some ancient video delivery service on the Net," Spike droned, who refusing to let the demanding woman standing beside him divert his gaze from the screen. "The movies might be old, but they're dirt cheap, so we decided to try a couple out."
"But what is this!?" Faye asked, throwing her hand out at the video playing before her, disgust spewing from the question.
Jet limply picked up a slim DVD case between him and Spike on the couch.
"'The Sexorcist'," he read aloud from the case.
"'The Sexorcist'? Are you fucking kidding me?! That is so nasty!" she shouted.
Spike and Jet nodded dumbly in agreement with her accusation.
As much as she wanted to close her eyes or walk out of the room in a huff, she simply couldn't look away quite yet. Maybe it was the unrealistic way that the woman was moaning, or the fact that the man was completely hairless, or maybe…fuck, she couldn't find a real reason
"I know what her problem is," Spike said a bit too knowingly for Faye's comfort.
"What?" Jet asked back.
"She simply cannot acknowledge us as sexual beings," Spike smirked devilishly, trying to sound as arrogant as possible.
"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Faye said, turning up her nose to the whole idea.
"Is it? Or are me and Jet nothing but a couple dollar signs to you?" Spike posed back.
"No," she denied, "even though I do have trouble imagining you, or Jet, having anything to do with the sex…or women."
"Cute," Spike quipped.
"Nevertheless," Faye went on. "It's still the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"You know, I kind of have to agree with her, Spike," Jet chimed in.
"Thank you," Faye said and glared back defiantly at Spike.
"This clearly is a problem Faye has with Faye, not us," Jet went on.
"Excuse me?" Faye deadpanned. Her defiant attention was now directed at Jet.
"Yeah, this is definitely an issue you're having trouble dealing with yourself, so in turn, you're lashing out at us," Jet explained as he reluctantly turned to face her.
"I caught you guys watching hard core pornography!" Faye shouted. "I think I have a right to have a problem with that."
"Soft core…there's no showin' it going in," Spike corrected her.
Faye bunched up her face in an absolutely disgusted fashion at Spike's pig-headed bluntness.
"You're a virgin," Jet suddenly declared.
For a moment, the ship felt as if it had held its breath, knowing that one of those unseen lines had been crossed.
"…What!?" the girl eventually blurted, forcing an implied 'that's absurd' tone.
"You know, that actually makes a lot of sense," Spike piped up, all but forgetting about his precious soft core porn. "She's insecure, so she dresses like a twenty woolong trick, and she tries to radiate sex, even though she's never had it. I think that's the called the property of distribution."
"Nice work, Freud," Jet smiled at his friend.
"Elementary, my dear Watson. Elementary," Spike grinned and puffed theatrically off his cigarette. "I ain't all stupid."
The boys then had a good laugh, entirely at Faye's expense.
"Now, will the virgin please run along before we sacrifice her in an attempt to appease the gods," Spike said to Faye, glancing up at her with laughter still in his features.
When he finally looked her way, though, he noticed little dew drops had gathered at the edges of her eyes, threatening to spill over. For a second it almost looked like she was about to say something, but in a quick flurry, she had spun around and fled to the back of the ship.
"Great, she's gone," he sighed, trying to ignore the shift in her. "Now let's pop in 'The Good, the Bad, and the Horny' and get this little marathon over with."
"Spike," Jet said. His voice wavered between stern and pleading during that one syllable.
"What?" the younger man huffed.
"I think she was... crying."
"Those were tears of joy, Jet Don't you know women at all? Now come on, we have seventy year old porn to watch."
"Spike," Jet said again, and this time his tone was leaning more towards the frustrated side. "I can't enjoy myself when I know she's back there somewhere sulking."
"See, it's the opposite for me: I can enjoy myself even more, but you're more than welcome to go fix it," Spike shrugged and pulled out another disk from somewhere in the couch. "You're the one who called her on her virginity in the first place."
"Yes, but you're the one who started talking about sacrificing her."
"All in good fun, Jet. Look, I don't know what the big deal is anyway. Why the hell is she upset? If it was something she was embarrassed about, then why does she walk around looking the way she does? Besides, being a virgin isn't something to be ashamed of. Everyone was a virgin at one point and abstinence is a sign a virtue. If she acted more like a virgin, hell I might be more inclined to respect her!"
"I think you should tell her that when you go to apologize," Jet said.
Spike snorted at that one. "Yeah, sure."
Jet made no movement that would imply what he had just said should have been taken as a joke.
"Aw, come on!" Spike practically whined. "She's always getting her freaking panties up in a bunch and you don't demand I apologize then! Christ, Jet, we're not fucking brother and sister, so stop acting like our dad!"
"I know I'm not you father. If I was, I would have already kicked you out by now," Jet rationalized, "but there's obviously more to this than her just being a virgin. Why don't you be a friend for once, and go find out?"
"And what'll you give me if I do?" Spike tried to barter.
"Well, I know I won't be fixing your busted ship again."
Spike studied the older man carefully, and noted no sign of him bluffing. Heaving a sigh and running his hand over his face, Spike pushed himself up off the couch and headed into the recesses of the ship.
"Just don't watch anything else before I get back," Spike called out as he disappeared.
Faye sat on her bed, her back against the cold, steel wall as she clutched her pillow tight. She didn't know why she had let them know that she was so unnerved, but the whole situation had seemed so surreal; it had completely caught her off guard.
She wasn't a dolt, that for sure, and she knew that guys liked to sit around and watch people do it. She didn't know why that was the case, but she knew that it happened. She just never thought it would be her guys. And she never thought that her sexual activities, or lack thereof, would become such a topic of debate.
She'd gone to a lot of trouble to make herself look cheap. And contrary to popular belief, it took a lot of woolongs to make ones self look cheap. And the attitude that went with the look took her months to perfect. So how was it that these two numbskulls could debunk her lie so quickly? It was always the old one that she had to watch out for.
A knock on her door followed by an abrupt entrance brought her out of her thoughts and put her immediately on guard.
"I didn't say you could come in," Faye angrily responded.
"Do you ever?"
Huffing, Faye threw her pillow at him, which he effortlessly caught and chucked right back at her.
"Well, what the hell do you want?" Faye demanded, quite irritated with the lunkhead that had invaded her room.
"Sorry," he mumbled, barely above a whisper.
"Excuse me? I don't have bionic ears, jerk."
"I said I'm fucking sorry," Spike snapped, irritated by the situation.
Faye glared at him long and hard. She watched him closely as he lingered in the doorway, not quite in and not quite out. He always did have a way of straddling the lines. And then Faye fiercely blushed at the thought of "Spike" and "straddling" in the same sentence. Jesus, she really was a virgin, and very thankful he wasn't looking at her. Mustering back up her courage, she addressed him once again.
"I'm pretty positive that Jet all but threatened you to get you to come in here, and even if he didn't, I don't need your lame apologies. It's no big deal, anyway."
"You sure where acting like it was a big deal," he tossed at her.
"Heh, yeah, right," she brushed off.
The pair settled into a thick silence for the next few moments, neither sure if there was anything else left to say. Faye actually just wanted him to go. It was no big deal, really, so why was Jet trying to make Spike think it was?
"Admiring the artwork?" Faye drawled, trying to get rid of him.
Looking toward her, but definitely not at her, Spike spoke up.
"So it's true?"
"So what's true?" Faye asked him, all too aware as to what he was alluding to.
"Are you a virgin or not?" He said, a little too stern for her taste.
The two locked eyes then and just stared at each other. Faye was about to bubble over with outrage and indignation. Spike was simply curious. At least that's what he was telling himself.
"Fuck!" Faye shouted at him. "Yes, it's true. Slutty, skanky Faye is actually a virgin! There, is that what you wanted to hear!"
She leapt from the bed and rushed to his form, giving him a push that was rough and unexpected. Pushing her back, but very lightly in turn, Spike glared at her as if she were crazy…crazier than normal.
"What the fuck's your problem, woman? Big flippin' deal, you're a virgin!" He shouted at her, not quite sure where her sudden burst of anger had come from.
"My problem is you! You and your goddamn nosiness and you're guy attitude and the overall fact that you're a big jerk!"
Crossing his arms and leaning against the door jamb, he eyed the girl with a searing look, trying to decipher what it was that she was keeping locked up so tight. He noticed her fidget more than once under his gaze, but he didn't relent. He heard her sigh and saw that trademark anger flash her emerald eyes an intense jade in the dim lighting of her room.
"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer," she practically snarled.
"Why don't you get new material?"
"Why don't you just go fuck yourself?"
"Why don't you?"
She wasn't positive what registered on her face at his comment, but she was sure it was a mixed of shock, hurt, and confusion thinly veiled by her ever present anger. And by the look in Spike's mismatched eyes, she had that sick feeling that, once again, he was calling her bluff. She hated when that happened.
He pushed himself out of the doorway and closed the door behind him. Even though she could plainly see that he was still in the room, she was really hoping that his form was just an after image of him having left in such a hurry. As he slowly advanced on her, though, a rather intent look splaying across his visage, she knew that before the night was over she'd have a lot of explaining to do.
"What are you hiding, Faye?" Spike boldly asked of her as he stood not even three feet away.
"I…I'm not hiding anything, lunkhead," she stuttered, mentally reaming herself for faltering.
"You're a pretty good liar, Faye," he conceded as he stepped closer, "but every now and then, you give yourself away. Like that stutter. And I'm sure it's no medical condition."
By now, he had closed the gap to about a foot and Faye was fidgeting more that usual. Maybe she could kick him, prompting him to leave. Or maybe she could yell at him until he finally left. Or maybe she could…
"Earth to virgin Faye," she heard as a certain mop-top tapped a finger on her forehead.
Swatting his hand away, Faye sighed and inched back from him. Taking a seat on the bed, she motioned for him to plant his ass somewhere, and ran a hand threw her hair. Discarding her headband and setting it on the nightstand, she focused in his general direction.
"You're not leaving till you get an answer, are you?"
"I think you know the answer."
"Why does it even matter to you?"
"So why should I tell you?"
"I think I hate you," she told him, no sarcasm or play in her voice.
"No, you don't. Now out with it already."
"It's weird to think you care," Faye said, not at all comfortable with this.
"I don't, so there's nothing weird, is there?"
Growling at him almost like a feral beast, Faye blew a puff of air to the side to push her bangs out of her face. Then, in almost the next instance, she lifted off those first few layers, taking her from 'bitch Faye, protecting a secret', to 'human Faye, not so sure about telling a secret'. Spike always found it endlessly fascinating the many different looks of Faye Valentine.
"The truth of the matter is," she hesitantly started, "I…I don't really know if I'm a virgin."
Spike gave at her with an incredulous look. He wasn't quite sure how a person, especially a female person, wouldn't know if they'd had sex on or not. So he voiced his opinion.
"I think it's pretty easy to know if something been up there or not…I think."
"Jesus, Spike, you're disgusting."
"Hey, I'm just saying."
"Please, stop saying. Now, do you want to hear this or not?"
He didn't say another word, nor did he make a move to imply one way or the other.
"It's easy to not know if you're a virgin or not. Well…at least it is for me. I know I said I got my memories back, and in truth, I did. Most of them, at least. There're still some things that are fuzzy and there's still some things that are blank. My sex life is one of those things."
"Are you even sure you had a sex life? I mean, I can't honestly see a guy, even some horny teen, wanting to bone you. You nag too much."
"I swear to god, Spike…" Faye started, walls immediately being built back up again.
Knowing he was on very thin ice, Spike reluctantly retracted his statement.
"It was just a joke, Faye. Lighten up and get on with it."
"Fine," she huffed at him. "I don't remember if I've had sex or not. And I don't think there's a way for me to know unless I remember 100. Hell and it's not like I can afford to see a Gyno."
"You're kidding, right?" Faye asked, not sure if he was being serious or not, so she put it bluntly. "A Gynecologist is a doctor who looks at vaginas, Spike."
"Really?" Spike smirked widely, "perhaps I need to rethink my career path..."
"Sorry, Spike, there's a "no pervert" rule in effect. That's means you."
Snarling slightly at her, Spike waived his hand dismissively and grunted for her to continue. Rolling her eyes, Faye went on.
"Even if I could make it to one, there's still no way to tell. I mean, through the accident, the cryo, trying to be a bounty hunter, and not to mention the tampons and the horseback riding, there'd probably be no physical evidence left, anyway."
"Wait...what?" Spike asked, totally confused. "What do tampons and horses have to do with anything?"
"You really are clueless, aren't you? I swear, you men wouldn't even know where to put it if sex wasn't second nature to you," She retorted, almost disgusted. She saw him nod, and she just shook he head. "Tampons and horseback riding, among other things, can inadvertently break a girls' hymen, which is that thing that's involved when one "pops their cherry".
She kept an embarrassed eye on him as she explained female anatomy to him. He was a bit confused about the whole hymen thing, but his eyes lit up with recognition as she neared the end.
"Well…I guess I get what you're saying," he started, "but honestly, I don't know why it matters."
Faye balked at him, unaware as to how he, himself, could be so unaware.
"Why does it matter?!" She nearly screeched. "Why wouldn't it matter? God, Spike, you really are a guy…"
"I sure was the last time I checked," he smirked at her.
"Ugh! It matters to me because if I haven't given it up yet, then I want to give it to someone special!"
Silence descended over the tiny room as Spike watched Faye, watching him. He could see that she didn't mean to make that admission, and she could see that he suddenly understood what she meant.
"I…I guess that makes sense," Spike told her in a voice that was much quieter than she though he possessed. "But if you're trying to be all romantic and shit, and wait for 'the one', then why do you always dress like that? I can tell you know that no love of your life is going to find you when you put it all out there."
"What would you know?" Faye said, more than a little wounded.
"Well...as you pointed out, I'm a guy, so I think I have a valid opinion. And while I may have had a lot of 'experiences' in my time, I can promise you that I never had one with someone who tried too hard to be sexual. And the only person I did love dressed in trench coats and pants and calf-length dresses most of the time."
Scoffing at the inevitable mention of precious Julia, Faye turned from him and wiped away a few rouge tears.
"So why dress that way, Faye?" Spike continued, totally oblivious to mentioning of his former lover. "Whether trying to attract a man or not, I just don't think that an outfit like that is comfortable."
"It is when you're trying to catch a bounty…or get something for free…or keep yourself from getting raped, that you dress this way," Faye told him, deciding to ignore the mention, as well.
She then heard him give the slightest gasp as she said the last part, and quickly soothed his fears…if he really cared, that is.
"It's not that I have been or anything...raped, that is. If I had, then I wouldn't be wondering about the topic of the evening. But it almost happened a couple of times, and I quickly learned that in this world, when I dress like this, even though someone will say that I deserved it, I'd have to find a guy desperate enough to first. And no man so far has been desperate enough to try and force himself on a hooker…whether she really is one or not."
Staring at her, Spike knew that there was a whole lot more to the resident shrew than she ever gave off. She was complex and multi-dimensional, and most of all, she was a lost little girl. Lost in a world that wasn't her own with people she didn't know and customs that she was unaccustomed to. And whether he liked it or not, she had begun to trust Jet and himself, and it had taken a lot for her to be so open with him.
He looked absently at his hands and realized he took her for granted too much. She annoyed him to no end and he was sure that her nagging would finally be the thing to put him in an early grave, but he had to commend her for simply talking to him so candidly. Before he knew it, his hand was reaching out and resting almost delicately on her shoulder. He easily noted the little twitch she emitted initially, and equally noted when she relaxed at the touch.
"Jesus, Faye…I…I didn't know. But you don't have to go around worrying about things like that. You grate on our nerves a lot, but me and Jet wouldn't really let anything bad happen to you."
Not really wanting it there, but surely not shaking it off, Faye noted how unusually soft Spike's hand really was. She was a bit unnerved how relaxed she was under the simple touch, and how much she actually did enjoy it.
"It's not like you and Jet weren't around when I first woke up," she said quietly. "And you weren't there when Whitney left me. And you weren't there when the creditors started calling and I had to take weird jobs just to eat."
"We're here now," Spike offered in a rare moment of tenderness.
"Yeah…" Faye whispered back. She wasn't sure why these tears wouldn't stop falling, but she wasn't doing anything to stop them, either. She felt Spike's grip tighten slightly as he pulled her around to face him. Keeping with his uncharacteristic attitude, he silently brushed away the tears from her jeweled eyes and cast her a concerned smile.
"It really doesn't matter, though, if you were a virgin or not," Spike began again, "I mean, you were frozen for over 50 years and apparently have remained celibate, so I think you can at least call yourself a 'born-again' virgin."
He smirked at her as she chuckled at his comment. He was a bit unnerved to realize that as much as he liked making her angry, he liked making her smile even more.
"Is that anything like a 'born-again' Christian?" She jested.
"Yeah, but baptism might be a little more fun with the other."
Rolling her eyes and laughing out loud at him, she shoved him in the shoulder. Shoving her back, his hand suddenly took off on its own again and moved a few strands of purple hair out of her eyes. Looking away, Faye gave a light cough, wondering just how many levels of discomfort she could attain in one night.
"Either way," he went on, "this is like a whole new life, Faye, and you can live it however you want. Being a virgin is highly overrated, but if it matters to you, then whose to say you're not? I don't think you were a bounty hunter before, but you are now. And if you want to give yourself to someone you really care about now, then no one can tell you that you didn't wait for someone special. Hell, you waited over 50 years, if not longer, so either way, that bastard's gonna be pretty damn lucky."
Shaking her head at how this lunkhead could try and rationalize her possible virginity, and to hear him try and sound so kind and caring actually made her genuinely smile at him. After all, it wasn't every day that Spike Spiegel was actually nice to her, so she'd definitely have to remember this for a rainy day, so to speak.
"I…I guess you're right, Spike. This is my new life, so I guess I get a chance to do everything again. Including sex…if I haven't already. I was unaware that you could be such a rational being."
"You'd be surprised by all the things that I can do," Spike replied, his implications a little more that either of them were bargaining for.
"So…um…how did you know you were ready?" Faye asked, actually curious.
"You mean sex?" Faye nodded dumbly at him. "I wasn't. It just kinda…happened, I guess."
"Well that doesn't sound romantic," Faye noted.
"Looks like I'm not the only Sherlock on ship," he groused. "But it's over and done with, so…"
"Well that gives me plenty of confidence for when I do decide to have sex."
"I'm sure it'll be better for you, since you want it to be all romantic and shit."
"Is there something wrong with romance?" Faye asked defiance in her voice.
"Not if you're a chick, I guess."
He should have figured the pillow was headed right for his head with a comment like that, but he was still a bit caught off guard. But he recovered quickly, grabbed the other pillow, and whacked her right back. After several minutes and a busted pillow, Faye found herself out of breath with an equally out of breath Spike somehow over her, 'straddling' her, if you will.
Suddenly all too aware of their close proximity, Faye began to move away, only to be stopped by Spike's hand on her shoulder once again. To say the least, she was surprised by their situation and even more surprised when she found his lips pressed against hers.
She wasn't a virgin to kissing, but she could easily determine that he was the best so far. There was something about the way he turned his head, or the way he tasted like cigarettes and mint that put this kiss easily above the rest. And as shocked as she was by his hands straying to delicately flutter over her exposed waist, she didn't do anything to stop him. And when he tried to break the kiss a few moments later, she was most shocked at her hand going to the back of his head and keeping him where he was. Finally, the need for air became all too important, and their lips finally parted.
"I'll admit that was unexpected," Spike told her as he found himself nuzzling her neck.
"..Yeah," Faye breathlessly answered.
"Do you think I'm special, Faye?" Spike asked seemingly out of the blue, and with an odd hint of desperation.
"You're something," Faye retorted. "I think it could be called 'special'."
Smirking to himself, Spike kissed her again. Sighing to herself, Faye let him.
Jet was in the process of making coffee. It was around seven in the morning and while he wanted sleep, sleep didn't want him. So pulling up to the little island in the kitchen and knocking off his slippers, Jet sipped his coffee silently and closed his eyes.
A few minutes later, he heard a familiar scuffling and opened his eyes to see Spike shuffling in. He was lazily dressed in his sweat pants from the night before, but his tank was missing. Not unusual, though. Eyeing him through sleepy slits, Jet watched as Spike, more chipper that was normal for him, opened the cabinet, grabbed a mug, and poured some coffee. Pulling up to the other side of the island, Spike sat down and sipped his coffee, too, and oddly content, lop-sided grin on his face.
"I thought you were maybe dead," Jet was the first to speak.
"Huh, oh, yeah," Spike murmured.
"I held off as long as I could last night, but got tired. The vids' still in, so we can watch whenever you want, I guess."
It was easy to see that Spike wasn't quite acting like himself, and Jet wasn't quite sure why. He was going to figure it out, though.
"So, did she yell at you?"
"Did she hit you?"
"It's Faye we're talking about."
"Did you figure out what got her so upset?"
"Sure did," Spike responded with a knowing smirk.
"Well…" Jet pressed, obviously curious. "Is she a virgin?"
Unable to contain his grin, Spike got up and headed out of the kitchen, mug in hand. For a moment, Jet thought he'd have to awkwardly ask the shrew himself, but he then saw Spike stop at the opening of the room. Looking over his shoulder with that damned 'Spike Spiegel' smirk, he gave Jet his answer.
"Well…she isn't anymore."
And with that, he disappeared somewhere into the ship. Shaking his head in either shock or realizing the irony of the situation, Jet just went back to drinking his coffee. He suddenly had the feeling that he'd be watching porn alone tonight.
okay, and that's it. how was it? i hope it was passing. sorry for the bouts of oocness, but i think it was necessary. well, review and let me know how it went. thanks for reading! stay classy.