A Day in the Life of Jack O'Neill's Dog Tags.

0600 Nice and warm, nestled between Jack's chest and the mattress. He's been sleeping way too much these days. Wake up, Jack! Come on...Up and at 'em, soldier! Ah, success! Rolling over. Ah, I can breathe! Wish I wasn't stuck under this shirt.

Whoa! Did your heart just skip a beat? You need to get yourself to a doctor, old friend. Wait...to whom are we talking at this early hour? The voice is familiar...oh, it's her. Should have known. It's only been ten years of your heart skipping a beat when you see her. When did she get here? I don't remember her coming in last night. I must be getting rusty.

He's laughing. I can feel it coming from deep in his chest, like it does when he's really happy. Yes, you're a happy Jack, aren't you? Why are you still in bed, Happy Jack? Let's go, Mister! A General's work is never...Wait a minute...! She's playing with me! Sam is playing with me, rubbing me against Jack's chest. Now I'mhappy. Oh, you like his hairy chest, don't you Sam? Like running your fingers through that soft, silver hair. Try living with it twenty-four hours a day and we'll see how much you like it then.

And the shirt comes off! Free at last! Hey there, Sam! Wutcha' doin'? Ah, you're happy, too, aren't you? Well, why don' t you just bring your dog tags on over here...

0700 That's right, soldier! Get your six in the shower! Stop thinking about Sam's hands and eyes and dog tags! Boy, she has really amazing dog tags. No! We're not thinking about them! We're thinking...wait...is it Saturday? It is! No wonder you didn't want to get up; sorry about that, buddy! Well, in that case, we're thinking barbecue! Steaks and beer! Wait...no, you're right. We should make Sam some breakfast for making us so happy today. Eggs and beer!

Oh, come on man! Watch what you're doing with that loofah! Scratches the crap outta' me! I don't need exfoliating, thank you very much. What happened to using wash cloths? A nice, relaxing wash, is that too much to ask for? I tell ya', Sam is making you soft! Smelly body wash, loofah, and you've been sleeping way too much!

Wait, did your heart just skip a beat? What the—Is that her, again?! I never get a minute alone with you when she's around. Maybe that ain't such a bad thing...

Well, hey, why don't you join us, Sam? Don't use that loofah on your dog tags, trust me. Mmmm...soap me up, baby! Wait! No, don't take me off! Hey, this is so not cool! Stuck here by the sink while you two...Hi, Sam's Dog Tags! Left you by the sink, too, huh? Yeah, well...you know. He really loves her, ya know? I haven't felt him laugh like this since Charlie's accident. Does her heart skip a beat every time she sees him? Yeah, that's what I thought.

0900 At least you always wear a clean shirt when Sam's around. Chalk one up for Sam. No, you don't really need a beer this early in the day, Mister! Put it back! Good man. Just focus on making breakfast for Sam. Don't screw it up. She's asleep right now in your bed. In yourbed! Man, how did that happen? After listening to that heart of yours skip beats for eight years, I had decided you were just gonna' die of a heart attack before you could man up and tell her how you feel. Sorry for underestimating you, buddy. You know, I have it on good authority that Sam's heart skips a beat every time she sees you, too; has from that very first moment you met.

1000 Look at her! Even with her hair all smashed flat on one side, she's hot! Why. Did. She. Choose. You? Not that you aren't the best soldier a couple of dog tags could ask for, but...I mean...Lookat her! Oh, that smile. Watch it, man! Lean over and kiss her all you want, but taking a bath in your coffee ain't my idea of a good time! For cryin' out loud! You'd think you'd be used to me by now, after wearing me for...well...a really...long time. Man, we're old!

Sure, fine. Put me under the shirt again. I can still feel you laughing, you know.

1100 I like that you do dishes when Sam is around. Another point for Sam! Usually, undomesticated equines couldn't get you to do dishes. Laugh again, Happy Jack. Sam has a great laugh, doesn't she? I'll bet her dog tags love her laugh. She's standing so close, I can hear her dog tags jingling. Can you hear me, Sam's Dog Tags? Don't you love it when Sam laughs? That's what I thought.

1130 Puccini today, Jack? My, you really are in a good mood. Whoa, do I detect snuggling? Yep, that's definitely Sam's cheek leaning against me. Curse this shirt that keeps me from that soft cheek! Jack has all the fun.

1400 Jack? Jack. Hey, Jack! Wake up, sleepy head! You're a disgrace, sleeping in the middle of the day! I don't care if Sam nods off lying on your chest, I expect your mind to be alert and sharp at all times! He's snoring.

1430 Wake up, General O'Neill! I hear a phone ringing, and I'm betting it's yours, soldier! Wake up, it might be work! Wake up, wake up, wake up...There ya go! Sorry, Sam, duty calls. Who is it? It's work! Wow, Jack, that was harsh. Well, okay, they did interrupt a Saturday with Sam; go ahead and tell them off. Nice sarcasm...excellent biting tone...What? It wasn't even an emergency? They were looking for a memo. A memo!? You have a right to be irked. Just hang up now. Hang it up! Hot woman on the couch, man! Hang. The. Phone. Up! Man, calm down; your heart is going a million miles an hour. Don't let this ruin the day. Calm down. Oh, there ya go. Here comes Sam's hand again. Oh...oh, come on! Are you kissing again? Hey, Sam's Dog Tags, can you hear me!? Might as well make ourselves comfy—these two can kiss forever! And who knows where it's goin' from here...

1600 Hi, Sam's Dog Tags. Yeah, that was fun. You'd think they were teen-agers, the way they carry on. What's that? Oh...yes, you have a point. Eight years of waiting is a long time. Hold the phone, is that a name change I see? Sweet! Samantha O'Neill, huh? Has a certain ring to it. Looks good on ya. Are they gonna sleep some more? I tell ya, he's been sleeping way too much lately.

1700 The Siiimpsooons. Oh, come on, Sam's Dog Tags, how could you possibly not like The Simpsons? Burns is a Goa'uld, you know. I totally agree with Jack on that one. So glad those guys are out of the picture. Had a couple of staff blasts come way too close for comfort. Yeah, you know; you were there. While we're having this little chat, do you think they'll ever have little O'Neills running around? He's been thinking of hanging me up for good, you know. Thinks he's gonna be a stay-at-home dad one of these days. So, what are Sam's thoughts on the matter? Yeah, that's what I thought.

1800 Is that your stomach? Skipped lunch, eh? Too busy sleeping...and...other stuff. Well, rubbing it ain't gonna make the growling stop, stupid. Oh, wait...that's Sam again, isn't it. Oh, for cryin' out loud, are you actually laughing? Stop. Stop right now! You aren't ticklish. Stop it! Too late...that's right, just push me aside like I'm scrap metal. You're not even fighting back, Jack. You're pitiful.

1815 Dinner time! Steaks and beer! Go get the meat outta' the fridge, Jack! Hunger over giggling with the wife. Hunger! Quit giggling; it jiggles me around too much. Get up and get dinner ready...Do you really have to lean so far into the refrigerator? Getting my bottom frosted, here! What's Sam saying? No, don't order in! Steaks and beer! Yes!

1830This is the life: Cool spring evening air on the front, nice warm Jack on my six. The smell of steaks burning, I mean cooking on the grill. Sam is laughing again. Man, I love her laugh.

Too close to the grill, Jack. Too close! Hot hot hot hot! Why is Sam yelling?

1900 The fire was so not your fault. Just order the Chinese and stop worrying about it.

2000 Jack, there's a noodle hanging on me. How did you manage to get a noodle down here? Pull me out and take it off...thaaaank you. Oh, there's Sam's Dog Tags. She has such awesome dog tags. Sending out a jingle to you, Sam's Dog Tags! You're so hot! Jack, got another noodle, here...

2100 And he cleans up after himself, ladies and gentlemen! Sam is a miracle worker.

2130 Oh, you're smooth, Jack. A nice fire in the fireplace on a cool evening. Not too close...I've had my share of temperature fluctuations today, thanks very much. Got pillows? Get pillows! And a blanket. I have never been so proud of you...wait, I lied...When did you get the champagne? I don't remember that trip to the store! Maybe it is about time for me to go on display up on the mantle. We should chat about that.

Mmm...Sam's hair in my face. Her hair smells nice. Smell her hair, Jack; doesn't it smell nice? Like...apples. Aaaah...Sam's lips on my chain, on me. Sweet! Oh, she's moving on, now. Damn. Sam's Dog Tags! We gotta' stop meeting like this!

2300 I love when they talk like this. Jack's voice rumbles deep in his chest; feels cool. Fingers in the chest hair again. Why are you playing with me like that, Sam? You've never done that before. Not that I'm complaining...Oh, you're sad, aren't you? You have to leave tomorrow, huh? Do something Jack, she's crying all over me! I'm too old for this. Don't be sad, Sam. More rumbling. That's right, buddy, cuddle her close in front of the fire. Nice. This long-distance relationship crap has gotta' stop.

0100 Wha...? What's up, Jack? It's the middle of the night and you're playing with me. Not a good sign. Wutcha' thinkin'? Ah, knock it off. Her dog tags tell me she is absolutely being as careful as possible in Atlantis. Not long now till she's home for good; just a couple of months. Speaking of which, that mantle is looking awfully good to me these days. Think about it. Sam's Dog Tags say she might have a little surprise to let you in on when she gets home. Sam doesn't know it yet, but dog tags keep track of these things; not much else to do while we're hangin' around your necks. Go back to sleep. Tomorrow is another day.