Title: Blame it on Bella
Summary: One-shotA tag to 'Red sky at morning' Sam got really drunk that night…..
Disclaimer: Don't own, so please don't sue. Remember: Total nonsense. This just came to me while I was re-watching the episode. This is basically my attempt to make it better (Bella just annoyed me). I have to say it is total crack, and I'm a completely sick person for imagining this, LOL.But it's my attempt at black comedy, so please be gentle.One-shot. The words in italics are flashbacks. Hugs from poor Sammy for reviews!!! Enjoy !
"Blame it on Bella"
"Oooh, naughty," she says. "Well I guess we'll just have to entertain ourselves as well." She grabs Sam's butt, giggling. "Whoa, um, Mrs. Case – Ms. Case – you know, I don't want to give you the wrong idea…" "Call me Gert," she says. "You remind me of my late husband. He was shy too." She grabs Sam's butt with her other hand as well.
"Mmmm, you're just firm all over."
Sam awoke with a jolt. He was having the worst dream. No, he was having the worst nightmare, he kept seeing that old woman hit on him, over and over again. Between that and all the champagne he threw back the night before, he was surprised he could open his eyes at all. Stretching out he tried to recall just how it was that he got back the house that he and his brother we're currently squatting in, his yawn broke when Sam's hand brushed against something strange. Not something, someone! Sam froze mid-stretch, his heart pounding in his ears, he slowly, very slowly turned his head. The sight before his eyes sent such a shock through his system, that he leaped out of bed. The impending jump jarred his cranium, sending shooting pains all over his hung-over body. His hands immediatly went to his forehead. No, no this can't be happening, his mind yelled, more like whispered, considering -the Lindsay Lohan after a night of partying- sized headache he was currently enduring.
Sam took a deep breath and forced one eye open.Crap! She was still there! Why wasn't she going away???He tried desperately to figure out what had happened, but only drew a blank. That was when the poor boy realized he was just standing there in his underwear. Reluctantly, he stepped forward to grab his dress pants off the mattress, yes mattress, it wasn't like abandoned houses were stocked with full bedroom suites. That was when he noticed something, rather odd. She seemed a bit paler than he remembered. No, that's crazy, he thought. Sam leaned forward, then poked at her shoulder.Nothing.He poked a bit harder. Still nothing. Sitting back on the bed, he finally shook her. She was just passed out, had to be, he thought. The other explanation, was inconceivable, she couldn't be….
Sam jumped back even faster this time. She was dead! Just when he thought he was going to hyperventilate the front door opened.
Double crap! Dean was back! Sam searched his mind once more,
"I wanna know the details in the morning."
"Exactly how long do you expect me to entertain my date?" he asks. "As long as it takes," Bella replied.
Sam looked back and forth between the door and the bed. What was he going to do? What did everyone else do? Brittany blamed it Kevin, Paris blamed it on-well everybody, who could Sam blame?
"Wakey-wakey! Hands off mister snakey!"His brother called as he hit the stairs.
Damn!Where was a good Hollywood sized scapegoat when you needed one?!? Was he exausted?No,that wouldn't work. Could he blame the champagne?Yes!He did throw them back like Katie Cassidy on Friday night, it could possibly work.
"You stink like sex."
He quickly threw on his pants and bolted out the door, just in time to catch Dean at the top of the stairs.
"Hey,"he gabbed his head once again, then proceeded to block the doorway.
"Hey,"Dean replied giving his brother a strange look, "Whatcha doin'?"
Sam forced a smile.
"Na-nothin',how did the stakeout go? Did catch Bella?" he asked casually.
Dean's only reply was a grunt. Sam did remember what happened to the hand. Somehow Bella had snatched it from Dean, so his brother not being able to admit defeat, decided to stakeout her hotel room, while Sam stayed at the party, since she left Mrs. Case alone.
"Hell no, I swear when I get my hands on…"He stopped and picked something up off the floor.
Sam eyes grew wide, as his brother held up the offending object. A pair of tan colored of panty hose.
"Umm I can explain-"
"Sammy, you sly dog." Dean chuckled.
"This is not what it looks like."
Sam's face turned ten shades of red. Dean couldn't help but smirk.
"Then would you mind explaining this?" Dean asked quite amused.
Sam tried to snatch them out his brothers hands, but wasn't fast enough. He had to pause when his brain threatened to bust out of his ears, and Dean took the opening and side-stepped his younger brother.
"Ma-maybe it's just a new look I'm trying out." he shrugged.
Dean shook his head then playfully punched his brother in the shoulder.
"Who was she? A waitress?NO!I got it! One of those rich broads from the museum! Can't say that I blame you. If I didn't have that screeching harpy on my arm all night-Wait is she still…."
Sam stood silent and lowered his head, like a guilty child.
Dean's face lit up, "NO way! This I gotta see!"
Sam shot out a panicked hand in front of the older man.
"No! Dean no, it's not what you think."
Dean stopped and tried to peer over his shoulder.
"Then what," he stopped as his own eyes grew wide, "you didn't!"
Sam twisted and turned to block his brother's way.
"Did what?" he nearly squeaked.
Dean's nostrils flared.
"Of all the-I can't believe you!"
Sam froze in sheer panic.
"Oh man, Dean you wouldn't-"
"Jeez,Sam.I thought you had better sense than that! I don't know weather to slug you or have you tested!" Dean scolded .
"Yes, I what-"Sam stopped.
Dean just shook his and took a step back, this time it was Sam who eyed his brother suspiciously. What was going in that head of his?
"You coulda gave me a heads up! Instead I hadta stay outside her room all night, while you two were busy playing one night in Paris!"
All Sam could do was stare back at his brother. What was he….what! His heart skipped a beat when he realized what Dean was insinuating.
"Wait, you think I slept with-with…Bella?"He could barely hide his distaste at even the sound of her name.
Dean rolled his eyes. Sometimes he even wondered who the smart one was supposed be. Sam couldn't lie, hell he even felt guilty searching the internet for porn, no wonder he was soo embarrassed.
"Well,yeah Sam. I should've known, you wouldn't be this mortified if this was just some rich chick." He scoffed.
Sam felt like he was going to cry, "Really, it's not what you think."
Dean didn't know who to be angrier at.
"Damn it Sam, am I the only one who remembers that she shot you?"
Sam ran a hand through his bed-head, then decided to give up. As long as Dean stood there berating him, he wouldn't try to get in through the door.
"What can I say? I was really wasted man." he repled,faking a smile.
Dean leaned against the railing, and shook his head like a disappointed parent.
"What can you say!?!Jeez,Sam I've had some random chicks in my time, but this takes the cake," Dean rubbed his forehead, "Tell me you at least got the hand?"
Sam went pale. He wasn't expecting that. What could say to stall longer?
Dean slammed his hand on the banister.
"Ooh I'm gunna kill her."
Before Sam could reply, his brother marched past him into the bedroom.
It was too late.
"Would you mind, stepping in here?"
Sam bit his lip and stepped in. Then locked eyes with his older brother.
"Is that who I think it is?" Dean asked slowly.
He nodded again. Dean broke eye contact, then bent down alongside the mattress.
"Random question: Why is Mrs. Case in your room?"
Sam couldn't speak.
"Shot in dark, did she you know, after you, you know?" Sam nodded.
"I think she had a stoke, sometime this morning, Dean I swear she was fine last night."
Sam bent down and tried to study his brother. Dean looked like he was either about to cry or throw up.
"Sammy, why did you have sex with the old lady?"
Sam teared up, bit his lip and shrugged. Dean stood back up and shook his head.
"Dean?" he asked meekly.
His brother didn't reply, he just started down at the old woman with the happiest smile on her face.
"Dean? Are you okay?Dean,say something!"
Dean looked back up at him.
"I-I'm trying to run, but my legs won't get the message!" he choked out, before a fit of laughter overtook him.
Sam stood back up and balled his hands up in fists.
"This is not funny! What am I going to do?!" Sam cried out.
Dean, on the other hand wasn't as upset as his brother. He laughed until his sides ached. Then walked over to the door, and made a serious face.
"Have you tried abstance?"He asked as he left the room.
Sam felt like he was going to tear his hair out. He was in a major crisis and all his brother could do was make a big joke out it. He stomped his foot like spoiled child, grabbed a shirt then followed his brother. Downstairs he found Dean opening a beer bottle from a warm twelve-pack.
"Not, you us. What are 'we' going to do ,"Dean mumbled as he pointed to a chair at the table.
Sam remained quiet as he sat down, then took the offered beer. Dean opened another and sat beside him.
"We're in this together, little brother." Dean added, as they both took a long sip.
"So, what are 'we' going to do,then?"Sam asked slowly.
Dean just shrugged, "No idea."
Sam shook his head, as Dean started yet another round of laughter.
"Really, Dean I don't what's so damn funny here. There's a dead woman upstairs."
Dean lifted an eyebrow.
"Aww,Sammy.You gotta admit, it's a little funny. I mean. What was she ,like 80?How drunk we're you?"
Sam tried to keep a straight face, then slammed his hand on the table and let out a hearty laugh. Soon both men were caught in a horrendous fit of laughter.
Sam smiled evilly, "You remember that movie 'Grandma's boy'?" he asked.
"Yeah,why?"Dean wasn't exactly sure where his brother was going with this.
"I have to say old Gert could give Shirley knight's character a run for her money."
Dean gave his brother the most disgusted look he could muster, before snickering once more. Once their amusement ended, Dean wiped the tears from his eyes, and took a drink from his bottle.
"Is there anyway we could pin this on Bella?"
Sam took a long drink, "God, I hope so."