J Wheres Pat?
S No idea
SN You probably scared her away with your odor..
SN Because... because you stink...
S I think I just died a little
J Wow, that's really sad... if I had a green needle, I'd inject it straight into your chest, Snivellus
S Yeah, seriously... seriously, I just died a little
R You guys get more depressing every session
SN You wouldn't know funny if it-
S For the sake of all things funny, don't finish that sure-to-kill-a-small-part-of-me sentence
J So what are we going to get up to today, Padfoot?
S I was thinking-
SN Ha! That means you're not thinking!
J OH JESUS! Can someone please put that thing out of it's misery?
SN It's funny if you get the joke
S I cannot sit next to you if you're going to keep killing small parts of me like this
J No, you know what Snivellus? Enlighten us, whats the joke?
SN Well maybe I don't want to tell you now
S TELL ME OR A PILE OF SMOKING ASH WILL REPLACE YOU'RE PATHETIC PHYSICAL ATTACHMENT TO THAT CHAIR!
R Jesus Padfoot!
SN I'll never tell-
J Was... was that a gun clicking?
J Yes it was! You just loaded a gun!
S It was a bird
R Oh come on!
J It was not a bird!
S No seriously, it was a bird
J From what planet?!
J Give me the gun, Sirius
S Fine... just don't aim it at the bird, they're endangered here
R I can't imagine why...
S Is that a crack at the national bird of Siritania?
R No, not at all...
J Thank you. Now Snivellus, I'll shoot you myself if you don't tell us whats so hilarious
R Wait a moment. We're wizards! We don't need a gu-
S SPILL IT GREASE-BALL!
SN I overheard some Ravenclaw fifth years talking about Opposite Day!
J, S, R Opposite Day?
SN Yes... everything you say is opposite! You said you were thinking... which means you weren't, which is funny!
S Another piece of me just died
J That is so unfunny
S This is so embarrassing!
R I know... opposite day, what a silly muggle thing to celebrate
S No! It's embarrassing that we've I've never heard of this before now!
J Of course! It's so simple!
R Simples right...
S If you were making a joke about my intelligence, it just backfired. It's opposite day!
R In that case, you're the most dimwitted, annoying little bed-wetter I've ever had the inconvenience to meet
S Yeah... because I never wet the bed! It's opposite day... heh... so that means im the most witty, awesome non-bedwetter you've ever had the convenience to meet!
SN I knew it
J It was a bird! I s-
C Good morning! Sorry I'm late
S How polite of you, Patty!
R Don't over-do it
S Oh... I'm not planning to over-do Opposite Day, Moony!
R Good. Wait...
S I'm so excited for todays lesson Patty! What are we learning?
C Today, we're learning how to control our anger!
J Oh yay! I've never been so excited in my life!
S I'm so excited I just want to not kill myself!
R That would be over-doing it
C Alright, whats going on?
S Do you really want to know?
S Okay I'll tell you
S Well what?
C Tell me!
S Okay I will
C Mr Lupin, whats going on?
R It's Opposite Day...
C Whats Opposite Day?
R Everything you say is the opposite
C I see... Mr Black, I would like you to not pay attention today and muck about all class!
S YES! Did you get that on tape?
J Whats a tape?-
R Sirius, it's Opposite day...
S I- Oh...
C Right. Mr Black, don't look at Mr Snape and don't think about how much you hate him
S Okay, I won't
S I like him so much! I want to not kick him in the-
C Okay.. now don't harness that negative energy and don't compliment Mr Snape
S WHAT? I AM GOING TO COMPLIMENT MR SNAPE! NOTHING WOULD PLEASE ME MORE!
C No need to be polite!
J Woah, they're really bad at this Opposite Day thing!
R Do you mean they're good or bad?
R So... good?
J Moony... whats the opposite of bad?
R Yes it- wait... ohhh I get it!
J I give up. I hate opposite day!
S Snivellus, you-
C Don't call him Severus!
S Severus... you sometimes smell bad
C Good! Good for a first try
S Thanks a lot!
J No need to be mean Pat...
C I mean... bad try?
S We're over it! Get with the times Patty
C Right, your turn Mr Potter, look at Mr Snape and compliment him.
J No way
S I did it, it's your turn Prongs
J There is no way I'm-
C McGonagall gave me permission to confiscate your broomstick if you don't cooperate Mr P-
J SNIVELLUS IS SOMETIMES NOT CREEPY LOOKING
C Erm... okay, good! But call him by his first name, Potter!
J SNAPE IS SOMET-
C I said his first name!
J I said his first name!
C Snape is his last name
J WHAT? Not it's not! His name is Snivellus Snape
C It's Severus Snape!
J What the HELL kind of name is Severus?
SN My name, Potter!
J Oh it is not!
R It is, James...
S What a liar
R I am not a liar!
S What kind of heartless mother would name their brand new baby boy 'Severus' it's just so... so...
J & S Ugly!
S Too right, Prongs!
C Boys, apologize this instant!
J What did we do?
S I'm innocent I tell you, INNOCEEEENT!
R Dramatic much?
S You're just jealous
R I am not!
S I'll bet you ten sickles you're jealous
R You're such an-
C POTTER, BLACK! APOLOGIZE!
J I thought we'd been over this-
S What did we do?!
C YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! Now, Potter, call Mr Snape by his real name and mean your compliment!
J -sigh- Severus I think that sometimes, you don't look creepy
C Was that so hard?
SN How was that a compliment?
C Mr Potter is making and effort and thats what counts
J Yeah Snivellus! I'm making an effort, you don't have to go and hurt my feelings like that!
S Awww James, don't cry mate! How heartless can you get, Snivellus?
R Get off me, James! You're not crying!
J I HATE MY LIFE!
S WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEAL SNIVELLUS?
SN Shut up, Black! He's faking!
J Oh... the humanity!
C Potter, just get out. You four have successfully wasted another session. I will see you all next week!
SN You three owe me eleven Saturdays!
R Can I write you a cheque?
J DON'T PAY HIM!
S WHAT THE HELL MOONY?
J Um... who has the gun?