J Wheres Pat?

S No idea

L Neither

SN You probably scared her away with your odor..

J ...

S ...

SN Because... because you stink...

...

...

...

S I think I just died a little

J Wow, that's really sad... if I had a green needle, I'd inject it straight into your chest, Snivellus

S Yeah, seriously... seriously, I just died a little

R You guys get more depressing every session

SN You wouldn't know funny if it-

S For the sake of all things funny, don't finish that sure-to-kill-a-small-part-of-me sentence

J So what are we going to get up to today, Padfoot?

S I was thinking-

SN Ha! That means you're not thinking!

J OH JESUS! Can someone please put that thing out of it's misery?

SN It's funny if you get the joke

S I cannot sit next to you if you're going to keep killing small parts of me like this

J No, you know what Snivellus? Enlighten us, whats the joke?

SN Well maybe I don't want to tell you now

S TELL ME OR A PILE OF SMOKING ASH WILL REPLACE YOU'RE PATHETIC PHYSICAL ATTACHMENT TO THAT CHAIR!

R Jesus Padfoot!

SN I'll never tell-

-Click-

J Was... was that a gun clicking?

S ...No

J Yes it was! You just loaded a gun!

S It was a bird

R Oh come on!

J It was not a bird!

S No seriously, it was a bird

J From what planet?!

S Siritania

J Give me the gun, Sirius

S Fine... just don't aim it at the bird, they're endangered here

R I can't imagine why...

S Is that a crack at the national bird of Siritania?

R No, not at all...

J Thank you. Now Snivellus, I'll shoot you myself if you don't tell us whats so hilarious

R Wait a moment. We're wizards! We don't need a gu-

S SPILL IT GREASE-BALL!

SN I overheard some Ravenclaw fifth years talking about Opposite Day!

J, S, R Opposite Day?

SN Yes... everything you say is opposite! You said you were thinking... which means you weren't, which is funny!

...

...

...

S Another piece of me just died

J That is so unfunny

S This is so embarrassing!

R I know... opposite day, what a silly muggle thing to celebrate

S No! It's embarrassing that we've I've never heard of this before now!

R What?

J Of course! It's so simple!

R Simples right...

S If you were making a joke about my intelligence, it just backfired. It's opposite day!

R In that case, you're the most dimwitted, annoying little bed-wetter I've ever had the inconvenience to meet

S Yeah... because I never wet the bed! It's opposite day... heh... so that means im the most witty, awesome non-bedwetter you've ever had the convenience to meet!

SN I knew it

-Click-

S James!

J It was a bird! I s-

C Good morning! Sorry I'm late

S How polite of you, Patty!

C I...kay?

R Sirius...

S What?

R Don't over-do it

S Oh... I'm not planning to over-do Opposite Day, Moony!

R Good. Wait...

S I'm so excited for todays lesson Patty! What are we learning?

C Today, we're learning how to control our anger!

J Oh yay! I've never been so excited in my life!

S I'm so excited I just want to not kill myself!

R That would be over-doing it

C Alright, whats going on?

S Do you really want to know?

C Yes

S Okay I'll tell you

...

...

...

C Well?

S Well what?

C Tell me!

S Okay I will

...

...

...

C Mr Lupin, whats going on?

R It's Opposite Day...

C Whats Opposite Day?

R Everything you say is the opposite

C I see... Mr Black, I would like you to not pay attention today and muck about all class!

S YES! Did you get that on tape?

J Whats a tape?-

S WOOH!

R Sirius, it's Opposite day...

S I- Oh...

C Right. Mr Black, don't look at Mr Snape and don't think about how much you hate him

S Okay, I won't

...

...

...

S I like him so much! I want to not kick him in the-

C Okay.. now don't harness that negative energy and don't compliment Mr Snape

S WHAT? I AM GOING TO COMPLIMENT MR SNAPE! NOTHING WOULD PLEASE ME MORE!

C No need to be polite!

J Woah, they're really bad at this Opposite Day thing!

R Do you mean they're good or bad?

J Bad!

R So... good?

J Moony... whats the opposite of bad?

R Good?

J No

R Yes it- wait... ohhh I get it!

J I give up. I hate opposite day!

S Snivellus, you-

C Don't call him Severus!

S Severus... you sometimes smell bad

C Good! Good for a first try

S Thanks a lot!

J No need to be mean Pat...

C I mean... bad try?

S We're over it! Get with the times Patty

C Right, your turn Mr Potter, look at Mr Snape and compliment him.

J No way

S I did it, it's your turn Prongs

J There is no way I'm-

C McGonagall gave me permission to confiscate your broomstick if you don't cooperate Mr P-

J SNIVELLUS IS SOMETIMES NOT CREEPY LOOKING

C Erm... okay, good! But call him by his first name, Potter!

J SNAPE IS SOMET-

C I said his first name!

J I said his first name!

C Snape is his last name

J WHAT? Not it's not! His name is Snivellus Snape

C It's Severus Snape!

J What the HELL kind of name is Severus?

SN My name, Potter!

J Oh it is not!

R It is, James...

S What a liar

R I am not a liar!

S What kind of heartless mother would name their brand new baby boy 'Severus' it's just so... so...

J & S Ugly!

S Too right, Prongs!

C Boys, apologize this instant!

J What did we do?

S I'm innocent I tell you, INNOCEEEENT!

R Dramatic much?

S You're just jealous

R I am not!

S I'll bet you ten sickles you're jealous

R You're such an-

C POTTER, BLACK! APOLOGIZE!

J I thought we'd been over this-

S What did we do?!

C YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! Now, Potter, call Mr Snape by his real name and mean your compliment!

J -sigh- Severus I think that sometimes, you don't look creepy

C Was that so hard?

SN How was that a compliment?

C Mr Potter is making and effort and thats what counts

J Yeah Snivellus! I'm making an effort, you don't have to go and hurt my feelings like that!

S Awww James, don't cry mate! How heartless can you get, Snivellus?

R Get off me, James! You're not crying!

J I HATE MY LIFE!

S WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEAL SNIVELLUS?

SN Shut up, Black! He's faking!

J Oh... the humanity!

C Potter, just get out. You four have successfully wasted another session. I will see you all next week!

SN You three owe me eleven Saturdays!

R Can I write you a cheque?

J DON'T PAY HIM!

S WHAT THE HELL MOONY?

-Click-

J Um... who has the gun?