Author's Note: Wow. Part three. Nothing interesting going on right now, except the person I kind of crush on is not coming to the only class we have together, and he makes sure he doesn't tell anyone who will tell me why. It's like, his objective right now. Making sure I don't find out why he doesn't come anymore. Annoying much?
There's probably going to be quite a bit of swearing in this chapter. I apologize in advance.
Chapter dedication: To everyone that read this, and especially the ones who let me me know and reviewed! Oh, and a special thanks, again, to Ghalia for everything!
Blaise woke up at three o'clock in the morning and could not go back to sleep. There was one thing on his mind and it wouldn't go away. Theodore. Why? Why had he said that? For the entire hour and half he'd spent checking books in he had mulled over it in his own self pity. He'd snuck--he could be sneaky if he wanted to!-- back upstairs whilst avoiding Theodore. He made a point of not looking at him, there was no need to see his look of horror. He probably thought that Blaise had visions of him undressing and doing naughty things. In Blaise's defense, he was able to control those now, and prevent them from happening.
He heard Theodore come in later, but when Draco asked him how detention was he didn't answer and climbed into his bed. Unfortunately, Blaise started picturing him on his bed and then what it would be like to be with him in his bed. With a frustrated growl, which he accidentally did out loud, he stuffed his head in his pillow and forced sleep upon himself. It didn't actually work, of course, so he was up until twelve trying. The fact that he couldn't hear Theodore's deep breathing, coupled with the fact that he realized he was listening for it as though for comfort, made it especially hard.
So, after about an hour of slumber he stood up and crept from the room downstairs. With a glance around the Common Room, he left through the bare stretch of the dungeon wall that led into their domain. After all the fuss that had been made about getting caught after curfew, it was surprisingly easy to get outside and reach the lake.
There was something about it that made him relax, even if unintentionally. The water was deep and a dark blue, making it seem endless. Sometimes there would be a shimmer beneath the water, hinting that something was hovering down there. Probably the Giant Squid, which could move surprisingly fast and gracefully despite it's size.
Sitting out there, freezing his arse off and sitting on the frosty grass was peace. He didn't feel any stress about Theodore. Sure, he thought about him the entire time. Their relationship (well whatever shattered pieces were left of it), what he was going to say to him today, which would probably be nothing. All those things. But it was with a calm mind. Perhaps because he was too tired to be worried-even scared-about what was to come.
That didn't change the fact that he was. Scared, that is. He was downright terrified about the future. Everything about pretending he didn't fancy Theodore, ignoring his feelings, everything, was thrown out the window. Sure, he'd only known for awhile, but it seemed to him that he'd like him before for quite sometime.
Eventually he fell asleep on the cold ground, despite the goose bumps covering his half naked body. A splash of cold water woke him later and he jumped to his feet, glancing at his wrist only to find he hadn't worn his watch. What time is it? Am I late for class? Shit shit shit! He looked out over the lake and saw the Giant Squid floating in the water. "Thanks," he said and took off running to the castle.
He arrived, breathless and panting in the Slytherin Common Room at 5:30 AM. With a strangled sigh he collapsed onto the couch, banging his head on the arm rest. He still had loads of time. Resignedly he dragged himself up to the dormitory, changed quietly into his robes and wandered down to the Great Hall for a very, very early breakfast.
"Where have you been all day?" Draco asked him at dinner that evening. "I didn't see you in class."
"I was there," he said defensively. "I was being…er…inconspicuous."
"Hm." Draco said, looking across the table at Theodore, who was seated beside Blaise. Not by choice either, but the only other option was with a group of first years.
Blaise shrugged and went back to his book, ignoring Pansy's requests for the rolls. Until he felt Theodore lean over him to reach them. His body stiffened and his back tensed. Theodore, apparently, had just remembered their situation as he froze as well.
"Hurry up, Theodore I'm famished." Pansy said and he felt Theodore lurch forward, no doubt from Pansy's prodding. His hand flew forward to break his fall and ended up on the bench between Blaise's thighs, while the other had grabbed onto the table. They both froze for what felt like hours, then Theodore leapt back and almost made Pansy topple off the bench. This didn't stop Theodore's hand from grazing the top of his thigh and making him shiver noticeably, and to his intense horror, make a funny noise in the back of his throat. His face flaming, Blaise grabbed the basket of rolls and jerkily passed them to Pansy.
"I, erm, don't feel well. I'll see you later." He jumped to his feet, forgetting his book was on the table and hurried from the hall. That was exactly what he thought would happen. Theodore probably thought he was running away because he was turned on or something equally embarrassing. Most likely because of that noise he'd made. But that wasn't…it was…oh dear. So maybe he was…a bit. It was understandable! He was practically in love with the guy!
Hermione was in the library, as expected, only she wasn't alone. Surprise didn't describe how he felt when he saw Ron sitting beside her, watching her silently as she read and scribbled down notes. "Oh," he said and stopped, wondering if Ron was going to interrupt their schedule.
"Come and sit down," Hermione closed her book and set it on the table. "We should talk."
"Er…Weasley?" He jerked his head in Ron's direction, whose eyes narrowed at him.
"Ron will be polite, and so will you." She said, resting her hand on Ron's for a few seconds, blushed, and then re-folded them on her lap. Slowly he sat down and looked awkwardly at her, before pulling out the book Theodore--that made his heart ache uncomfortably--had lent him. This made him remember his book that was currently on the table and he hoped someone would bring it up for him.
"What happened?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him and looking a bit annoyed,
Misunderstanding, he began to babble. "I seriously didn't mean to tell him! He asked me who I fancied and started saying how he didn't care I liked boys and I couldn't help it, I just blurted it out and--"
"Wait, I was asking about what you did to get detention." She said, frowning. "Are you saying you-oh my. You told him?"
"Oh." He said, feeling quite stupid. Ron was gaping at him and he found it very annoying. "Yeah."
"What did he say?" She asked, leaning in.
"'I'm flattered'." He said bitterly, "would you mind closing your mouth, Weasley?"
Ron shut his mouth quickly, his teeth making a clacking noise as they snapped together. Hermione stared at him for a few minutes, "he said he was flattered? Anything else?"
"No," he said and sighed.
"Did…anything else happen?"
"Erm…I may have…kissed him." He said, blushing furiously. At least they probably couldn't tell, what with his dark skin.
"Oh." She looked pleased and disappointed all at once. "And he didn't respond?"
"No." He said stiffly, growing increasingly annoyed with the looks Ron was giving him. "I have to go, now, Granger. Sorry."
"Wait," she said but he stood up anyway.
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yes." She said, frowning slightly. He hurried from the library, for some reason unable to bear talking to Hermione about his relationship with Theodore. Especially since she'd recently begun a romantic one with the person she'd fancied for so long. It was unfair, that things could work out for her and not him. He supposed he was being selfish, but in all fairness he had kissed his straight friend and confessed his overly friendly feelings to him. And had been rejected.
He stormed to the Common Room, feeling anger build up from an unknown source with each step. Why was this so confusing? Why did he just have to fancy Theodore? This was all Theodore's fault… Why did he have to be so attractive and funny and sarcastic and sexy an-woah. It's not like he was trying to make Blaise fall in love with him.
He stepped into the Common Room, only to feel his anger dissipating into embarrassment. Really, think about it. He was gay, and totally in love with his best friend. That was never supposed to happen to him. Not in this lifetime, or the next or the next or even the one after that. Ever. But then, who plans to feel this way about their best friend?
"Hi Blaise." Pansy chirped from across the room, making everyone perfectly aware he was there. Theodore straightened immediately, his eyes darting over to Blaise and then back at his book. "Come here!"
With a contained sigh, though a visible slump of the shoulders, he made his way over to the table Pansy, Draco, Theodore and Millicent were sharing. "Hi," he said tensely. They all greeted him, with the exception of Theodore who mumbled something incoherent. "Oh, er, Theodore?"
He started violently and jerked around to Blaise, "mhmm?"
"I have your book," he said quickly as they avoided each other's gazes. The rest of the table's occupants exchanged knowing looks. He thrust the book at Theodore, who grabbed it and mumbled a quick thanks. "No problem. I'll just be, er, going."
"No!" Pansy cried, "I need to talk to you about a problem I'm having."
"I don't think that's a good ide-aa okay," he said lamely as she pulled him down beside her.
"Okay, so I totally like this guy only he's a pretty good friend of mine and I'm afraid of what he would do if I told him I like him in that way because he might reject me, only he doesn't seem to realize how he sometimes brushes against me or leans over me so I smell his cologne or that every little touch makes me shiver so I really don't know what I should do, what do you think?" She said this all very quickly and beamed at Blaise, who blushed deeply and felt Theodore, who was sitting uncomfortably close, shift.
"I don't know," he muttered, beginning to stand up. Pansy grabbed both his wrists and tugged him back down with a strength he didn't know she possessed.
"No, I really need your help. I don't want to be a complete wimp and hide from him, but if he rejected me I might be horribly upset and want to avoid him for the rest of eternity. What do you think?" At the 'horribly upset and want to avoid him for the rest of eternity' part Theodore shifted awkwardly again.
"Pansy, not now." He said, struggling out of her arms and standing up.
"Just one piece of advice." She said, smiling sweetly.
"No," he said, turning to go. She grabbed his wrist and, finally, he snapped. "Fine, Pansy." His venomous voice made half the Common Room stare at him, as he had been pretty loud. "Don't tell the person you're pretending to fancy, because they probably won't reciprocate and you'll be left empty and hurt. But then, this person isn't real so you won't feel any kind of loss."
With that, he stormed from the room up to the dormitories, horrified to find his eyes watering, both from anger and from the hurt he felt about Theodore. Why did he have to cry?
And then the tears didn't stop. They flowed down his cheeks and as much as he desperately tried to stem the flow of the salty water, he couldn't. Shaking as sobs wracked his body, he pulled the hangings around his bed and pulled his knees to his chest. Life wasn't fair. But then, wasn't that what people were always saying?
Not people who confess they're in love with their best friend. And certainly not the gay ones. He thought bitterly, stifling a sob. The annoying thing was, he had been crying more in the past month then his entire life. He remembered before he'd put charms on his bed, Theodore had heard him. Of course, Blaise mainly been upset then because he didn't know what was wrong with him, he thought he was insane. Every time Theodore was near him, he started shaking, his heartbeat sped up and sometimes he couldn't breathe when Theodore leaned over him.
- - - - -
"Blaise?" Theodore's soft voice asked him three years ago. Soft footsteps padded on the floor as he came over to his bed. "Are you okay?"
"Theo?" He choked out. "Why are you up?"
"I just had a weird dream. Woke me up and I heard you, are you okay?" He pulled the hangings open and climbed slowly onto Blaise's bed.
"Er…yeah. I just, had a thing." He said dumbly, fumbling to come up with something to say to avoid telling his best friend he had been crying. It was such a wimpy thing to do.
"A thing?" Theodore repeated, unusually awake for the hour.
"Mhmm." Blaise said, biting his lip and looking away.
"Oh. Hey, Blaise?" Theodore asked, "do you like someone?"
"Me? No." He said quietly, wiping his eyes quickly, "do you?"
"Maybe." Theodore said with a note of finality. Blaise didn't ask who it was, or if he would know who they were. Theodore would tell him if he wanted to, that was how things were between them. There wasn't much prying on Blaise's part. "Please don't cry," his black haired friend said suddenly.
"I'm not," he lied thickly.
"Yes, you are." Theodore said, "it makes me sad when you do. Like I want to cry with you."
"Oh." He said, wondering how this had come about. Crying was not a topic fourteen year old boys generally talked about. Maybe it was easier since it was dark and they couldn't see each other. "Sorry."
"S'okay." Theodore mumbled, "I'm tired now. Are you alright?"
"Now you're here," he muttered indistinguishably, "why didn't you say yes to go to Hogsmeade with Pansy today?"
"Hmm? Oh… I don't know. We're friends, I don't want to go out with my friend." He said, sliding off the bed.
"I see." He said, "G'night, Theo."
"Wait. Theodore. Have you ever…umm…you know when you like a girl? And you see her and your stomach feels, er, funny?"
"Have you ever…felt that for someone else? Like…a different kind of person?"
"Like a teacher? Ew. No. Do you fancy McGonagall or something? That's going to be all over the House tomorrow. I wouldn't tell, but what if someone else in here heard you?"
"No!" He said, feeling his stomach sinking. It must not be normal if Theodore didn't come to a different conclusion first. He was not normal. Maybe he was going insane and imaging he felt something when a handsome Ravenclaw looked over at him, a grin gracing his lips.
- - - - -
"Blaise?" An hour later Draco was upstairs, having figured Blaise had had enough time to get himself together. "Don't pretend you're asleep, because I know you're not."
There was no reply and he strode over to the bed and pulled the hanging back. To his surprise, he found that the dark skinned boy actually was asleep. He was sprawled out on his bed, one arm hooked around a pillow and the other laying limply at his side. He eyes were closed and rimmed slightly red, and there were a few tear stains down his cheeks. But besides that, there wasn't any obvious proof he'd been crying, and Draco knew he'd be grateful for that.
A smile graced his lips for a few seconds. Blaise really didn't deserve to have to wait for Theodore to stop screwing around. It was pretty obvious Theodore felt something, which he supposed could be anything since he never talked about it. Draco was observant and he noticed all the subtle and unnecessary touches, the jealousy he would often show, if unintentionally, when Blaise was talking to someone else or not paying him nearly as much attention as he'd like, and especially the longing in his eyes when the two were fighting and he would see Blaise across the room. Even his moods were a screaming sign, because he was never half as happy without Blaise as he was with other people. And all his attempts, because Draco recognized them for what they were even if no one else did, to get Blaise's attention by sneaking around with all sorts of girls, proved he was right.
Yes, Theodore Nott most certainly felt some kind of emotional, and probably sexual, too if his occasional moans of Blaise's name in his sleep were any sign, connection to Blaise Zabini, even if he didn't know it yet. He might not even know he was gay at this point. Which brought him back to the original problem, because Blaise was not only very aware he was in love with his best friend, he was now forced to wait in a pool of misery until Theodore realized it too. By then, Blaise might have moved on.
Draco Malfoy wasn't one to care about people's love lives, and he certainly didn't want to come across as too caring or anything stupid, but it pained him to see the pitiful things Theodore and Blaise did to each other. He was forced to suffer as they complained to him and was on the receiving end of one of their snappy comments just because. It was annoying.
They needed a little push, and he was definitely the person who should do it. His first move, which wasn't necessarily part of the plan, was to get Blaise to take his shirt off. All he had to do was shake him awake, tell him he should get off his shoes and Blaise would removed everything except his pants. Then he went back his former position and felt right back asleep.
"Oi! Theodore! Come on we're going flying!" He called down the stairs. Theodore came barreling up the stairs, he wasn't one to turn down flying even if it was freezing outside.
He stopped when he saw Blaise, but relaxed when he realized he was asleep. After a few seconds too long he tore his eyes away from the sleeping body and pulled on extra clothes to keep warm. Draco smirked at him. "What?"
All Draco did was raise his eyebrows suggestively at him and leave the room. This was going to be easier then expected.
- - - - -
It was pitch black in the dormitory when Blaise finally awoke. Fumbling through his discarded robe he found his watch. 12:32 PM.
"Damn," he swore softly. Then he heard footsteps. Quickly and quietly he resumed a position close to what he hoped he'd been in before. Theodore's bed was the only one on the side the footsteps were coming from. To his shock, they stopped outside his bed and Theodore (who else could it be) opened his bed hangings (had he closed them?) and climbed onto his bed.
His mind, despite being dazed and confused, was having a field day. Theodore was on his bed. The hangings were closed again and there was a silence full of Blaise's mind's ravings.
"I was the one who fixed your hangings, earlier. I also put up your silencing spell, I know you hate sleeping without it." At first, Blaise began to panic. Did Theodore know he was awake? But then he went on, and the way he was talking sounded practiced, like he'd done it before.
"I know you're hurt, Blaise. I hope you know that I'm sorry it's my fault. I hate when you're upset. I told you that once, but you probably don't remember. I don't mean to do these things to you, you know. Like when I said you were unattractive, and especially when I called you a moody queer. But you know I'm screwed up," he laughed softly, "if you ever found I sometimes talk to you when I can't sleep and you already are…only when we fight, of course…but we seem to be doing that a lot lately."
There was a silence as Blaise reached a stunning conclusion. "'If you ever found I sometimes talk to you when I can't sleep and you already are…'" Theodore talked to him in his sleep? How many times had he lain on this bed, asleep, as Theodore poured his thoughts out to him?
"I can't…I think the real thing is…the reason I don't say this to you in person is…you're always so calm and confident, I could never picture you sitting on my bed and telling my sleeping form stuff. You don't seem worried about anything, most of the time. Not unless we're fighting. If I said this to you…you would, I dunno, know I couldn't measure up to you.
"You really should know how much better then me you can do." Theodore said suddenly, "for a best friend. Think about the things I've done-I do. I sleep with a bunch of girls I feel nothing for even though I know it hurts them when I'm not there the next day. I get drunk a lot, just because I'd rather skirt around any issues I've got. You should see the amount of firewhiskey I've got in my trunk. I'm a horrible son. My parents think they're failures because of me. I lie too much. Even to you, even though I feel the worse after those ones. I'll tell you I'm tired, then sneak out past you, get drunk and get laid. But then, you get drunk more then I do.
"I take you for granted, and you probably know that, too. You're too great of a friend to care. You're smart, funny, loyal, sarcastic…and you're still my best friend. The worst part is-" Theodore inhaled sharply and Blaise got the distinct impression he was trying not to cry.
"I'm such a prat," he sighed, "and even after everything you don't have it in you to leave me. You'll probably never know how grateful I am for you. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but at least I did something right. And now you…you fancy me."
Blaise's heartbeat quickened. He'd been both dreading and hoping this would come up. Theodore, however, was silent for so long he wondered if he was going to speak at all.
"I wish we could talk about this, somehow. I just don't see how you could fancy me though. I'm nothing, Blaise. Being fancied by you is the most flattering thing you could ever do for me, and I can't give you anything back.
"I found out today that two Gryffindors are together. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan? We saw them snogging by the Quidditch pitch. They seem really happy together. I wish I could see you that happy with someone. I mean, fuck Blaise. Why don't you ever just make me fear losing you? Stop making me hurt you. Why do you do this to yourself, Blaise? Huh?"
He was silent again and Blaise felt his eyes boring into him. Trying to give the illusion of sleep, he shifted a bit, sighed and said the first thing that came to mind. "Theodore…"
"I…Goodnight, Blaise." Theodore said, almost too softly to hear. Blaise felt a hand brush across his cheekbone and then Theodore slipped out from the hangings and padded back to his own bed, leaving him to wonder if he'd made a mistake.
Neither of them got much sleep that night.
- - - -
"Hey Ashley," Blaise said brightly, sitting down next to Ashley in the library. She was a sixth year Slytherin he was rather fond of. "Happy Birthday."
"Thanks," she said and closed her book with a snap. "I'm so sick of all this shit. Monday's are, by far, the worst days of the week. The teachers always give us more homework."
"Yeah," he said, distracted by the book on her left. His book.
"Oh," she followed his gaze, "Theodore asked me to give this to you. I don't see why he couldn't just do it himself, he lives with you but he's been acting weird lately."
"Thanks," he mumbled, accepting the thick book. His mother had given it to him for his birthday several years ago. It was a muggle book, but she'd said he may as well get used to muggles because the way things were going he'd be seeing a lot of them. This had meant a lot, given her history.
"You know a lot of people are surprised when they find out about your mother." Ashley said suddenly, "about her famous beauty. I'm not, though. One look at you and it's not hard to believe."
He almost gaped at her. Was Ashley hitting on him? "Er…thanks."
"You know…" she slid one of her small hands over to his larger one and moved her chair closer. "A lot of people have told me how beautiful I am." That was hardly a lie. She had smooth, pale skin and full chestnut colored hair. Her eyes were a sparkling green and she had an eye catching smile.
She was moving closer now and he had to admit to himself he was kind of repulsed by her. Not by her exactly, but the fact that she was a she. He was sure he was bisexual, he'd been attracted to a female before, but her feminine features were turning him off rather then on. Especially now she was practically on his lap.
"Have you ever wondered what our kids will look like?" She asked, leaning in closer to him. He must have been frozen, because he didn't do anything when she straddled him on the chair and kissed his jaw. "I have."
"Oh?" He mumbled stupidly. What was she doing?
"Mmhmm," she murmured and kissed him on the lips. This sent danger bells off in his head.
"Ashl-" He said, moving his hands from their slackened position from his sides to her waist, trying to get the grounds to gently shove her away. Of course, this was misunderstood and she gripped the front of his shirt, pulling him closer and ravishing his mouth so he couldn't get another word in.
It felt weird. He was aware of her tongue slipping through his lips, but not of any kind of good sensation people associated with kissing. He could feel her body pressed against him, but it made him uncomfortable as opposed to aroused. If you were really into snogging someone, as Theodore had once said to him back in their third year, you don't really think about anything. You let it happen, and you don't even realize where your hands are until you have to let go. Well he could feel his body and her body, not blending or fitting together perfectly or anything stupid like that.
"I think it was right around her-oh!" He felt a bit of panic as he recognized Draco's voice. But more so when he recognized the small gasp. Theodore was there too. All he could see was Ashley on top of him and his arms on her waist. Oh fuck.
Ashley broke away from him, panting slightly and not looking disheartened at all by his lack of response. "Oh. We were just, well you know." She smiled coyly at Draco and an understanding passed between them.
"Sorry to interrupt your…yeah." Theodore said, staring at Blaise.
"Yeah," he said, not quite knowing why he wasn't denying that anything had happened. Because nothing had happened.
"Ash, you said you needed my help practicing for Charms." Draco said.
"Sure," she said, carefully sliding off his lap. Blaise looked once more at Theodore's guarded face and went back on everything he had ever cautioned himself against.
"Ashley," he said and she turned around. Grabbing her tie he pulled her back, kissed her soundly and then released her. She stood there, dazed for a few seconds and he felt satisfied. He still had the power to daze people, no matter the sex. "See you," he said softly and she locked eyes with him, a smirk gracing her lips.
"Mmhmm." She waltzed away with Draco and they began talking feverishly once out of earshot.
"You and Ashley, huh?" Theodore said in a bland tone.
"No," he said, wishing they would come back or he could come up with some kind of excuse to leave.
"Oh, I just thought that since you were-"
"You shag girls you feel nothing for, who are you to lecture me on relationship shit!" He blew up, snatching his book from the table.
"I'm sorry," Theodore said quickly, "I'm sorry. Calm down."
"Oh, and thanks for making Ashley give me the book you picked up. It was really thoughtful of you." He said sarcastically, watching Theodore flinch because of his harsh tone.
"Will you stop snapping at me so I can say something?" He hissed, stepping closer.
"You just did say something," he said and Theodore rolled his eyes.
"Very mature of you, Blaise."
"What do you want me to do?" He asked furiously, "act like everything is normal? Because its not!"
"Why can't-" He made to move around Theodore and the other male caught his wrist.
"Let go of me." He said in a low voice. Or as low as he could make it while Theodore was holding onto him. "Or I'll hex you."
"No you won't," Theodore said, smirking. Blaise drew out his wand, quick as a flash and shot a stinging hex at Theodore's hand. One cry of pain later and he was free, sprinting from the library with his heart racing and his wrist tingling.
"Oh my god," he breathed out, jumping into a nearby classroom and closing the door quickly. Skipping lunch would be a good idea. He'd just gorge himself on dinner, which would be followed by a big chocolate cake Ashley always asked the House Elves to make her on her birthday.
He could just avoid Theodore, eat chocolate cake (the House Elves always made it the best) and then sneak up to the dormitory and have an early night. It was a good plan. And the cake was really good.
- - - - -
Dinner itself wasn't so bad, they ate slowly and he struck up a conversation with Millicent that lasted for almost the whole meal. He finished eating and the dessert appeared, along with several large chocolate cakes that made Ashley beam.
"Mmm," Millicent hummed as she bit into a piece.
"Yeah," Blaise said and smiled as Ashley let out a shriek and hugged someone beside her. Ashley liked to make a huge deal out of her birthday and hold a big party in the Slytherin Common Room that often caused Professor Snape to come and tell them to at least show up to all their classes and not look like they had a hangover, because it would look bad for him. Oh, and they needed to quiet down, because he couldn't sleep.
It wasn't hard for the other houses to find out why the Slytherins always left dinner as one and arrived for breakfast late. In fact, Harry and Ron took it upon themselves to annoy the hell out of Draco because they knew he would have a hangover and none of them ever had a potion to cure it. In fact, the teachers probably knew it too. They weren't nearly as stupid as they liked to assume.
He stood up with Millicent and they walked back to their dormitory together, chatting about…well he wasn't quite sure what they were talking about, Millicent was rambling on and on and he decided to let her go at it. And then he felt sick. Slytherins…they could be pretty wild. When they weren't intoxicated, so when they were…especially Theodore…and Theodore always found someone to snog passionately with.
"You know, I don't think I'm up to the party tonight." He turned to her, only to find she was gaping at him.
"Why? This is the only party Snape actually doesn't try to confiscate our firewhiskey at!"
"I'm not in the mood to watch people make out." He said, some more then others.
"Draco!" Millicent called and he groaned.
"I just don't feel like-" He stopped talking abruptly. Theodore was with him.
Millicent informed Draco of her and Blaise's conversation and he frowned. "Why aren't you coming?"
"He said he doesn't want to see people snog."
Draco looked at him sharply. "Oh. Well if you don't stay down for at least an hour, I swear to god I'll drag you back."
"I can do what I want. Why are you making such a big deal about the fact that I don't want to go to a party? This is ridiculous" He snapped aggressively.
Draco twirled his wand around his finger, "is there someone in particular you don't want to see engaging in physical contact with someone else?"
That basically settled it. Under no circumstances would he admit he would be jealous of whatever girl got to snog Theodore senseless. "Fine, I'll go." He said grudgingly.
Draco smirked. "Good. It will be fun." For me, anyway.
- - - - - -
By ten o'clock that evening, every member of the Slytherin House in year five and up was completely drunk. The younger students (who hadn't been able to obtain any alcohol) sulked upstairs and the older ones made absolute fools of themselves downstairs. Blaise was completely smashed and talking to Ashley.
"Glad you came?" She giggled drunkenly.
"Nope," he said, a slight slur in his words. "Look at everyone," he gestured around wildly, "getting it on!"
"They've always been doing that." Ashley chuckled. "Is there someone in particular you don't wanna see?"
"No!" He exclaimed loudly. "Yes." He giggled as she shot him a sly smile.
"What about…him!" She pointed to Theodore, and was disappointed to find he was sitting alone on a couch and scowling at everyone. "Hey, he can't do that!"
She grabbed Blaise by the arm and dragged him over to Theodore. "Hey! Theodore," she giggled, "are you lone-ly."
Blaise laughed and had to get his balance on the couch. "Theo-do-re," he focused very hard on pronouncing his name right, it wouldn't give much of a good impression if he didn't! "Why aren't you gettin' it on?" He and Ashley started laughing hysterically while Theodore watched, bemused.
"How drunk are you, Blaise?"
"Shh." Blaise put a finger to his lips. "No one needs to know I'm drunk. Not that I am or anything." He said louder, looking around and laughing.
"I think you should go to bed, now." Theodore said, watching him lean against Ashley. They both stumbled, and Ashley fell against Theodore. She giggled and Blaise growled loudly, so Theodore looked up at him with an unreadable expression.
"Ashley, get off." He said softly and she stood up, swaying slightly.
"Oh Theoooodooore," she said, "why don't you and Blaise just shag already? Man, you guys are so annoying with all your-your avoidance and your fighting and…and your pretending. Sheesh! Just grow up." She frowned at Theodore and, unable to keep a straight face, laughed.
"Asshler," he said, "you are insane, woman. Theodore here," he waved his hand at Theodore, "is completely un-attracted to me. I am just not a sexy beast. I am more like a pretty, soft little bunny. Oh, a fat bunny too. Fat bunnies are cuter. You may call me Chuckola of the Jungle Bunny." He laughed at this, not understanding where the though process had come from. "He is one though. Theodore is on fine sexy beast. Yessiree."
Theodore stood up slowly. "Come on, Blaise. I'm taking you to bed."
"What?" Blaise squawked, "no, no, no you silly beast. We can't do that."
Theodore frowned and tried not to laugh at his completely inebriated friend, "I meant I'm taking you upstairs so you can go to sleep."
"Oh." Blaise sounded slightly disappointed, which did not go unnoticed by Theodore. "Well I don't need you to take me there, I can walk perfectly fine!"
He strode forward, lurching with every step but able to keep standing. "See!" He pointed excitedly to his feet and tripped over them in his haste to turn around.
Theodore helped him up and wrapped one arm around his waist and Blaise threw his arm around Theodore's shoulder. "Theo you cooky bastard," he laughed.
"Honestly Blaise, you know you're absolutely ridiculous when you get drunk." Theodore said exasperatedly as they began to clumsily climb the stairs.
"Theo! Shhh! No one knows I'm drunk, it's our secret." Blaise giggled, looking over his shoulder at the Common Room.
"Of course." Theodore said, "Blaise you really should stop drinking so excessively."
"I do not…actually I do. Ha-ha, fancy that." He chuckled and opened the door with his free hand. "It helps."
"How?" Theodore growled as Blaise fell forward onto his bed.
"Because I forget. I sometimes forget about you and I stop thinking about if I might be in love with you." He chuckled, "I have a good chuckle when I think about this, because you know what? I didn't ever even know I loved you-or just fancied you, whatever it is-until recently."
Theodore bit his lip and looked away as he pulled off Blaise's shoes. "Go to sleep."
"No!" Blaise protested, "I don't sleep with so many clothing items on!" He rolled over and struggled to pull of his shirt, growling until there was a resounding rip and it tore down the middle. "Ha! I beat you, you stupid piece of shit!"
"Calm down, Blaise." Theodore said, rolling his eyes and averting them from Blaise's body.
"I am calm! Do I look uncalm to you?" He pulled his pants off and flopped back on the bed, kicking them to the floor.
"No, you look drunk." He said, sitting down on the end of Blaise's bed.
"What are you doing?" Blaise asked, pulling away from Theodore.
"If you fall asleep or throw up, you could choke. Besides," he crossed his legs, "I'd rather be up here than down there."
"Oh." Blaise's face suddenly lit up and he jumped in front of Theodore, crossing his legs in a similar fashion. "So Theoooo, you and Snapey?"
"No. Not me and Snapey."
"Oh. He lets you call him Severus, does he?" Blaise waggled his eyebrows. "Or Sev? What do you say in bed? Oh Sev! More! More!" He grinned as Theodore grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head with a sour expression on his face. "Theooo and Sev-Sev sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-I-N-I-G!"
"Shut up." Theodore muttered, glaring at his drunk friend. Blaise giggled and continued his song until Theodore grabbed his shoulders, "Blaise. Shut up."
He hadn't needed to be told, as he'd stop singing--even moving-- when Theodore had grabbed him. "Do you have any idea," Blaise spoke softly after a moments pause, "how much I want to kiss you right now?"
Theodore's eyes widened as the dark skinned male went on, "but I won't. Not unless you wanted me to. And Theo, you sexy little beast, I don't think you do." He leaned back with a goofy smile on his face. "I want to sleep."
Theodore sat, frozen, as Blaise settled down with his head resting in Theodore's lap. "Mmm. Night Theo…" Blaise mumbled and his hand found Theodore's, gripping it as he fell asleep.
- - - - - -
"My head hurts like hell." Blaise moaned as he woke up the next morning. The curtains were closed tightly and all the lights were off. "Holy fu-"
"Good morning, er, Chuckola of the Jungle Bunny. Something wrong?" A soft voice was talking to him and he sighed. Theodore. "Not feeling much like a sexy beast, are we?"
He pulled his comforter over his head to hide his mortification. "Fuck." He moaned into his pillow.
"I've seen you drunk hundreds of times, Blaise. This was no different."
"Did I call you a sexy beast the other times?"
Theodore laughed and he growled. Theodore was laughing at his pain and he found this very un-amusing. "Not quite."
"Did I…oh no." He moaned, "Snapey?"
"Yes, that was one of my favorites." Theodore smirked, "your version of the song was quite interesting. K-I-S-I-N-I-G?"
"Oh shut up." He snapped, "I was drunk."
"Shh. That's our secret." Theodore laughed, "anyway we've all decided to skip classes today. The House Elves have been told to bring us up breakfast in ten minutes."
"Mmhmm." He said, shifting so he could see Theodore through the massive pile of blankets. "Coffee?"
"Yeah. Lots." Theodore grinned at him and he blushed. They both looked away awkwardly. "I'll see you down there?"
This wouldn't be weird at all.
- - - - - -
"Hey Blaise." Ashley sat down beside him and started talking. She'd been talking to him a lot more then usual lately.
"Ashley," he mumbled and finished his second cup of coffee.
"Please don't be mad but…" he felt hands gripping his forearms and turned his head, seeing Vincent and Gregory behind him. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I don't know." Vincent grunted, "we were asked to help Ashley."
"Let go of me." He jerked his torso to loosen their hands, but their grip only tightened. "What do you want?"
"You and Theodore," she smiled as an expression of fear flashed across from his face, "need to sort out your problems. We're helping you along."
"What the hell! Let me go!" He struggled against them fruitlessly. Not only were they quite strong, he had a horrible migraine and was very tired.
"Sorry, but no." Ashley smirked as a resounding shout of annoyance was heard outside the entrance to their Common Room. Theodore was dragged through the door by several boys and three girls. "Oh good, I'm so glad you could make it, Theodore."
"Fuck off, Monroe." He snapped, glaring at her. "What the fuck is going on?"
"Theodore, watch your language." She admonished playfully as Draco smirked from his position on the Slytherin couch. "What kind of impression are you giving our dear Blaise?"
Blaise scowled, "just get to the point."
"Oh, there really isn't a point. You two just need to let some of your feelings out."
"Oh," Blaise laughed humorlessly, "I've already done that. It didn't go over so well." His head was pounding and he gave up trying to pull up away from Vincent and Gregory.
"Whatever are you talking about?" Ashley asked too innocently.
"None of your business." He snapped and threw a glance at Theodore. He'd expected to see the same anger he felt reflected in his eyes, but all he saw was those amazing eyes staring intensely at him. "Er…Theodore?"
"Is there something you'd like to share, Theodore?" Ashley looked over at him and he didn't look away from Blaise as he answered. "No."
Blaise felt his face heating up, both from Theodore's intent staring and because he licked his lips, letting his pink tongue glide over his smooth lips. Not that he knew what Theodore's lips felt like. Actually that was a lie. He may or may not have touched Theodore's lips while he was sleeping once, but only because he wanted to know if they really were as soft as they looked. They were.
He was very thankful for his dark skin right then, but of course certain people could tell when he was blushing. Like Theodore, for example.
Silence filled the room, so heavy he felt it dragging him down. Theodore simply watched Blaise, who shifted under his gaze and stared at a spot by his feet. Ashley sat down beside Draco, who smirked at her and nodded slightly.
"Let me go." Theodore said quietly, not struggling. The group holding him looked at Ashley, who looked at Theodore and then Draco, who nodded. They released their grip and he walked slowly forward to Blaise until he was right in front of him.
He was barely aware that Vincent and Gregory had released him because Theodore was so close, what did it matter? Too close, now. Much too close. He couldn't breath, he needed to touch him, to kiss him… "I can't do this." He murmured softly and tried to move around him.
Theodore stepped in front of him and tilted his chin up. "Theodore…" he breathed out, quite sure that his heart was beating loud enough for everyone in the silent room to hear.
Theodore kissed him.
Everything seemed insignificant. His head wasn't hurting, not now that Theodore's hand was weaved through his hair. It didn't matter that he felt like he might collapse, Theodore was pressed against him. Maybe this was all a dream, but for now he was really there with Theodore, and that was all that mattered. It sure felt like Theodore's tongue was caressing his bottom lip. The Slytherin sixth and seventh years might be watching him experience the thing he'd wanted for so long, even if he hadn't realized it until recently. But as long as he was here, wrapped up in Theodore's arms, it didn't matter.
But there was still a small, so small it barely existed, part of his mind asking what this meant. Did Theodore understand what he was doing? Did Theodore know what he was doing to Blaise? Was this all so people would leave them alone? What gave him the right to spring this attachment on him, anyway?
With as much willpower as he could posses, he pushed Theodore away from him and felt around for the couch to give him support. "What the hell are you doing?" His voice came out raspy and unsure.
"I…" Theodore looked lost. "I don't know."
"Don't fuck around with me until you find out." He snapped harshly and made to move around him.
"What?" He whirled around to face the person he'd come to dread and long for in the past week. "What do you want me to do? Tell you its okay to mess with my affection because I'm so in love with you I'll take whatever I can get? Let you kiss me and then watch you figure out what you are doing? No."
"I-I meant…don't go." Theodore said, his eyes wide and slightly red. Blaise thought back to the night when Theodore was talking to him about things he would probably never say in person.'"Why don't you ever just make me fear losing you? Stop making me hurt you."'
"I'm leaving. When you figure it out, come talk to me. If you don't, just leave me alone. It'll take a few months to get over you, probably, but after that maybe we'll be friends again." This whole 'make me fear losing you' thing was hard to do.
"Blaise." Theodore said but he turned away and left.
- - - - - - -
He hid in the library for the rest of the day, as humiliating as it was to do. No one disturbed him as he wallowed in self pity, hardly believing that in the span of ten minutes he'd been kissing Theodore and rejecting him.
Rejecting Theodore. It was something he'd thought he would never do, and yet he'd done it anyway, destroying even the foundation of their friendship until all that was left was the smoldering ruins. There were two things he could picture happening.
One: Theodore would confess that he'd been harboring a crush on Blaise but hadn't realized it until they'd kissed. Very unrealistic and there was a lot of wishful thinking.
Two: Theodore would tell him it was a mistake and he could spend the following months getting over him. This was also very unrealistic. Blaise didn't know if he could get over Theodore. Not after they'd actually kissed, their lips had touched and he'd felt Theodore so close…
"I can't believe they were all absent today!" Hermione's snappy voice broke through his thoughts. "The nerve! Exams are so close!"
"Hermione, they're still months away." Harry spoke in an amused tone and Blaise stiffened. They were coming closer.
"Yes, they are. Until those months have passed and suddenly exams are tomorrow!"
"Thanks for that astute observation. Time does, in fact pass, Harry. Who would've thought?" Ron said sarcastically, still coming closer. The two males laughed.
"I expected this of Malfoy and the others, but surely not Blaise? He seemed to value his school work." She sounded concerned, despite her anger.
"Unless he's got a hangover." Ron muttered and Harry chuckled.
"He does drink too much, I've noticed that. But he's not an alcoholic." They were on the other side of the book shelf.
Blaise leapt to his feet and crept to the opposite side they were on, so when they turned the corner he could slip to the other side and hurry out of that section.
"Hmm." Ron said, "maybe he's with that guy you two were talking about."
"Theodore?" Hermione said, "I don't know. Why would everyone in their House not show?"
"Maybe they're planning something." Harry said, ever the suspicious one.
"Possibly." He slipped around the corner of the shelf and hurried forward, dodging out of their view and hurriedly exiting the library.
- - - - -
Blaise was sitting in the right corner of the left side of the Common Room when Theodore came through, looking like hell. He looked at Blaise, who had his knees pulled to his chest and was staring at the blank wall in front of him. Then he collapsed onto the couch.
"Hello Theodore." Draco sat down across from him and inspected his nails calmly. "How are you?"
"How do you think?"
"With a brain, Theodore." Draco said, rolling his eyes. "Surely even you know that."
"Not funny." Theodore said, annoyed. "This is the least funny thing I've ever experienced in my life. Look at Blaise." He pointed into the corner, where their friend was staring at the wall.
"That was your fault." Draco said, watching him. "You kissed him, not me."
"Tell me, honestly, that you didn't have some hand in that confrontation and I'll leave you alone." Theodore snapped, throwing another glance at Blaise.
"Theodore, listen to me." Draco leaned in suddenly, dropping the volume on his speech. "It shouldn't matter whether I did or not. What matters is what happened. What is going to happen. Do you know what you're going to do? This is your friendship with Blaise. Obviously something made you want to kiss him. When you find the answers to that, whether I'm involved or not is irrelevant."
Theodore thought all this over in silence, before voicing his thoughts out loud. "What happens is…up to me, really. Whatever I decide. What if I make the wrong choice?"
Draco sat back, "how will you know?"
"I don't know. Fuck, Draco." He cursed, "why am I talking to you about this?"
"Because I'm brilliant." Draco smirked. "Now, Theodore. What are you going to do?"
"I…I've got no idea."
"Hm." Draco went back to examining his nails, "you know you're not making this any easier. Why did you kiss him then?"
"I wanted to." He said stupidly.
"Because…because he was staring at me and then I couldn't stop looking at his lips and then he blushed and I don't know it was endearing and I couldn't help it I just really wanted to touch him. And I was thinking about all sorts of other times, in the library when he kissed me and when he says my name when he's sleeping and I-I," he heaved a deep breath, "I think I might fancy him, Draco."
Draco stared calmly at the worried Slytherin in front of him. "Hmm. And he likes you back. The horror."
"He's too good for me, though." Theodore said, feeling his stomach sink.
"Blaise doesn't care." Draco said, "he wants you."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No." Theodore said, frowning.
"Then why, may I ask, are you still sitting here?" They held eye contact for several seconds, until Theodore sprang to his feet. He whirled around, only to find Blaise wasn't there. Panic seized him, where was he? Irrational ideas filled his head, including several scenarios in which Blaise had withdrawn from Hogwarts. Draco's bored voice interrupted his thoughts. "Upstairs."
"Thanks." Theodore said, sprinting up the stairs and pushing open the door to the seventh year dormitories.
- - - - - - -
The walls in the Slytherin Common Room were strange pieces of material. At first glance they were gray, but if you looked at them, really looked, you'd notice the specks of black in there, and how it sort of looks like a mixture of blue and purple in some places. There were no crevices or cracks at all, only rough texture that seemed to extend into infinity.
Nothing compared to Theodore's skin, of course. There were no scars there, nothing to interrupt the smooth plain of his body except the muscle. He'd watched Theodore flex before, it was truly amazing. Of course, he'd left quickly after that, their dormitory got awfully hot. He wished he could run his hands over Theodore's torso (though he wouldn't object to anywhere else), just once. Just so he could keep it ingrained in his mind.
Blaise sighed bitterly. Why would they put blue and purple in the Slytherin Common Room? He'd spent the past hour and a half sitting on a ledge, staring at the wall. It wasn't really that interesting, but he kept up the façade that he was enjoying his time there. It was better then the looks people shot him.
He felt eyes on him and turned his head slightly, seeing Theodore looking at him and talking to Draco. He turned his back to them. Five minutes later he felt eyes on him again and stood up, darting up to their dormitory.
He stared at Theodore's bed and couldn't help but run his fingers over the duvet Theodore slept under each night. Think about the other things he does under there. With girls. He wrenched his hand away and turned to his own. Not nearly as fascinating. He bet Theodore didn't look at his bed when he wasn't there. He sat down with a frusterated sigh. He does talk to you in your sleep.
The door banged open, stopping him from pursuing that thought. Theodore stood there, his face flushed as he took in Blaise's person. "Blaise." He spoke his name softly and strode forward, successfully freezing Blaise to his spot.
"Yes?" His voice was higher then normal and he flushed.
And then Theodore pulled him up by his tie and kissed him soundly on the lips, wrapping his arms around Blaise's waist to pull him closer. "What are you doing?" He spoke against Theodore's lips while his hands moved of their own accord to Theodore's hair.
"Kissing you." Theodore breathed, nibbling his lower lip and he stifled a moan.
"I want to." He purred and Blaise let himself go, let himself experience this as he wanted to without worrying about what would happen later.
As often happens right after someone decides to just go with it in a life changing moment, someone interrupted them and opened the door with a bang. They jumped apart, Blaise withdrawing his grip in Theodore's thick hair and removing his arm from around Theodore's waist. He felt hands pull away from him and nearly growled.
"Oops." Someone giggled, all Blaise saw was two blobs hurrying back out. His head was occupied by far more important things. He turned back to Theodore, wanting very dearly to snog him again but forcing himself not to.
"Blaise?" Theodore took his hand and squeezed it.
"Are you… do you…what?" He struggled to find words.
"Yes, I suppose I am." Theodore smiled faintly, "I do…er…I do like you, Blaise. You know that right?" He stared intently into Blaise's dazed eyes.
"Like I like you?'
"Yes." Theodore leaned forward, grazing his lips across Blaise's. "Exactly like you like me."
"Oh." He felt dizzy. "Are we?"
"I want to be. Do you know why I drink so much coffee?" Theodore murmured.
"Because it reminds me of your skin." He inhaled a shaky breath, "And Blaise?"
"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" There was no hesitation, only a sense of strangeness at saying those words.
"Yes." He couldn't express his happiness in words, so he settled to snogging Theodore again. Perhaps life was a bit fairer then people thought. Or maybe just for gay people who confess they're in love with their best friend.
This was bliss.
- - - - -
The couple that had caught them snogging had apparently told everyone about their encounter, so it wasn't a shock to see grins hidden behind hands when they came down the next morning.
That was how the Slytherin House knew.
Theodore and Blaise both skipped breakfast and lunch and spent it in the kitchens, preferring to avoid the stares of the school for the day because they thought the Slytherin House would let it slip. Of course, the Slytherin House only lets things slip if they want to, so it turned out that no one else knew.
They got through their classes with subtle touches, a hand here, his knee resting against his knee and sharing secret smiles. Hermione probably noticed but he didn't care, she was actually not that bad and he didn't even roll his eyes when she spent five minutes explaining the theory of transfiguring someone in their Animagus form back to their real form.
At dinner Blaise was restless. Theodore had been kept late by Professor Vector. Draco kept snapping at him to sit still and not look over at the entrance so much. It was annoying.
"Shut up, Draco." He snapped back half-heartedly, eyes trained on the wooden doors.
"I wish he would just get here already." Draco said, rolling his eyes at Vincent. "Oh look, there he is." He said, as though he hadn't noticed Blaise's demeanor brighten considerably as Theodore strode into the hall. He locked eyes with Blaise and they both smiled.
"How sweet." Not even Draco's sarcastic and slightly mocking tone could annoy him.
Blaise ignored Draco as Theodore sat down, he rested his hand on Theodore's leg for a few seconds and then began eating. "What did he want?"
"Asked me if he could keep my essay, apparently it was amazing." He rolled his eyes, "he kept Grangers too."
"Oh, was she there too?" He asked, barely aware of Draco's presence.
"Yeah, actually you talked to her for a few minutes after class." Theodore said, drinking some pumpkin juice.
"Oh, I must have been distracted." He smirked coyly at Theodore, pleased when this elicited a blush from him.
"Fancy a walk after dinner?"
"Sure," he replied, Hermione would understand. If she knew, anyway.
"Theo?" He turned, calling Theodore a nickname he'd come up the previous night as they laughed over memories of his drunken state.
Theodore was looking at him, his gaze smoldering. Before he knew what he was doing he pulled Theodore forward and kissed him, responding with enthusiasm when his boyfriend kissed him back fervently.
When air became a necessity, they pulled away. Screw breathing. He was suddenly aware of the hall staring at them. The staff looked a bit surprised, but Dumbledore smiled at them kindly. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaw stared, but without hostility and most of the older students seemed to be saying, 'finally.' The Gryffindors looked surprised, as oblivious as they were, with the exception of the only one who really mattered. Hermione beamed at him, her eyes bright and warm from across the hall. She nodded to him and mouthed, 'go,' while using two fingers to symbolize walking. He nodded.
That was how the school knew.
He turned back to Theodore, who had been gazing at him the whole time. He blushed and leaned forward again, why refrain from gaining a days worth of missed kisses?
"You what I just realized?" He murmured, glad when chatter resumed in the hall.
"You're a moody queer now, too." He smiled against Theodore's lips.
"As long as I'm yours."
Author's Note: Words don't even express my happiness, and unfortunately I can't snog Theodore to let it out, since he's off with Blaise –pouts- This is the first story I've finished, and its 59 pages! Sheesh, I almost made 60! This last part was the longest, I'm pretty sure. It's done! As in, I can go to the stories section and change this from 'in progress' to 'complete'! My first fanfiction completion! It's quite proud of myself.
Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, it was so amazing to have your support. Ghalia, you are an angel or something brilliant. Oh, and to everyone out there who does Theodore/Blaise slash, because I've probably read it. XD. I sound like I'm giving some sort of acceptance speech, but I'm seriously on air! So thanks so much1
Oh, and that guy? I do not like him anymore! I can hear the hallelujah chorus now!
Review review review! (Last chance!)