Disclaimer: I do not own the twilight series or any of its characters. They all belong to the brilliant mind of Stephenie Meyer.Chapter 1: Lost for forever
A week. It's been a whole week since he left me to rot in my own personal hell. But to me it felt like months, years maybe. I look out my window into the moonless sky, remembering the day he told me he didn't want me anymore. 'The day he realized could have someone much better than me.' I thought to myself bitterly. I was riding an emotional roller coaster this past week.
The first day, my mind was drenched with denial. I woke up that morning after he left me thinking it was all just a bad dream, that when I opened my eyes the first things I would see were those topaz eyes and that crooked smile that always caught my breath… that everything would be fine, normal. But the sight that greeted me was the emptiness of my bedroom and the silence that struck me with the fact that no one was there.
I went to school hoping to wake up from my horrid nightmare, expecting him to pop up in class any moment. But I knew I was fooling myself when I got home and no one greeted me by the window that night. My mind had already acknowledged it but my heart only just started accepting the truth: The Cullens were gone. Edward was gone… he left me and took a huge part of me with him and I knew that I would never be whole again.
I cried myself to sleep that night and when I woke up, I cried a great deal more. That second day, I didn't go to school. I was afraid that the mere absence of his Volvo would cause me to break down.
Charlie went up to my room that night saying that Renee would be arriving tomorrow. I could see the pain in his eyes at the sight of my condition and it hurt me even more. But I couldn't hide what I was feeling when my insides felt as if it they were being ripped apart.
The third day I got enough courage to take a look at his picture in the scrapbook my mother gave me… only to find that it was no longer there. I desperately searched my room for it discovering that the CD and all the other remnants of Edward was nowhere to be found. That's when I remembered him telling me "It would be like I never existed."
Yesterday, I thought that I had no more tears left in me but I suddenly found my eyes swimming in them. I tried to be angry with him for taking away the only proof I had that I wasn't living in a fairy tale these past few years but I couldn't. I knew that I could never get angry at him even now when he left me feeling alone, vulnerable and most of all stupid… stupid for believing someone like him would want and love a normal, imperfect person like me. Renee arrived that evening but I was already asleep… pretending to be asleep.
The fourth day Renee and I talked. We talked like never before. "Your life doesn't revolve around him. It's time to move on." She told me. She was right in saying my life doesn't revolve because he was my life. When he left, he took me with him… the part that made me work, that made me Bella. But she was also right in saying I had to move on. But I was afraid. I was afraid of to let go of the only thing that kept me living: Edward. But I had to try. For Charlie, for Renee, for myself… for Edward.
The fifth day, I allowed myself to cry one last time and think of all the memories of the moments we had together. The sixth day, I set up walls around my heart, willing it to think of Edward for a last time and store him in a deep part of myself and never ever forget… but at the same time move on. On the seventh day, I escaped from my solitude. I went out of my room knowing that I would never be able to move on if I lock myself in my room filled with thoughts of him. I did my normal day-to-day activities but I was empty. A shell. I wasn't really Bella; I was just walking and sometimes talking inside her body. But I was trying my best to live the normal life Edward once said he wanted for me. Charlie saw my effort, I could tell. But I could still see the pain in his eyes because of my emptiness. He knew I was lost, I knew that too. But what I didn't know was that someone was going to try to find me… and I wouldn't like who it was at all.