Title:: "Because I Want To"

Pairing:: Cain/DG

Rating:: PG-13

Summary:: When DG finds out her mother doesn't favour her for queen, she realizes...she's okay with that! And whose the first person she tells?

Inspiration:: This was #1 on my Random Songs for Fanfictions list, and it reminded me of DG. The song is "Joyful Girl," by Ani DiFranco. I don't usually do songfics--I'm more of a "this story was inspired by this song" kind of person--and I'm not sure this one came out great, but eh...you get the point.

Disclaimer:: Don't be fooled by my dark hair and bright blue eyes; I am not Zooey Deschanel, and I have absolutely no affiliation to "Tin Man."

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"i do it for the joy it brings

because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

"Why do you do that?" Cain asked breathlessly, his forehead against DG's, both of them gasping for air that never seemed to come. She'd kissed him again, as she had twice before, both as he was in the middle of some endless tangant (usually about her, and her knack for getting herself into trouble). She let one hand trail down his scalp, her nails gently passing over the soft hair there, sending a chill through his spine that seemed to sprout out to every nerve in his body, from his the tip of his ears to the arch of his feet.

"Do what?" She muttered lazily, eyes closed, not yet completely settled back into reality.

His hands tightened on her hips, "Kiss me...like that."

She smirked, and suddenly her lips were very close to his again, and she whispered, "If you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you," and then she was kissing him again. He should have figured she'd automatically want to be the one in control of these things, just by her every day personality and behaviour. Now she molded herself against him, pressing her form into his, arching in a way that made it impossible to tell where one body ended and the other began, and kissing him the way she wanted. He let her have this. He let her have this control over him because, after all, he didn't really have a choice; she had control over him whether he liked it or not. He hadn't admitted it, to her or himself, but he wanted her with a desperation that made him submit to anything she wanted, without protest.

Slowly, she pulled away from him and he let out an involuntary little groan at the emptiness that filled the space between them. He licked his bottom lip and looked away, not wanting her to see the longing that lingered in his eyes, not wanting her to comment on the effect she had on him. She must have taken it as something else, because she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and brought her gaze to the floor, mumbling, "It was supposed to make you happier."

This caught him off guard, and then guilt filled his entire being and he quickly said, "It does."

She kept her eyes low, "You don't smile much."

He laughed then, one of those rare treasures, and put his finger under her chin and made her look at him, her eyes a nervous shade of blue, like she were standing on a highbar and the only thing keeping her balanced was his acceptanc. He told her, "No, I don't, but you smile enough for the both of us." She did, then. The corners of her mouth twitched a little before stretching up her face, lips parting to reveal the bright white of her teeth. Cain grinned faintly at this and said, "It makes me happy to see you smile."

Her smile faded then, and she looked at him with a seriousness that impressed and frightened him. She put one hand on his chest, just above his heart, and said in a voice that rivaled a whisper, "I figure I owe that to you, and I owe you a lot more."

"everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry

Back in her room after her third mouth-to-mouth encounter with Cain, DG was perched upon the edge of her bed, eyes squeezed shut, her head in her hands. Every time she got around the Tin Man, she seemed to lose control of herself. She found herself longing for him in the hours he was gone from her, and longing for more of him when he was with her. She was never satisfied. She had to get herself into check if she ever hoped to keep her wits about her at the royal ceremony that was to take place in the coming week.

The loud smack of heeled shoes hitting against the marble floor jolted her from her thoughts, followed by rough, whispered voices, and she was thankful for a distraction. She heard the door to the room next to hers--Azkadellia's room--open and then slap shut, and voice arose from within. She had to press herself against the wall to hear clearly, and she quickly identified the voices as those of her older sister and her mother, the queen.

"Azkadellia, you can't possibly think this right," her mother was saying.

"Not only do I think it right, mother," her sister countered, clearly enraged, "But I think it fair and just. She has earned this position and you have no right to deny her."

"You are the eldest, and the wisest; you are the one that will succeed me."

"No," Azkadellia insisted, "DG will. She is more fit to be queen. She's stronger and smarter and the people will trust her. Mother, she is obviously the right--"

"She is a child," the queen barked, a harshness to her voice that had never been there before. "She did not grow up here; she does not understand our customs or our rules or our limitations. She makes no effort to learn and insists upon doing everything her own way; setting a new path for everything she does."

DG's sister replied with a plead in her voice, "But isn't that the mark of a great queen, Mother? She will do you proud."

"You will do me proud, Azkadellia, and I will speak no more of this." The door opened and shut again, and the light pitter-patter of the queen's slippers could be heard as she descended down the hallway. DG's forehead wrinkled and she quickly went over everything she'd just heard; her mother favoured Azkadellia over DG for queenship. That was fine--DG didn't particularly want to be queen--but the reasons...was that how her mother truly saw her. Her thoughts were interrupted by a light tap on her door, and her sister's voice floated through, asking if she'd like to have tea together in the garden. DG made up a quick lie about getting ready for a bath and then, deciding it actually sounded like a great idea, she made her way to her large private bathroom.

She turned the faucet and let the hot water run into the tub that was large enough to fit three comfortably. She stood in front of the mirror and began pinning her hair up so that it wouldn't get wet and then stared at her reflection. She looked...old; tired. Very un-DG. She was always supposed to be the happy, joyful one with a bright smile for every occassion and a positive go-getter attitude. Today, she was just confused, and she began going over her mother's words again. It wasn't DG's fault she hadn't grown up in the O.Z., with its fancy "customs" and "rules" and "limitations." That was a decision her mother made--for her well-being, but also without her consent--and executed upon. And her mother had been wrong in saying that she made no effort to learn; she worked so hard to remember all of the silly traditions of the O.Z., but nothing was every explained to her thoroughly, and it never made any sense to her, so she just forgot everything she was told. Her mother was right, however, in saying that DG had to set a new path for everything she did, because that's what she did. She couldn't just follow in some direction set by someone else, not knowing who set it, or why it was the best option. She liked to test things out for herself, and learn about things through experience, and see new things. Was that so bad? No, she decided. No, it wasn't bad at all. If anything, it was a comodity.

She wasn't a child, as her mother had said; she was a woman, and she could be a great queen. She still didn't want it, but the knowledge alone that she could really succeed in something so much bigger than herself made her smile, no longer surpressing the urge to cry, and the old DG was back. She slipped into the bath and began washing, smiling all the while. When she was done, she ran the shower and rinsed herself before drying, dressing, and combing her hair back. It was dark now, near midnight, but she didn't care. She slipped into her pajamas, tied her robe over herself, and crept into the hallway, down the stairs, and to a familiar room.

"i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

"DG?" Cain had clearly been asleep; his hair was ruffled and his eyes were bloodshot, but he was completely awake when he saw her, searching her face for a hint as to why she was at his door so late at night. "Kiddo, what're you doing here?"

She put one hand on his chest, pushing him back into the room and following, shutting the door behind her. Once it was firmly closed and latched, she told him, "I realized something."

"Did you, now?" He ran a hand through his hair and yawned widely, sitting down on his bed.

She grinned, "I realized that all this energy I've wasted trying to impress my mother--to show her that I could be a good queen--was completely pointless. She's not going to pick me to be queen, and I don't want to be queen. I was just doing it because its what I thougth I should want, because every princess should hope to be queen, but I really just don't care," she smiled proudly at this last point, a little breathless.

"Well, that's...great," Cain said the word more like a question, confusion heavy in his voice. "Why are you telling me this? I mean, in my room? In the middle of the night?"

"Because," she went to sit next to her, lacing her fingers through his, a slow blush creeping across her cheekbones, "I wasted all of that energy on something I didn't really want. Now that I've given up on being queen, I can focus all that energy on something I," her voice caught, thick with emotion and a little bit of embarassment at letting so much depth show, "I do want."

"Which would be what?" Cain knew the answer, but wanted to hear her say it; he wanted her to confirm.

She blushed an even darker shade of red, but never took her eyes off of his, "You," she told him simply, though it was not a simple confession in the least. With that, she used the hand that held his to pull him to her, determined to beat him to the first move yet again, and she rested her free hand against his jaw, pressing her lips against his with a light fierceness that made gooseflesh rise over his entire body. His own free hand settled on her side and he tilted his head to kiss her deeper, slipping his tongue into her mouth and eliciting a low moan from the back of her throat. Gently, giving her the option of stopping him, Cain began to lean back, pulling her on top of him, both of them now lying on the bed, kissing feverently.

"i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

"So," Cain's voice came out rough and low, which alone made DG bite her lip and shiver. He continued, "Why do you do this?"

She smiled and kissed him again--a single light kiss against his lips--then pulled back and looked him in the eye, "Because I want to."

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